[活动] 12.17作文狠批，写的一般啊，多多指教，呵呵 [复制链接]

michael_beyond
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-12-17 23:14:29 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Many people long to be successful. However, it is not always easy to be a success, especially in the seriously competive society today. Compared with the people today, the people in the past could be easier to be successful, why do I say this?

As you know, with the population increasing by the day, there are more people who will take the same position than before. A recent survey shows that more and more students face with the unemployment for there are more students competing the limited occupations, while in the past decades, everything was ready to be rebuilt, it provides the people with more opportunities and positions possible, so it was very easy fot the people to find a appropriate job.

On the other hand, the people today have to face more pressures than before. As the housing price continues to increase, many people are not afford to buy a house though they have a steady job, they get their own few wage every month and deposit it for ten or more years in order to buy a their own house. What's more, they should also pay the increasing price of merchandise day by day. It can be said that the people today have become the salary of money.

The third reason is that the people in the past days could find a good job only they received a certain education, while now if the people want to find a good job they should receive a further education. For example, if you want to teach in a college, you should be at least a graduate, or you will not be allowed to teach in the college.

From what I have mentioned above, I can safely draw a conclusion that the people in the past decades are easier to be successful than the people today. First today more people compete the same occupation than before, second they face larger pressures, third if they want to find a good job they should receive a further education.

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icelittle
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沙发

发表于 2009-12-18 17:54:32 |只看该作者

Many people long to be successful. However, it is not always easy to be a success, especially in the seriously competive society today. Compared with the people(the people? people要加the? 我印象中不用吧..) today(前面那句已经有个today了,建议改成nowadays), the people in the past could be easier to be successful, why do I say this?(个人觉得应该改成陈述句, my reasons are as follows)- I b9 O: T# C, s: }6 (个((

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As you know, with the population increasing by the day, (Firstly, the population is always increasing), there are more people who will take(taking) the same position than before, as a result, the competition is stiff so that success seems far away. A recent survey shows that more and more(40%) students face(are facing) with the unemployment for there are more students competing the limited occupations, while in the past decades, everything was ready to be rebuilt, it provides the(删除) people with more opportunities and positions possible(accessible positions), so it was very easy(easier) fot the people to find a appropriate job.4 G2 r' u9 s7 M, ]6 X

On the other hand, the people today have to face(face用了很多遍了, confront of) more pressures than before. As the housing price continues to increase, many people are(can) not afford to buy a house(a house) though they have a steady job, they get their own few wage every month and deposit it for ten or more years in order to buy a their own house( a house of their own). What's more(worse), they should also(even) pay the increasing price of merchandise day by day. It can be said that the people today have become the salary of money. Considering this, how can people do their work well when they even can not have a comfortable home?点一下, 不然买不起房子和成功不成功就没有关系了.

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The third reason is that the people in the past days could find a good job only(as long as) they received a certain(relatively lower) education, while now if the people want to find a good job they should receive a further education( a university graduation or higher) which is time consuming. For example, if you want to teach in a college, you should be at least a graduate, or you will not be allowed to teach in the college. With such amount of time, one may gain more valuable experience if they went to work instead.

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From what I have mentioned above, I can safely draw a conclusion that the people in the past decades are easier to be successful than the people today. First today more people compete the same occupation than before, second they face larger pressures, third if they want to find a good job they should receive a further education. Not only because of the high competitive environment, but also of the larger pressure and higher requirement to people.

楼主也是刚开始联系吧, 和我一样词汇重幅度很高, 句型也比较单一, 我们都要多多联系噢.

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wuxiahhu
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板凳

发表于 2009-12-18 22:45:46 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 wuxiahhu 于 2009-12-18 22:47 编辑

Many people long to be successful. However, it is not always easy to be a success, especially in the seriously competitive society today. Compared with the people today, the people in the past could be easier to be successful, why do I say this?5 ]# q& \* ], A! L
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As you know, with the population increasing by the day, there are more people who will compete for the same position than before. A recent survey shows that in 2009, 30% college graduates will face with the unemployment and the rate will continually increase,
for there are more students competing the limited occupations (我觉得例子具体化更有说服力)while in the past decades, everything was ready to be rebuilt, which provides the people with more opportunities and positions possible, so it was very easy for the people to find a appropriate job.+ @1 p8 @3 X2 [5 A# u2 m# Q2 t1 l! j
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On the other hand, the people today have to face more pressures than before. As the housing price continues to increase, many people can not afford to buy a house though they have a steady job, they get their own few wage every month and deposit it for ten or more years in order to buy a their own house. What's more, they should also pay the increasing price of merchandise day by day. It can be said that the people today have become the slave of money, which cannot provide a free space for people to concentrate on the work itself, and make progress.

third reason is that the people in the past days it’s usual that people who had received only a certain education could find a good job, while now if the people want to find a good job they should receive a further education. For example, if you want to teach in a college, you should be at least a graduate, or even the opportunity of interview you cannot get. O; P, R+ ^/ J7 p. F  ^. ?- j  E
From what I have mentioned above, I can safely draw a conclusion that  the people in the past decades are easier to be successful than the people today. First today more people compete the same occupation than before, second they face larger pressures, third if they want to find a good job they should receive a further education.

提一些小意见，仅供参考，加油！

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