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Mattdh
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电梯直达

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楼主

发表于 2011-11-6 06:32:34 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

刚刚知道必须重考GRE，两年前考过一次，AW只有3，这次目标必须至少4，学校要求。明年1月初考，现在开始联系。求G友一起互相修改和讨论。
目标：每日一篇I和A。

11月7日，I：12 A： 21.

希望准备考试的同学一起努力啊！

相关帖子 Updated by 2024.11.08

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panmingming2008
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沙发

发表于 2011-11-6 10:31:37 |只看该作者

1# Mattdh
你用的是新G的题号吗？

加油！

友情tip：

rate your/your partner's response according to the SCORING GUIDE, and

identify which point you meet or miss. That is so crucial to revise your essay.

best regards

问我，考我，检验我的话，以便改善你自己！

【2025FALL】全站祈福已开放~~来领祈福章，求offer得offer

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panmingming2008
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板凳

发表于 2011-11-6 11:33:11 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 panmingming2008 于 2011-11-6 11:48 编辑

1# Mattdh

刚知道需要重考GRE,报了1月份的名，希望能找到同伴一起复习，改作文。看到这个帖子，就先写了个Issue，第一次练习，用的新GRE倒计时作文练习工具。希望能跟大家多交流。源地址【6楼】

【开始--论点】 Based on my personal experience and knowledge,long-term, realistic goal is an orientation in our lives which direct us to move forward. However, immediate fame and recognition is critical for young people to attain success and happiness as well.Therefore, I cannot agree with the statement above.

【1主题句--分论点及论据】The life is a journey and it is reasonable the orientation is critical for the young people to move on. It is fantastic that if a young person can set a long-term goal which is feasible and practical. It is like a light ahead, and you will not be lost and waste time on the detour. 【前解释--后例子（理由与证据）】For example, I have a very good college friend, she set up her long-term goal when she entered the college as a freshman which is to be a faculty in a university in the future. This goal directed her study and research in the following en years as a undergraduate student and a graduate student. She spent enormous time in the library and applied to join in professor's project teem to accumulate research experience when she was only an sophomore. She applied PhD when other students were busy with hunting a job. Her papers got published in famous journals and she gained a faculty in the Beijing Forest University after she graduated from Peking University with a PhD degree. I am certain that, the long-term goal she made ten years before directed her conduction and selection. When young people set a long term and realistic goal, they will not be confused in front of abundant choices and lures and consequently be lost. Additionally, when a long-term goal can be narrowed down sub-objectives in each session and then, you will get to know what need to do in each step.【解释2-例子】 For example, my long term goal is to be a Mathematics teacher, and then, and then I can clearly know what is necessary to find a position as a mathematics teacher in K-12 schools. First, I need a certificate. Second, I need internship experience as a teacher as much as possible. Based on these two, I will have a clue in my college study regarding course selection and internship application.

Therefore, I agree that, young people should be encouraged to pursue long-term goals which will is essential for young people to find out the way to move on and avoid detour.

【2主题句-分论点】Nevertheless that I agree the long-term feasible goal is critical for young people, standing on my perspective, immediate fame and recognition is worthing pursuing and endeavor as well. It is compelling that long-term goal is significant in our life to guide us, however, it is difficult to set a long-term realistic goal when we are young. As a youth, we lack sufficient experience and information to decide what we really want to do in the future very clearly. The world is changeable and people's thought, favors, interest changes in different period of the life as well. So, for most young people, it is not very necessary for them to set a long-term goal when they are only a high school student or college student. It happens to many people that, many years later, they found what they are pursuing is not the real thing they are passionate. Oppositely, I do encourage young people who cannot clarify their real interest and future career path to try different things and pursue immediate fame and recognition because from which, they can gain a lot pertaining to two aspects. First, pursuing immediate recognition can help student identify if they are interested in this field. 【解释--例子】For example, the founder of the biggest social networking site facebook, Mark Zarkburger,when he began to build the facebook website, he didn't have a blue picture to found a valuable company. He just intended to fulfill some idea and to get some recognition from friends and students in Harvard. This immediate recognition drove him to be an entrepreneur and create a legend in the business. Therefore, immediate fame and recognition deserve trying since it is an opportunity for young people to learn a new area and to figure out their passion and interest.

Secondly, immediate fame and recognition can provide young people motivation and confidence to face up confusion and challenges in the journey of life. 【解释2--例子】Take an example with my own experience. When I was in the college, I participated in several business creativity competition. This competition last only two months but the reward I gained have support me spiritually for a long time. Whenever I encounter difficulties and hardship, I recalled this sort of experience and I told myself that, I am capable to make it. The fame and recognition from the short-term goal gives us unexpected encouragement and motivation in some sense.

The conclusion drawn from the reasons listed above, I don't support the statement that young people should be encouraged to pursue long-term realistic goals rather than seek immediate fame and recognition【结尾段重述中心论点--应用肯定句重述立场--而不是用否定句“I don't support...”】. For a few of lucky young people who successfully find their goals and interest at a young age, that is perfect because this long-term goal will provides them clear direction and guidance. However, for most young people whose long-term goal and interests are not for sure at a young age, immediate fame and recognition is significant to help them find a way and the joy of the life.

总评：
考虑scoring guide评分要点：
论点
论据--展开
连贯--过渡、连接
语言（词、句）

这个功底能拿稳4分了。但考虑到考试时的题目随机性，需要对一些难题多加练习--解决了难题就把“遇到难题没有思路论据--从而得3分或以下” 的机率降低到几乎为0.

你是否念研究生了，也读了不少英文论文或图书吧，你的写作论点突出，很理有据（就是解释+例子）--这是学术写作的基本结构。
可以提升的地方是“解释”部分精简下，更简洁明了。因为解释是从论点到论据（例子）的中间环节，是承接--简明为要。it's GREAT(!)to illustrate you point or sub-point with an example or examples. 考虑到读者的话，具体“典型”的例子比抽象“一般”的解释要容易理解。

AW强调两点:
1.cogency--论点思考要周全深入，论据充分--- 可以对应purpose-- 思想探究
2.clarity --语言写作（表达）清楚明白 --- 可以对应audience--思想传达-->要让人明白

我对你期望高（我对自己期望也高），就鸡蛋里挑石头，希望你能再精简一下文章。能用较少的文字表达而无损意思的完整，这是对写作、思考的一个提炼。

问我，考我，检验我的话，以便改善你自己！

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Mattdh
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地板

发表于 2011-11-6 21:13:09 |只看该作者

好感行动啊！！！
太谢谢你了。终于找到组织了。你的意见非常的中肯和有建设性！原来你已经是实习斑竹了啊！
我还希望自己也能帮别人改一下呢，貌似没人进来。
希望我也能帮你改！对我现在是研究生。
如果你也在练习的话，我希望我也能改一下你的文章，互相学习进步！
再次表示感谢！

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Mattdh
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5楼

发表于 2011-11-7 03:11:22 |只看该作者

3# panmingming2008

Ben老师，您说对了，碰到不熟悉的题目，思路就很难很快组织起来了。我今天写了Issue 21， Laws should be flexible enough to various circumstances. 写得很不好，30分钟，写了590个字吧，但是逻辑很混乱，找不到合适的例证。我就不贴出来了。我准备先把所有的题目再熟悉一遍，再开始练习。

非常感谢你中肯的建议和提醒！

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6楼

发表于 2011-11-9 00:14:16 |只看该作者

怎么准备
QQ，还是版上
我也要重考G，一月初？

原谅我这一生不羁放纵爱自由，也会怕有一天会跌倒

2012 FALL ECON

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7楼

发表于 2011-11-12 22:01:08 |只看该作者

想加入组织，楼主能不能批准我一个...:)

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kind03
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8楼

发表于 2011-11-13 01:04:22 |只看该作者

19号考，准备最后练一周，请求加入

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Mattdh
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9楼

发表于 2011-11-15 02:42:42 |只看该作者

真对不起大家，这几天忙着准备考试没来这里。谢谢大家支持。那我们从15号开始每日一片Issue或者Argument怎么样？我因为最近schedule比较紧张，每天最多只能写一篇了。

11月15日，新题库，I33. 请大家写完了发到这个帖子来，我们互相修改，评论。

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10楼

发表于 2011-11-15 02:42:57 |只看该作者

真对不起大家，这几天忙着准备考试没来这里。谢谢大家支持。那我们从15号开始每日一片Issue或者Argument怎么样？我因为最近schedule比较紧张，每天最多只能写一篇了。

11月15日，新题库，I33. 请大家写完了发到这个帖子来，我们互相修改，评论。

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Mattdh
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11楼

发表于 2011-11-15 02:43:08 |只看该作者

真对不起大家，这几天忙着准备考试没来这里。谢谢大家支持。那我们从15号开始每日一片Issue或者Argument怎么样？我因为最近schedule比较紧张，每天最多只能写一篇了。

11月15日，新题库，I33. 请大家写完了发到这个帖子来，我们互相修改，评论。

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xiduchongyang
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12楼

发表于 2011-11-15 09:49:51 |只看该作者

33 As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious. ?新题库是这个题目？

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Mattdh
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13楼

发表于 2011-11-15 11:24:49 |只看该作者

12# xiduchongyang
I 33:
As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious.
Lets finish it and revise for each other!

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Mattdh
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14楼

发表于 2011-11-15 11:57:07 |只看该作者

Knowledge is the approach for us to discern, understand the world and consequently to solve problems. The complexity of things is objective and doesn't rely on how much we know it, but rather depends on how much we want to know the things. Standing on this perspective, I don't agree the statement that as we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and mysterious. Oppositely, as we obtain more knowledge, we go a further step to attain the truth.

It is plausible that when we know little about the world as a child, we consider the life and world very simple. When I was a little girl, I watched the TV and I consider the TV set a very simple staff because I only need to know how to use the click and then I can watch various programs. However, when I went to school and learned physics, I realize how complicated the TV set is. Obviously, the TV set didn't become more complicated because I learned the physics and other related knowledge. It is because I learned knowledge, I have the sense of the complexity of the TV set. My understanding of the TV set when I was a little girl is very superficial and partly, but after I learned the knowledge about how does it work, my understanding of the TV set is more comprehensive and in depth. Therefore, knowledge actually is the foundation and tool for us to know the things more comprehensively rather than superficially.

Additionally, as we acquire more knowledge, we are more able to reveal the mystery of things rather than get more mysterious with them. For example, two thousand years ago, our ancient was very scared about many natural phenomena such as thunder, hails and even star rains. They thought there was a mysterious power outside which controlled the world. As the development of science and technology, human being gradually probe the laws and rules of the nature and we understand the essence of all these mysterious. So, knowledge actually helps us eliminate the myth and scary of the things but not get more mysterious. When human landed on the moon and take pictures making use of abundant accumulated knowledge, we clearly know that, there is no god and rabbit on the moon. We further understand the shadows on the moon. Knowledge enables us to discover the secret and the myth of the things to make them more concrete and clear for us.

Finally, although following the rapid increase of knowledge and information, our life becomes more and more complex than before, knowledge also assist us to control the world and make everything in order. Acquiring knowledge is the foundation for us to learn the things and world, as well as ourselves. The degree of complexity of the things increases, means we are more knowledgeable to closer to the essence of them.
(484 words)

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15楼

发表于 2011-11-15 12:00:14 |只看该作者

写得不太好，没有什么思路。大家都贴上来，我们一起来brainstorm一下吧。

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