0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by saya [复制链接]

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楼主

发表于 2009-6-1 23:09:45 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

0910AW 同主题写作第二期 ARGUMENT173 by saya

ARGUMENT173
The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

'Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers.'

Grounding on the factor that poorest-selling magazine issue are those with international news stories on front covers, comparing the action taken by competing news-magazines in decreasing such covers, considering the rise in maintaining foreign bureaus to report on international news, the author rashly concludes that it is a necessity to decrease attention on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on magazine covers. However, close scrutiny of correlation and reasoning lie behind these cites, reveals that none of them lend credible hands to the suggestion.

Firstly, author takes it for granted that only the content of the cover stories contribute to impression of magazine covers—whether they are attractive. In daily life, when one casts light on a magazine cover, not only the kind of story on the front cover is able to draw his or her eyes, but also the coordination of layout designed, the size and type of words printed, the application of color used, and the combination of stories and background pictures arranged, all these will have an vital effect on the result. And if examining minutely in the argument that the publisher quotes “featured”, which means it is international story on cover that is the feature of the whole magazine, then how can the most significant and thus perhaps elaborately-designed element be the worst consideration? So other likelihood should be taken into account rather than presumptuously attributing the poor sales to international stories ones.

Secondly, author hasn't thought deep over the reason behind the action why opponents of news-magazines slashed the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Perhaps such decisions are made under have-to circumstances that they don't have sufficient money to continue to display such covers, maybe just due to the reason mentioned in the topic that that foreign bureaus to report about international news is increasing is not a phenomenon for single publication, but to all. Perhaps they originally haven't planned the project to focus the international news stories as their main covers, and other kinds are more devoted. Or perhaps they are simply making an experiment to see whether there exists more appealing cover than does international one. In addition, author should also takes a further survey on statistics about sales indicating better profits after such revolution in cover attempted by their professional, or it is entirely possible that the consequence turns out worse than before.

Thirdly, another false generalization is made by author. To increase the sales of magazines, is the most effective way to place less highlight on the magazine covers? Magazine sales not solely depend on the attraction of its face, but on the quality itself. One would never subscribe a magazine with beautiful cover, but full with empty essays and shallow notions. What's more, another consideration should also count a lot--price. Will readers prefer to buy a magazine which the quality is equal to others, while the price is higher? Without ruling out such alternative possibility, the suggestion is unwarranted and thus unconvincing.

In the final analysis, the argument is logically flawed to advocate such a proposal as it stands. If the author genuinely attempts to find solution to improve the condition in magazine market, more alternative factor should be considered, not only regards international news cover as crutch element. Also, some surveys are needed to substantiate changing the cover content benefits the sales. Otherwise, the suggestion is no more than a poor and even counteracted advice.

by saya

sometimes miracle comes
just for my belief

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dacongfan
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-2 12:52:40 |只看该作者

Grounding on the factor that poorest-selling magazine issue are those with international news stories on front covers, comparing the action taken by competing news-magazines in decreasing such covers, considering the rise in maintaining foreign bureaus to report on international news, the author rashly concludes that it is a necessity to decrease attention on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on magazine covers. However, close scrutiny of correlation and reasoning lie是不是应该改为分词形式，要不就和reveals出现了双谓语 behind these cites, reveals that none of them lend credible hands to the suggestion.

Firstly, the author takes it for granted that only the content of the cover stories contribute to impression of magazine covers—whether they are attractive. In daily life, when one casts light on a magazine cover, not only the kind of story on the front cover is able to draw his or her eyes, but also the coordination of layout designed, the size and type of words printed, the application of color used, and the combination of stories and background pictures arranged, all these will 可不可以改成would，因为没有将来时态have an vital effect on the result. And if examining minutely in the argument that the publisher quotes “featured”, which means it is international story on cover that is the feature of the whole magazine, then how can the most significant and thus perhaps elaborately-designed element be the worst consideration? So other likelihood should be taken into account rather than presumptuously attributing the poor sales to international stories ones.

Secondly, author hasn't thought deep over the reason behind the action why opponents of news-magazines slashed 赞the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Perhaps such decisions are made under have-to circumstances that they don't have sufficient money to continue to display such covers, maybe just due to the reason mentioned in the topic that that foreign bureaus to report about international news is increasing is not a phenomenon for single publication, but to all. Perhaps they originally haven't planned the project to focus the international news stories as their main covers, and other kinds are more devoted. Or perhaps they are simply making an experiment to see whether there exists more appealing cover than does international one. In addition, author should also takes a further survey on statistics about sales indicating better profits after such revolution in cover attempted by their professional, or it is entirely possible that the consequence turns out worse than before.

Thirdly, another false generalization is made by author. To increase the sales of magazines, is the most effective way to place less highlight on the magazine covers? Magazine sales not solely dependdepends on the attraction of its faceface有点chinglish, but on the quality itself. One would never subscribe a magazine with beautiful cover, but full with with应该改成of empty essays and shallow notions. What's more, another consideration should also count count应该为被动式 a lot--price. Will readers prefer to buy a magazine which the quality is equal to others, while the price is higher? Without ruling out such alternative possibility应该为复数, the suggestion is unwarranted and thus unconvincing.

In the final analysis, the argument is logically flawed to advocate such a proposal as it stands. If the author genuinely attempts to find solution to improve the condition in magazine market, more alternative factor应该为复数 should be considered, not only regards international news cover as crutch element. Also, some surveys are needed to substantiate changing the cover content benefits the sales. Otherwise, the suggestion is no more than a poor and even counteracted advice.

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板凳

发表于 2009-6-2 23:08:00 |只看该作者

2# dacongfan
你改的还挺快的，显得我多被动啊~他是你楼上了你怎么也改了？呵呵

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地板

发表于 2009-6-2 23:50:53 |只看该作者

楼上这么一说。。。我也发现了。。应该我该楼下的啊。。。额。。。

sometimes miracle comes
just for my belief

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5楼

发表于 2009-6-3 00:12:57 |只看该作者

Grounding on the factor that poorest-selling magazine issue are those with international news stories on front covers, comparing to the action taken by competing news-magazines in decreasing such covers, considering the rise in maintaining foreign bureaus to report on international news, the author rashly concludes that it is a necessity to decrease attention on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on magazine covers. However, close scrutiny of correlation and reasoning lain(该用分词形式) behind these cites, reveals that none of them lend credible hands to the suggestion.

Firstly, author takes it for granted that only the content of the cover stories contribute to impression of magazine covers—whether they are attractive. In daily life, when one casts light on a magazine cover, not only the kind of story on the front cover is able to draw his or her eyes, but also the coordination of layout designed, the size and type of words printed, the application of color used, and the combination of stories and background pictures arranged, （这个位置感觉应该结束句子，否则两个完整成分的句子中间缺少必要的连词）all these will have an vital effect on the result. And if examining minutely in the argument that the publisher quotes “featured”, which means it is international story on cover that is the feature of the whole magazine, then how can the most significant and thus perhaps elaborately-designed element be the worst consideration? （楼主的长句和句中疑问以及强调句式都很抢眼，但是我仍然觉得此处意思不够明朗——我感觉划线前面强调句式部分你是在说“题目中明确指出的是cover被featured了”，接下来的问句想说的是“为什么最重要的magazine的内容部分被author忽略了”？后面的再做个补充说明。但是坦白说我也不知道我的理解对不对，所以我说此处你应该在说的明朗点：也不知道是不是我水平有限导致的~）So other likelihood should be taken into account rather than presumptuously attributing the poor sales to international stories ones.

Secondly, author hasn't thought deep over the reason behind the action why opponents of news-magazines slashed（用的很漂亮） the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Perhaps such decisions are made under have-to circumstances that they don't have sufficient money to continue to display such covers, maybe just due to the reason mentioned in the topic that that foreign bureaus to report about international news is increasing（什么在increasing？是bureau在增加还是维持它们的费用在增加） is not a phenomenon for single publication（看完此句后我出了感叹一下楼主的长句长度以为，还想说，其实写长句真的不是我们的优势，这么长的句子就算是想表现卓越的语言驾驭能力，也没有必要，完全可以拆成2句，意思更名了。个人拙见！）, but to all. Perhaps they originally haven't planned the project to focus the international news stories as their main covers, and other kinds are more devoted. Or perhaps they are simply making an experiment to see whether there exists more appealing cover than does（感觉可以省了does，个人拙见！） international one. In addition, author should also takes a further survey on statistics about sales indicating better profits after such revolution（此处没有交代清楚这revolution是谁的，如果是competing company的感觉有必要指明，如果是只author公司的话就犯了逻辑错误，毕竟author的公司应该还没有进行这个revolution） in cover attempted by their professional, or it is entirely possible that the consequence turns out worse than before.

Thirdly, another false generalization is made by author. To increase the sales of magazines, is the most effective way to place less highlight on the magazine covers? Magazine sales not solely depend on the attraction of its face, but on the quality itself. One would never subscribe a magazine with beautiful cover, but full with empty essays and shallow notions. What's more, another consideration should also count a lot--price. Will readers prefer to buy a magazine which the quality is equal to others, while the price is higher? Without ruling out such alternative possibility, the suggestion is unwarranted and thus unconvincing.

In the final analysis, the argument is logically flawed to advocate such a proposal as it stands. If the author genuinely attempts to find solution（少冠词，或者用复数） to improve the condition in magazine market, more alternative factor should be considered, not only regards international news cover as crutch element. Also, some surveys are needed to substantiate changing the cover content benefits the sales. Otherwise, the suggestion is no more than a poor and even counteracted advice.

ddcmj519
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6楼

发表于 2009-6-3 18:24:55 |只看该作者

楼主请记得去改其他同学的作文。。

谢谢配合。。

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7楼

发表于 2009-6-7 22:46:30 |只看该作者

请查收

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银落
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8楼

发表于 2009-6-8 00:40:57 |只看该作者

to cooljcq
为什么我下了之后是乱码呢。？？

sometimes miracle comes
just for my belief

ddcmj519
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9楼

发表于 2009-6-8 07:53:12 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 ddcmj519 于 2009-6-8 07:54 编辑

我打开了= =
帮忙帖下
就是有点掉色。。

ARGUMENT173
The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.
'Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers.'

Grounding on the factor that poorest-selling magazine issue are those with international news stories on front covers, comparing（怀疑这个用法） the action taken by competing news-magazines in decreasing such covers, considering the rise in maintaining foreign bureaus to report on international news, the author rashly concludes that it is a necessity to decrease attention on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on magazine covers. However, close scrutiny of correlation and reasoning lie behind these cites, reveals that none of them lend credible hands to the suggestion.
Firstly, author takes it for granted that only the content of the cover stories contribute to impression of magazine covers—whether they are attractive. In daily life, when one casts light on（这个词组意思不对） a magazine cover, not only the kind of story on the front cover is able to draw his or her eyes, but also the coordination of layout designed, the size and type of words printed, the application of color used, and the combination of stories and background pictures arranged, all these will have an vital effect on the result. And if examining minutely in the argument that the publisher quotes “featured”, which means it is international story on cover that is the feature of the whole magazine, then how can the most significant and thus perhaps elaborately-designed element be the worst consideration?（这句话好像有语病） So other likelihood should be taken into account rather than presumptuously attributing the poor sales to international stories ones.（论证的挺好）

Secondly, author hasn't thought deep over the reason behind the action why opponents of news-magazines slashed the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Perhaps such decisions are made under have-to circumstances that they don't have sufficient money to continue to display such covers（有待商戳）, maybe just due to the reason mentioned in the topic that foreign bureaus to report about international news is increasing is not a phenomenon for single publication, but to all.
（觉得有语病）Perhaps they originally haven't planned the project to focus the international news stories as their main covers, and other kinds are more devoted.（可以再考虑一下） Or perhaps they are simply making an experiment to see whether there exists more appealing cover than does international one. In addition, author should also takes a further survey on statistics about sales indicating better profits after such revolution in cover attempted by their professional, or it is entirely possible that the consequence turns out worse than before.（觉得这段论证的也挺好的，不过建议改变一下论证方式，比如perhaps这样的应该少出现一些）

Thirdly, another false generalization is made by author. To increase the sales of magazines, is the most effective way to place less highlight on the magazine covers? （句式对吗？）Magazine sales not solely depend on the attraction of its face, but on the quality itself. One would never subscribe a magazine with beautiful cover, but full with empty essays and shallow notions. What's more, another consideration should also count a lot--price. Will readers prefer to buy a magazine which the quality is equal to others, while the price is higher? Without ruling out such alternative possibility, the suggestion is unwarranted and thus unconvincing.（感觉这段的论述跟你的第二段基本上是一样的）

In the final analysis, the argument is logically flawed to advocate such a proposal as it stands.（不明确） If the author genuinely attempts to find solution to improve the condition in magazine market, more alternative factor should be considered, not only regards international news cover as crutch element.（这个用法对吗） Also, some surveys are needed to substantiate changing the cover content benefits the sales. Otherwise, the suggestion is no more than a poor and even counteracted advice.（结尾挺好的）
总体这篇文章写的不错，论证的也比较有力度，结构比较清晰。也有一些瑕疵，希望你能够看看。
如果有什么说的不对的地方，还请包涵！

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