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http://www.west.net/~stewart/ws/wstest1.htm
Sample Issue Essays
HERE YOU'LL FIND sample essay responses to the diagnostic Issue test at the end of Part 1 of the book. These essays were composed by actual GRE or GMAT test takers with varying undergraduate experiences. Each essay is scored and is immediately followed by my commentary. All test-taker errors in spelling, punctuation, etc. have been retained in the essays on this Web page.
Here is the simulated Issue statement from Part 1 and to which these essays respond:
"Leisure time is becoming an increasingly rare commodity, largely because technology has failed to achieve its goal of improving our efficiency in our daily pursuits."
In your view, how accurate is the statement above? Use relevant reasons and/or examples from your experience, observations, or reading to support you viewpoint.
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Essay No. 1
(composed under a 45-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 6
In a society where most households have clocks, phones, and televisions in almost every room, and daily schedules are demarcated by minutes instead of hours, many Americans suffer from stress and constantly complain that they don't have enough time to do everything they want to do. This complaint appears paradoxical because we know there has been an almost exponential development in technology. Our computers are faster and more powerful, we have more machines to do our tasks for us, and even our transportation gets us where we need to be much more quickly. Still, we have less time than ever to spend leisurely, and I will argue that this problem is not because technology has failed to achieve its goal of improving efficiency, but rather, because technology has created more pursuits and Americans are subject to a basic ethical drive for "More".
Many Americans complain they don't have enough time. As a society, most of us get caught up in a schedule of going to work each day, coming home late, then taking care of mundane details before finally falling into bed only to get up early the next day to continue the routine. In most households, both parents work full-time, so are busy working throughout the week, which leaves them only the weekends to take care of household duties like cleaning and doing the bills. As a result, many parents feel ostracized from their children because they don't have the time or energy to spend with their kids. Many people suffer from chronic stress because they don't take the time out from their busy lives to just relax. What little free time people do have, they spend on the phone, in front of the TV, or on the computer so that they are still not relaxing, but actively engaged in a cognitive process. People can wile away hours in front of a TV, and not come away feeling relaxed because they've spent that entire time keeping up with the constant flash of images, storing information about characters, plots, themes, products and other aspects of the media and all without realizing that they're doing so. The influx of media is just one element of the reason why people don't have enough time.
While technology has made many things better and faster, it has also created more pursuits with which the public can engage itself. We now have televisions, computers, palm pilots, stereos, DVDs, play stations, and cell phones to occupy our time with, just to name a few. Furthermore, all these things are within easy access to the average American. Meanwhile, pursuits that are traditionally considered relaxing are becoming more expensive and less accessible. For example, for most Americans $100 massages are an unaffordable luxury and as cities grow larger, nature walks are becoming harder to find. It is sometimes easier to just sit down in front of the TV than it is to take the time out to do something special. So people fill their time with mediated technologies and get so caught up in their favorite shows or games that they don't take the time to do other things they've been "meaning to do".
This whirlwind of activity is a product of another reason why our society pines for more leisure time. This country was founded on the conservative Protestant ethic that dictates people should work hard now so they may reap the rewards later. While this ethic is essential for effective productivity and pushes us to want more, it has become detrimental to the American psyche. People push themselves to become more efficient so they can accomplish more. However, then they've started adding more goals so that in effect, the job never gets done. For example, people will also want to buy more things to achieve higher social status, so instead of saving for early retirement, they end up having to work just as long to pay off all their debts. Furthermore, people are so busy pushing themselves daily with the vague promise of retirement at the end, hoping to retire sooner in life, that they forget to stop and enjoy life as it is happening. Instead of working when they are older, but enjoying each day of their lives, people forgo daily enjoyments for the promise of later rewards.
So while technology has given the means of more efficient production, it has also given us more things to deal with and accomplish. As a result, people find themselves running around endlessly, sometimes forgetting what it is they are running after. The key to more leisure time has become not more technology, but a refusal to let technology run our lives. We must learn to stop once in awhile, breathe, and enjoy life as it comes. We must learn to achieve a balance between looking ahead to tomorrow and learning to enjoy today.
Commentary on Essay No. 1 (Score: 6)
This outstanding essay provides an insightful analysis of the issue at hand, although it deserves what might be termed a "weak 6" (rather than a "strong 6").
The opening paragraph is particularly effective, providing a clear statement of premise (the writer's position or perspective on the issue). In Paragraph 2 the writer first establishes that our leisure time is in fact diminishing, then provides the first of three reasons for this phenomenon. (Paragraphs 3 and 4 provide two more reasons.) The supporting examples given for each reason are ample and relevant. While the reasons and examples given in Paragraphs 2 and 3 are not especially insightful, Paragraph 4 makes up for it with highly incisive discussion, contributing greatly to the essay's score of 6.
The discussion throughout the three middle paragraphs is not entirely unflawed. Notably, the three reasons (see above) could have been more clearly identified and delineated, and Paragraph 2 is a bit long-winded and rambling. Also, the writer should have made more explicit the important point that technology is not the culprit for our diminishing leisure time.
The essay demonstrates a mature, sophisticated writing style virtually free from grammatical, syntax, and language problems. (In the final paragraph the writer exhibits a particularly distinctive, and effective, style and voice.) These strengths contribute greatly to elevating this essay from the 5 to the 6 category.
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Essay No. 2
(composed under a 30-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 5
I beg to differ with the speaker's contention which seems to imply that the goal of technology is not only to increase effciency but also our leisure time. Also interwoven in the speaker's statement is the fallacious assumption that they are connected. So we have three points which need to be considered - technological advances, efficiency & leisure - and how they are related.
The aim of technological advance (progress in applied sciences), as far as I know, is to apply scientific data and discoveries toward practical and beneficial use. For instance we've used new knowledge of Particle Physics in diagnosing medical conditions - eg. through Magneto Resonance Imagery - and also in treatment - eg., radiotherapy. Did this technological advance and the motivation behind it really have anything to do with efficiency? Only in that efficiency might be a by-product of a certain technology , but I do not think it was the primary objective.
Of course the by-product of certain new technologies might be"efficiency" but to what extent? Computers are typically cited as a perfect example. Yes they do help us get more work done without expending as much energy. But we need to factor in the time and energy required in learning how to efficiently operate one, and then expended in keeping our learning up to date with the rapid technological advances in the same. (A person with the energy to compile and critically analyze the data constructively to formulate the answer to that one will definitely need an advanced computer!) So its possible that even computers don't in the end improve the efficiency of our daily lives, in net terms.
And then, there is the question of "leisure". Personally I think it is a matter of choice and not time saving ,technologically advanced, efficient tools. The speaker seems to assume that the time "saved" (we are still waiting for the verdict on that one) will be spent towards leisure. I do not see the connection. Ulitmately the motivation of a person, personality & lifestyle choices and circumstances determine how the time that is saved is used. It could be towards leisure in one person's case; in another's towards putting in more hours to make more money to make ends meet or to buy that new car which he/she absolutely must have.
In the end I think there is no clear connection between the three points under consideration. Hence in the absence of the relationship between technology, efficiency & leisure claimed by the speaker I disagree on whole.
Commentary on Essay No. 2 (Score: 5)
This essay provides an insightful and organized analysis of the issue's complexities, but is flawed by problems of syntax, too-informal expression, and a weak recapitulation of the essay's premise or conclusion.
The initial paragraph, which anticipates a three-pronged critique, is followed by three body paragraphs addressing each point in turn. These features demonstrates a thoughtful approach to the issue and strong organizational skills. The result is a balanced, cohesive, and persuasive essay overall. The reasons and examples in support of each point of critique are relevant and incisive, and the writer acknowledges differing perspectives on this issue. These features help distinguish this essay from lower-scoring ones. However, the two parenthetical comments (in Paragraphs 3 and 4) are inappropriately informal asides that contribute to keeping this essay out of the 6 category.
Also contributing to the essay's less-than-optimal score is the final paragraph, which appears to be an afterthought梐 hurried attempt to summarize the essay's arguments. A more effective closing paragraph would provide a clearer statement of premise (thesis or conclusion) and would more clearly recapitulate the writer's line of reasoning.
While the writer demonstrates good overall control of language and written expression, several problems in these areas contribute to keeping this otherwise effectively-argued essay out of the 6 category. The problems vary, from redundancy ("apply...toward use") to use of vernacular ("we are still waiting for the verdict on that one") to loose syntax ("A person with the energy to compile and critically analyze the data constructively to formulate the answer to that one will definitely need an advanced computer!"). (There are other instances of syntax problems as well.) The essay's occasional errors in spelling and punctuation did not adversely affect its score.
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Essay No. 3
(composed under a 45-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 4
Leisure time is becoming an increasingly rare commodity in our society. However, this is not due to the failure of technology to improve our efficiency in our daily pursuits. In fact, improvements in technology have had a positive impact in our daily lives. We live in consumerist time savvy society that thrives on immediate gratification. Our lives depend on the convenience of technology in order that we may continue our busy lifestyles and accomplish simple everyday tasks faster and more efficiently.
Technology is improving the efficiency of our home, school, and work environments everyday. Because of technological improvements, hospitals, schools, libraries, businesses, and other institutions can look up information and records more efficiently. It is not always necessary to walk down a flood of charts and files to look up basic information. Computer software, such as Excel and Quicken allow us to budget and sort information more quickly and effectively. We do not have to pull out a calculator. The machines do it for us!
Since the invention of the internet, people have been able to accomplish time consuming tasks in short amounts of time. It is no longer necessary to write out a letter and wait for the postman to pick up your mail. Now you can type up a letter and send it instantaneously into cyberspace. We are able to make hotel reservations, book flights, process financial aid applications, and do our Christmas shopping in a matter of minutes. It is no longer necessary to go into the travel agency, shopping mall, or wait on hold for fifteen minutes to accomplish a simple task.
However, with all of these new technological conveniences, how come we find ourselves with even less leisure time? Because it does not matter how many fax machines, cell phones, drive thru windows, and ATM Machines we invent. We will always find some way to use to fill up our leisure time. Unfortunately, it is often through technology that we accomplish this. Just take a look at the stockbroker who takes his cell phone to his son's graduation ceremony. Or the couple that spends an afternoon emailing each other, when they could be out chatting during a nice leisurely hike or bike ride. Technology is not to blame for our lack of leisure time. Technology has made our lives more efficient. It is because of our unfortunate skewing of priorities that technology is not enough to provide us with more leisure time.
Commentary on Essay No. 3 (Score: 4)
This response is generally competent; it responds to the topic, recognizes some complexity about the issue, and conveys its ideas clearly and effectively (for the most part). The score of 4 is mainly a reflection of certain substantive and structural problems.
Paragraph 1 is problematic in several respects. First, the writer simply accepts, without providing reasons or examples, that our leisure time is diminishing. Second, the contention that "[w]e live in a consumerist time savvy society that thrives on immediate gratification" does not address the issue at hand, and in any event is not developed or supported in the essay. Thirdly, the paragraph is confusing and rambling overall, suggesting that the writer lacks a clear idea about the direction the essay will take梐n organization problem that helps keep this essay out of either the 5 or 6 category.
Paragraphs 2 and 3 provide numerous examples of the ways in which technology has enhanced the efficiency of our daily lives. While the examples provide adequate support for this point, they are not especially incisive. It is the writer's undue attention, in these two paragraphs, to a secondary point at the expense of developing the main premise that is primarily responsible for keeping this essay just out of the 5 category. The essay fails to adequately develop that premise, provided in Paragraph 4梩hat "our unfortunate skewing of priorities," not technology, is responsible for our diminishing leisure time.
The writer handles language and syntax competently. The essay does contain a few minor language problems, varying from improper references ("institutions can look up...") to improper word usage ("to budget ... information") to questionable idioms ("how come we find out..."). However, these minor and infrequent problems carry little adverse impact on the essay's overall score.
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Essay No. 4
(composed under a 30-minute time limit)
Score (on the 0-6 scale): 3
Picture this, a family sitting down for breakfast. The father at the head of the table asking everyone what their agenda is for the day. Suddenly he looks at his watch, then with a frantic look on his face, he lets out a bellowing roar of I'm late. Every one looks at each other and scrambles to get thier belongings for the day. Five minutes later everyone meets at the family vehicle and files in. The car speeds away and everyone is off to their busy filled day.
you would think that with today's technology, the family would be able to sit down together and enjoy breakfast without being rushed, but in todays society this is not the case. It seems like the more we are advanced in technology the more we pack into our schedultes eliminating free time. We are trained as children to work as hard as we can, to advance ourseveles in careers or growth and any relaxation could be viewed as laziness by out parents or peers.
Though we do have the technology which could enable us to live stress free lives, we choose to use it to our benefit, but instead of taking advantage of our newly created "spare time", we bog ourselves with more work. Let's take the father of this family who is a well known executive at a prominant accounting firm. He is the man that solves all the problems and has all the answers for his company. During his lunch hour he sits and calculates numbers instead of enjoying himslef and relaxing. "No time for rest" is his motto. When his boss says we're going to give you a half day today, he decides to spend it on the golf course discussin work. He has no time for his family and always seems to be found in his office when at home. This is a very unhealthy way of live and could be damaging to the raising of his children.
The children pick up patterns at a very young age. Grwoing up we are trained by our parents subcounciously. These children from a very young age are taught that leisure time is wrong. At a young age that children are subjected to little league and ballet, as a detourant of cutting into their parents time. In these activities childrn are pushed to their fullest potential, allowing them to accompish the honor roll, class president, or even valedictorian for there graduating class. It is great that the children have such drive, but without relaxation or leisure time it oculd lead to psychological problems or mental breakdowns.
Even though technology has created free or leisure time, we as individuals need to learn to take advantage of it. We have been trained at a very young age always to be busy. When were not working on deadline or have meeting to be at we are often wondering what do we do with ourselves. The fact of the matter is that we do have the technology to make our lives a lot easier, we just need to take advantage of it, if we don't we could end up seriously injured physically, or even more detrminetal psychologically.
Commentary on Essay No. 4 (Score: 3)
This essay, which contains 526 words, exemplifies that composing a lengthy essay is not the key to a high score. Although the essay exhibits some competence, it suffers from limited analysis, lack of cohesiveness, and frequent problems in written expression.
Throughout the essay, the writer provides anecdotal support for the claim that as a society we do indeed lack leisure time and that the reason for this phenomenon has to do with how we choose to use our time. However, the writer fails to develop, or even articulate, a position on the extent to which technology is to blame. The writer digresses from the issue, focusing in a rambling fashion on our penchant for busy-ness and its potential health problems. It is the essay's improper focus and lack of clear structure that are primarily responsible for the essay's limited score of 3.
Frequent grammatical errors and other problems in expression also contribute to keeping this essay out of a higher score category. Examples of grammatical errors include:
error in choice of relative pronoun ("everyone looks at each other")
mixed case ("The children pick up patterns at a very young age. Growing up we are trained...")
misplaced modifying words and phrases ("trained by our parents subconsciously" and "These children from a very early age are taught")
vague prounoun references ("without relaxation or leisure time it oculd lead to...")
Here are some examples of other problems in expression:
awkward phrases ("It seems like the more we are advanced in technology")
awkward use of the passive voice ("seems to be found in his office")
lack of sentence sense (first sentence of the third paragraph: "Though we do have the technology...")
improper word choice ("Though we do have the technology which could")
improper idiom ("accomplish the honor roll...")
Punctuation and spelling errors, while frequent, do not obscure intended meaning and hence do not contribute to keeping this essay out of a higher score category. |
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