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本帖最后由 fancyww 于 2009-8-28 14:33 编辑
fancy修改的是蓝色。
People' opinion varies from person to person.Some people agree with the statement that letting a friend make a mistake is better than saying or doing something that may destroy the friendship. Others are not.From the point of my view, this thing should depend on different friends and distinct situations (this thing指代不明 建议改成 we should analyse the problems case by case, regarding the differences between people as well as the distinctions between situations)(如果作者习惯这种模板式开头,建议操练几个好句型)
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To different people(When dealing with比较合适吧), we should use different ways to express our opinion, or sometimes do not say anything. If a person has a large tolerance to accept the criticism, we can give he(him) or she(her) some sincere suggestion when he or she makes mistakes. If we meet with a person who are easy to get angry when we criticize him or her(when being criticized), we should let this friend make a mistake.And after that this person will ask you for help.In this moment, we can give our tips.9 |7 8 O+ M1 l5 f, e
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To (Under)different situations, we also should understand when we can make a comment and when we are obliged to become a dumb. According to a scientific research, people who are delighted or happy by some good things(语法有问题 可以改成when people are...)., we can get more accesses to warn them against making a mistakeOn the contrary, if people are in bad feelings(mood), the chance that they accept your suggestions and criticism will become low.应该加一句分析research的话1 H6 n2 s( X4 i; O8 k: z5 O/ m# {、
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However, there is an special situation that the friend is your closest one of your friend's circle. (这句话很混乱 可以改成it would be a specail case when the person,who is possible to make a mistake, turns out to be one of your best friends. )You must give your best suggestion and warning he or she as fast as you can. This(It) is your responsiblity (to help him/her) because he or she trust you as his or her company(这个词是公司的意思。。。).In return of this trust, your sincere and in-time criticism is somewhat like a medicine(?) to keep your friends from making mistakes.For instance, once my best friend Joe wanted to resign her position,I gave her my suggestion as(that) this job was suitable for her. Althought there had been(was) a possibility that this tip would destory our friendship,I still gave her my initial advice." W+ K* L$ v9 J, k; i! n
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In a word, we should use different method according to different situations and persons. This is a good meaning to deal with your friends' affair.
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整体的两个分论点是清晰的 最后结尾段有些仓促 可以再充实一下 有一些表达不太自然的地方我标出来了 语言还需要多多练习 注意语法尤其是长句子的从句 加油. ^*
machi改的很清楚了,我想说的是这种完全避开题目的写法,即平衡或中间写法,要不要还是顾一下题目。毕竟题目问的是agree or disagree,文章完全没有回答,而是自成一题在写。
我觉得这么写不是不可以,但要在开头说明一下,如:
usually, people have many friends with different personalities and character. so how they deal with our honest and sincere suggestions can be largely diverse. Some friends with a receptive mind may take our advice readily while others may be quite irrational and we will destroy the friendship. so it cannot be a fixed issue that whether we should lett a friend make mistakes or prevent them in advance, and I can hardly agree or disagree with any side. Here I would like to analysis it case by case. |
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