[a习作temp] =七月流火=小组第2次小组作业 argument4 by kiki [复制链接]

KiKi~淇水滺滺
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电梯直达

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发表于 2009-8-23 22:39:43 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 KiKi~淇水滺滺于 2009-8-24 21:22 编辑

In this statement, the arguer concludes that Adams Realty is superior to Fitch Realty and recommends those who want to sell houses faster and get a higher price should choose the former. To support his conclusion, the arguer cites the differences of the agent’s number, revenue and average house prices last year between these two realities as evidence. In addition, he also takes his personal experience as an example. The conclusion seems reasonable at first sight; however, when giving recommendation, the arguer ignores many other factors and just judges the two realties by little details.

First, the arguer assumes that more agents equal to better services. It’s true that a company with dozens of people is not able to compare with a one which has hundreds of people, but forty to twenty-five has not that big difference. In addition, comparing the quality of their service may be a better way to distinguish which one is better. Perhaps although the agents of Fitch are less, they work more effectively and efficiently, so they provide a better service. Furthermore, the arguer only tells people that many agents from Fitch work part- time; we do not know what the situation is in Adams, maybe there are more percents of people work part-time in Adams.

Second, the arguer says that people who want to sell their houses can get better prices if they choose Adams because the average house price last year in Adam is higher than that in Fitch. However, the arguer doesn't offer any detailed descriptions about what kinds of houses these two realties sold last year. Perhaps the Fitch focused on low-classed and normal apartments while Adams only sells big houses. Or Adams might just sell one or two apartments at high prices and leave all the others at low prices while the Fitch sells all the houses at the average level. So I wonder whether Adams really offers better prices for the house sellers.

Last but not least, the arguer says the houses can be sold faster through Adams because of his own experience twenty years ago. This is unreliable. In the first place, it’s just the arguer’s personal experience, which does not reflect all the cases. Even if that is the normal cases in Adams and it’s real that houses are sold faster in Adams, the arguer doesn't mention the possible differences between the two houses. It is just likely that the one Adams sold enjoyed a better location, so it is easier to sell. Also, the arguer does not tell us how much he gets in these two deals. It is possible that although the one in Fitch took a longer time, but it is sold at a better price. What's more, twenty years is a relatively long time and many conditions have been changed whether on houses or the two realties. Perhaps a new manager came to Fitch and the service level has improved notably due to effective measures. We should also consider maybe twenty years ago, four months is the average time to sell a house while now one month is just the average.

To sum up, the author fails to support his conclusion adequately and the suggestion is less persuasive. To strengthen his conclusion, more convincing proofs should be provided. Anyhow, a hasty suggestion without convincing evidences and full considerations would not be helpful to those who want to sell their houses well and fast.

想要而未得到的，是因为你值得拥有更好的。

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zx15328
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沙发

发表于 2009-8-24 09:21:49 |只看该作者

In this statement, the arguer concludes that Adams Realty is superior to Fitch Realty and recommends those who want to sell houses faster and get a higher price should choose the former. To support his conclusion, the arguer cites the differences of the agent’s number, revenue and average house prices last year between these two realities as evidence（少了一个小细节，Fitch公司的员工是兼职）. In addition, he also takes his personal experience as an example. The conclusion seems reasonable at first sight; however, when giving recommendation, the arguer ignores many other factors and just judges the two realties by little details.
这段题目概括的不错，语言也比较地道

First, the arguer assumes that more agents equal to better services. It’s true that a company with dozens of people is not able to compare with a one( 去掉a) which has hundreds of people, but forty to twenty-five has not that big difference（这个理由感觉稍微有点牵强）. In addition, comparing the quality of their service may be a better way to distinguish which one is better. Perhaps although the agents of Fitch are less, they work more effectively and efficiently, so they provide a better service. Furthermore, the arguer only tells people that many agents from Fitch work part- time; we do not know what the situation is in Adams, maybe there are more percents (percentage)of people work part-time in Adams.

(逻辑分析很严密，层次分明)

Second, the arguer says that people who want to sell their houses can get better prices if they choose Adams because the average house price last year in Adam is （was）higher than that in Fitch. However, the arguer doesn't offer any detailed descriptions about what kinds of houses these two realties sold last year. Perhaps the Fitch focused on low-classed and normal apartments while Adams only sells big houses. Or Adams might just sell one or two apartments at high prices and leave all the others at low prices while the Fitch sells all the houses at the average level. So I wonder whether Adams really offers better prices for the house sellers.

Last but not least, the arguer says the houses can be sold faster through Adams because of his own experience twenty years ago. This is unreliable. In the first place, it’s just the arguer’s personal experience, which does not reflect all the cases. Even if that is the normal cases in Adams and it’s real that houses are sold faster in Adams, the arguer doesn't mention the possible differences between the two houses. It is just likely that the one Adams sold enjoyed a better location, so it is easier to sell. Also, the arguer does not tell us how much he gets in these two deals. It is possible that although the one in Fitch took a longer time, but it is sold at a better price. What's more, twenty years is a relatively long time and many conditions have been changed whether on houses or the two realties. Perhaps a new manager came to Fitch and the service level has improved notably due to effective measures. We should also consider maybe twenty years ago, four months is the average time to sell a house while now one month is just the average.
这段还可以分析一下，10年来经济的改变以及人们对房子的需求也在改变）
To sum up, the author fails to support his conclusion adequately and the suggestion is less persuasive. To strengthen his conclusion, more convincing proofs should be provided. Anyhow, a hasty suggestion without convincing evidences and full considerations would not be helpful to those who want to sell their houses well and fast.

与issue相比，你的argue写的流畅的很多（无论是思路还是语言，），观点分析的也很到位，有些语言上的细节还是应该注意一下，一些小错可以压缩一下，抓主要的谬误。
同样用模板，感觉我自己的argue写起来还是磕磕绊绊，希望以后交流下经验，呵呵

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