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[a习作temp] 新g Argu25 求拍~ [复制链接]

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发表于 2012-1-11 15:33:40 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
25) The following was written as a part of an application for a small-business loan by a group of developers in the city of Monroe.

A jazz music club in Monroe would be a tremendously profitable enterprise. Currently, the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away; thus, the proposed new jazz club in Monroe, the C-Note, would have the local market all to itself. Plus, jazz is extremely popular in Monroe: over 100,000 people attended Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer; several well-known jazz musicians live in Monroe; and the highest-rated radio program in Monroe is 'Jazz Nightly,' which airs every weeknight at 7 P.M. Finally, a nationwide study indicates that the typical jazz fan spends close to $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.



In this argument, that arguer assumes that a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendous profitable. To bolster the assumption, the arguer points out several evidences. Firstly, since the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away, a new jazz club in Monroe would have the local market all to itself. Secondly, over 100,000 people attending Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, many famous jazz musicians living in Monroe and that 'Jazz Nightly' is the highest-rated radio program there prove that jazz is very popular in Monroe.Finally,  a nationwide study implies that the typical jazz fan spends nearly $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.It seems that these evidences are many enough to substantiate the assumption at first glance, however, whether these evidences can really support the assumption is suspicious. The reasons are stated as follows.



In the first place, the arguer points out that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away from Monroe, so that a new jazz club in Monroe would have the local market all to itself. However, it is possible that despite the long distance, that jazz club has its unique characteristics that attracts people still choosing it after a new jazz club developed in Monroe. Even if the nearest jazz club doesn't have any unique characteristics, maybe it has various jazz entertainment, and the fees are averagely lower than universal jazz clubs, and people in Monroe have much time more than money, thus the new jazz club in Monroe wouldn't necessarily have the local market all to itself.



In the second place,  along with the fact that many people attend Monroe's annul jazz festival last summer; numerous famous jazz musicians live there, and that the highest radio program is 'Jazz Nightly', the arguer assumes that jazz is especially popular in Monroe. However, each of these evidences is doubtful to support the assumption. First, 100,000 people attending Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer doesn't mean all these people are specially attending it. Since it is possible that most of these people are tourists, and they came to Monroe mainly for its long history culture, comfortable weather, and so on. Even if these people specially attending it, maybe it is an aberration. Maybe the host of jazz festival in Monroe last summer made a large appealing advertisement and offer awards for attendants so that lead to the result of so many people's attending. Second, so many famous jazz musicians living in Monroe doesn't necessarily mean that jazz in Monroe is popular.It is possible that these musicians choose to live in Monroe purely for its superior living environment rather than a positive condition relating to jazz. In addition, these famous jazz musicians don't necessarily attract people to Monroe thus jazz in Monroe wouldn't necessarily be popular.Since maybe people used to like these musicians, and now they have no interested in them. Even if people still like them, they don't need to come to Monroe to join a jazz club, since they can enjoy jazz through the TV, the CD, the computer...Thus the fact that many famous jazz musicians living in Monroe neither can prove that jazz is popular in Monroe, nor can predicate that the jazz would popular there. Finally, that the radio program 'jazz Nightly' is the highest-rated cannot prove the jazz popularity, neither. Since it is possible that people like the host of the program rather than jazz itself. Maybe other radio programs are much worse than 'Jazz Nightly', thus people have to choose the least bad one. All in all, all these evidences cannot substantiate tat that jazz is popular in Monroe.



Last, by citing a nation study that the typical jazz spends nearly $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, the arguer wants to prove that a new jazz club in Monroe would be profitable. However, the typical jazz fan in Monroe doesn't necessarily spend so much on the jazz entertainment, since it is possible that the typical jazz fans there are commonly not affluent, thus they would not spend so much on the jazz entertainment even if they love jazz crazily. And even if the typical jazz fan in Monroe would spend $1,000 or so per year on jazz entertainment, it doesn't mean that other people would do so as the typical jazz fan, and if these typical jazz fans are only a sam ll part of people in Monroe, the assumption that a new jazz club in Monroe would be tremendous profitable is not convincing.



To sum up, the arguer cannot ruling out the contest rival's other advantages of jazz clubs despite the distance; and many people's attending annul jazz festival in Monroe, numerous famous jazz musicians living in Monroe, and that 'Jazz Nightly' is the highest-rated radio program cannot prove that jazz is popular in Monroe; and the nation study relating to the expenditure of the typical jazz fan on entertainment cannot prove that a new jazz club could be profitable. All these lead this argument to a unpersuasive one.
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沙发
发表于 2012-1-13 22:43:49 |只看该作者
In this argument, that arguer assumes that a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendous profitable. To bolster the assumption, the arguer points out several evidences. Firstly, since the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away, a new jazz club in Monroe would have the local market all to itself. Secondly, over 100,000 people attending Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, many famous jazz musicians living in Monroe and that 'Jazz Nightly' is the highest-rated radio program there prove that jazz is very popular in Monroe.Finally,  a nationwide study implies that the typical jazz fan spends nearly $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.It seems that these evidences are many enough to substantiate the assumption at first glance, however, whether these evidences can really support the assumption is suspicious. The reasons are stated as follows. 第一段是标准的开头,只是在叙述原文的理由时有一点啰嗦。精简一点。这一段并不会体现你的分析能力。

In the first place, the arguer points out that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away from Monroe, so that a new jazz club in Monroe would have the local market all to itself. However, it is possible that despite the long distance, that jazz club has its unique characteristics that attracts people still choosing it after a new jazz club developed in Monroe. Even if the nearest jazz club doesn't have any unique characteristics, maybe it has various jazz entertainment, and the fees are averagely lower than universal jazz clubs, and people in Monroe have much time more than money,这句是什么意思 人们对于时间的障碍不及价格的差距障碍还是? thus the new jazz club in Monroe wouldn't necessarily have the local market all to itself.



In the second place,  along with the fact that many people attend Monroe's annul jazz festival last summer; numerous famous jazz musicians live there, and that the highest radio program is 'Jazz Nightly', the arguer assumes that jazz is especially popular in Monroe. However, each of these evidences is doubtful to support the assumption. First, 100,000 people attending Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer doesn't mean all these people are specially attending it. 翻译下:去那里参加爵士乐的人不一定是全部去参加的,可能有的是游人,为了历史文化去的Since it is possible that most of these people are tourists, and they came to Monroe mainly for its long history culture, comfortable weather, and so on. Even if these people specially attending it, maybe it is an aberration. Maybe the host of jazz festival in Monroe last summer made a large appealing advertisement and offer awards for attendants so that lead to the result of so many people's attending. Second, so many famous jazz musicians living in Monroe doesn't necessarily mean that jazz in Monroe is popular.It is possible that these musicians choose to live in Monroe purely for its superior living environment rather than a positive condition relating to jazz. In addition, these famous jazz musicians don't necessarily attract people to Monroe thus jazz in Monroe wouldn't necessarily be popular.Since maybe people used to like these musicians, and now they have no interested in them. Even if people still like them, they don't need to come to Monroe to join a jazz club, since they can enjoy jazz through the TV, the CD, the computer...Thus the fact that many famous jazz musicians living in Monroe neither can prove that jazz is popular in Monroe, nor can predicate that the jazz would popular there. Finally, that the radio program 'jazz Nightly' is the highest-rated cannot prove the jazz popularity, neither. Since it is possible that people like the host of the program rather than jazz itself. Maybe other radio programs are much worse than 'Jazz Nightly', thus people have to choose the least bad one. All in all, all these evidences cannot substantiate tat that jazz is popular in Monroe.



Last, by citing a nation study that the typical jazz spends nearly $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, the arguer wants to prove that a new jazz club in Monroe would be profitable. However, the typical jazz fan in Monroe doesn't necessarily spend so much on the jazz entertainment, since it is possible that the typical jazz fans there are commonly not affluent, thus they would not spend so much on the jazz entertainment even if they love jazz crazily. And even if the typical jazz fan in Monroe would spend $1,000 or so per year on jazz entertainment, it doesn't mean that other people would do so as the typical jazz fan, and if these typical jazz fans are only a sam ll part of people in Monroe, the assumption that a new jazz club in Monroe would be tremendous profitable is not convincing.



To sum up, the arguer cannot ruling out the contest rival's other advantages of jazz clubs despite the distance; and many people's attending annul jazz festival in Monroe, numerous famous jazz musicians living in Monroe, and that 'Jazz Nightly' is the highest-rated radio program cannot prove that jazz is popular in Monroe; and the nation study relating to the expenditure of the typical jazz fan on entertainment cannot prove that a new jazz club could be profitable. All these lead this argument to a unpersuasive one.
总的来说,你写的是三段的分析。我一段段的分析如上。句法没有太大问题,但是我觉得分析理由有点牵强。这个题目的结论是在本地开。。。的club会很盈利。这个结论也抓好。如果是我我会觉得在第一段就抓住要害,说明他所谓的$1,000 per year on jazz entertainment是不靠谱的。因为这个直接和盈利有关系。调查每年花这么多钱,的确可以证明他们喜欢爵士乐,但是不能证明他们会花钱去本地的这个club。我觉得这是一个很大的弊病。如果不去这个club花钱,我可以有其他喜欢音乐的方式,自己在家听cd可以吧。   其次 你的第一段的论述想攻击的是本地club不如远处的有吸引力,大概是这个意思。但是你的理由说得绕,不如就说新建的不一定会超过远处的,这个第一段的叙述可以放在后面,因为我认为不如前面的1000刀的理由有攻击力。
最后说下你的第二段的陈述,第二段好像综合了很多个反驳的理由。不如抓住一个重点说。标红色的地方你说别人是冲着文化历史去的,这个理由很牵强。不如说去年是10000人去参加了,并不说明他们对club有兴趣,也许他们喜欢的仅仅是festival的活动,喜欢参加这个festival≠club也会受欢迎(这个我也觉得有点牵强哈)个人建议。 还有最后说广播的问题,也许他们是不得已才听这个频道。这个理由我觉得都要给这个文章减分了。他们喜欢广播的原因≠喜欢jazz,可能是因为主播才喜欢的。而且就算是喜欢jazz,他们也许喜欢的就是广播的方式,不喜欢club的方式。
如果要证明能盈利,需要说明他们确实是喜欢jazz,而且club能办的和festival一样好,或者人们对于这个club有明确的需求什么的。

就说这么多,仅供参考。我的AW也不行,但是还是想看看 呵呵 不考了反而有兴趣了。。。有异议请指教!
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板凳
发表于 2012-1-14 10:27:34 |只看该作者
2# 蜥蜴也飞
THX先哈~
来具体探讨下

In this argument, that arguer assumes that a jazz music club in Monroe would be tremendous profitable. To bolster the assumption, the arguer points out several evidences. Firstly, since the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away, a new jazz club in Monroe would have the local market all to itself. Secondly, over 100,000 people attending Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer, many famous jazz musicians living in Monroe and that 'Jazz Nightly' is the highest-rated radio program there prove that jazz is very popular in Monroe.Finally,  a nationwide study implies that the typical jazz fan spends nearly $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment.It seems that these evidences are many enough to substantiate the assumption at first glance, however, whether these evidences can really support the assumption is suspicious. The reasons are stated as follows. 第一段是标准的开头,只是在叙述原文的理由时有一点啰嗦。精简一点。这一段并不会体现你的分析能力。(主要是想陈列证据,便于我下文分析,不过我的确得继续练习间接概括...)

In the first place, the arguer points out that the nearest jazz club is 65 miles away from Monroe, so that a new jazz club in Monroe would have the local market all to itself. However, it is possible that despite the long distance, that jazz club has its unique characteristics that attracts people still choosing it after a new jazz club developed in Monroe. Even if the nearest jazz club doesn't have any unique characteristics, maybe it has various jazz entertainment, and the fees are averagely lower than universal jazz clubs, and people in Monroe have much time more than money,这句是什么意思 人们对于时间的障碍不及价格的差距障碍还是?(我想说明的意思是那里的人时间比钱多,所以可能还会选择活动多费用低的that nearest jazz club。可能得改下: have much more time than money) thus the new jazz club in Monroe wouldn't necessarily have the local market all to itself.



In the second place,  along with the fact that many people attend Monroe's annul jazz festival last summer; numerous famous jazz musicians live there, and that the highest radio program is 'Jazz Nightly', the arguer assumes that jazz is especially popular in Monroe. However, each of these evidences is doubtful to support the assumption. First, 100,000 people attending Monroe's annual jazz festival last summer doesn't mean all these people are specially attending it. 翻译下:去那里参加爵士乐的人不一定是全部专门去参加的,可能有的是游人,为了历史文化去的(游客为了一个城市的历史文化去游玩也是常有的事情,恰巧碰上个大型活动就参加了,并不是专门去参加。)Since it is possible that most of these people are tourists, and they came to Monroe mainly for its long history culture, comfortable weather, and so on. Even if these people specially attending it, maybe it is an aberration. Maybe the host of jazz festival in Monroe last summer made a large appealing advertisement and offer awards for attendants so that lead to the result of so many people's attending. Second, so many famous jazz musicians living in Monroe doesn't necessarily mean that jazz in Monroe is popular.It is possible that these musicians choose to live in Monroe purely for its superior living environment rather than a positive condition relating to jazz. In addition, these famous jazz musicians don't necessarily attract people to Monroe thus jazz in Monroe wouldn't necessarily be popular.Since maybe people used to like these musicians, and now they have no interested in them. Even if people still like them, they don't need to come to Monroe to join a jazz club, since they can enjoy jazz through the TV, the CD, the computer...Thus the fact that many famous jazz musicians living in Monroe neither can prove that jazz is popular in Monroe, nor can predicate that the jazz would popular there. Finally, that the radio program 'jazz Nightly' is the highest-rated cannot prove the jazz popularity, neither. Since it is possible that people like the host of the program rather than jazz itself. Maybe other radio programs are much worse than 'Jazz Nightly', thus people have to choose the least bad one. (这个攻击我也觉得有点牵强哈,既然都不喜欢,干嘛非得听radio program...除非那儿只有radio...)(Even if people like the jazz itself, maybe they only like the media way of radio to listen to jazz, and won't necessarily join a club.)(这个攻击点不错,THX哈~)All in all, all these evidences cannot substantiate tat that jazz is popular in Monroe.



Last, by citing a nation study that the typical jazz spends nearly $1,000 per year on jazz entertainment, the arguer wants to prove that a new jazz club in Monroe would be profitable. However, the typical jazz fan in Monroe doesn't necessarily spend so much on the jazz entertainment, since it is possible that the typical jazz fans there are commonly not affluent, thus they would not spend so much on the jazz entertainment even if they love jazz crazily. And even if the typical jazz fan in Monroe would spend $1,000 or so per year on jazz entertainment, it doesn't mean that other people would do so as the typical jazz fan, and if these typical jazz fans are only a sam ll part of people in Monroe, the assumption that a new jazz club in Monroe would be tremendous profitable is not convincing.



To sum up, the arguer cannot ruling out the contest rival's other advantages of jazz clubs despite the distance; and many people's attending annul jazz festival in Monroe, numerous famous jazz musicians living in Monroe, and that 'Jazz Nightly' is the highest-rated radio program cannot prove that jazz is popular in Monroe; and the nation study relating to the expenditure of the typical jazz fan on entertainment cannot prove that a new jazz club could be profitable. All these lead this argument to a unpersuasive one.
总的来说,你写的是三段的分析。我一段段的分析如上。句法没有太大问题,但是我觉得分析理由有点牵强。这个题目的结论是在本地开。。。的club会很盈利。这个结论也抓好。如果是我我会觉得在第一段就抓住要害,说明他所谓的$1,000 per year on jazz entertainment是不靠谱的。因为这个直接和盈利有关系。调查每年花这么多钱,的确可以证明他们喜欢爵士乐,但是不能证明他们会花钱去本地的这个club。我觉得这是一个很大的弊病。如果不去这个club花钱,我可以有其他喜欢音乐的方式,自己在家听cd可以吧。   其次 你的第一段的论述想攻击的是本地club不如远处的有吸引力,大概是这个意思。但是你的理由说得绕,不如就说新建的不一定会超过远处的,这个第一段的叙述可以放在后面,因为我认为不如前面的1000刀的理由有攻击力。(根据instruction,是要攻击一个个specific evidence,我觉得按顺序来可能比较顺哈~)
最后说下你的第二段的陈述,第二段好像综合了很多个反驳的理由。不如抓住一个重点说。标红色的地方你说别人是冲着文化历史去的,这个理由很牵强。不如说去年是10000人去参加了,并不说明他们对club有兴趣,也许他们喜欢的仅仅是festival的活动,喜欢参加这个festival≠club也会受欢迎(这个我也觉得有点牵强哈)个人建议。 还有最后说广播的问题,也许他们是不得已才听这个频道。这个理由我觉得都要给这个文章减分了。他们喜欢广播的原因≠喜欢jazz,可能是因为主播才喜欢的。而且就算是喜欢jazz,他们也许喜欢的就是广播的方式,不喜欢club的方式。(嗯哪)
如果要证明能盈利,需要说明他们确实是喜欢jazz,而且club能办的和festival一样好,或者人们对于这个club有明确的需求什么的。
(根据instruction,是要攻击specific evidence,我觉得应该是攻击所提供的证据,不必给结论作出其他解释哈~)

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地板
发表于 2012-1-14 16:24:25 |只看该作者
我练ARGUE的时候参考的是这个帖子,我觉得很有道理。要不你先看些这个。
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-412534-1-1.html
其实重点也许不是攻击顺序,但是重点不会变,关键看每个点分析的到位与否。结论和论据肯定是有关系并且有漏洞的,每次做题之前要分清原文叙述的因果,也许这样比较好。
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发表于 2012-1-14 18:52:42 |只看该作者
4# 蜥蜴也飞

嗯哪!~ 虚心受教 哈~ THX again~

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RE: 新g Argu25 求拍~ [修改]
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