1010G【fish】issue50

梦想在路上UID??2812986

哇塞！楼上有牛牛出现！

梦想在路上UID??2812986

According to the statement, the speaker claims that all faculty should spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach, for the purpose of improving the quality of instruction at the college and university level. Although it has some merit from a normative standpoint, in my view, it has certain negative influences and is not suitable for all professions.


To begin with, the speaker’s assertion that some applied academic fields can enhance the quality of instruction to some extent, by required teachers engaging in working outside the academic world, for two respects. On the one hand, the engagement of working outside the academic world can spur faculty to developing and innovating in their professions. Consider, for example, the field of sewage treatment technology. Professors involving in daily operation of local sewage treatment plant can more easily discover problems and focus on researching more effective and economic treatment processor. On the other hand, teachers can design contents of courses combined with actual needs of society, helping students better prepared for future careers in their professional fields, such as computer science, business and management, biological engineering and the like.

However, I cannot totally agree with the speaker’s assertion because it seems to ignore several passive influences of spending time working outside the academic world. First, apparently, outside tasks are so time and energy consuming that teachers are surely distracted from normal teaching and researching works and lead to the deterioration of the instruction’s quality instead. A telling example of this involves that professors majored in computer science in my university. They would like to pay more attention on projects of companies with rich rewards rather than students in classes, which directly causing the lesser competition of those students compared with others. Secondly, spending too much time working outside the professional academic fields may obstruct the perspective of these realms, as the frontmost theories and technologies are not in the realm of producing but in the realm of researching. Only those mature researching results can be applied in manufacturing industries.

Finally, and perhaps the most important, the speaker unfairly suggests that all professions are suitable for participating outside tasks. Nonetheless it is unnecessarily to compel certain professors, for instance, majored in the realms of fundamental or purely theoretical subjects, to engage in outside works. For some fundamental subjects，such as mathematics, physics, chemistry and so on, with the purpose of gaining results of academic researching rather than application and preparing students better logical capabilities, cannot effectively benefit from outside engagements on the enhancements of no matter professors themselves or the instructional qualities. For some purely theoretical subjects，such as literature, astronomy, physiology, history and linguistics， it is hardly to find suitable outside areas for their practices because of irrelevant to actual living and production. Therefore, it is too arbitrary for the speaker to claim that all teachers should engage in such extra outside works relevant to their professions.

In sum, I concede that the practices in relevant professions have advantages for certain kinds of academic areas. However, in a sense the speaker overrates the importance of such practices and overlooks several negative effects and general applicability. And from what have been discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that the speaker should encourage faculty to participate in outside professional tasks in the terms of actual needs.

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自改一
According to the statement, the speaker claims that all faculty should spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach for the purpose of improving the quality of instruction at the college and university level. Although it has some merit from a normative standpoint, in my view, it has certain negative influences and is not suitable for all professions.

To begin with, the speaker’s assertion that the quality of instruction of some applied academic fields, to some extent, can be enhanced by requiring faculty to be engaged in working outside the academic world, for two respects. On the one hand, the engagement of working outside the academic world can spur faculty to develop and innovate in their professions. Consider, for example, the field of sewage treatment technology. Professors involving in daily operation of local sewage treatment plant can more easily discover problems and focus on researching more effective and economic treatment processor. On the other hand, teachers can design contents of courses combined with actual needs of society, helping students better prepared for future careers in their professional fields, such as computer science, business and management, biological engineering and the like. Those courses can not only enhance the students’ interests of learning, but also cultivate their abilities of linking theoretic knowledge and actual application.

However, I cannot totally agree with the speaker’s assertion because it seems to ignore several passive influences of spending time working outside the academic world. Firstly, apparently, outside tasks are so time-consuming and energy-consuming that teachers are surely distracted from normal teaching and researching works, which mightily lead to the deterioration of the instruction’s quality instead. A telling example of this involves that professors majored in computer science in my university. They would like to pay more attention on projects of companies with rich rewards rather than students in classes, which directly cause the lesser competitive power of those students compared with others. Secondly, spending too much time working outside the professional academic fields may obstruct the perspective of these realms, as the frontmost theories and technologies are not in the realm of producing but in the realm of researching. Only those mature researching results can be applied in manufacturing industries.

Finally, and perhaps the most important, the speaker unfairly suggests that all professions are suitable for participating outside tasks. Nonetheless it is unnecessarily to compel certain professors, for instance, majored in the realms of fundamental or purely theoretical subjects, to engage in outside works. For some fundamental subjects，such as mathematics, physics, chemistry and so on, with the purpose of gaining results of academic researching rather than application and preparing students better logical capabilities, cannot effectively benefit from outside engagements on the enhancements of no matter professors themselves or the instructional qualities. For some purely theoretical subjects，such as literature, astronomy, physiology, history and linguistics， it is hardly to find suitable outside areas for their practices because those subjects are most irrelevant to actual living and production. Therefore, it is too arbitrary for the speaker to claim that all teachers should engage in such extra outside works relevant to their professions.

In sum, I concede that the practices in relevant professions have advantages for certain kinds of academic areas. However, in a sense the speaker overrates the importance of such practices and overlooks several negative effects and general applicability. And from what have been discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that the speaker should encourage faculty to participate in outside professional tasks in the terms of actual needs.

谢谢agnes，很辛苦啊，这么晚还帮我改，改的很仔细啊！很受用的~\(≧▽≦)/~
你的第一个问题：那个表达方式我是从其他地方看来的
第二个我是想表达：最后，同时也是最重要的

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自改二
非常非常感谢creative大牛的细致修改，受益匪浅！
你的评语，真是让我受宠若惊。我想我会把它当做是对我的鼓励，因为我自己知道花了多久才憋出来这些个句子，又花了多久查字典修改，居然还有那么多低级语法错误，简直汗颜。我知道自己还有很长一段路要走，我会继续努力，一步一步，总有一天触及属于我的那片天。

According to the statement, the speaker claims that all faculty should spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach, for the purpose of improving the quality of instruction at the college and university level. Although it has some merit from a normative standpoint, in my view, it has certain negative influences and is not suitable for all professions.

To begin with, the speaker’s assertion that some applied academic fields can enhance the quality of instruction to some extent, by requiring teachers to engage in working outside the academic world, for two respects. On the one hand, the engagement of working outside the academic world can spur faculty to developing and innovating in their professions. Consider, for example, the field of sewage treatment technology. Professors involving [involved] in daily operation of local sewage treatment plant can more easily discover problems and focus on researching more effective and economic treatment processes. On the other hand, teachers can design the contents of their courses combined [combining] with actual needs of society, helping students better prepared for future careers in their professional fields, such as computer science, business and management, biological engineering and the like. Those courses can not only enhance the students’ interests of learning, but also cultivate their abilities of linking theoretic knowledge and actual application.
//请教creative大牛，比较了你帮我指出的这两处错，很晕很糊涂。到底虾米情况下应该用ed，虾米时候用ing的呀？⊙﹏⊙b汗

However, I cannot totally agree with the speaker’s assertion because it seems to ignore several passive influences of spending time working outside the academic world. First, apparently, outside tasks are so all consuming that the teachers are surely distracted from normal teaching and researching works and lead [leads]
【不知道为什么这么改？改成[, which leads]是否更合适？】to the deterioration of the instruction’s quality instead. A telling example of this involves that professors majored in computer science in my university. They would like to pay more attention on projects supported by commercial companies with rich rewards rather than students in classes, which directly causing the weaker competitiveness of their
students compared with that of others. Secondly, spending too much time working outside the professional academic fields may obstruct the perspective of these realms, as the forefronts of theories and technologies are not in the realm of producing but in the realm of researching. Only those mature researching results can be applied in manufacturing industries.  


Finally, and perhaps the most significantly, the speaker unfairly suggests that all professions are suitable for participating outside tasks. Nonetheless it is unnecessarily to compel certain professors, for instance, majored in the realms of fundamental or purely theoretical subjects, to engage in outside works. For some fundamental subjects，such as mathematics, physics, chemistry and so on, with the purpose of gaining results of academic researching rather than application and training students’ better intelligence as well as capacities for logical, rational and analytic thought, such outside engagements cannot effectively benefit neither professors themselves nor the instructional qualities at all. For some purely theoretical subjects，such as literature, astronomy, physiology, history and linguistics， it is hard to find suitable outside areas for their practices on account of irrelevant to actual lives and productions. Therefore, it is too arbitrary for the speaker to claim that all teachers should engage in such extra outside works that are relevant to their professions.

In sum, I concede that the practices in relevant professions have advantages for certain kinds of academic areas. However, in a sense the speaker overrates the importance of such practices and overlooks several negative effects and general feasibilities. And from what have been discussed above, we may safely reach the conclusion that the speaker should encourage faculty [faculties] to participate in outside professional tasks in the terms of actual circumstances.
//关于faculty有点疑问，查了下 faculty属于复数类集体名词，题目中就直接用了“all faculty”，但是它也有复数形式faculties，难道两种都可以？糊涂了，望指教。



P.S. 不lazy啊，lazy还帮人改作文，O(∩_∩)O~

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改 02小凝
University is a place that bridges the school and the society together. As we all know, during the time from preliminary school to senior high school【乍一看以为你写的是中学呢，个人觉得至少再添上句大学吧，和你下文也呼应】, to lay a strong foundation【学习】, we learn a lot of basic and classical knowledge, while when we step into society; we soon find out that it’s far from enough. Jobs are more complicated and flexible compared to the examples from books, yet sometimes, the knowledge from book is out of date. So, a voice catches the attention of society【喜欢】, to improve the teaching quality, all faculty should spend time working outside the academic world in professions relevant to the courses they teach.
Indeed, working outside will bring much benefit to the faculty. On one hand, it is a great opportunity for the faculty to breathe new life into the field they study in. Knowledge is endless and gets renewing quickly, especially in such a world that switch so fast nowadays. Once we left behind, we will find it a little hard to catch up again. For the faculty, who are the fountain of the knowledge to students, it’s important to get informed the newest knowledge in the specific field. The failure of the old-style private school in feudal society which only required the students of reciting and writing old poems and books in school still dwell in memory. However, the newly sbuilt【built】 University of Waterloo, which is now well-known for its focus-on-practice education to undergraduates, sparks our eyes.
//校外实践有好处。一有利于教师更新知识。【比较了两类学校，但是没能明确说明怎么就failure了怎么就 success了，不能说老的就差新的就好呀。明白吧？】
On the other hand, it does good to students’ development, no matter to those that want to devote their lives to doing research, or to those who will take a job. It’s common that in universities, teachers will participate in some research or projects with social researchers and students are very willing to join in. Many of them reflect that it’s a good chance for them to step closer to society. They know more about the trends, get deeper understanding of the basic knowledge from books, meanwhile, it helps them master practical skills needed in society, making them integrate to society more easily. Furthermore, for those who do researches, it widens their horizon and stimulates creativity.
//二有利于学生发展。整段分析的很精彩！！
However, every coin has two sides. Though doing some relevant work outside has positive effect on both teachers and students, it’s not always the case. Take my unhappy experience of learning microeconomic for example. The teacher is really a well-known expert, which should receive warm welcome among students. But not for this time.【没查到关于这个句子的用法，望赐教？】What he taught us most on the class is the trend and the essays that care mainly about the existing problems in nowadays economic, and showed little about the basic theory. Furthermore he also asked us to analysis the present economic situation with principles of economy. Without a clear describe of the framework and the specific knowledge, we got confused with what we learned, even now, our understanding towards microeconomics is still vaguely.
//校外实践的不好面。自己的例子。【反面分析相比较前面的论点稍显单薄，应该也无所谓，纯属个人感觉】
Improving teaching quality and working outside the academic world is not a must-be【学习了】 relationship. What’s more, though basic knowledge may be old and out of date, it’s still the foundations of the knowledge hierarchy, which should draw people’ attention during the teaching period. Once making sure that students can have a good knowledge of basic curriculums, teachers can set aside some time to work outside to introduce new skills and new horizon to school and students.

小凝写的真不错啊，语言分析都超赞，好好学习一下！菜鸟实在挑不出太多问题，对不起啊，只能献丑稍微提了点个人看法，别见笑哦。

PS：我滴个汗啊！才发现楼上牛改的是你的，差距啊差距！小凝，你直接跳过这儿吧。。。。。。。

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改 05agnes

Nowadays, with the emphasis on real-world experience, educators attach great importance to how to improve the instruction at the college in order to ensure students a bright future with sufficient theoretical and practical knowledge. 【真好看！学习】With respect to this requirement, I strongly concede the benefit for college faculty to step into the society for the pursuit of experience relevant to the courses they teach. However, I believe it should not be a necessity for every staff at the college.
//开头简洁明了，态度明确，长短句结合。灰常喜欢，学习了！

Professional working experience plays a crucial role in education, as the society prefers those who not only have an excellent command of professional knowledge but also grasp the true essence of applying theoretical knowledge into practice.【好！学习】 If a professor in Law【什么专业的教授，能直接用in连接吗？不太确定，望赐教。】
spends some time working in court, he or she will directly get numerous useful information such as what the most practical skills needed in this profession is【are,前面是skills】 and how to solve a sticky issue【建议这里用复数更严密点，一个case不该只有一个问题】 when defending a case in court. After that, a most suitable course plan designed for students can be laid out by the professor’s differentiating what primary is from what is secondary.
//本段观点 支持。举例法律专业

Nevertheless, the method of requiring faculty to work outside the college to better the instruction at the college can not always bear fruit. Since subjects and curriculum vary because of different divisions, the point of emphasis on theoretical or practical knowledge in each subject can also be extremely different from others. Subjects in literature and history accentuate theory while subjects in economic management, personal relationship, law and social science emphasize a lot on practical learning. For instance, it is unnecessary for a history teacher to work outside the college as what he teaches will not change【be changed】 by the passing time or the outside environment. However, a teacher who teaches social science can not neglect the importance of social contact. Therefore, whether college faculty should also work in professional work related to their academic fields or not hinges primarily upon the specific academic area he or she majors in.
//本段观点 不能一概而论。列举两类不同专业来比较说明。

Admittedly, college is defined as the tower of ivory, in which there is a wonderful atmosphere for students and faculties as well. Apart from the outside world, all the faculty can concentrate on research instead of being disturbed. Since researches always cost a large amount of time, many faculties at the college【，they】 can hardly spare any time to engage in another job.【这句两个谓语动词，建议分两句】
Given such circumstance, colleges turn to guest professors such as the social elites who fulfilled great achievements and gain a lot of practical experience, in order to make up for the students’ potential shortage of practical knowledge, which reaches a win-win situation for both busy college faculties and students with great appetite for knowledge.
//本段观点 教授存在没时间的问题，用客串来替补。

In sum, 【the，缺少冠词】academic reputation of a college is ensured by all the faculties whose primary task is【are，前面是复数】 to research【建议改成do research，比较规范】 and give instruction. If it is necessary, on the premise of their well-done in their academic area, it will be advisable for them to work in related professions to gather more practical knowledge to light up their theoretical teaching.【漂亮，学习！】

agnes对不起啊，帮你改晚了，我眼花居然没看到~~~~(>_<)~~~~
帮你改错真不容易呢，只能算是挑刺了，菜鸟建议，莫见怪。。。
总之写的真好啊，长短句结合，用词很丰富的说，学习了一遍，赞一个！

creativeUID??2193617

8# 凝羽欲翔

因为这类正式文体里，应该尽量避免使用缩写。当然也不是100%的规定，也有Nature或者Science上的Paper用It‘s，但是大多数情况避免一下会显得正式一些。有时候美国人看我的文章，会觉得连 I 或者 We 这样的第一人称都不要用，当然这也不是100%的规定，范文有很多用第一人称的。只要全文风格统一就好。It's 有点太不正式了，而且改成It is 也不麻烦，所以以后都用it is吧。我看paper里很少有it's的。【个人观点】:)

凝羽欲翔UID??2733350

:handshake，oh，原来这样的撒~嗯嗯~要改，呵~
谢谢creative~

梦想在路上UID??2812986

大牛好神秘哦
来去不定
好似高人站在云端
俯瞰我们这些
还在苦苦登山
上阶修行的芸芸众生

polosongruiUID??2595436

那个aside from these two situations， I strongly 推荐去我是想说除去以上提到的两种情况，我很赞同the statement
后面的那个 我查到的it is worth sb's while to do sth
9# 凝羽欲翔

梦想在路上UID??2812986

creative大牛，作文我重新改过了，非常感谢！但还有几个问题不明白，望赐教。
自改二在自改一的分割线下面:hug: