[a习作temp] Argument7 【0906G 文以载道三月四月小组】by needle咩~ [复制链接]

needle咩~
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发表于 2009-2-3 00:35:29 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Argument7
“In the next mayoral election, residents of Clearview should vote for Ann Green, who is a member of the Good Earth Coalition, rather than for Frank Braun, a member of the Clearview town council, because the current members are not protecting our environment. For example, during the past year the number of factories in Clearview has doubled, air pollution levels have increased, and the local hospital has treated 25 percent more patients with respiratory illness. If we elect Ann Green, the environmental problems in Clearview will certainly be solved.”

The editor of the Clearview newspaper recommended that residents there should vote Ann Green rather than Frank Braun as their next mayor. To support this conclusion, the editor make a comparison between the former who is a member of Good Earth Coalition, which seems to be an organization on environmental preservation, and the latter who works in Clearview town council, which, as the editor believed, is not well-done in protecting environment. However, there are several flaws in the editor’s statement, as mentioned below.

To begin with, the editor fails to afford proofs to convince us that the environmental problems are surely due to the Clearview town council. First, the increasing of factories may not be built or taken sanctions to build by Clearview town council. It is entirely possible to have relationship with other organizations such as higher authorities or some investigative corporate. Second, the raising of air pollution level may attribute to some other factors but not or, at least, not mainly the number of the factories. Third, there is no evidence to affirm whether 25 percent are correct and credible and the patients with respiratory illness are results from environment pollution. Perhaps, such illness may be rendered by climate changing or, the samples of this survey are not represent of all the residents in Clearview.

Then, even if the Clearview town council is indeed responsible for the environment pollution, the editor has no strongly evidence to make sure that Ann Green, the candidate of Clearview town council, will assume the responsibility on protecting environment. It is really extreme and oriented selection according to the editor’s own desire. The candidate, Ann Green, is able to do the contrary things, has to in order to attain the politic and economic goals.

In a final analysis, the conclusion which recommends residents to vote for Ann Green seems to be incogitant. Residents should consider all the advantages and disadvantages of both candidates, and then select the more competent and appropriative one.

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nickmxf
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发表于 2009-2-11 16:49:28 |只看该作者

1# needle咩~
The editor(请注意editor不是作者而是读者） of the Clearview newspaper recommends that residents there should vote Ann Green rather than Frank Braun as their next mayor. To support this conclusion, the editor makes a comparison between the former who is a member of Good Earth Coalition, which seems to be an organization on environmental preservation, and the latter who works in Clearview town council, which, as the editor believed, is not well-done（is not playing its role) in protecting environment. However, there are several flaws in the editor’s statement, as mentioned below.(请注意保持前后时态一致，同时注意引用原文时保持与原文时态一致：已举出两处示意）

To begin with, the editor fails to afford proofs to convince us that the environmental problems are surely due to the Clearview town council. First, the increasing of factories may not be built or taken sanctions to build by Clearview town council. It is entirely possible to have relationship with other organizations such as higher authorities or some investigative corporate. （建议对此例及第一句提出的谬误进行调整，原文中说members are not protecting our environment, 而不是members are doing harm to our environment, 而作者你似乎在驳斥后者）Second, the raising of air pollution level may attribute to（attribute sth to sth, 此处应该为被动） some other factors but not or（all?), at least, not mainly the number of the factories. (可以展开具体说是其它原因是什么）Third, there is no evidence to affirm whether 25 percent are correct and credible and the patients with respiratory illness are results（sth results from...) from environment pollution. Perhaps, such illness may be rendered by climate changing(change) or, the samples of this survey are not represent of all the residents in Clearview.(建议调整后半句）

Then, even if the Clearview town council is indeed responsible for the environment pollution, the editor has no strongly evidence to make sure that Ann Green, the candidate of Clearview town council, will assume the（will show his) responsibility on protecting environment. It is really extreme and oriented(换为a biased较好） selection according to the editor’s own desire. The candidate, Ann Green, is(being) able to do the contrary things, has to in order to attain the politic and economic goals. (此句意思可能不完整）

In a final analysis, the conclusion which recommends residents to vote for Ann Green seems to be incogitant. Residents should consider all the advantages and disadvantages of both candidates, and then select the more competent and appropriative one.

PS: It should be highlighted that you have a good sense of developing varied sentences, which will be better if they are supported by more appropriate words and phrases. On the whole, it would be better to point out more fallacies, although there are several important ones you've mentioned clearly above.
However, these opinions and suggestions are all my personal perspectives, which I would like to discuss with you and others further. BEST WISHES!

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