[a习作temp] argument17 [复制链接]

xl_xixi
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电梯直达

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发表于 2008-2-19 01:42:07 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

In this argument, the editor of the Walnut Grove town newspaper concludes that they should continue using EZ Disposal for trash collection services. To support his conclusion the editor presents 3 main facts as follow: 1) EZ collects trash more frequently than ABC; 2) EZ will have more trucks than ABC; 3) a survey shows that more people think EZ did a good job last year. Nevertheless, all of the facts are unwarranted to indicate that EZ will provide a hither quality service than ABC will do in the future.

Firstly, the editor assumes that more times the trucks come to collect trash, the better the service will be. Clearly, he confuses the quality of the service with the frequently of it. May be the more times the trucks come to the town which just suggests that EZ cannot collect trash once and the efficiency of their work is lower. Moreover, may be the denizens in this town do not want the trucks to come and go, often.

Additionally, the fact that EZ has ordered additional trucks does not necessarily make it more advantaged than ABC, because we are not sure what the extra trucks will be used for. May be the new trucks are used to expand their businesses at the other towns, which will not benefits our town. On the other hand, the editor does not present enough information about the quantity and the age of the existent trucks owned by both of the companies, which make us cannot judge that which of the company will provide better service. May be the trucks of EZ are too old to use, and they have to order some new trucks to take the place of the old ones; contrary, ABC buys these trucks this year, and the quantity of them is more than 20.

Finally, the editor quoted a survey which supports the conclusion that EZ provides exceptional service; however, there are some suspicious points in this survey. At the first place, there are no sign of that the respondents in this survey can represent all of the denizens’ opinions in this town. Even assuming that all denizens answer the survey, the editor fails to demonstrate that the responds make their decisions by comparing the services of the two companies.

In sum, if the editor wants to make me agree with his conclusion, at least, he should persuade me that all of the facts he referred above can make EZ’s service better than ABC’s, or I will not bolster what he maintains.

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stanpherny
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沙发

发表于 2008-2-19 14:26:40 |只看该作者

In this argument, the editor of the Walnut Grove town newspaper concludes that they should continue using EZ Disposal for trash collection services. To support his conclusion the editor presents 3 main facts as follow: 1) EZ collects trash more frequently than ABC; 2) EZ will have more trucks than ABC; 3) a survey shows that more people think EZ did a good job last year. Nevertheless, all of the facts are unwarranted to indicate that EZ will provide a hither (higher) quality service than ABC will do in the future.

Firstly, the editor assumes that more times the trucks come to collect trash, the better the service will be. Clearly,he confuses the quality of the service with the frequently of it. (这句话感觉表达的不是很清楚，可否这样改呢: he confuses the relationships between the quality of collecting trash and the frequency of services. ) (连接不是很自然，建议加个on the contrary之类的词) May be the more times the trucks come to the town which just suggests that EZ cannot collect trash once and the efficiency of their work is lower. Moreover, may be the denizens in this town do not want the trucks to come and go, often.Additionally, the fact that EZ has ordered additional trucks does not necessarily make it more advantaged than ABC, because we are not sure what the extra trucks will be used for. May be the new trucks are used to expand their businesses at the other towns, which will not benefits our town（前后保持一致，改为the town）. On the other hand, the editor does not present enough information about the quantity and the age of the existent trucks owned by both of the companies, which make us cannot judge that which of the company will provide better service. May be the trucks of EZ are too old to use, and they have to order some new trucks to take the place of the old ones; contrary, ABC buys these trucks this year, and the quantity of them is more than 20.（题目中一句有说明时间是currently,如果一定这样反驳，用将来时可能更好些）Finally, the editor quoted a survey which supports the conclusion that EZ provides exceptional service; however,（However） there are some suspicious points in this survey. At the first place, there are no sign of that the respondents in this survey can represent all of the denizens’ opinions in this town.(这个地方反驳的时候可以稍微的展开一下，说明这个调查为什么不能代表这个地区的denizen’s 的意见) Even assuming that all denizens answer the survey, the editor fails to demonstrate that the responds (respondents) make their decisions by comparing the services of the two companies. In sum, if the editor wants to make me agree with his conclusion, at least, he should persuade me that all of the facts he referred above can make EZ’s service better than ABC’s, or I will not bolster what he maintains

这篇文章总结构非常清晰，句子写的比较流畅，对问题的分析抓住了主要的反驳点。
以下几个方面要注意：
1.句子前后的连接适时用好连接词；
2.对文章中有的论据反驳是可以深入的展开下，这样显得更有深度和力度；
3.再力争多几个闪光句子

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