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0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by 彩虹沙漠 [复制链接]

彩虹沙漠
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-5-31 18:31:08 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由彩虹沙漠于 2009-5-31 18:46 编辑

In this memo, the author holds the point of view that they should decrease the emphasis on international news(I.N) and cut the number of such stories on their magazine covers. I don't advocate the author's view, because some arguments indicated by author are unfounded and/or not persuasive enough to support the author's view.

Firstly, the author point out that their poorest-selling magazine issues were those that featured I.N on the covers, therefore, they should retrench the number of I.N on their covers. The above deduction makes an apparent mistake that the author rendered little evidence to substantiate that making I.N on their magazine covers is the direct reason resulting in the poor sale of those magazines featured I.N covers. Obviously, the author ignored the other possible scenarios which may be the real reasons for the poor sale, for examples, lack of advertisement for these magazine issues with I.N covers may be attributed for the poor sale.

Secondly, the author summits his/her point that they should cut the number of covers with I.N covers by standing on the fact that their competing news-magazines have significant decrease the number of covers focusing on I.N. In my opinion, his/her point is not justifiable in two aspects. On one hand, the author provides no evidence to buttress his/her assumption that the reason for competing news-magazines cutting the number of I.N covers is that their magazines with I.N covers were influenced passively by publishing I.N on the covers. Certainly, it's possible that the competing companies had their own problems which made them do this. On the other hand, granted that the competing news-magazines cut the number of covers with I.N in that I.N covers result in their poor sale, the author didn't indicate enough evidences before he/she came to the point of view that they should also retrench the number of the covers with I.N. After all, there must be many differences between the author's company and their competing companies. Simple imitation to their competing companies' strategies is absolutely not advisable.

Finally, I can't be convinced that decreasing emphasis on I.N and retrenching covers with I.N is a suitable way to improve the situation of the poorest-selling magazines without justifying the assumption that it's publishing I.N on covers that makes the poor sale. Also, the author's recommendation should not be the only feasible one way unless the author could rule out reasonably the other possible ways.

In sum, to strength this argument, the author should show more information to confirm the crucial assumption, which is the foothold, that publishing I.N on the magazine covers is the direct reason for poor sale of those magazines with I.N. Furthermore, the author should prove that there's no better methods to improve the sale of the magazines except for cutting down the number of I.N covers and decreasing the emphasis on I.N.

麻烦批改人员了，谢谢了！

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superelle
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-2 08:52:58 |只看该作者

已修改，有问题再沟通！by superelle

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彩虹沙漠
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板凳

发表于 2009-6-2 11:48:30 |只看该作者

2# superelle
好的，我先看看~~随时沟通，先谢过~~

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wisle
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地板

发表于 2009-6-5 23:47:54 |只看该作者

0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by 彩虹沙漠
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=959212&extra

In this memo, the author holds the point ofview that they should decrease the emphasis on international news(I.N) and cutthe number of such stories on their magazine covers. I don't advocate the author's view, because some arguments indicatedby author are unfounded and/or not persuasive enough to support the author'sview.（缀述且句式较老套，建议换个表达）

Firstly, the author point(s) out that theirpoorest-selling magazine issues were those that featured I.N on the covers,therefore, they should retrench the number of I.N on their covers. The abovededuction makes an apparent mistake that the author rendered little evidence tosubstantiate that making I.N on their magazine covers is the direct reasonresulting in the poor sale of those magazines featured I.N covers. Obviously,the author ignored the other possible scenarios which may be the real reasonsfor the poor sale, for examples, lack of advertisement for these magazineissues with(删，根据上下文逻辑，可换成“，of course，”) I.N covers may be attributed for the poor sale.

Secondly, the author summits his/her point that they should cut the number ofcovers with I.N covers by standing onthe fact(写的好) that their competingnews-magazines have significant decrease the number of covers focusing on I.N.In my opinion, his/her point is not justifiable in two aspects. On one hand,the author provides no evidence to buttress his/her assumption that the reason for competing news-magazinescutting the number of I.N covers is that their magazines with I.N covers wereinfluenced passively by publishing I.N on the covers. (有点啰说，competingnews-magazines cutting the number of I.N covers caused by the passively sellingnumbers.)Certainly, it's possible that the competing companies had their own problemswhich made them do this. On the other hand, granted that the competingnews-magazines cut the number of covers with I.N in that I.N covers result intheir poor sale, the author didn't indicate enough evidences before he/she cameto the point of view that they should also retrench the number of the coverswith I.N. After all, there must be many differences between the author'scompany and their competing companies. Simpleimitation to their competing companies' strategies is absolutely not advisable.(Without rational analyzing, following their competitors’strategies is absolutely not advisable. 这样说好点)

Finally, I can't be convinced that decreasing emphasis on I.N and retrenchingcovers with I.N is a suitable way to improve the situation of thepoorest-selling magazines without justifying the assumption that it'spublishing I.N on covers that makes the poor sale. Also, the author'srecommendation should not be the only feasible one way unless the author couldrule out reasonably the other possible ways.

In sum, to strength this argument, theauthor should show more information to confirm the crucial assumption,(结构不错J)
whichis the foothold, that publishing I.N on the magazine covers is the directreason for poor sale of those magazines with I.N. Furthermore, the authorshould prove that there's no better methods(去s，method) to improve the sale of the magazines except for cutting down thenumber of I.N covers and decreasing the emphasis on I.N.

童鞋，个人意见，仅供参考，呵呵o(∩_∩)o…
你的句法加强些

静心养气

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彩虹沙漠
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5楼

发表于 2009-6-6 10:51:11 |只看该作者

4# wisle
多谢指正啊，这也是我的第一篇，很业余的水平~~对了，你说句法加强值得是哪方面？表达方式的多样性吗？

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saisai@cd
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6楼

发表于 2009-6-7 20:43:46 |只看该作者

In this memo, the author holds the point of view that they should decrease the emphasis on international news(I.N) and cut the number of such stories on their magazine covers. I don't advocate the author's view, because some arguments indicated by author are unfounded and/or not persuasive enough to support the author's view.
Firstly, the author points out that their poorest-selling magazine issues were those that featured I.N on the covers, therefore, they should retrench the number of I.N on their covers. The above deduction makes an apparent mistake that the author rendered little evidence to substantiate that making I.N on their magazine covers is the direct reason resulting in the poor sale of those magazines featured I.N covers. Obviously, the author ignored the other possible scenarios which may be the real reasons for the poor sale, for examples, lack of advertisement for these magazine issues with I.N covers may be attributed for the poor sale.
Secondly, the author summits his/her point that they should cut the number of covers with I.N covers by standing on the fact that their competing news-magazines have significant decrease the number of covers focusing on I.N. In my opinion, his/her point is not justifiable in two aspects. On one hand, the author provides no evidence to buttress his/her assumption that the reason for competing news-magazines cutting the number of I.N covers is that their magazines with I.N covers were influenced passively by publishing I.N on the covers. Certainly, it's possible that the competing companies had their own problems which made them do this. On the other hand, granted that the competing news-magazines cut the number of covers with I.N in that I.N covers result in their poor sale, the author didn't indicate enough evidences before he/she came to the point of view that they should also retrench the number of the covers with I.N. After all, there must be many differences between the author's company and their competing companies. Simple imitation to their competing companies' strategies is absolutely not advisable.
Finally, I can't be convinced that decreasing emphasis on I.N and retrenching covers with I.N is a suitable way to improve the situation of the poorest-selling magazines without justifying the assumption that it's publishing I.N on covers that makes the poor sale. Also, the author's recommendation should not be the only feasible one way unless the author could rule out reasonably the other possible ways.
In sum, to strength this argument, the author should show more information to confirm the crucial assumption, which is the foothold, that publishing I.N on the magazine covers is the direct reason for poor sale of those magazines with I.N. Furthermore, the author should prove that there's no better methods （there is no better method）to improve the sale of the magazines except for cutting down the number of I.N covers and decreasing the emphasis on I.N.
我看了几遍也没找到什么错误~可能我的水平限制。有一点指出，您写的部分句子读起来有点绕。

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