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发表于 2010-5-20 12:10:53 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

50"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."

请于5月21日晚23点前提交作业。并把作业word文档发给互改的组员
1--->2指，1帮2改，2的作文给1改

第一次互改顺序：
1--->7
2--->9
5--->10
7--->11
9--->1
10--->2
11--->5
3--->6
6--->3

第一次自改文上交的时间是：5月22日晚23点

第二次互改的顺序：
1--->9
2--->10
5--->11
7--->1
9--->2
10--->3
11--->7
6--->3
3--->6

第二次自改文的上交时间是：5月24日晚23点

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沙发

发表于 2010-5-20 12:11:05 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 azure9 于 2010-5-23 11:43 编辑

The author's position that all faulty should work in relevant area they teach outside the academic is overstated.
For applied disciplines，it certainly true, but for theory curriculums, it's not the case. Not all the curriculums have the relate job out there.

Some practical sciences, such as applied physics, applied psychology, technical problems in medicine, engineering, and economic, feat perfectly to the state that professes have working experience relevant area are benefit for students. The public relations graduate project in the University of South California has such amazing teaching group that each one of the faculty has done great contribution to PR industry. And most of them are the leaders or founders in the industry.It ensure the students to keep up dating the lasted idea in the area and be connected with the business which they will step in few years later. Under the study of fresh information and practical skills, students are enabling to integrate into the industry in a fast speed in the future.

While, some area may not have so much working position outside the campus, say, philosophy, history, or theoretical physics. Actually, the most relevant job to teaching is their academic study. Stephen Hawking, the one of the most distinguished scientists in theoretical physics, who unravel the mystery of the context of black holes inside the academic. And he also makes a remarkable success on popular science acknowledge not only to his students, but the people outside the academic world as well.

Requiring theory area teachers to do the job outside the academic would make presses on them. To work outside the academic means they have to take their time off the study and be disturbed by other irrelevant things. The academic ivory tower is so pure that some scholars might unable to adopt to a environment which mix confusing people relationships, deadline pressure and business routine together. These may exert negatively influence on their core study. So, when theory professions are required to spend their time working outside the academic is not a effective way to improve instructions on the country, it could draw down it.

So, to practical curriculums, outside working experience of teachers is a important stander for the quality of instruction. That can explain that some of the them even have a real job in relevant industry. For the theory curriculums, however, to keep them in academic and forces on their study is the right thing to do.

写完了吧，但是非常的不满意，有很多例子都没有查证到...

=================================================
改一：謝謝polo！

The author's position that all faulty should work in relevant area they teach outside the academic is overstated.
For applied disciplines，it certainly true, but for theory curriculums, it's not the case. Not all the curriculums have the related job out there.

Some practical sciences, such as applied physics, applied psychology, technical problems in medicine, engineering, and economic, feat perfectly to the state that professes have working experience in relevant area are benefit for students. The public relations graduate project in the University of South California has such amazing teaching group that most of the faculties have done great contribution to PR industry. Some of them are the leaders or founders in the area. It ensures the students to keep updating the latest idea from inside and be connected with the business which they will step in few years later. Under the study of fresh information and practical skills, students are enabled to integrate into the industry in a fast speed in the future.

While, some disciplines may not have so much working position outside the campus, say, philosophy, history, or theoretical physics. Actually, the most relevant job to teaching is their academic study. Stephen Hawking, one of the most distinguished scientists in theoretical physics, unravel the mystery of the context of black holes inside the academic. And he also makes a remarkable success on popular science perspective not only to his students, but the people outside the academic world as well. He achieves a superb contribution to his study area and even for the whole human society, however lacking of outside academic working experience.

Requiring theoretical scholars to do a job outside the academic would make presses on them. To work outside the academic means they have to take their time off the researches and be disturbed by other irrelevant things. The academic ivory tower is so pure that some academics might unable to adapt to an environment which mix with confusing people relationships, deadline pressure and business routine together. These may exert negative influence on their core study. So, making theoretical professions to spend their time working outside the academic is not an effective way to improve instructions. On the contrary, it could draw the quality down.

So, to applied science, outside working experience of teachers is an important stander for the quality of instruction. Some of them even have a real job in relevant industry. For the theory curriculums, however, to keep them in academic and forces on their study is the right thing to do.

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板凳

发表于 2010-5-20 12:11:22 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 azure9 于 2010-5-23 23:38 编辑

改人烟
In this topic, I am convinced that the speaker has unfairly generalized the advantages of working outside. The author argue that to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university leveal, all faculty should work outside academia in professional work related to their academic fields. However in some cases, disvantages such as that teacher will spend less time in their teaching works than before may also exist. Hence in my point of view, we should find a balance point between advantages and disadvantages that we should find another way to bring up-to-date information and practical experience to students rather than let faculty work outside.
【无法否认的是，教职员工去校外参加一些社会工作会在一定条件下给学校教学质量带来质的飞跃。但同时，working outside也是存在一定弊端的。因此，我们需要找到一个平衡点】
这边已经跟你说过就是advantages的问题，可能需要换一种表达方式，因为如果把improve the quality of instruction当做advantage的话，那么与它相对的disadvantage应该是比如会增加学校财政上的支出，增加学校管理上的负担这些内容。因此其实improve the quality of instruction是working outside所能帶來的正向結果。

To some extent, introducing the field experience and up-to-date information from outside helps the faculty not only improve the quality of teaching but also bring their students into the academic world containing up-to-date information(有點重複) and technologies,(這裡其實在層次上有點問題，是說introducing這些信息能夠提高教學質量並且讓學生了解最新的信息個技術。先不看improve the quality of teaching，看因果關係，這樣就變成，介紹新信息可以讓學生了解新信息。) thus students can benefit a lot from the experienced faculty. With these experience from outside, teachers can bond practice and theory, in which way teachers can illustrate the textbooks vividly and students may be more attracted by these lively examples than those dead facts.

Without these experience, teachers may concentrate on teaching theoretical knowledge on textbooks(这是中国大学...囧) that even students can learn by themselves. For example, some of my classmates prefer learning by themselves rather listening to the teacher who merely deliver a speech according to textbooks. Whereupon it is crucial for the faculty in the disciplines, such as the engineering, architecture, reconnaissance and business, to keep the research and teaching hand in hand with the changes and trends in the outside world.
【对于那些非理论专业的老师，比如说工程类专业，引入外界工作经验，以及与时俱进的科技发展信息对于教学时非常有用的】
两段应该都是在说这个内容。第一段说working outside的好处，第二段说如果不working outside可能會帶來的問題——老師都教书上的理论which學生可以自學(我理解你這段話裡面的意思就是說，那還要老師做什麽？)但事實并不是這樣的，不是說老師沒有去課外工作無法帶給學生實際的經驗就教不好書。這樣寫觀點可能有點問題。

However should all faculty be required to spend time working outside? The answer is definite no, since it may be even counterproductive to the quality of instruction. Some disciplines such as philosophy, literature, history, theoretical physics and mathematics place more emphasis on existing theoretical research rather than up-to-date science and technology studies. As we all know, mathmatics is a subject which requires students to lay a solid foundation on theories. If we emphasize too much on their practical abilities, maybe they can find a new discovery, but they can never work out.
【但同时，并不应该要求所有老师都到外面参加与其研究方向相关的工作，比如说，理论物理，数学，这些理论性，研究性较强专业的老师】
关于mathmatics的例子因為我不了解所以也不好說。而且對於理論性學科到底是在搞個什麽我也不懂，所以就算過了吧，這段...怪我。加個具體一點的例子可能會比較好，比如某某數學家在做研究，沒有過在外工作的經驗，但依然在數學領域取得了巨大的成功，他的學生從他的學術研究中收益這種。具體我也不認識這么一個人，反正就是這個方向，想一想吧~

Besides, encouraging faculty to spend time working outside may also bring lots of problems. Firstly, teachers can not only acquire pratical experience, but also make a profit from the outside job they take, which will allure them or even cause their resign in the school. Secondly, part-time jobs will distract their energy, which may make their teaching less effective. Morever, working outside will impose a heave strain on faculty.
【另一方面，让老师们出去工作也会带来一些弊端，比如说社会工作给老师带来的金钱诱惑，精力和时间分配上的问题等等】
問題不大，就是論述單薄了一點。

On account of the existence of both advantages and disadvantages, we need to find a way to preserve the merits, and avoid the unhealth influences, which are all caused by working outside. Cooperating with companies outside school to lunch more laboratories and inviting experts in some special area is an effective way. With these laboratories, which are open for the students to do experiments, students can combine theory with practice by themselves rather than taught by their teachers. Furthermore, when an expert come to lunch a speech in the university, students, who are interested in the same research area to this expert, will benefit a lot after the expert bring up-to-date information to them.
【我们应该找到一个平衡点，使得，社会工作可以带来许多与时俱进的信息同时，不会影响到老师们的教学质量】
你前面写的是课外工作对应用类学科的教学有帮助，对理论类学科带来弊端。第三点校外工作给全体教师(不分应用类和理论类)带来的问题。这边就开始写解决措施，给出两个，1、合作实验室(哪種？)，2、請專家來演講。這兩個解決措施都和老師出去外面工作沒有關係啊。你說老師出去工作有利有弊，我們應該找個平衡點。這個平衡點是什麽呢？實驗室或是演講嗎？那老師出去工作的平衡點還是沒有談到啊。這個平衡點是工作時間的多少，工作量還有適合校外工作的學科的界定。這個才是校外工作的平衡點。雖然說實驗室和演講沒有錯，但他們是提綱教學質量的措施，不是解決如何平衡老師校外工作的利弊的措施。

To sum up, every thing has its two sides for us to realize. Therefore, an eclectic way can be the most effective to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level.

========================================================================
改 polo: 寫的很棒！
According to the statement, all college faulty should expend time to work outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach. However, I should (用would比較好) say that whether it is necessary or not depends on the specific academic. With respects to the fields in which outside work is appropriate, I am deeply in favor of the statement; the quality of instruction at the college and university level can be improved when faulty complement academic duties with their working experience outside the academic world.(觀點句)

As a threshold matter, the statement should take two special situations into consideration. First, there are some pure academic area, such as philosophy and pure science subjects, in which it is difficult for professors to find suitable professions . For instance, a professor who researches in quantum mechanics cannot find a large hadron collider in a company or a factory, where he or she has to make experiments and obtain the data in practice，based on which the theory can be promoted. Second, in certain other academic areas a professor's academic duties typically involves practical work of the sort that occurs outside academic. Take the fine and performing arts as a example, the faulty probably engage in the craft actively and demonstrate techniques and styles for their students in the classes.
這段首先做了一個界定，分出兩種比較極端的部分，一部分是純理論學科，所以很難在校外有對應工作，一部分學科的內容包含校外工作。條理清楚，例子也很不錯。

Aside from these two situations, I strongly approve of the statement that college faulty should work outside the academic world in professions relevant to their fields. There are three apparent benefits of doing so. Firstly, in my experience as a college student, faulty who are sensitive to the latest changes in their fields and introduce them to students with their fresh insight are often greeted with joy by students. They use their working experience outside academic to make their classes more vivid and spark the students' interest, and motivate some students to pursue the field as a career.

Secondly, college and university education is a time for specialized study to qualify the individual for professional activity or for employment in higher positions in business, industry, and government. Therefore by keep abreast with the changing demands of work as a professional, professors can better design their courses and bridge knowledge to practice. What's more, with the field experience,a professor can offer useful and up-to-date information about the specific work in the field and the current job market to the students, which help them hunt for a appropriate job. For example, in the areas like Finance and Accounting which are in close attach with our daily life, professors often take a job as business consultant. They are willing to share with students about the problems and solutions in their working process, and in this way theories in the textbook can be explained more vividly and effectively.
很棒！但我覺得如果例子再飽滿一點就好了。

A third benefit has much to do with the faulty themselves. Experience in the field can enable them to keeping pace with the latest developments in some cases and help them ferret out some cutting-edge issues, which they may be interested in and willing to conduct deep research; then they would make some significant breakthrough and great contribution to the whole society.

In sum, except for some certain academic areas in which outside work is unnecessary, it is worth college and university faulty's while to step out of academic world and to involve themselves in working as professionals in the relevant fields and then faulty, student and the society can get benefit from it.

文章結構非常清晰，語言流暢，大部分都是在學習！

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地板

发表于 2010-5-20 12:21:38 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 agnes2010 于 2010-5-25 20:30 编辑

50"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."

Nowadays, with the emphasis on real-world experience, educators attach more importance to how to improve the instruction at the college in order to make students a brighter future with sufficient theoretical and practical knowledge. With respect to this requirement, I strongly concede the benefit for college faculty to step into the society for the pursuit of experience relevant to the courses they teach. However, I believe it should not be a necessity for every staff at the college.

Professional working experience plays a crucial role in education, as the society prefers those who not only have an excellent command of professional knowledge but also grasp the true essence of applying theoretical knowledge into practice. If a professor in Law spends some time working in court, he or she will directly get numerous useful information such as what the most practical skills needed in this profession is and how to solve a sticky issue when defending a case in court. After that, a most suitable course plan designed for students can be laid out by the professor’s differentiating what is primary from what is secondary.

Nevertheless, the method of requiring faculty to work outside the college to better the instruction at the college can not always bear fruit. Since subjects and curriculum vary because of different divisions, the point of emphasis on theoretical or practical knowledge in each subject can also be extremely from others. Subjects in literature and history accentuate theory while subjects in economic management, personal relationship, law and social science emphasize a lot on practical learning. Therefore, whether college faculty should also work in professional work related to their academic fields or not hinged primarily upon the specific academic area.

However, admittedly, college is defined as the tower of ivory, in which there is a wonderful atmosphere for students and faculties as well. Apart from the outside world, all the faculties can concentrate on research instead of being disturbed. Since researches always cost dozens of time, many faculties at the college can hardly spare any time to engage in another job. Given such circumstance, colleges turn to guest professors such as the social elites who fulfilled great achievements and gain a lot of practical experience, in order to make up for the students’ potential shortage of practical knowledge, which reaches a win-win situation for both busy college faculties and students with great appetite for knowledge.

In sum, academic reputation of a college is ensured by all the faculties whose primary task is to research and give instruction. If it is necessary, on the premise of their well-done in their academic area, it will be advisable for them to work in related professions to gather more practical knowledge to light up their theoretical teaching.

自改一：
Nowadays, with the emphasis on real-world experience, educators attach great importance to how to improve the instruction at the college in order to ensure students a bright future with sufficient theoretical and practical knowledge. With respect to this requirement, I strongly concede the benefit for college faculty to step into the society for the pursuit of experience relevant to the courses they teach. However, I believe it should not be a necessity for every staff at the college.

Professional working experience plays a crucial role in education, as the society prefers those who not only have an excellent command of professional knowledge but also grasp the true essence of applying theoretical knowledge into practice. If a professor in Law spends some time working in court, he or she will directly get numerous useful information such as what the most practical skills needed in this profession is and how to solve a sticky issue when defending a case in court. After that, a most suitable course plan designed for students can be laid out by the professor’s differentiating what primary is from what is secondary.

Nevertheless, the method of requiring faculty to work outside the college to better the instruction at the college can not always bear fruit. Since subjects and curriculum vary because of different divisions, the point of emphasis on theoretical or practical knowledge in each subject can also be extremely different from others. Subjects in literature and history accentuate theory while subjects in economic management, personal relationship, law and social science emphasize a lot on practical learning. For instance, it is unneccesary for a history teacher to work outside the college as what he teaches will not change by the passing time or the outside environment. However, a teacher who teaches social science can not neglect the importance of social contact. Therefore, whether college faculty should also work in professional work related to their academic fields or not hinges primarily upon the specific academic area he or she majors in.

Admittedly, college is defined as the tower of ivory, in which there is a wonderful atmosphere for students and faculties as well. Apart from the outside world, all the faculty can concentrate on research instead of being disturbed. Since researches always cost a large amount of time, many faculties at the college can hardly spare any time to engage in another job. Given such circumstance, colleges turn to guest professors such as the social elites who fulfilled great achievements and gain a lot of practical experience, in order to make up for the students’ potential shortage of practical knowledge, which reaches a win-win situation for both busy college faculties and students with great appetite for knowledge.

In sum, academic reputation of a college is ensured by all the faculties whose primary task is to research and give instruction. If it is necessary, on the premise of their well-done in their academic area, it will be advisable for them to work in related professions to gather more practical knowledge to light up their theoretical teaching.

谢谢小谦~
非常受用哦~

自改二：

谢谢小V的认真改写~~
总算又在大家的帮助下又完成了一篇issue 长舒一口气啊~~~
Nowadays, with the emphasis on real-world experience, educators attach great importance to how to improve the instruction at the college in order to ensure students a bright future with sufficient theoretical and practical knowledge. With respect to this requirement, I strongly concede the benefit for college faculty to step into the society for the pursuit of experience relevant to the courses they teach. However, I believe it should not be a necessity for every staff at the college.

Professional working experience plays a crucial role in education, as the society prefers those who not only have an excellent command of professional knowledge but also grasp the true essence of applying theoretical knowledge into practice. If a professor specialized in Law spends some time working in court, he or she will directly get numerous useful information such as what the most practical skills needed in this profession are and how to solve sticky issues when defending a case in court. After that, a most suitable course plan designed for students can be laid out by the professor’s differentiating what primary is from what is secondary.

Nevertheless, the method of requiring faculty to work outside the college to better the instruction at the college can not always bear fruit. Since subjects and curriculum vary because of different divisions, the point of emphasis on theoretical or practical knowledge in each subject can also be extremely different from others. Subjects in literature and history accentuate theory while subjects in economic management, personal relationship, law and social science emphasize a lot on practical learning. For instance, it is unnecessary for a history teacher to work outside the college as what he teaches will not be changed by the passing time or the outside environment. However, a teacher who teaches social science can not neglect the importance of social contact. Therefore, whether college faculty should also work in professional work related to their academic fields or not hinges primarily upon the specific academic area he or she majors in.

Admittedly, college is defined as the tower of ivory, in which there is a wonderful atmosphere for students and faculties as well. Apart from the outside world, all the faculty can concentrate on research instead of being disturbed. Since doing researches always cost a large amount of time, many faculty at the college can hardly spare any time to engage in another job.Given such circumstance, colleges turn to guest professors such as the social elites who fulfilled great achievements and gain a lot of practical experience, in order to make up for the students’ potential shortage of practical knowledge, which reaches a win-win situation for both busy college faculties and students with great appetite for knowledge.

In sum, the academic reputation of a college is ensured by all the faculty whose primary tasks are to do research and give instruction. If it is necessary, on the premise of their well-done in their academic area, it will be advisable for them to work in related professions to gather more practical knowledge to light up their theoretical teaching.

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5楼

发表于 2010-5-20 12:21:51 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 agnes2010 于 2010-5-24 16:36 编辑

改小V：

According to the statement, the speaker claims that all faculty should spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach,【这里应该不需要逗号了，否则会给人感觉后面的for是一个引导原因状语从句的连词】for the purpose of improving the quality of instruction at the college and university level. Although it has some merit from a normative standpoint, in my view, it has certain negative influences and is not suitable for all professions.
首段开门见山简洁明了给出观点

To begin with, the speaker’s assertion that some applied academic fields can enhance the quality of instruction【这里存在一点问题，field如何enhance the quality？应该有所转换】to some extent, by required【语法有误，应为requiring，但同时前面的主语应转变，主语应保持一致，some applied academic fields 可以改为 colleges，但与此同时还应注意主语之后的动词搭配。建议把前半句改为被动句：the quality of instruction can be enhanced by if college faculty are required to be engaged in...供参考~】 teachers engaging in working outside the academic world, for two respects. On the one hand, the engagement of working outside the academic world can spur faculty to学习了！ developing and innovating【spur sb. to do sth.这里应该为develop and innovate】 in their professions. Consider,【consider可以专门作为一个插入语吗？不是很清楚~】 for example, the field of sewage treatment technology【这里不成一句，难道是和前面的consider连成一句，中间插入for example？对不起啊~小V 我对这个用法不了解~望解答】. Professors involving in daily operation of local sewage treatment plant can more easily discover problems and focus on researching more effective and economic treatment processor. On the other hand, teachers can design contents of courses combined with actual needs of society, helping students better prepared for future careers in their professional fields, such as computer science, business and management, biological engineering and the like.
此段论述了工作的好处，建议对各好处增加论证，尤其是第二个好处，与第一个好处的例证-污水处理相比，显得有些单薄。如果能增加论证，感觉会更有说服力！

However, I cannot totally agree with the speaker’s assertion because it seems to ignore several passive influences of spending time working outside the academic world. Firstly, apparently, outside tasks are so time and energy consuming【这里应为time-consuming 和energy-consuming吧，否则会引起词性问题】 that teachers are surely distracted from normal teaching and researching works and lead to【这里从句的主语是teachers，所以这里的动词不合适，建议可以把从句中两个句子成分从并列关系改为因果关系】the deterioration of the instruction’s quality instead. A telling example of this involves that professors majored in computer science in my university. They would like to pay more attention on projects of companies with rich rewards rather than students in classes, which directly causing the lesser competition【小V是想表达竞争力吧，那应该用competitive power】 of those students compared with others. Secondly, spending too much time working outside the professional academic fields may obstruct the perspective of these realms, as the frontmost theories and technologies are not in the realm of producing but in the realm of researching学习！. Only those mature researching results can be applied in manufacturing industries.

Finally, and perhaps the most important,【没有看到过有这样的用法呢...】 the speaker unfairly suggests that all professions are suitable for participating outside tasks. Nonetheless it is unnecessarily to compel certain professors, for instance, majored in the realms of fundamental or purely theoretical subjects, to engage in outside works. For some fundamental subjects，such as mathematics, physics, chemistry and so on, with the purpose of gaining results of academic researching rather than application and preparing students better logical capabilities, cannot effectively benefit from outside engagements on the enhancements of no matter professors themselves or the instructional qualities. For some purely theoretical subjects，such as literature, astronomy, physiology, history and linguistics， it is hardly to find suitable outside areas for their practices because of【后面应跟名词】irrelevant to actual living and production. Therefore, it is too arbitrary for the speaker to claim that all teachers should engage in such extra outside works relevant to their professions.
此段罗列的非常清晰~

In sum, I concede that the practices in relevant professions have advantages for certain kinds of academic areas. However, in a sense the speaker overrates the importance继续学习！ of such practices and overlooks several negative effects and general applicability. And from what have been discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that the speaker should encourage faculty to participate in outside professional tasks in the terms of actual needs.

整体行文很流畅~
我从中学到了很多好词好句~十分受益~
如果文章中的例证再能深入点展开就感觉更为充实了~
V 对不起啊~晚帮你改了~改的不好请原谅啊...

改二：小谦
Basically the courses in colleges and universities are divided into two groups; one group learns the applications of knowledge to a certain area, and the other group studies the theories. From my point of view, instructors belong to the former group should spend time working in professions relevant to the courses they teach, while teachers belongs to the latter group need not to do（这里need的用法有误，做情态动词的话可以说need not do sth. 如果做实义动词：don't need to do） this kind of practice. However, the overwhelming policy of improving the quality of instruction is not the one mentioned in this topic.

Admittedly, when it comes to those courses which are directly applying to reality, teachers should be required to spend time working outside in the related area. At least, teachers need to be familiar with the application job（两个都是名词，这里是不是错了？）. Training courses to some professions like teachers, pilots, drivers, accountants, soldiers and so forth require teachers having worked in the area（此句也有语法问题，建议：require teachers to have relative working experience). Moreover, to keep the pace of developing knowledge and technology, teachers need renew their recognition of the career frequently. Let me take one more example of learning some special skills(这句表达不知道可不可行）. Scientific students learn a kind of skills in labs of university, but it is more instructive if teachers teach them the differences with the skills in industry. There is no doubt those teachers who spend some time on this kind of jobs could be more instructive than the others. Hence, spending some time in course related area does help improving(improve) the quality of instruction.

As for those courses in the theory level（作者想表达在理论层面上的课程吗？如果是这样感觉英语的说法不应该是如此，下文中用到的theoretical course恐怕更为合适吧）, working in the society does little help to improve instruction. There are numbers of theoretical courses in colleges and universities, including math, chemistry, biochemistry, molecular biology, quantum mechanics and so on. The students taking these courses tend to conducting（conduct） research in scientific world. Although teachers are doing research at the same time with teaching, they do not need to work outside the academic world. For instance, biochemistry teachers simply teach the basic concept of protein, DNA, RNA and they are doing research in this area. They do have relationship with society, like buying chemicals, publishing papers, but they have little critical connections with world outside academic world.

In addition, apart from the policy mentioned in the topic, there are many other methods to improve quality of instruction. The most important factor contributed to quality of instruction is the abilities and knowledge of teachers. Teachers could have overwhelming influence on students and even change students’ whole lives. If teachers are creative, constructive, and warm-hearted, the instruction could have high quality. Therefore, hiring high quality of teachers（雇佣老师的高品质？语法有问题） and trying to improve present teachers’ facility as teachers and a researchers could improve the quality of instruction. Besides hiring high quality of teachers, improving facilities, communicating with other schools and so on can help improving instruction quality.

All in all, professors who teach courses tightly related to reality should be required to spend some time working outside academic world in relevant to the courses, but professors who teach pure theory course should not to be required to do so. Besides, there is a great deal of other methods could help to improve the quality of instructions.

总结：
整体感觉小谦的文章结构很分明~最后一段也概括了整篇文章的论述内容，相当清晰。
唯一不足的可能是在语言上，出现了很多表述上的语法错误，我觉得原因可能是将中文意思直接译出来导致的吧，读上去就感觉不太地道。
另外建议小谦能多用一些复杂句，文章中的句型重复，感觉不是很多样，所以会给人读起来很平淡的感觉。如果能在语言上再下点功夫，我感觉你的观点就能更加出彩了~
加油加油~

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6楼

发表于 2010-5-20 12:21:51 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 lty900301 于 2010-5-23 22:34 编辑

TOPIC: ISSUE50 - "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
WORDS: 573 TIME: 02:24:54 DATE: 2010/5/21 18:45:30

In this topic, I am convinced that the speaker has unfairly generalized the advantages of working outside. The author argue that to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university leveal, all faculty should work outside academia in professional work related to their academic fields. However in some cases, disvantages such as that teacher will spend less time in their teaching works than before may also exist. Hence in my point of view, we should find a balance point between advantages and disadvantages that we should find another way to bring up-to-date information and practical experience to students rather than let faculty work outside.

To some extent, introducing the field experience and up-to-date information from outside helps the faculty not only improve the quality of teaching but also bring their students into the academic world containing up-to-date information and technologies, thus students can benefit a lot from the experienced faculty. With these experience from outside, teachers can bond practice and theory, in which way teachers can illustrate the textbooks vividly and students may be more attracted by these lively examples than those dead facts.

Without these experience, teachers may concentrate on teaching theoretical knowledge on textbooks that even students can learn by themselves. For example, some of my classmates prefer learning by themselves rather listening to the teacher who merely deliver a speech according to textbooks. Whereupon it is crucial for the faculty in the disciplines, such as the engineering, architecture, reconnaissance and business, to keep the research and teaching hand in hand with the changes and trends in the outside world.

However should all faculty be required to spend time working outside? The answer is definite no, since it may be even counterproductive to the quality of instruction. Some disciplines such as philosophy, literature, history, theoretical physics and mathematics place more emphasis on existing theoretical research rather than up-to-date science and technology studies. As we all know, mathmatics is a subject which requires students to lay a solid foundation on theories. If we emphasize too much on their practical abilities, maybe they can find a new discovery, but they can never work out.

Besides, encouraging faculty to spend time working outside may also bring lots of problems. Firstly, teachers can not only acquire pratical experience, but also make a profit from the outside job they take, which will allure them or even cause their resign in the school. Secondly, part-time jobs will distract their energy, which may make their teaching less effective. Morever, working outside will impose a heave strain on faculty.

On account of the existence of both advantages and disadvantages, we need to find a way to preserve the merits, and avoid the unhealth influences, which are all caused by working outside. Cooperating with companies outside school to lunch more laboratories and inviting experts in some special area is an effective way. With these laboratories, which are open for the students to do experiments, students can combine theory with practice by themselves rather than taught by their teachers. Furthermore, when an expert come to lunch a speech in the university, students, who are interested in the same research area to this expert, will benefit a lot after the expert bring up-to-date information to them.

To sum up, every thing has its two sides for us to realize. Therefore, an eclectic way can be the most effective to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level.

------------------------------------------------分割线-------------------------------------------------------------------
第一次自改
很感谢小C花了那么多的时间给我提出的很多意见，让我拓宽了思路。。:)

In this topic, I am convinced that the speaker has unfairly generalized the advantages that working outside can bring to the quality of instruction. The author argue that to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university leveal, all faculty should work outside academia in professional work related to their academic fields. However in some cases, disvantages such as that teacher will spend less time in their teaching works than before may also exist. Hence in my point of view, we should find a balance point between advantages and disadvantages and we should find another way to bring up-to-date information and practical experience to students rather than let faculty work outside.

To some extent, introducing the field experience and contemporary information from outside helps the faculty not only improve the quality of teaching but also bring their students into the academic world to keep pace with
the fast developing society,
thus students can benefit a lot from the experienced faculty. With these experience from outside, teachers can bond practice and theory, in which way teachers can illustrate the textbooks vividly and students may be more attracted by these lively examples than those dead facts.

Without these experience, teachers may concentrate on teaching theoretical knowledge on textbooks that even students can learn by themselves. For example, some of my classmates prefer learning by themselves rather listening to the teacher who merely deliver a speech according to textbooks. Whereupon it is crucial for the faculty in the disciplines, such as the engineering, architecture, reconnaissance and business, to keep the research and teaching hand in hand with the changes and trends in the outside world.

However should all faculty be required to spend time working outside? The answer is definite no, since it may be even counterproductive to the quality of instruction. Some disciplines such as philosophy, literature, history, theoretical physics and mathematics place more emphasis on existing theoretical research rather than up-to-date science and technology studies. As we all know, mathmatics is a subject which requires students to lay a solid foundation on theories. In fact, those disciplines have no need for
application in the real world while they themselves are the appliance. Rolling
in the endless academic world is just the same as enjoying all
the time the benefits of pure theoretics.

Besides, encouraging faculty to spend time working outside may also bring lots of problems. Firstly, teachers can not only acquire pratical experience, but also make a profit from the outside job they take, which will allure them or even cause their resign in the school. Secondly, part-time jobs will distract their energy, which may make their teaching less effective. Morever, working outside will impose a heave strain on faculty.

On account of the existence of both advantages and disadvantages, we need to find a way to preserve the merits, and avoid the unhealth influences, which are all caused by working outside. Cooperating with companies outside school to lunch more laboratories and inviting experts in some special area is an effective way. With these laboratories, which are open for the students to do experiments, students can combine theory with practice by themselves rather than taught by their teachers. Furthermore, when an expert come to lunch a speech in the university, students, who are interested in the same research area to this expert, will benefit a lot after the expert bring up-to-date information to them.

To sum up, every thing has its two sides for us to realize. Therefore, an eclectic way can be the most effective to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
第二次自改
谢谢小谦花那么多时间啊。。。改的很细心的。

In this topic, I am convinced that the speaker has unfairly generalized the advantages that working outside can bring to the quality of instruction. The author argues that to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should work outside academia
in professional work related to their academic fields. However in some cases, disadvantages such as that teacher will spend less time in their teaching works than before may also exist. Hence in my point of view, we should find a balance point between advantages and disadvantages, besides, we should find another way to bring up-to-date information and practical experience to students rather than let faculty work outside.

To some extent, introducing the field experience and contemporary information from outside helps the faculty not only improve the quality of teaching but also bring
their students outside the academic world to keep pace with the fast developing society, thus students can benefit a lot from the experienced faculty. With these experience from outside, teachers can bond practice and theory, in which way teachers can illustrate the textbooks vividly and students may be more attracted by these lively examples than those dead facts.

Without experience, teachers may concentrate on teaching theoretical knowledge on textbooks which even students can learn by themselves. For example, some of my classmates prefer learning by themselves rather listening to the teacher who merely delivers a speech according to textbooks. Whereupon it is crucial for the faculty in the disciplines, such as the engineering, architecture, reconnaissance and business, to keep the research and teaching hand in hand with the changes and trends in the outside world.

However should all faculty be required to spend time working outside? The answer is definite no, since it may be no better to the quality of instruction. Some disciplines such as philosophy, literature, history, theoretical physics and mathematics place more emphasis on existing theoretical research rather than up-to-date science and technology studies. As we all know, mathematics is a subject which requires students to lay a solid foundation on theories. In fact, those disciplines have no need for application in the real world while they themselves are the appliance. Rolling in the endless academic world is just the same as enjoying all the time the benefits of pure theoretics.

Besides, encouraging faculty to spend time working outside may also bring lots of problems. Firstly, although teachers can acquire practical experience to better the instructional quality, they may also make a profit from the outside job they take, which will allure them or even cause their resign in the school. Secondly, part-time jobs will distract their energy, which may make their teaching less effective. Morever, working outside will impose a heave strain on faculty.

On account of the existence of both advantages and disadvantages, we need to find a way to preserve the merits, and avoid the bad influences, which are all caused by working outside. Cooperating with companies outside school to lunch more laboratories and inviting experts in some special area is an effective way. With these laboratories, which are open for the students to do experiments, students can combine theory with practice by themselves rather than taught by their teachers. Furthermore, when an expert come to lunch a speech in the university, students, who are interested in the same research area to this expert, will benefit a lot after the expert bring up-to-date information to them.

To sum up, every thing has its two sides for us to realize. Therefore, an eclectic way can be the most effective to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level.

无聊也是一种追求。。

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7楼

发表于 2010-5-20 12:22:05 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 lty900301 于 2010-5-23 16:20 编辑

第一改——小谦

Basically the courses in colleges and universities are divided into two groups; one group learns the applications of knowledge to a certain area, and the other group studies the theories. From my point of view, faculties(faculty做教师讲的时候不能用复数，这个是我从网上才学到的，例如题目中的all faculty)
belong to the former group should spend time working in professions relevant to the courses they teach, while the latter group（主语有歧义，并不是后者的小组需要做这种工作，而是那些在后者小组里的老师不用做这些工作）
need not to do this kind of practice. However, the overwhelming policy of improving the quality of instruction is not the one mentioned in this topic.

Admittedly, as for(这里as for是当作至于讲的吗？那我觉得既然你在下面一段用到至于了，至于A，至于B就不太合理了吧？) those courses which are directly applying to reality, teachers should be required to spend time working（我觉得这里应该强调下，working outside，毕竟只有working也有可能是指在校内工作，这样无法支持作者的观点。）
in the related area. At least, teachers need to be familiar with the application job. Training courses to some professions like teachers, pilots, drivers, accountants, soldiers and so forth（学到了，平时只会用and so on） require teachers having been（删掉老师与work的关系是主动）
worked in the area. Moreover, to keep the pace of developing knowledge and technology, teachers need renew their recognition of the career frequently. Just take one more example of learning skills.（感觉这句话在这里用的不太舒服，试试换一下？） Scientific students learn a kind of skills in labs of university, but it is more instructive if teachers teach the differences with the skills in industry. There is no doubt those teachers who spend some time on this kind of jobs could be more instructive than those not（the others）. Hence, spending some time in course related area does help improving the quality of instruction.

As for those courses in the theory level, working in the society does little help to improving（improve?）
instruction. There are numbers of theoretical courses in colleges and universities, including math, chemistry, biochemistry, molecular biology, quantum mechanics and so on. The students taking these courses tend to conducting research in scientific world. Although teachers are doing research also, they do not need to work outside in the academic world. For instance, biochemistry teachers simply teach the basic concept of protein, DNA, RNA and they are doing research in this area. They have relationship with society, like buying chemicals, publishing papers. Nevertheless, they have little connections with world outside academic world.(两句可以合并成一句话，否则孤立的两个句子会显得很唐突。)

However（后面引导的另外方法和前面所叙述的，并不是一个转折关系吧？）, apart from the policy mentioned in the topic, there are many other methods to improve quality of instruction. The most important factor contributed to quality of instruction is the abilities and knowledge of teachers. Teachers could have good influence on students and even change students’ whole live（lives）. If teachers are creative, constructive, and warm-hearted, the instruction could have high quality. Therefore, hiring high quality of teachers and sending present teachers to further education could improve the quality of instruction. Besides
（hiring high quality of）teachers, improving facilities, communication(communicating)
with other schools and so on can help improving instruction quality.
//个人认为，雇佣更多好的老师，然后把现在的老师送走。并不是一个好的可以改善学校教学质量的方法。。毕竟在短期内，新的老师无法适应教学环境，而且，新的老师，好的老师需要的工资也就更高，这对于一个公立学校，哪里可以支付的起呢？

All in all（学习啦）, professors who teach courses tightly related to reality should required（should do sth.）
spending some time working outside academic world in relevant to the courses, but professors who teach pure theory course should not to be required to do so. Besides, there is a great deal of other methods could help to improve the quality of instructions.
//首尾呼应，不错~~小谦有进步~~加油！！！！

-------------------------------------------------------分割线-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
第二改——小C

The author's position that all faulty should work in relevant area they teach（where they teach?） outside the academic is overstated.
For applied disciplines，it certainly true(我觉得要加系动词吧), but for theory curriculums, it's not the case. （我觉得这里可以有个连接词，表示因果，前面是果，后面是因）Not all the curriculums have the related job out there.

Some practical sciences, such as applied physics, applied psychology, technical problems in medicine, engineering, and economic, feat perfectly to the state that professes[professers] have working experience in relevant area are benefit for(be beneficial to ) students. The public relations graduate project in the University of South California has such amazing teaching group that most of the faculties(做教师讲的时候复数就是faculty，论坛上看到的) have done great contribution to PR industry. Some of them are the leaders or founders in the area. It ensures the students to keep updating the latest idea from inside and be connected with the business which they will step in few years later. Under the study of fresh information and practical skills, students are enabled to integrate into the industry in a fast speed in the future.

While, some disciplines may not have so much working position outside the campus, say, philosophy, history, or theoretical physics. Actually, the most relevant job to teaching is their academic study. Stephen Hawking, one of the most distinguished scientists in theoretical physics, unravel the mystery of the context of black holes inside the academic. And he also makes a remarkable success on popular science perspective not only to his students, but （由于前面not only 后才出现的to，所以我觉得，这里依然需要一个to）the people outside the academic world as well. He achieves a superb contribution to(学习了) his study area and even for the whole human society, however lacking of outside academic working experience.（这个例子用的很好哎，学习到了。。上次小C指出我的缺乏例子，我还没找到呢。。）

Requiring theoretical scholars to do a job outside the academic would make presses on them. To work outside the academic means they have to take their time off the researches and be disturbed by other irrelevant things. The academic ivory tower is so pure that some academics might unable to adapt to an environment which mix with confusing people relationships, deadline pressure and business routine together. These may exert negative influence on their core study. So, making theoretical professions（professors） to spend their time working outside the academic is not an effective way to improve instructions. On the contrary, it could draw the quality down.

So, to applied science, outside working experience of teachers is an important stander for the quality of instruction. Some of them even have a real job in relevant industry. For the theory curriculums, however, to keep them in academic and forces on their study is the right thing to do.

我统计了一下，次数只有410+，这样可能稍显不足。。我觉得，在叙述结论to keep them in academic and forces on their study is the right thing to do.这一点上可以在之前做更为详细的论证。。

无聊也是一种追求。。

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8楼

发表于 2010-5-20 12:58:17 |只看该作者

本帖最后由凝羽欲翔于 2010-5-25 22:22 编辑

ISSUE 50

University is a place that bridges the school and the society together. As we all know, during the time from preliminary school to senior high school, to lay a strong foundation, we learn a lot of basic and classical knowledge, while when we step into society; we soon find out that it’s far from enough. Jobs are more complicated and flexible compared to the examples from books, yet sometimes, the knowledge from book is out of date. So, a voice catches the attention of society, to improve the teaching quality, all faculty should spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.
Indeed, working outside will bring much benefit to the faculty. On one hand, it is a great opportunity for the faculty to breathe new life into the field they study in. Knowledge is endless and gets renewing quickly, especially in such a world that switch so fast nowadays. Once we left behind, we will find it a little hard to catch up again. For the faculty, who are the fountain of the knowledge to students, it’s important to get informed the newest knowledge in the specific field. The failure of the old-style private school in feudal society which only required the students of reciting and writing old poems and books in school still dwell in memory. However, the newly sbuilt University of Waterloo, which is now well-known for its focus-on-practice education to undergraduates, sparks our eyes.
On the other hand, it does good to students’ development, no matter to those that want to devote their lives to doing research, or to those who will take a job. It’s common that in universities, teachers will participate in some research or projects with social researchers and students are very willing to join in. Many of them reflect that it’s a good chance for them to step closer to society. They know more about the trends, get deeper understanding of the basic knowledge from books, meanwhile, it helps them master practical skills needed in society, making them integrate to society more easily. Furthermore, for those who do researches, it widens their horizon and stimulates creativity.
However, every coin has two sides. Though doing some relevant work outside has positive effect on both teachers and students, it’s not always the case. Take my unhappy experience of learning microeconomic for example. The teacher is really a well-known expert, which should receive warm welcome among students. But not for this time. What he taught us most on the class is the trend and the essays that care mainly about the existing problems in nowadays economic, and showed little about the basic theory. Furthermore he also asked us to analysis the present economic situation with principles of economy. Without a clear describe of the framework and the specific knowledge, we got confused with what we learned, even now, our understanding towards microeconomics is still vaguely.
Improving teaching quality and working outside the academic world is not a must-be relationship. What’s more, though basic knowledge may be old and out of date, it’s still the foundations of the knowledge hierarchy, which should draw people’ attention during the teaching period. Once making sure that students can have a good knowledge of basic curriculums, teachers can set aside some time to work outside to introduce new skills and new horizon to school and students.

------------------------------------我是分割线--------------------------------------
一改
灰常感谢creative大牛跟小V的修改，很细致，很到位的撒~学习到很多~另外麻烦creative大牛跟小V再看看我改完后的，有些地方不是特别明白你们指的是什么~
还有就是，creative，为啥文中的it's 你都帮偶改成it is 呢？有什么原因吗？

University is a place that glues the school and the society together. As we all know, during the time from preliminary school to University, to lay a strong foundation [我想表达的是，为了打下扎实的基础], we have learned a lot of basic and classical knowledge, while when we step into society, we shall imediately find out that it is
far from enough. Jobs are more complicated and flexible compared to the examples from books, yet sometimes, the knowledge from book is out of date. So, a voice catches the attention of society, to improve the teaching quality, all faculty should spend time on working outside the academic world in fields related to the courses they teach.
Indeed, working outside brings many benefits to the faculty. On one hand, it is a great opportunity for the faculty to breathe new life into the field they study in. Knowledge is endless and gets renewing quickly,especially in such a world that switch [是change的意思] so fast nowadays. Once we were left behind, we would find it （还是比较习惯简写，呵呵~）a little hard to catch up again. For the faculty, who are the fountains of the knowledge to students,
it is important to get informed the latest knowledge in the specific field. The failure of the old-style private school in feudal society
which only required the students of reciting and writing old poems and books in school still dwell in memory. However, the newly built University of Waterloo, which is now well-known for its focus-on-practice education to undergraduates, sparks our eyes.(小V：我这里想表达的是，私塾学校的衰落(failure表衰落)，和注重实践的学校的兴起这两类哦)
On the other hand, it does [do good to：对。。有好处] good to students’ development, no matter to those that [一般those后面比较常跟that] want to devote their lives to academic career, or to those who will take jobs in industry. It is common that in universities, teachers will participate in some research researchs or projects co-operating with other social researchers in which students are very willing to join. Many of them claim that they are
good chance for them to step closer to society. They know more about the trends,get deeper understanding of the basic knowledge from books, meanwhile, those experiences enable them to gain such practical skills that are needed to live in the the contemporary era, making [我想当伴随用哦] them integrate to society more easily. Furthermore, for those who do researches, it widens their horizons and stimulates their creativities.
However, every coin has two sides. Though doing some relevant work outside has positive effects on both teachers and students, it is not always the case. Imposing too much work experience on students but ignoring the basic norms often does the exact opposite. Take my unhappy experience of learning microeconomic for example. The teacher is really a well-known expert,which should receive warm welcome among students, but not for this time（回小V：表示“而这次并不是这样的”）. Most of what he taught us on the class are the trends and the essays that care mainly about the existing problems in nowadays economic, and showed little about the basic theories. Furthermore he also asked us to analyze the present economic situation with principles of economy. Without a clear description of the framework and the specific knowledge, we got confused with what we learned, even now, our understanding towards microeconomics is still vague.
What between improving teaching quality and working outside the academic world is not a must-be relationship, but promoted with each other to some extent. Though basic knowledge may be out of date, it is still the foundations of the knowledge hierarchy, to which people should draw attention during the teaching period. Once making [creative大牛，为什么你说这里要改为make呢？] sure that students can have a good knowledge of basic curricula, teachers can set aside some time to work outside to introduce new skills and new horizons to school and students.

二改谢谢polo~再次谢谢Creative~自己写的时候都没觉得这么不对劲呢

University is a place that glues the school and the society together. As we all know, during the time from preliminary school to university, to lay a strong foundation, we have learned a lot of basic and classical knowledge, while when we step into society, we shall immediately find that it is
far from enough. Jobs are more complicated and flexible compared to the examples from books, yet sometimes, the knowledge from book is out of date. So, a voice catches the attention of society, to improve the teaching quality, all faculty should spend time on working outside the academic world in fields related to the courses they teach.

Indeed, working outside brings many benefits to the faculty and the students. On one hand, it is a great opportunity for the faculty to breathe new life into the field they study in. Knowledge is endless and gets renewing quickly, especially in such a world that changes so fast nowadays. Once we were left behind, we would find it a little bit hard to catch up again. For the faculty, the fountains of the knowledge to students, it is important to get informed the latest knowledge in their specific fields. Thus, the working places in real life that tie with the most advanced technology firmly, will be the best place for faculty to keep in pace with the world. The failure of the old-style private school in feudal society, which only required the students of reciting and writing old poems and books in school still dwell in memory. In comparison [indeed the phrase is better], the newly educational mode, where teachers have more chances to go outside, sparkle teachers’ creativity when they return to their research work, and help them discover new hot spots that deserve people’ attention.

On the other hand, it does good to students’ development no matter to those that want to devote their lives to academic career, or to who will take jobs in industry. It is common that in universities, teachers will participate in some researches or projects, co-operating with other social researchers, in which students are very willing to join. Many of them claim that they are
good chances for them to step closer to society. They know more about the trends,
get deeper understanding of the basic knowledge from books, meanwhile, those experiences enable them to gain such practical skills that are required to live in the contemporary era, making them be integrated into society more easily. Furthermore, for those who do researches, it widens their horizons and stimulates their creativities.
However, every coin has two sides. Though doing some relevant work outside has positive effects on both teachers and students, it is not always the case. Imposing too much work experience on students but ignoring the basic norms often does the exact opposite. Take my unhappy experience of learning microeconomic for example. The teacher is really a well-known expert, which should receive warm welcome among students, but not for this time. Most of what he taught us on the class are
［I think you don’t have to care the WORD　spell too much, it checks the sentences according to some artificial rules, which may not always be the right one.］
the trends and the essays that care mainly about the existing problems in nowadays economic, and showed little about the basic theories. Furthermore he also asked us to analyze the present economic situation with principles of economy. Without a clear description of the framework and the specific knowledge, we got confused with what we learned, even now, our understanding towards microeconomics is still vague.
To sum up, what between improving teaching quality and working outside the academic world is not a must-be relationship, but promoted with each other to some extent. Though basic knowledge may be out of date, it is still the foundations of the knowledge hierarchy, to which people should draw attention during the teaching period. Once making
sure that students can have a good knowledge of basic curricula, teachers can set aside some time to work outside to introduce new skills and new horizons to school and students.

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9楼

发表于 2010-5-20 12:58:30 |只看该作者

本帖最后由凝羽欲翔于 2010-5-22 20:40 编辑

一改 polo~

According to the statement, all college faulty should expend time to work outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach. However, I should say that whether it is necessary or not depends on the specific academic. With respects to the fields in which outside work is appropriate(好词), I am deeply in favor of the statement; the quality of instruction at the college and university level can be improved when faulty complement academic duties with their working experience outside the academic world.

As a threshold（好词） matter, the statement should take two special situations into consideration. First, there are some pure academic area, such as philosophy and pure science subjects, in which it is difficult for these（觉得这词可以删去，如果不删，不明所指哦） professors to find suitable professions . For instance, a professor who researches in quantum mechanics cannot find a large hadron collider in a company or a factory, with（为什么用with呢？obtain the data in some place or with some place?） which he or she has to make experiments and obtain the data in practice,based on which can the theory be promoted(定语重句里面can放在theory后面吧？). Second, in certain other academic areas a professor's academic duties typically involves practical work of the sort that occurs outside academic. To（删） take the fine and performing arts as a example, the faulty probably engage in the craft actively and demonstrate techniques and styles for their students in the classes.

Aside from these two situations, I strongly approve of the statement that college faulty should work outside the academic world in professions relevant to their fields.（感觉前一段与这一段的逻辑衔接不是很好，前一段是说要考虑两种情况，一种是不要去的，一种是要去的，但是，这一段开头就说“aside from these two situations， I strongly 推荐去”，有点怪怪的） There are three apparent benefits of doing so. Firstly, in my experience as a college student, faulty who are sensitive to the latest changes in their fields and introduce them to students with their fresh insight are often greeted with joy（好词） by students. They use their working experience outside academic to make their classes more vivid and spark the students' interest（spark用得比较生动）, and motivating（motivate） some students to pursue the field as a career.

Secondly, college and university education is a time for specialized study to qualify the individual for professional activity or for employment in higher positions in business, industry, and government. Therefore by keeping abreast with(好词) the changing demands of work as a professional, professors can better design their courses and bridge knowledge to practice（bridge。。to还可以这样用的哇~学习了~）. What's more, with the field experience,a professor can offer useful and up-to-date information about the specific work in the field and the current job market to the students, which help them hunt for a appropriate job.

A third benefit have（has） much to do with the faulty themselves. Experience in the field can enable them to keep pace with the latest developments in some cases and help them ferret out some cutting-edge issues（好！）, which they may be interested in and willing to conduct deep research; then they would make some significant breakthroughs(貌似有复数) and great contribution to the whole society.

In sum, except for some certain academic areas in which outside work is unnecessary, it is worth college and university faulty's while（确定可以这样用？） to step out of academic world and to involve themselves in working as professionals in the relevant fields and then faulty, student and the society can get benefits from it.

红色表示我觉得有点问题的，紫色是我要学习的~
另外还有个问题：在后面说benefit时例子好像有点少？

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10楼

发表于 2010-5-20 13:37:37 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 polosongrui 于 2010-5-24 13:42 编辑

不懂为啥占楼啊！望指教！

50 "In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."
为了提高大学的教学质量，所有的教职员工应该去校外参加一些和他们教的课程相关的工作。

预分析：题目指到 working outside the academic world，professions relevant to the courses they teach，all faculty 结果 improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level
Outline
1. 指指出all 的错误，“should”应该depend on the specific academic area,然后指出在一些appropriate的fields，这样的“should”还是很赞的。
2. 阐论述为什么depend on the specific academic area
      （1）有些学科纯学术性的，找不到appropriate professional outside the academic
            离开校园这个有实验室，有研讨会的这些最practical的地方
      （2）有些学科本身就包含practical work
3.  A    apart from上述两种情况，working outside是很有意义的
   首先，可以激发学生的兴趣
   其次，从教育的目的来看，这样更符合教育的目的，qualify the individual 两方面for
         professional activity和for employment in higher positions in business, industry, and
         Government
   最后从老师自身的角度出发，对老师做研究或者publication有很大帮助。
4. 总结一下，除去开始提到的certain academic areas ，这种行为是很值得鼓励的

According to the statement, all college faulty should expend time to work outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach. However, I should say that whether it is necessary or not depends on the specific academic. With respects to the fields in which outside work is appropriate, I am deeply in favor of the statement; the quality of instruction at the college and university level can be improved when faulty complement academic duties with their working experience outside the academic world.

As a threshold matter, the statement should take two special situations into consideration. First, there are some pure academic area, such as philosophy and pure science subjects, in which it is difficult for these professors to find suitable professions . For instance, a professor who researches in quantum mechanics cannot find a large hadron collider in a company or a factory, with which he or she has to make experiments and obtain the data in practice,based on which can the theory be promoted. Second, in certain other academic areas a professor's academic duties typically involves practical work of the sort that occurs outside academic. To take the fine and performing arts as a example, the faulty probably engagein the craft actively and demonstrate techniques and styles for their students in the classes.

Aside from these two situations, I strongly approve of the statement that college faulty should work outside the academic world in professions relevant to their fields. There are three apparent benefits of doing so. Firstly, in my experience as a college student, faulty who are sensitive to the latest changes in their fields and introduce them to students with their fresh insight are often greeted with joy by students. They use their working experience outside academic to make their classes more vivid and spark the students' interest, and motivating some students to pursue the field as a career.

Secondly, college and university education is a time for specialized study to qualify the individual for professional activity or for employment in higher positions in business, industry, and government. Therefore by keep abreast with the changing demands of work as a professional, professors can better design their courses and bridge knowledge to practice. What's more, with the field experience,a professor can offer useful and up-to-date information about the specific work in the field and the current job market to the students, which help them hunt for a appropriate job.

A third benefit have much to do with the faulty themselves. Experience in the field can enable them to keep pace with the latest developments in some cases and help them ferret out some cutting-edge  issues, which they may be interested in and willing to conduct deep research; then they would make some significant breakthrough and great contribution to the whole society.

In sum, except for some certain academic areas in which outside work is unnecessary, it is worth college and university faulty's while to step out of academic world and to involve themselves in working as professionals in the relevant fields and then faulty, student and the society can getbenefits from it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------分界线-------------------------------------------------------------

一自改感谢小凝，偶像啊！
According to the statement, all college faulty should expend time to work outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach. However, I should say that whether it is necessary or not depends on the specific academic. With respects to the fields in which outside work is appropriate, I am deeply in favor of the statement; the quality of instruction at the college and university level can be improved when faulty complement academic duties with their working experience outside the academic world.

As a threshold matter, the statement should take two special situations into consideration. First, there are some pure academic area, such as philosophy and pure science subjects, in which it is difficult for professors to find suitable professions . For instance, a professor who researches in quantum mechanics cannot find a large hadron collider in a company or a factory, where he or she has to make experiments and obtain the data in practice，based on which the theory can be promoted. Second, in certain other academic areas a professor's academic duties typically involves practical work of the sort that occurs outside academic. Take the fine and performing arts as a example, the faulty probably engage in the craft actively and demonstrate techniques and styles for their students in the classes.

Aside from these two situations, I strongly approve of the statement that college faulty should work outside the academic world in professions relevant to their fields. There are three apparent benefits of doing so. Firstly, in my experience as a college student, faulty who are sensitive to the latest changes in their fields and introduce them to students with their fresh insight are often greeted with joy by students. They use their working experience outside academic to make their classes more vivid and spark the students' interest, and motivate some students to pursue the field as a career.

Secondly, college and university education is a time for specialized study to qualify the individual for professional activity or for employment in higher positions in business, industry, and government. Therefore by keep abreast with the changing demands of work as a professional, professors can better design their courses and bridge knowledge to practice. What's more, with the field experience,a professor can offer useful and up-to-date information about the specific work in the field and the current job market to the students, which help them hunt for a appropriate job. For example, in the areas like Finance and Accounting which are in close attach with our daily life, professors often take a job as business consultant. They are willing to share with students about the problems and solutions in their working process, and in this way theories in the textbook can be explained more vividly and effectively.

A third benefit has much to do with the faulty themselves. Experience in the field can enable them to keeping pace with the latest developments in some cases and help them ferret out some cutting-edge issues, which they may be interested in and willing to conduct deep research; then they would make some significant breakthrough and great contribution to the whole society.

In sum, except for some certain academic areas in which outside work is unnecessary, it is worth college and university faulty's while to step out of academic world and to involve themselves in working as professionals in the relevant fields and then faulty, student and the society can get benefit from it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------分界线-------------------------------------------------------------

二自改感谢组长，那个例子我实在不知道怎么找，今天作业多，还有argument要写，我就先把一改贴在这了！
According to the statement, all college faulty should expend time to work outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach. However, I should say that whether it is necessary or not depends on the specific academic. With respects to the fields in which outside work is appropriate, I am deeply in favor of the statement; the quality of instruction at the college and university level can be improved when faulty complement academic duties with their working experience outside the academic world.

As a threshold matter, the statement should take two special situations into consideration. First, there are some pure academic area, such as philosophy and pure science subjects, in which it is difficult for professors to find suitable professions . For instance, a professor who researches in quantum mechanics cannot find a large hadron collider in a company or a factory, where he or she has to make experiments and obtain the data in practice，based on which the theory can be promoted. Second, in certain other academic areas a professor's academic duties typically involves practical work of the sort that occurs outside academic. Take the fine and performing arts as a example, the faulty probably engage in the craft actively and demonstrate techniques and styles for their students in the classes.

Aside from these two situations, I strongly approve of the statement that college faulty should work outside the academic world in professions relevant to their fields. There are three apparent benefits of doing so. Firstly, in my experience as a college student, faulty who are sensitive to the latest changes in their fields and introduce them to students with their fresh insight are often greeted with joy by students. They use their working experience outside academic to make their classes more vivid and spark the students' interest, and motivate some students to pursue the field as a career.

Secondly, college and university education is a time for specialized study to qualify the individual for professional activity or for employment in higher positions in business, industry, and government. Therefore by keep abreast with the changing demands of work as a professional, professors can better design their courses and bridge knowledge to practice. What's more, with the field experience,a professor can offer useful and up-to-date information about the specific work in the field and the current job market to the students, which help them hunt for a appropriate job. For example, in the areas like Finance and Accounting which are in close attach with our daily life, professors often take a job as business consultant. They are willing to share with students about the problems and solutions in their working process, and in this way theories in the textbook can be explained more vividly and effectively.

A third benefit has much to do with the faulty themselves. Experience in the field can enable them to keeping pace with the latest developments in some cases and help them ferret out some cutting-edge issues, which they may be interested in and willing to conduct deep research; then they would make some significant breakthrough and great contribution to the whole society.

In sum, except for some certain academic areas in which outside work is unnecessary, it is worth college and university faulty's while to step out of academic world and to involve themselves in working as professionals in the relevant fields and then faulty, student and the society can get benefit from it.

不要为生命的意义而烦恼，活着本身就是活着的价值

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11楼

发表于 2010-5-20 13:50:40 |只看该作者

本帖最后由谦行天下于 2010-5-25 10:28 编辑

Basically the courses in colleges and universities are divided into two groups; one group learns the applications of knowledge to a certain area, and the other group studies the theories. From my point of view, faculties belong to the former group should spend time working in professions relevant to the courses they teach, while the latter group need not to do this kind of practice. However, the overwhelming policy of improving the quality of instruction is not the one mentioned in this topic.

Admittedly, as for those courses which are directly applying to reality, teachers should be required to spend time working in the related area. At least, teachers need to be familiar with the application job. Training courses to some professions like teachers, pilots, drivers, accountants, soldiers and so forth require teachers having been worked in the area. Moreover, to keep the pace of developing knowledge and technology, teachers need renew their recognition of the career frequently. Just take one more example of learning skills. Scientific students learn a kind of skills in labs of university, but it is more instructive if teachers teach the differences with the skills in industry. There is no doubt those teachers who spend some time on this kind of jobs could be more instructive than those not. Hence, spending some time in course related area does help improving the quality of instruction.

As for those courses in the theory level, working in the society does little help to improving instruction. There are numbers of theoretical courses in colleges and universities, including math, chemistry, biochemistry, molecular biology, quantum mechanics and so on. The students taking these courses tend to conducting research in scientific world. Although teachers are doing research also, they do not need to work outside in the academic world. For instance, biochemistry teachers simply teach the basic concept of protein, DNA, RNA and they are doing research in this area. They have relationship with society, like buying chemicals, publishing papers. Nevertheless, they have little connections with world outside academic world.

However, apart from the policy mentioned in the topic, there are many other methods to improve quality of instruction. The most important factor contributed to quality of instruction is the abilities and knowledge of teachers. Teachers could have good influence on students and even change students’ whole live. If teachers are creative, constructive, and warm-hearted, the instruction could have high quality. Therefore, hiring high quality of teachers and sending present teachers to further education could improve the quality of instruction. Besides teachers, improving facilities, communication with other schools and so on can help improving instruction quality.

All in all, professors who teach courses tightly related to reality should required spending some time working outside academic world in relevant to the courses, but professors who teach pure theory course should not to be required to do so. Besides, there is a great deal of other methods could help to improve the quality of instructions.

————————————————————第一次自改文——————————————
多谢烟火的细心斟酌修改
Basically the courses in colleges and universities are divided into two groups; one group learns the applications of knowledge to a certain area, and the other group studies the theories. From my point of view, instructors belong to the former group should spend time working in professions relevant to the courses they teach, while teachers belongs to the latter group need not to do this kind of practice. However, the overwhelming policy of improving the quality of instruction is not the one mentioned in this topic.

Admittedly, when it comes to those courses which are directly applying to reality, teachers should be required to spend time working outside in the related area. At least, teachers need to be familiar with the application job. Training courses to some professions like teachers, pilots, drivers, accountants, soldiers and so forth require teachers having worked in the area. Moreover, to keep the pace of developing knowledge and technology, teachers need renew their recognition of the career frequently. Let me take one more example of learning some special skills. Scientific students learn a kind of skills in labs of university, but it is more instructive if teachers teach them the differences with the skills in industry. There is no doubt those teachers who spend some time on this kind of jobs could be more instructive than the others. Hence, spending some time in course related area does help improving the quality of instruction.

As for those courses in the theory level, working in the society does little help to improve instruction. There are numbers of theoretical courses in colleges and universities, including math, chemistry, biochemistry, molecular biology, quantum mechanics and so on. The students taking these courses tend to conducting research in scientific world. Although teachers are doing research at the same time with teaching, they do not need to work outside the academic world. For instance, biochemistry teachers simply teach the basic concept of protein, DNA, RNA and they are doing research in this area. They do have relationship with society, like buying chemicals, publishing papers, but they have little critical connections with world outside academic world.

In addition, apart from the policy mentioned in the topic, there are many other methods to improve quality of instruction. The most important factor contributed to quality of instruction is the abilities and knowledge of teachers. Teachers could have overwhelming influence on students and even change students’ whole lives. If teachers are creative, constructive, and warm-hearted, the instruction could have high quality. Therefore, hiring high quality of teachers and trying to improve present teachers’ facility as teachers and a researchers could improve the quality of instruction. Besides hiring high quality of teachers, improving facilities, communicating with other schools and so on can help improving instruction quality.

All in all, professors who teach courses tightly related to reality should be required to spend some time working outside academic world in relevant to the courses, but professors who teach pure theory course should not to be required to do so. Besides, there is a great deal of other methods could help to improve the quality of instructions.

————————第二次自改文——————————
多谢anges，你说得确实是根本问题啊，语言缺乏多样性，我会朝这个方向努力的
Basically the courses in colleges and universities are divided into two groups; one group learns the applications of knowledge to a certain area, and the other group studies the theories. From my point of view, instructors belong to the former group should spend time working in professions relevant to the courses they teach, while teachers belong to the latter group
need not do this kind of practice. However, the overwhelming policy of improving the quality of instruction is not the one mentioned in this topic.

Admittedly, when it comes to those courses which are directly applying to reality, teachers should be required to spend time working outside in the related area. At least, teachers need to be familiar with the application-aimed job. Training courses to some professions like teachers, pilots, drivers, accountants, soldiers and so forth require teachers to have relative working experience. Moreover, to keep the pace of developing knowledge and technology, teachers need renew their recognition of the career frequently. Let me show you one
more example about learning some special skills. Students learn a kind scientific of skills in labs of university, but it is more instructive if teachers teach them the differences with the skills in industry. There is no doubt those teachers who spend some time on this kind of jobs could be more instructive than the others. Hence, spending some time in course related area does help improve the quality of instruction.

As for theoretical course, working in the society does little help to improve instruction. There are numbers of theoretical courses in colleges and universities, including math, chemistry, biochemistry, molecular biology, quantum mechanics and so on. The students taking these courses tend to conduct research in scientific world. Although teachers are doing research at the same time with teaching, they do not need to work outside the academic world. For instance, biochemistry teachers simply teach the basic concept of protein, DNA, RNA and they are doing research in this area. They do have relationship with society, like buying chemicals, publishing papers, but they have little critical connections with world outside academic world.

In addition, apart from the policy mentioned in the topic, there are many other methods to improve quality of instruction. The most important factor contributed to quality of instruction is the abilities and knowledge of teachers. Teachers could have overwhelming influence on students and even change students’ whole lives. If teachers are creative, constructive, and warm-hearted, the instruction could have high quality. Therefore, hiring high quality teachers and trying to improve present teachers’ facility as teachers and researchers could improve the quality of instruction. Besides hiring high quality teachers, improving facilities, communicating with other schools and so on can help improving instruction quality.

All in all, professors who teach courses tightly related to reality should be required to spend some time working outside academic world in relevant to the courses, but professors who teach pure theory course should not to be required to do so. Besides, there is a great deal of other methods could help to improve the quality of instructions.

像蜗牛一样往前爬！

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12楼

发表于 2010-5-20 13:50:55 |只看该作者

本帖最后由谦行天下于 2010-5-23 22:14 编辑

改Anges

Nowadays, with the emphasis on real-world experience, educators attach more【我很想知道这里以及后面的brighter都没有比较的对象，这个时候用比较级是否合适】 importance to how to improve the instruction at the college in order to make students a brighter future with sufficient theoretical and practical knowledge. With respect to this requirement, I strongly concede the benefit for college faculty to step into the society for the pursuit of experience relevant to the courses they teach. However, I believe it should not be a necessity for every staff at the college.

Professional working experience plays a crucial role in education, as the society prefers those who not only have an excellent command of professional knowledge but also grasp the true essence of applying theoretical knowledge into practice. If a professor in Law spends some time working in court, he or she will directly get numerous useful information such as what the most practical skills needed in this profession is and how to solve a sticky issue when defending a case in court. After that, a most suitable course plan designed for students can be laid out by the professor’s differentiating what （is primary）【是否应该用what primary is , 后面那个同问】 from what is secondary.

Nevertheless, the method of requiring faculty to work outside the college to better the instruction at the college can not always bear fruit【学习一下】. Since subjects and curriculum vary because of different divisions, the point of emphasis on theoretical or practical knowledge in each subject can also be extremely 【不知这里是否少一个单词，如different】from others. Subjects in literature and history accentuate【学习一下】 theory while subjects in economic management, personal relationship, law and social science emphasize a lot on practical learning. Therefore, whether college faculty should also work in professional work related to their academic fields or not hinged primarily upon the specific academic area[老实说，这话没看懂，觉得你whether or not是个主语从句，后面就没有了，不知道改为either....or是不是你想要表达的意思；另，此层意思，最好再多加一些说明，读者会不是很清楚你的意思].
//该段可以稍稍扩充呢

However, admittedly, 【两个逻辑转折词表达的意思有重复，建议删除一个哇，好怪的哦。没有见过此类用法，however,表转折，admittedly,表让步转折，你的意思是？】college is defined as the tower of ivory, in which there is a wonderful atmosphere for students and faculties as well. Apart from the outside world, all the faculties【题目中faculty也没用复数诶，查了一下，好似是一个集体名词】 can concentrate on research instead of being disturbed. Since researches always cost dozens of[我查了一下，只见过修饰可数名词的，没见过修饰不可数名词的，说错请指正] time, many faculties at the college can hardly spare any time to engage in another job. Given such circumstance, colleges turn to guest professors such as the social elites who fulfilled great achievements and gain a lot of practical experience, in order to make up for the students’ potential shortage of practical knowledge, which reaches a win-win situation for both busy college faculties and students with great appetite for knowledge.

In sum, academic reputation of a college is ensured by all the faculties whose primary task is to research and give instruction. If it is necessary, on the premise of their well-done in their academic area, it will be advisable for them to work in related professions to gather more practical knowledge to light up their theoretical teaching.

总体感觉还好，第一段正面论述
第二段的论点表述不是很清楚，理论的课程怎么样？实践的课程怎么样？补充清楚一点会很好
最后一段说首先要做好academic

——————————————分割线——————————————————

改烟火的二改文

In this topic, I am convinced that the speaker has unfairly generalized the advantages that[学习] working outside can bring to the quality of instruction. The author argue that to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university leveal[level], all faculty should work outside academia{学术界} in professional work related to their academic fields. However in some cases, disvantages[disadvantages] such as that teacher will spend less time in their teaching works than before may also exist. Hence in my point of view, we should find a balance point between advantages and disadvantages and we should【个人觉得用could语气更好一点，表示能够】 find another way to bring up-to-date information and practical experience to students rather than let faculty work outside.

To some extent, introducing the field experience and contemporary information from outside helps the faculty not only improve 【应该是help doing sth or help to do sth,improving】the quality of teaching but also bring[binging] their students into[是不是应该是ourside呀？因为你是带出学术界以外呀！] the academic world to keep pace with the fast developing society, thus students can benefit a lot from the experienced faculty. With these experience from outside, teachers can bond practice and theory, in which way teachers can illustrate the textbooks vividly and students may be more attracted by these lively examples than those dead facts.

Without these experience[此处单复数不一致呀,these修饰可数名词复数，experience 加上s才好], teachers may concentrate on teaching theoretical knowledge on textbooks that【觉得用which比较顺口】 even students can learn by themselves.【如果我来写呢，我会这么写这句话If teachers need not required to spend time outside, they can concentrate on teaching theoretical knowledge on textbooks. However, without these vivid practical experiences, their classes will not be more instructive than students learn by themselve.不知是否是你表达的意思，你这样表达有点绕。我的句子仅为参考】 For example, some of my classmates prefer learning by themselves rather listening to the teacher who merely deliver[s，不知此处是否该用复数，因前面是teacher，不知是否应做单数解] a speech [exactly same with the textbooks]according to textbooks. Whereupon【哇！第一次见此词】 it is crucial for the faculty in the disciplines, such as the engineering, architecture, reconnaissance and business, to keep the research and teaching hand in hand with the changes and trends in the outside world.

However should all faculty be required to spend time working outside? The answer is definite no, since it may be even【可删除】 counterproductive to the quality of instruction【如果even不删，应这么说The answer is definite no, without helping to improve the quality of instruction, it may even counterproductive to the quality of instruction】. Some disciplines such as philosophy, literature, history, theoretical physics and mathematics place more emphasis on【学习新用法】 existing theoretical research rather than up-to-date science and technology studies. As we all know, mathmatics[在词典上找的话，这个词是这么写的，中间多一个e，mathematics] is a subject which requires students to lay a solid foundation on theories. In fact, those disciplines have no need for application in the real world while they themselves are the appliance. Rolling in the endless academic world is just the same as enjoying all the time the benefits of pure theoretics.

Besides, encouraging faculty to spend time working outside may also bring lots of problems. Firstly, teachers can not only acquire pratical[practical] experience[我认为如果关联词换成although会更好，更具立场，如Although teachers can benefit from acquiring practical experience, they could blablabla][因为你的主题句是problems呢，你不要强调它的好处], but also make a profit from the outside job they take, which will allure them or even cause their resign in the school. Secondly, part-time jobs will distract their energy, which may make their teaching less effective. Morever, working outside will impose a heave strain on faculty.【后面两点就说得比较好了】

On account of the existence of both advantages and disadvantages, we need to find a way to preserve the merits, and avoid the unhealth【healthy?】 influences, which are all caused by working outside. Cooperating with companies outside school to lunch more laboratories and inviting experts in some special area is an effective way. With these laboratories, which are open for the students to do experiments, students can combine theory with practice by themselves rather than taught by their teachers. Furthermore, when an expert come to lunch a speech in the university, students, who are interested in the same research area to this expert, will benefit a lot after the expert bring up-to-date information to them.

To sum up, every thing has its two sides for us to realize. Therefore, an eclectic way can be the most effective to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level.

改错请见谅！
总体上来说，正文一二段说好处，第三段说对于理论性的课程不require，第四段说working outside的不好，需要balance，提了一些建议。

像蜗牛一样往前爬！

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13楼

发表于 2010-5-20 18:24:09 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 polosongrui 于 2010-5-23 23:24 编辑

再占一层

一改组长的（感觉压力好大，组长，我改的不对的地方，你见谅啊）
50"In order to improve the quality of instruction at the college and university level, all faculty should be required to spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach."

The author's position that all faulty should work in relevant area they teach outside the academic is overstated.
For applied disciplines，it is(这里应该少了吧)
certainly true, but for theory curriculums, it's not the case. Not all the curriculums have the relate(relate只能作动词吧，这里应该是related吧) job out there.

Some practical sciences, such as applied physics, applied psychology, technical problems in medicine, engineering, and economic, feat(这个单词打错了吧，我始终没找到它能作动词的用法，而且即使是动词，貌似真正的谓宾语是are benefit for students) perfectly to the state that professes have working experience of(或者是in) relevant area are benefit for students. The public relations graduate project in the University of South California has such amazing teaching group that each one of the faculty has done great contribution to PR industry. And most of them are the leaders or founders in the industry. It ensures the students to keep up dating（这里的dating我没有搞懂什么意思，请指教） the lasted（持续的？？应该是latest吧） idea in the area and be connected with the business which they will step in few years later. Under the study of fresh information and practical skills, students are enabling（这个词用的有点奇怪，我查到的意思是授权的，不知道是不是在这个句子中有特殊用法，教教我吧）
to integrate into the industry in a fast speed in the future.

While, some areas may not have so much working position outside the campus, say（这个用法！！请指教）, philosophy, history, or theoretical physics. Actually, the most relevant job to teaching is their academic study. Stephen Hawking, the（感觉这个the没有必要） one of the most distinguished scientists in theoretical physics, who unravel the mystery of the context of black holes inside the academic（这个句子有问题，分析之后只剩一个人名了）. And he also makes a remarkable success on popular（popularizing） science acknowledge(感觉应该是knowledge吧，或者说我对你这句话整个理解错了！) not only to his students, but the people outside the academic world as well. He achieves a superb contribution to his study area and ever for the whole human society; however he is lack of outside academic working experience.

Requiring theoretical scholars to do a job outside the academic would make presses on them. To work outside the academic means they have to take their time off the researches and be disturbed by other irrelevant things. The academic ivory tower is so pure that some academics might be unable to adapt to an environment which mix with confusing people relationships, deadline pressure and business routine together. These may exert negatively（negative吧，为什么用副词呢？） influence on their core study. So, making(我觉得用requiring或者要强调迫使的话，用compelling总之用making怪怪的，而且好像是make sb do sth) theoretical professions（professors） to spend their time working outside the academic is not an effective way to improve instructions, on the contrary, it could draw the quality down.

So, to practical curriculums, outside working experience of (觉得用for更好)teachers is an important stander for the quality of instruction. That can explain that some of them even have a real job in relevant industry. For the theory curriculums, however, to keep them in academic and forces（感觉应该是focus吧） on their study is the right thing to do.

组长，总体说这篇文章还不错，但是感觉你写的很仓促，细节地方出错太多了，不着急，慢慢来，然后我觉得没必要刻意的使用一些生僻的词汇（当然可能只是对于我而言很生僻，嘿嘿，见笑啦）而破坏表达的效果，当然这只是我的一点小看法。文章整体的结构很清晰，重点放在了这个arguer使用all一词时忽视的那部分无辜faulty，哈哈，不过感觉你的这个结尾不是想象中那么“丰满”，有点“速战速决”的感觉。我的水平有些，说的这些会有不妥的地方，还请多多见谅，并给予指教！
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------第二改偶像小凝的哈哈好好学习了一下------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
University is a place that glues the school and the society together. As we all know, during the time from preliminary school to University, to lay a strong foundation [我想表达的是，为了打下扎实的基础], we have learned a lot of basic and classical knowledge,while when we step into society, we shall imediately find out that it is
far from enough. Jobs are more complicated and flexible compared to the examples from books, yet sometimes, the knowledge from book（这里要不要也加个s啊） is out of date. So, a voice catches the attention of society, to improve the teaching quality, all faculty should spend time on working outside the academic world in fields related to the courses they teach.
Indeed, working outside brings many benefits to the faculty. On one hand, it
is
a great opportunity for the faculty to breathe new life into the field they study in. Knowledge is endless and gets renewing quickly,especially in such a world that
switch（应该是switches） [是change的意思]so fast nowadays. Once we were left behind, we would find it（还是比较习惯简写，呵呵~）a little hard to catch up again. For the faculty, who are the
fountains of the knowledge to students,(这个比喻太棒了)
it is important to get informed thelatest knowledge in the specific field. The failure of the old-style private school in feudal society
which only required the students of reciting and writing old poems and books in school still dwell in memory. However, the newly built University of Waterloo, which is now well-known for its focus-on-practice education to undergraduates, sparks our eyes.(小V：我这里想表达的是，私塾学校的衰落(failure表衰落)，和注重实践的学校的兴起这两类哦)
On the other hand, itdoes [do good to：对。。有好处]good to students’ development, no matter to thosethat [一般those后面比较常跟that]want to devote their lives toacademic career, or to those who will takejobs in industry. It is common that in universities, teachers will participate in some
research researchs（这是？？应该是some researches吧） or projects
co-operating with other social researchers in which students are very willing to join. Many of them
claim that they are
good chance
（应该是复数吧）for them to step closer to society. They know more about the trends,get deeper understanding of the basic knowledge from books, meanwhile,those experiences enable them to gain such practical skills that are needed（我觉得required更好，不知道你的看法呢） to live in the the contemporary era,making [我想当伴随用哦]them integrate to society more easily. Furthermore, for those who do researches, it widens（记得以前总看到的是broaden） their
horizons and stimulates their creativities.
However, every coin has two sides. Though doing some relevant work outside has positive effects on both teachers and students, it is not always the case. Imposing too much work experience on students but ignoring the basic norms often does the exact opposite. Take my unhappy experience of learning microeconomics
for example. The teacher is really a well-known expert,which should receive warm welcome among students, but not for this time（回小V：表示“而这次并不是这样的”）.Most of what he taught us on the class are the trends and the essays that care mainly about the existing problems in nowadays economic, and showed little about the basic theories. Furthermore he also asked us to analyze the present economic situation with principles of economy. Without a clear description of the framework and the specific knowledge, we got confused with what we learned, even now, our understanding towards microeconomics is still vague.
What between improving teaching quality and working outside the academic world is not a must-be relationship, but promoted with each other to some extent. Though basic knowledge may be out of date, it is still the foundations of the knowledge hierarchy, to which people should draw attention during the teaching period. Oncemaking [creative大牛，为什么你说这里要改为make呢？] sure that students can have a good knowledge of basic curricula, teachers can set aside some time to work outside to introduce new skills and newhorizons toschool and students.
好好学习了一下，哈哈！

不要为生命的意义而烦恼，活着本身就是活着的价值

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14楼

发表于 2010-5-21 00:02:50 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 creative 于 2010-5-21 03:31 编辑

Issue 50

Just like that university is the core of the education system, faculty is always the core of the university education. What faculties should do in order to improve their teaching therefore turns out to be a key issue in the high end education. It is thought to be a positive action that a faculty works for something related to their courses outside the academic world. Furthermore, an assertion arise, which requires all faculty spend time on such works. This point with which the author can only partly agree need to be considered more carefully.

One may note first of all that the threshold between inside and outside the academic world is quite ambiguous. After the first glance, one may think constructing a bridge is of none relevant to academic at all. But how about the professor involved is in the major of civil engineering? Actually, there are whole bunch of cutting edge technologies, such as sensors, materials and control systems, are used in the construction of a modern bridge. That means this project needs the professional investigations from electrical engineering and material science etc. Now, one may tend to treat it as a part of the''academic world''. The beauty of academic, after all, is that its connection to every tiny aspect of our daily life. And for this very beauty, it is hard to tell what is outside the academic world for sure.

Even if it were possible to constrain that the academic world means asocial network including only universities, institutes, national labs and all kind of scientific and academic societies, it would be utterly impossible to require a faculty to even find a work outside this domain. In the course of law, what makes a faculty to be a faculty is the contract between him/her and the university, so the organizations outside the university from which he/she is legally able to get works are tightly restricted. In most cases, directly being hired by a profit-making company is prohibited. In reality, a professor from law school showing up as a law consultant or one from institute of technology appearing as a technician must look like being send from the university or academic non-profit organizations,which means it does belong to the professor's academic world.

It must be borne in mind ,however, that the activities of faculty outside the university are absolutely encouraged and worthwhile. It is apposite to mention that almost every single faculty in universities is engaged in some academic societies, like the editorial board of academic journals in relate field. Those experiences from the works outside the university can help faculties make a lot of sense to their students when they are teaching abstractor boring content. Richard Feynman, a famous theoretical physicist and one of the Nobel laureates in physics of 1965, is thought to be a great educator, by a lot of students all over the world, in physics,due to his golden experience gained from the Manhattan Project. One should not pause here to draw the conclusion, as the outside university experience is extremely important for a graduate student.Can any one imagine how a graduate student can grow up without taking place in any conference and attending any internship? The answer is evidently NO. One can therefore reach the consequence that not only are the works outside the university encouraged, but should also be required,especially from the viewpoint of graduate student education.

Turning now to sum up, the original statement is not quite true because the missing of a clear definition of academic world which is meant to be almost the entire environment surrounding a faculty in university.Thus, the requirement of faculties to spend time outside their academic world is neither necessary nor feasible. Nevertheless, if one shrinks the domain to the university itself, then it is by all means a fabulous suggestion which, from the author's point of view,all the faculties should follow without doubt.

失败只有一种，就是半途而废！

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15楼

发表于 2010-5-21 00:05:56 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 creative 于 2010-5-23 23:24 编辑

Red means mistakes;
Green means suggestions;
Blue means comments on paragraphs;
Magenta means comments on the whole essay.

Revision of #8, by 凝羽欲翔

University is a place that bridges the school and the society together [If I were you, I might use ''glues … together.'']. As we all know, during the time from preliminary school to senior high school, to lay a strong foundation [I do not understand], we learn [have learned] a lot of basic and classical knowledge, while when we step into society; [,] we shall soon [''immediately'' might be more powerful, or replace ''while when'' by ''while once'' and omit this ''soon''] find out that it’s [it is]far from enough. Jobs are more complicated and flexible compared to the examples from books, yet sometimes, the knowledge from book is out of date. So, a voice catches the attention of society, to improve the teaching quality, all faculty should spend time on working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach [can be replaced, from my opinion, by ''in fields related to the courses they teach of course'' to avoid copying too much from the original statement.].

The author gave us a clear statement of his/her point in the beginning paragraph.

Indeed, working outside will bring much benefit [may benefits] to the faculty. On one hand, it is[the tenses conflict between these two sentences, you may choose the combination ''brings …, it is...'' or ''will bring …, will be …'']a great opportunity for the faculty to breathe new life into the field they study in. Knowledge is endless and gets renewing quickly,especially in such a world that switch [hard to understand, you mean ''changing''?] so fast nowadays. Once we [were] left behind, we will [would] find [that] it [is] a little hard to catch up again. For the faculty, who are the fountain [fountains] of the knowledge to students, it’s [it is] important to get informed the newest [latest] knowledge in the specific field. The failure of the old-style private school in feudal society [the western people do not know too much about this]which only required the students of reciting and writing old poems and books in school still dwell in memory. However, the newly built University of Waterloo[,] which is now well-known for its focus-on-practice education to undergraduates, sparks our eyes.

The author showed that the outside working can keep faculty's teaching being updated. Three sentences of reasoning and one example wereprovided here, which makes this conclusion sounds convincing.

On the other hand, it does [does be] good to students’ development, no matter to those that [who] want to devote their lives to doing research [academic career], or to those who will take a job [jobs] [in industry]. It’s [It is] common that in universities, teachers will participate in some research [researchs] or projects with social researchers and students are very willing to join in [Do you mean ''co-operating with other social researchers in which students are very willing to join''?]. Many of them reflect [claim] that it’s a good chance [they are good chances]for them to step closer to society. They know more about the trends,get deeper understanding of the basic knowledge from books, meanwhile, it helps them master practical skills needed in society [too''chinglish'', you can say ''those experiences enable them to gain such practical skills that are needed to live in the the contemporary era''], making [make] them integrate to society more easily [or change the whole phrase into ''and therefore to be easily integrated into the society']. Furthermore, for those who do researches, it widens their horizon [horizons] and stimulates [their] creativity [creativities].

Four sentences of reasoning were presented in this paragraph to support the opinion of the helpfulness to students' development due to teachers' outside works, which is overall clear but a little bit verbose. Miss some more direct facts and a short summary.

Overall,these two paragraphs of main body were organized in a fairly logical way. But after carefully reading, one may find that the title sentence,''Indeed, …'', can not cover the both branches of ''on one hand, …''and ''on the other hand''. What's more, neither one has a summary sentence.

However, every coin has two sides. Though doing some relevant work outside has positive effect [effects] on both teachers and students, it’s [it is]not always the case. Take my unhappy experience of learning microeconomic for example. The teacher is really a well-known expert,which should receive warm welcome among students. But [, but] not for this time. [Most of what] What he taught us most on the class is [are] the trend [trends] and the essays that care mainly about the existing problems in nowadays economic, and showed little about the basic theory [theories]. Furthermore he also asked us to analysis [analyze] the present economic situation with principles of economy. Without a clear describe [description]of the framework and the specific knowledge, we got confused with what we learned, even now, our understanding towards microeconomics is still vaguely [vague].

The author should explicitly give his/her point right after the sentence''it is not always the case''. The example helps a lot.

[What between improving] Improving teaching quality and working outside the academic world is not a must-be relationship, [but …] [you may want to finish the point here]. What’s more [I cannot find the logical meaning of this phrase here], though basic knowledge may be old and out of date [they have the same meaning, so delete one of them], it’s [it is] still the foundations of the knowledge hierarchy, which should draw people’s attention [to which people should draw attention] during the teaching period. Once making [make] sure that students can have a good knowledge of basic curriculums [curricula], teachers can set aside some time to work outside to introduce new skills and new horizon [horizons] to school and students.

The author briefly summarized the main ideas in the essay in the final paragraph, which makes it clear.

Comments:

The author gets the basic ideas about how to write an issue, although a more logical organization is needed, besides paying attention on the grammar.
Do not use abbreviations. Maybe, the only exception is ''What's more''.
Not only the essay as a whole, but every single paragraph also needs a logical organization.

==================================================================

Second revision of #8, by 凝羽欲翔

University is a place that glues the school and the society together. As we all know, during the time from preliminary school to University, to lay a strong foundation [我想表达的是，为了打下扎实的基础], we have learned a lot of basic and classical knowledge, while when we step into society, we shall immediately find out [find] that it is far from enough. Jobs are more complicated and flexible compared to the examples from books, yet sometimes, the knowledge from book is out of date. So, a voice catches the attention of society, to improve the teaching quality, all faculty should spend time on working outside the academic world in fields related to the courses they teach.

Indeed, working outside brings many benefits to the faculty [and the student] {Because the next paragraph is talking about the student.}. On one hand, it is a great opportunity for the faculty to breathe new life into the field they study in. Knowledge is endless and gets renewing quickly,especially in such a world that switch [is switching] ｛Are you sure that switching has the same function as changing here? For me, it looks more like exchanging rather than changing. I think you may want to use varying if you do not want to use changing.｝ [是change的意思] so fast nowadays. Once we were left behind, we would find it （还是比较习惯简写，呵呵~）a little [bit] {From my experience, it is almost always “a little bit” instead of just “a little”. I don’t know why, but people just use it like that.} hard to catch up again. For the faculty, who are the fountains of the knowledge to students, it is important to get informed the latest knowledge in the specific field ［their … fields］. The failure of the old-style private school in feudal society, which only required the students of reciting and writing old poems and books in school still dwell in memory. However {Just by feeling, “In comparison” looks more suitable here. What do you think?}, the newly built University of Waterloo, which is now well-known for its focus-on-practice education to undergraduates, sparks our eyes. (小V：我这里想表达的是，私塾学校的衰落(failure表衰落)，和注重实践的学校的兴起这两类哦)

I think this is the only paragraph that needs some revision on logic and structure. The main problem is in the most part of the second half，you were talking about how important the practice experience are to the students without further connection to the teachers who are supposed to be the focus. If you can mention how the teaches of University of Waterloo anticipate outside working in the second example, it will help a lot. After all, you point is “teachers breath new lives into their fields”, which is hard to feel from the examples.

On the other hand, it does [do good to：对。。有好处] good to students’ development no matter to those that [一般those后面比较常跟that] ｛What I have seen is that “who” is preferred. Anyway, they are grammatically the same, so it is not a big deal｝ want to devote their lives to academic career, or to those [omit] who will take jobs in industry. It is common that in universities, teachers will participate in some researches or projects [, ]co-operating with other social researchers [, ] in which students are very willing to join. Many of them claim that they are good chance ［chances］ for them to step closer to society. They know more about the trends, get deeper understanding of the basic knowledge from books, meanwhile, those experiences enable them to gain such practical skills that are needed to live in the contemporary era, making [我想当伴随用哦] them integrate to ［be integrated into］ society more easily. Furthermore, for those who do researches, it widens their horizons and stimulates their creativities.

However, every coin has two sides. Though doing some relevant work outside has positive effects on both teachers and students, it is not always the case. Imposing too much work experience on students but ignoring the basic norms often does the exact opposite. Take my unhappy experience of learning microeconomic for example. The teacher is really a well-known expert, which should receive warm welcome among students, but not for this time（回小V：表示“而这次并不是这样的”）. Most of what he taught us on the class are ［I thought this should be “are”are since the following is a plural, but the WORD spelling check says it should be “is”. So, I don’t know ….］ the trends and the essays that care mainly about the existing problems in nowadays economic, and showed little about the basic theories. Furthermore he also asked us to analyze the present economic situation with principles of economy. Without a clear description of the framework and the specific knowledge, we got confused with what we learned, even now, our understanding towards microeconomics is still vague.

［You want a transition phrase here, such as “To sum up”, “Consequently” or “Here we reach the conclusion that”］ What between improving teaching quality and working outside the academic world is not a must-be relationship, but promoted with each other to some extent. Though basic knowledge may be out of date, it is still the foundations of the knowledge hierarchy, to which people should draw attention during the teaching period. Once making [creative大牛，为什么你说这里要改为make呢？] {Just by the intuition last time. Now I tend to agree with you.} sure that students can have a good knowledge of basic curricula, teachers can set aside some time to work outside to introduce new skills and new horizons to school and students.

After some revision, this essay looks more convincing. The only flaw might be the second paragraph. It has a good beginning, but the rest does not follow very well. The reviewer suggest the author to rewrite the second paragraph, at least the example part, since tiny revisions are hopeless here to make a big difference.

========================================================
Second revision of #17, by 小V

According to the statement, the speaker claims that all faculty should spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach, for the purpose of improving the quality of instruction at the college and university level. Although it has some merit from a normative standpoint, in my view, it has certain negative influences and is not suitable for all professions.

To begin with, the speaker’s assertion that some applied academic fields can enhance the quality of instruction to some extent, by required [requiring] teachers engaging ["to engage", or "teachers' engaging"] in working outside the academic world, for two respects. On the one hand, the engagement of working outside the academic world can spur faculty to developing and innovating in their professions [good!]. Consider, for example, the field of sewage treatment technology. P [, p]rofessors involving [involved] in daily operation of local sewage treatment plant can more easily discover problems and focus on researching more effective and economic treatment processor [processes] {For me, "processor" likes "CPU". Or maybe you just mean that, then "processors" would be better}. On the other hand, teachers can design [the] contents of [their] courses combined [combining] with actual needs of society, helping students better prepared for future careers in their professional fields, such as computer science, business and management, biological engineering and the like.

However, I cannot totally agree with the speaker’s assertion because it seems to ignore several passive influences of spending time working outside the academic world. First, apparently, outside tasks are so time and energy consuming that teachers are surely distracted from normal teaching and researching works and lead [leads] to the deterioration [good] of the instruction’s quality instead. A telling example of this involves that professors majored in computer science in my university. They would like to pay more attention on projects of companies [I would like to use "supported by commercial companies"] with rich rewards rather than students in classes, which directly causing the lesser competition [weaker competitiveness] of those [their] students compared with [that of] others. Secondly, spending too much time working outside the professional academic fields may obstruct the perspective of these realms, as the frontmost [foremost] theories and technologies are not in the realm of producing but in the realm of researching. Only those mature researching results can be applied in manufacturing industries.
Finally, and perhaps the most important [significantly] {"finally" is an adj., so is here}, the speaker unfairly suggests that all professions are suitable for participating outside tasks. Nonetheless it is unnecessarily to compel certain professors, for instance, majored in the realms of fundamental or purely theoretical subjects, to engage in outside works. For some fundamental subjects，such as mathematics, physics, chemistry and so on, with the purpose of gaining results of academic researching rather than application and preparing students [training students'] better logical capabilities [? logical sense], cannot effectively benefit from outside engagements on the enhancements of no matter professors themselves or the instructional qualities. {This sentence has some grammatical problem. "For ..., such as ..., cannot ...." See, no subject noun phrase here. You can try to organize the last part like "the teachers' outside engagement can benefit neither ... nor ...."} For some purely theoretical subjects，such as literature, astronomy, physiology, history and linguistics， it is hardly ["hardly" is an adv. rather than adj., you can try "hard"] to find suitable outside areas for their practices because of irrelevant to actual living [lives] and production [productions]. Therefore, it is too arbitrary for the speaker to claim that all teachers should engage in such extra outside works [that are] relevant to their professions.

In sum, I concede that the practices in relevant professions have advantages for certain kinds of academic areas. However, in a sense the speaker overrates the importance of such practices and overlooks several negative effects and general applicability [feasibilities]. And from what have been discussed above [good!], we may safely reach the conclusion that the speaker should encourage faculty [faculties] to participate in outside professional tasks in the terms of actual needs [circumstances].

Overall, the author's proficiency of English is fairly remarkable. The reviewer learned a lot of useful vocabularies and phrases from this essay. There is no big problems, except some minor grammatical mistakes. The author organized the essay as a whole and its every single paragraph in very logical ways, such that the points are pretty convincing. Good job, little V!

P.S. It seems that my revision is a little bit late since you already submit your revised version. Hehe ! ! I am a lazy man.

失败只有一种，就是半途而废！

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