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zhanghaosi
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电梯直达

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发表于 2011-4-22 22:30:42 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

During my childhood, watching cartoon movies was one of my life necessities. And one of my favorite cartoon movies was called “The West Tourism”, it was a story about the experience of four heroes fighting against to the evil to the west. I was attracted by it very much because I was shown that the good got their reward and the bad get their punishment just as what I wish.
However, as I gradually grow up, I find it should not be a requirement that movies and televisions must show audience good people being rewarded and bad people being punished, because it’s not true in our real world. And it will decrease people’s self-protective conscious.
Nowadays, people get hurt always because they are lack of protecting conscious and they have idea in mind that they live in a safe world and will never get hurt. Most of them must mislead by what the movies show. It’s a very dangerous sign. As we know, one of important ways to decline the crimes rate is to improve people’s self-protecting conscious. In contract, the movies leave an impact effect on the declinement. Such as a film show that a girl goes out in midnight and catch a danger, but it doesn’t matter, there always a hero comes, and saves her, and punished the bad man. But in real world, this happens rarely. That’s why most crimes happened in dark night.
What’s more, in real world, there are a lot of unjust things. If a person is always educated that everything must be just will feel too disappoint to be harm for his or her mental health, it was such an awful thing.
But it doesn’t mean that movies or TVs show
audience good people being rewarded and bad people being punished is bad, in fact, it will help for improving people’s sense of justice, if it not always show that programs

杀T才是王道~！

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qianhuang
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沙发

发表于 2011-4-23 17:11:29 |只看该作者

4月22日独立修改

附件: 你需要登录才可以下载或查看附件。没有帐号？立即注册

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zhanghaosi
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板凳

发表于 2011-4-23 22:30:57 |只看该作者

4月23日独立，求狠批~

It’s a common phenomenon that people want to gain more fortune, which will allow them to much more things they wish to do when they have even income. But does that mean it will bring people more happiness when they have more possessions?
Maybe it’s not really. I have a friend who runs an advertising company. He has a lot of clients including some famous company such as the Unilever. And of course, he earns huge sum of money every year, much more his university classmates. However, as I see, he doesn’t live as happy as I used to image. Everyday, he works harder than all his stuff, he is busy in sticking up for the relationship with his clients, the government and so on. What’s more, there is a heavy pressure on his shoulder, which makes him looks much older than his real age. So in my opinion, the more possessions you have, the more things you are worry about. Just like the hierarchy, the upper your state is, the responsibility you take on. That’s why the header of each group have an older appearance. I have another friend whose father is a dignitary. He always complaint to me that his parents are so busy that leave him enough care. He hasn’t had done what children usually did during his childhood. His parents come to his parent meeting rarely. It’s really a pity for him, and for his parents either.
Finally, in a word, I don’t think more possessions could bring more happiness, in the contract, it will have a reverse affect.

杀T才是王道~！

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zhanghaosi
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地板

发表于 2011-4-23 22:31:15 |只看该作者

杀T才是王道~！

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leungace
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5楼

发表于 2011-4-24 14:53:25 |只看该作者

4.23 独立改 by leungace

It’s a common phenomenon that people want to gain more fortune , which will allow them to do much more things they wish to do when they have even-->more income. But does that mean it will bring people more happiness when they have more possessions?1 M" I: M7 A+ a6 R6 D
Maybe it’s not really(i do not agree with the statement.或改成任何一句表达你反对的意见都好过你这个句子！！）. I have a friend who runs an advertising company. He has a lot of clients including some famous company such as the Unilever. And of course, he earns huge sum of money every year, much more than his university classmates. However, as I see, he doesn’t live as happy as I used to image. Everyday, he works harder than all his stuff, he is busy in sticking up for the relationship with his clients, the government and so on. What’s more, there is a heavy pressure on his shoulder, which makes him looks much older than his real age. So in my opinion, the more possessions you have, the more things you are worry about(这句话应该放在段首表明你的观点啊）. Just like the hierarchy, the upper your state is, the more responsibility you take on. That’s why the header of each group have an older appearance(这样的句子，，，实在不应该出现在文章中吧，这是歧视啊，人生攻击啊）. I have another friend whose father is a dignitary. He always complaint to me that his parents are so busy that leave him enough care. He hasn’t had done what children usually did during his childhood. His parents come to his parent meeting rarely. It’s really a pity for him, and for his parents either. 6 m' ~' F3 c! A7 E4 H% s- C
Finally, in a word, I don’t think more possessions could bring more happiness, in the contract, it will have a reverse affect.

建议加强作文练习，加油

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zhanghaosi
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6楼

发表于 2011-5-3 22:43:50 |只看该作者

Do you agree or not with following statement: most people solve their important problems by themselves or with the help from their families; the help from government is not necessary.

I don’t agree with the statement that the help from the government to solve the important problems is not necessary for the following reasons.
Firstly, important problems are always hot potatoes. To solve these problems just with personal ability or the coordination of a family is far more enough. On contract, if you ask the government for help, the problem could become much easier to solve. I have an uncle who runs a company, and in 2008, his company stuck in a dilemma, he need a lot of money to get his company out of the difficult position, and he asked all his relatives to borrow money including my family, but what a pity, we don’t have such a huge sum of money to let company make through the difficulty. So there is no other choice but ask the government for help. My uncle told his situation to our local government and he promised that if he got the money his company would come to live and he could pay them back in a few years. And after some days, my uncle received the aid fund from the government and got his company out of the trouble.
Secondly, the suggestion from the government could help you make a better decision. Once a time, my mom wanted to change my registered resident from one place to another, and before she decided to do this, she visit government to ask for related policy, and to her disappoint, changing my registered resident is no better than reminding it here. And when she came back, she changed her decision. And she was right.
In short, there could be some advantage to ask the government for help when you try to solve some important problems.

杀T才是王道~！

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zhanghaosi
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7楼

发表于 2011-5-7 22:13:40 |只看该作者

Firstly, to lead to a successful development of a country, fostering people to be moral is rather important than teaching them skills. And what junior education does is to let young children know some simple but important moral principle such as stealing should be forbidden, we should help others who in need and so on. But when we are old enough to study in university, it’s hard to change our moral conscious. For instance, a few years before, there was a sensational news that a student from Tsinghua University throw the bear with H2SO4 in the zoo, and till the end, he didn’t think he was wrong. That’s really an awful thing. A student from such a famous university must have a good mark in study, however, he don’t know the basic principle. If he graduates from Tsinghua University and becomes an expert in his field, he will not accelerate the development of his country, in contract, maybe he will bring a catastrophe. In this since, focusing more on primary education is necessary to the government.

Secondly, focus more budget on young children education could be more effective than focus on universities. As we know, it’s the best time to cultivate children’s interesting during the primary education because children can learn things very fast. That why most famous people in all fields have a good primary education and love what they are doing, such as Federal, a famous tennis player, who started to play tennis since he was 7 years old, and now he ranks no.1 in the world.
In a word, pay more attention of its budget on young children education is much more important.

杀T才是王道~！

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tidus_xuan
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8楼

发表于 2011-5-9 00:37:33 |只看该作者

Firstly, to lead to a successful development of a country, fostering people tobe moral is rather （去掉rather，用more）important than teaching them skills. And （why ‘and’?）what junioreducation does is to let young children know some simple but important moralprinciples such as stealing shouldbe forbidden, we should help others who in need and so on. （such as后面跟例子时要用名词或从句连接，such as that stealingshould be forbidden and that we…）But when we are old enough to study in university, it’s（写文章时主语和助动词全部分开，it is） hard to change ourmoral consciousness. For instance,a few years before（ago好像比较常用）, there was a sensational news that a student fromTsinghua University throw threw toward
the bear with H2SO4（文章里不能这么写，不是人人都是学化学的，用sulphuric acid ）in the zoo, andtill the end, he didn’t（did not） think he was wrong. That’s really an awful thing. A student from such afamous university must have a good mark in study, however, he don’t（do not）know the basicprinciple. If he graduates from Tsinghua University and becomes an expert inhis field, he will not accelerate the development of his country, in contract（contrast）, maybe he willbring a catastrophe. In this since（sense）, focusing more on primary education is necessary to the government.
就作文来说，遣词造句有点口语化，比如what junioreducation does is to let…，可以就改成 In junior education, young childrenlearn…；后面那个例子里也有很多比较口语的词，比如did not think he was wrong, an awfulthing，可以考虑修改下。另外，我觉得最后还可以补充一句，以突出主题，比如Therefore, investment on children’seducation rather than on universities seems to be a better choice.

Secondly, focusing more budgets on young childreneducation could be more effective than focus（删掉focus） on universities. As we know, it’s the best time to cultivate children’sinteresting（interest）during the（the去掉） primary education because children can learn things veryfast. （前半句有点问题，主语‘是在初级教育时培养小孩的兴趣’，宾语是‘最好的时间’，两者不一致，可以就用it is best to…）That why most famous people in all fields have a goodprimary education and love what they are doing, such as Federal, a famoustennis player, who started to play tennis since he was 7 years old, and now heranks no.1 in the world. （这句问题比较多，that why? 我没看懂。文章里的数字要用英语seven, number one，不要缩写，然后我帮你改了一下，你可以参考 Well educated inchildhood, most famous people all over various fields are passionate for anddevoted to their profession. Roger Federer, the prestigious tennis player, startshis training at seven years old and finally becomes the tennis champion in theworld. ）

In a word, pay more attention of its budget on young children education is muchmore important.（pay的到底是attention 还是budget？还有要用paying）

1. 首段到哪里去了？

2. 第二段建议还可以和大学教育比较一下，说明为什么大学教育就不像儿童教育那样容易培养兴趣，从而获得成功

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