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gloriaeye
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-6-5 10:41:49 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 gloriaeye 于 2009-6-5 23:03 编辑

Issue 88
"Technologies not only influence but actually determine social customs and ethics."

GLORIAEYE的提纲

A科学技术对我们的customs有影响，同时我们也不能忽略科技和ethics之间的相互作用关系。

B科技多方面改变了customs，不仅仅是物质文明，还有重要的观念上的例如：1男女平等的意识，不断争取自己的权利

C然而也有消极影响，如对手机的过分依赖，同时大家关系冷漠例如：某英国人要和手机葬在一起，互联网导致人们思考问题的被动性肤浅性

D科技道德互相影响。科技受ethics的制约，例如：human cloning,科技还促进道德的与时俱进，例如：intermarry

E科技应该在不断前进的道德水平的制约下继续前进，继续提高人民的生活水平，与此同时要尽量规避带来的不利。

正文部分

Technology, especially after the World War II, has been developing rapidly. Nowadays it has a deep influence on us. Try to imagine that how we can contact the people with whom we want to communicate anytime and everywhere without mobile phones , how we can search for the information as soon as possible if there is no Internet and without the high-definition television technology how we can enjoy the gorgeous movies of Hollywood. Admittedly, Technology affects the  social customs. At the same time,we could not ignore the interaction between technology and ethics.（恩，这样提出观点突兀么？）

Technology has changed some aspects of customs, not only concerning the material civilization such as the convenience of transportation ，the improvement of communication tools and the diversity of entertainment industry but also something active about specific crucial concepts. For instance, before the 20th century, the notion that women should stay at home, doing housework, was taken as an assumption that there was significant resistance to any tentative attempts to change it. However, technology has made a great contribution to change that supposition after the Industrial Revolution. More and more women have been  shaping the conception that it's equal between male and female and they should go for their rights. As a result, many women now begin splendent careers in governments, business, companies and the like. In short, the customs has been done much positive to technology.

However, despite the favorable influence, technology may do some bad to customs. There is a ridiculous fact that an Englishman claimed that when he died, he would like to be buried with his mobile phone, which shows the excessive dependence on mobile phones and other technical goods in the same way. Also the intemperate using of communication tools instead of communicating face to face may make us become aloof and indifferent with each other .Furthermore, the existence of internet may cause passive, superficial thinking of problems because the only goal we chase might be to solve the problems quickly. Gradually, we may be not willing to find relative information by searching books which can make us think more. The only using of google which we might reflect as the first response when we encounter some trouble may result in the regression of our brain. Thus we may try hard to shun the negative impact from the inappropriate  using with technology.

The interaction between technology and ethics is also worthy of discussed. For one thing, technology is controlled by ethics. For example, Few people have not realized that the subject of human clone is full of dispute, which means the human clone is not acceptable in our society because of the tradition that the consanguinity determines the affinity and series of problems  concerning ethics arise by such tradition. The correlative statute, avoiding applying to the production of human clone, shows the ethics restraining technology from going into the crossroad. For another thing, technology promotes the ethics to advance with times. For instance, Many years ago when technology was not developed enough, we didn't know that intermarrying was such dilapidated to our offspring. While nowadays we regard intermarrying as against ethics which owe to technology that enrich our ethics. Consequently the ethics and the technology are all perfected by mutual actions within each other

To sum up, technology has influences on our social customs. However, we should make use of the great benefits and avert the demerits from the technology. And technology might have developments in the right direction, under the ongoing control of ethics to help create a better life for us.

P.S 一直困惑于跑题与否的问题，同样，这篇这样写算偏了么？希望大家多指教呀^_^

laughter is timeless

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subtory
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-5 11:06:24 |只看该作者

字体好小啊。。。

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板凳

发表于 2009-6-5 11:38:49 |只看该作者

2# subtory
这样好点了吧，subtory组长如果有空帮我看看，指点指点吧，谢了哈:)

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地板

发表于 2009-6-5 12:18:13 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 subtory 于 2009-6-5 12:21 编辑

Technology, especially after the World War II,has been developing rapidly. Nowadays it has a deep influence on us.Tryto imagine that how we can contact the people with whom we want tocommunicate anytime and everywhere without mobilephones,how we cansearch for the information as soon as possible if there is no Internetand without the high-definition television technology how we can enjoythe gorgeous movies of Hollywood.Admittedly,Technologyaffects the  social customs.At the same time,we could not ignore theinteraction between technology and ethics.（恩，这样提出观点突兀么？）（举例子的一个长句看着比较混乱，最好换个更清晰的表达方式）

Technology has changed some aspects of customs,not only concerning thematerial civilization such as the convenience of transportation,theimprovement of communication tools and the diversity of entertainmentindustry but also something active about specific crucial concepts(这个概念很不明确啊，重心是在something, 也就是指关于某些concepts的一些active的东西，这是啥呀。。）.Forinstance,before the 20th century,the notion that women should stay athome,(逗号去掉）doing housework,was taken as an assumption(假设?) that(and) there wassignificant resistance to any tentative attempts to changeit.However,technology has made a great contribution to change thatsupposition after the Industrial Revolution.More and more women havebeen  shaping the conception that it's equal between male and femaleand they should go for their rights.As a result,many women now beginsplendent careers in governments,business,companies and the like.Inshort,the customs has been done much positive to technology.(结论似乎跟你上面论证的相反了啊)

However,with(despite?) the favorable influence,technology may do some bad tocustoms.There is a  ridiculous fact(不妥,这只不过是个故事罢了,还没上升到"事实")  that an Englishman claimed thatwhen he die,he would like to be buried with his mobilephone,which showthe excessive dependence on mobilephones and other technical goods inthe same way.Also the imtemperate(?) using of communication tools insteadof communicating face to face may make us become aloof and indifferentwith each other.Furthermore,the existance of internet may causepassive,superficial thinking of problems because the only goal we chasemight be to solve the problems quickly.Gradually, we may be not willingto find relative information by searching books which can make us thinkmore.The only using of google which we might reflect as the firstresponse when we encounter some trouble may result in the regression ofour brain.(这个观点似乎有点极端)Thus we may try hard to shun the negative impact from theinappropriate  using with technology.

The interaction between technology and ethics is also worthy ofdiscussed(discussion).For one thing,technology is controlled by ethics.Forexample,Few people have not realized that the subject of human clong isfull of dispute,which means the human clong is not acceptable in oursoceity because of the tradition that the consanguinity determins theaffinity and series of problems  concerning ethics arise by suchtradition.(重句里面又套重句,但修饰tradition的that重句里面又有by such tradition,显然到后来你自己也没把握住这个重句的结构,看的人就觉得更混乱了)The correlative statute,avoiding applying to(restricting application in) the productionof human clong,shows the ethics restraining technology from going intothe crossroad.For another thing,technology promote the ethics toadvance with times.For instance, Many years ago when technology was notdeveloped enough,we didn't know that intermarrying was such dilapidated(照你的逻辑这里应该是说好处吧)to our offsprings.While nowadays we regard intermarrying as againstethics which owe to technology that enrich our ethics.Consequently theethics and the technology are all perfected by mutual actions withineach other

To sum up,technology has influences on our social customs.However,weshould make use of the great benefits and avert the demerits from thetechnology. And technology might have(已经是结论了,应该用更肯定的语气)  developments in the rightdirection,under the ongoing  control of  ethics to help creat a betterlife for us.(这句话各个成份的关系很不明确,可改成Under the control of ethics, technology will develop in the right direction and help creat a better life for us.)
划线而没改的是有明显问题的,基本的语法错误感觉多了点,让人觉得很混乱的长句也多了点,一定要先保证把意思表达清楚. 还有一个你的习惯问题,写英语句子时逗号句号后面都要空一格的,你都挨在一起了...
观点还是挺好的,不过我自己也很吃不准这个题目..

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5楼

发表于 2009-6-6 00:01:07 |只看该作者

本帖最后由熹僖于 2009-6-6 09:48 编辑

Technology, especially after the World War II, has been developing rapidly. Nowadays it has a deep influence on us. Try to imagine that（我也写了这样一个句子，副组长说that可以去掉，是不是how直接引导从句？） how we can contact the people with whom we want to communicate（加个with） anytime and everywhere without mobile phones ,（两个分句之间没有连词哦~） how we can search for the information as soon as possible if there is no Internet and without the high-definition television technology how we can enjoy the gorgeous movies of Hollywood. Admittedly, Technology affects the  social customs. At the same time,we could not ignore the interaction between technology and ethics.（恩，这样提出观点突兀么？）（第一段结束，最后一句话可以理解为本文的thesis statement吗？感觉观点有点不具备可证论性，有点力度不足）

Technology has changed some aspects of customs, not only concerning the（the去掉吧） material civilization such as the convenience of transportation ，the improvement of communication tools and the diversity of entertainment industry but also something active about specific crucial concepts. For instance, before the 20th century, the notion that women should stay at home, doing housework, was taken as an assumption that there was significant resistance to any tentative attempts to change it. However, technology has made a great contribution to change that supposition after the Industrial Revolution. More and more women have been  shaping（被动？） the conception that it's（最好不用缩写） equal between male and female and they should go for their rights. As a result, many women now begin splendent careers in governments, business, companies and the like. In short, the customs（是不是应该和后面的technology换个位？） has been done much positive to technology.

However, with the favorable influence, technology may do some bad to customs. There is a ridiculous fact that an Englishman claimed that when he died, he would like to be buried with his mobile phone, which shows the excessive dependence on mobile phones and other technical goods in the same way. Also the intemperate using of communication tools instead of communicating face to face may make（makes） us become aloof and indifferent with each other .Furthermore, the existence of internet may cause passive, superficial thinking of problems because the only goal we chase might be to solve the problems quickly. Gradually, we may be not willing to find relative information by searching books which can make us think more（换个表达方式是不是更好？think deeply？gain more?). The only using of google which we might reflect as the first response when we encounter some trouble may result in the regression of our brain. Thus we may try hard to shun the negative impact from the inappropriate  using with technology.

The interaction between technology and ethics is also worthy of discussed(being discussed/ to be discussed). For one thing, technology is controlled by ethics. For example, Few people have not（not去掉） realized that the subject of human clone is full of dispute, which means( 这里是要开始举例了，用这个短语不太好。它应该是对前面的词句的解释连接作用吧？）the human clone is not acceptable in our society because of the tradition that the consanguinity determines the affinity and series of problems  concerning ethics arise by such tradition（好比这句话，在长句中，感觉有点多余抑或不合适。这句话是不是because的内容了吧？是不是and换一下会好些，ideed或者...我明白你的中文意思,但是觉得这句话表达起来怪怪的~~不知道说的改的对不对哈). The correlative statute, avoiding applying to the production of human clone, shows the ethics restraining technology from going into the crossroad. For another thing, technology promotes the ethics to advance with times. For instance, Many years ago when technology was not（has not？） developed enough, we didn't know that intermarrying was such dilapidated to our offspring. While nowadays we regard intermarrying as against ethics which owe to technology that enrich our ethics. Consequently the ethics and the technology are all perfected by mutual actions within each other

To sum up, technology has influences on our social customs. However, we should make use of the great benefits and avert the demerits from the technology. And technology might have developments in the right direction, under the ongoing control of ethics to help create a better life for us.
（读完全文，感觉鱼鱼的观点不是很明确呀，我能清楚的是，科技对custom有影响，同时对ethics的影响也不可小觑，科技有好坏两方面，我们要好好利用他，去糟取精。但是，你提的观点，比如，科技对c&e二者有影响，这是不争的事实。而你有没有说出特别鲜明的自己的一个观点，它究竟有什么影响？供大家去争论，你去证明。这样的观点就显得有些力度不足。而且对文中not only influence but determine也未提及。我觉得那个每日一讲里，有关于thesis statement 的内容，还是很好的，看看哈！共勉！！ PS.文中的绿色的是我自己也拿不准的~~)
1# gloriaeye

Just suffer, but do not miss.

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losingwood UID：2575042 losingwood 当前离线最后登录 2013-11-7 在线时间 248 小时寄托币 697 声望 32 注册时间 2008-11-23 阅读权限 5 帖子 9 精华 0 积分 557 UID 2575042 禁止发言声望 32 寄托币 697 注册时间 2008-11-23 精华 0 帖子 9 关注TA 加好友标签发消息	6楼发表于 2009-6-6 00:02:47 \|只看该作者提示: 作者被禁止或删除内容自动屏蔽

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7楼

发表于 2009-6-7 12:39:16 |只看该作者

感觉INFLUENCE与DETERMINE的区别没出来:call:

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8楼

发表于 2009-6-7 17:16:15 |只看该作者

7# 勋勋
是呀，我现在越来越意识到这么写不老对劲的，嘿嘿

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9楼

发表于 2009-6-7 17:30:14 |只看该作者

5# 熹僖
Technology, especially after the World War II, has been developing rapidly. Nowadays it has a deep influence on us. Try to imagine how we can contact the people with whom we want to communicate（加个with）（#with在前面了撒^^) anytime and everywhere without mobile phones ,（两个分句之间没有连词哦~） how we can search for the information as soon as possible if there is no Internet and without the high-definition television technology how we can enjoy the gorgeous movies of Hollywood. Admittedly, Technology affects the  social customs. At the same time,we could not ignore the interaction between technology and ethics.（恩，这样提出观点突兀么？）（第一段结束，最后一句话可以理解为本文的thesis statement吗？感觉观点有点不具备可证论性，有点力度不足）

……and more women have been  shaping（被动？）(*不是被动呀^^) the conception that it's（最好不用缩写）（*说的有理^^) equal between male and female and they should go for their rights. As a result, many women now begin splendent careers in governments, business, companies and the like. In short, the customs（是不是应该和后面的technology换个位？）(恩，不用换，也许改成主动语态会好些） has been done much positive to technology.

However, with the favorable influence, technology may do some bad to customs. There is a ridiculous fact that an Englishman claimed that when he died, he would like to be buried with his mobile phone, which shows the excessive dependence on mobile phones and other technical goods in the same way. Also the intemperate using of communication tools instead of communicating face to face may make（makes） us become aloof and indifferent with each other .Furthermore, the existence of internet may cause passive, superficial thinking of problems because the only goal we chase might be to solve the problems quickly. Gradually, we may be not willing to find relative information by searching books which can make us think more（换个表达方式是不是更好？think deeply？gain more?). The only using of google which we might reflect as the first response when we encounter some trouble may result in the regression of our brain. Thus we may try hard to shun the negative impact from the inappropriate  using with technology.

The interaction between technology and ethics is also worthy of discussed(being discussed/ to be discussed). For one thing, technology is controlled by ethics. For example, Few people have not（not去掉） realized that the subject of human clone is full of dispute, which means( 这里是要开始举例了，用这个短语不太好。它应该是对前面的词句的解释连接作用吧？）the human clone is not acceptable in our society because of the tradition that the consanguinity determines the affinity and series of problems  concerning ethics arise by such tradition（好比这句话，在长句中，感觉有点多余抑或不合适。这句话是不是because的内容了吧？是不是and换一下会好些，ideed或者...我明白你的中文意思,但是觉得这句话表达起来怪怪的~~不知道说的改的对不对哈). （恩，这句话是because的内容，我决定拆了试试）The correlative statute, avoiding applying to the production of human clone, shows the ethics restraining technology from going into the crossroad. For another thing, technology promotes the ethics to advance with times. For instance, Many years ago when technology was not（has not？）(*这个没问题，是一般过去时啊） developed enough, we didn't know that intermarrying was such dilapidated to our offspring. While nowadays we regard intermarrying as against ethics which owe to technology that enrich our ethics. Consequently the ethics and the technology are all perfected by mutual actions within each other

To sum up, technology has influences on our social customs. However, we should make use of the great benefits and avert the demerits from the technology. And technology might have developments in the right direction, under the ongoing control of ethics to help create a better life for us.

今天我把这个文章和题目给那个ANNA了，奇迹般的她说pertinent,现在有点困惑撒，还有个疑问，就像这类存在影响我予以论述就不可以么，恩，还是抓住determine和influence最可靠，下回不这么干了，谢谢你的指点了，我要一点一点把乱糟糟的句子写明白，一起努力呀^^

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10楼

发表于 2009-6-7 18:30:01 |只看该作者

6# losingwood
(这里我有一些疑问:原题是 influence 和 determine.为什么要阐述科技和道德的关系?是不是应该对原题有一个明确的观点?那为什么没有科技determine customs方面的内容呢?)
关于这个，恩，类似，他们之间存在relationship，这不怎么算明确的观点呀，（还是有点别扭），如果重新写还是说influence和detemine可靠
谢谢loosingwood啦:victory:

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11楼

发表于 2009-6-7 18:54:52 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 gloriaeye 于 2009-6-7 18:56 编辑

4# subtory
……举例子的一个长句看着比较混乱，最好换个更清晰的表达方式）（*我去改了改^^)

……result,many women now beginsplendent careers in governments,business,companies and the like.Inshort,the customs have been done much positive to technology.(结论似乎跟你上面论证的相反了啊*没啊，恩，改成主动句就好了Technology has done muc positive to social customs)

However,with(despite?)(谢啦撒） the favorable influence,technology may do some bad tocustoms.There is a  ridiculous story(不妥,这只不过是个故事罢了,还没上升到"事实")  that an Englishman claimed thatwhen he died,he would like to be buried with his mobilephone,which shows the excessive dependence on mobilephones and other technical goods inthe same way.Also the intemperate using of communication tools insteadof communicating face to face may make us become aloof and indifferentwith each other.Furthermore,the existance of internet may causepassive,superficial thinking of problems because the only goal we chasemight be to solve the problems quickly.Gradually, we may be not willingto find relative information by searching books which can make us thinkmore.The only using of google which we might reflect as the firstresponse when we encounter some trouble may result in the regression ofour brain.(这个观点似乎有点极端)(
Using Google as our first recourse to question-and-answer may result in the limited use of our brain.?这样会不会好点呀)Thus we may try hard to shun the negative impact from theinappropriate  using with technology.

The interaction between technology and ethics is also worthy of discussion(谢了哈）For one thing,technology is controlled by ethics.Forexample,Few people have not realized that the subject of human clone isfull of dispute,which means the human clone is not acceptable in oursoceity because of the tradition that the consanguinity determins theaffinity and series of problems  concerning ethics arise by suchtradition.(重句里面又套重句,但修饰tradition的that重句里面又有by such tradition,显然到后来你自己也没把握住这个重句的结构,看的人就觉得更混乱了恩，and之后是与human clone is not acceptable in our society并列的，唉，看来是够混乱了，要一点点进步滴！嘿)The correlative statute,avoiding applying to(restricting application in) the productionof human clong,shows the ethics restraining technology from going intothe crossroad.For another thing,technology promotes the ethics toadvance with times.For instance, Many years ago when technology was notdeveloped enough,we didn't know that intermarrying was such dilapidated(照你的逻辑这里应该是说好处吧*这是以前的人的认为啊）)(was threatening to)to our offsprings.While nowadays we regard intermarrying as againstethics which owe to technology that enrich （enriching)our ethics.Consequently theethics and the technology are all perfected by mutual actions withineach other

To sum up,technology has influences on our social customs.However,weshould make use of the great benefits and avert the demerits from thetechnology. And technology might have(已经是结论了,应该用更肯定的语气)  developments in the rightdirection,under the ongoing  control of  ethics to help creat a betterlife for us.(这句话各个成份的关系很不明确,可改成Under the control of ethics, technology will develop in the right direction and help creat a better life for us.恩，谢啦哇)
我的语法错误真是很多呀，这还是在自查之后提交的，自己咋就找不出来错呢，哇呀呀
谢谢组长指点了，看来我这么写不如把角度重新放在determine 和influence好些，是不啦^^

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12楼

发表于 2009-6-7 23:04:55 |只看该作者

Inshort,the customs have been done much positive to technology.(结论似乎跟你上面论证的相反了啊*没啊，恩，改成主动句就好了Technology has done muc positive to social customs)
那原句应该把to改成by.

用google来说明科技对人的思维的限制感觉不大好，因为google明显是一种对传统信息搜寻方式的提升，如果没有google的话，我们会以其它方式去查找信息，比如翻书，比如问别人，这与用google查最大的不同在于效率低了，但对思维就是一种解放吗？似乎不是吧。。。

enrich （enriching) 似乎应该是enriches吧。

小鱼同学很认真啊，继续加油！

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