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[i习作temp] issue183 感觉最好的1篇！拍砖必回！ [复制链接]

zehua
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楼主

发表于 2005-7-17 19:32:51 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

题目：As we acquire more knowledge,things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and more mysterious.帮我改的第一个同学，留下你的文章，我也帮你改。互相提高:lol
昨天发的4篇，只有这篇被改了，其它3篇都没动。再加上今天白天发的4篇和正在写的ARGU，就有8篇啦！所以帮忙看看其他几篇就好啦！怎么大家都对183这么感兴趣？晕。:vomit:
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Do thing become more complex and more mysterious, instead of more comprehensible as we acquire more knowledge? I agree with the speaker that with deeper understanding of the physical world, things will become more complex and more mysterious, when we only take one step forward. However, things will eventually be thoroughly understood as we take thousands of steps ahead and finally finished the path of exploration.

It is true that as we acquire more knowledge, we find more problems unsolved, and find nature more complex and mysterious to us. Once a famous scientist said: Human acquiring knowledge is like expansion of a circle. As the circle becomes larger, more areas of unknown would be touched at its edge. In other words, as you understand the truth of one thing, you would possibly find more problems unsolved. Then you would feel that nature is more complex and mysterious. Before Copernicus's claim that Earth is rotating around the sun, center of the universe, it was people's firm belief that Earth was the universe's center and other stars were rotating about it. Although Copernicus made a great advance in understanding the universe, more problems arisen at the same time, such as why couldn't it be possible that neither sun nor Earth is the center of the universe? People began to question themselves, and then it was proved that neither sun was center of the universe. Thus nature would appear more complex as we know more about it.

However, as we acquire enough knowledge, all of the mysteries could be uncovered. Although we would see more unknowns after taking the first few steps in the exploration, it is entirely possible that we could see the whole picture after sailing through the whole path of the journey. Admittedly, as the circle becomes larger in the expansion, more areas of unknowns would be seen. Yet the edge could be able to touch the whole plain as it extends large enough. As Columbus sailed to the East and discovered North America continent, people began to query whether Earth is round and whether there were other continents unknown. This question was finally answered by a sailor who succeeded in sailing around the world and found South America and Asia. Only after then was the argument of Earth shape and continent locations settled. Therefore world will ultimately become clear and simple after we get a thorough understanding of it.

Moreover, once we are faced with new discoveries, we find it no longer easy to explain such phenomenon by our out-of-date theories. However it does not necessarily mean that our understanding of the world is weakened. In contrary, it is a sign of great advancement. Without obtaining the complete picture, nature seems more puzzling to us as our new discovery itself either needs further explanation or raises more questions. Yet it does not mean failure. It is a winning step. Although over twenty thousand papers have been published regarding AIDS, there is still no way for us to cure it. Nevertheless we have made a great step forward, in the battle of conquering AIDS. Thus new discoveries should not be underrated when they raise more questions to us.

In the final analysis, we should understand that although some discoveries could bring more puzzles to human minds, it is through such challenges that science advances. We cannot simply underrate or even neglect the discoveries we make, if it cannot show the whole picture of the world to us.

[ Last edited by zehua on 2005-7-19 at 08:50 ]

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沙发

发表于 2005-7-17 22:23:14 |只看该作者

As we acquire more knowledge, things do not become more comprehensible, but more complex and－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－
Do thing become more complex and more mysterious, instead of more comprehensible as we acquire more knowledge? I agree with the speaker that with deeper understanding of the physical world, things will become more complex and more mysterious, when we only take one step forward. However, things will eventually be thoroughly understood as we take thousands of steps ahead and finally finished the path of exploration.

It is true that as we acquire more knowledge, we find more problems unsolved, and find nature more complex and mysterious to us. Once a famous scientist said: Human acquiring knowledge is like expansion of a circle. As the circle becomes larger, more areas of unknown would be touched at its edge. In other words, as you understand the truth of one thing, you would possibly find more problems unsolved. Then you would feel that nature is more complex and mysterious. Before Copernicus's claim that Earth is rotating around the sun, center of the universe, it was people's firm belief that Earth was the universe's center and other stars were rotating about it.(感觉这句写得跟强调句有一些混淆，可以改一下) Although Copernicus made a great advance in understanding the universe, more problems arisen at the same time, such as why couldn't it be possible that neither sun nor Earth is the center of the universe? People began to question themselves, and then it was proved that neither sun was center of the universe. Thus nature would appear more complex as we know more about it.

However, as we acquire enough knowledge, all of the mysteries could be uncovered. Although we would see more unknowns after taking the first few steps in the exploration, it is entirely possible that we could see the whole picture after sailing through the whole path of the journey. Admittedly, as the circle becomes larger in the expansion, more areas of unknowns would be seen. Yet the edge could be able to touch the whole plain as it extends large enough. As Columbus sailed to the East and discovered North America continent, people began to query whether Earth is round and whether there were other continents unknown. This question was finally answered by a（the） sailor who succeeded in sailing around the world and found South America and Asia. Only after then was the argument of Earth shape and continent locations settled. Therefore world will ultimately become clear and simple after we get a thorough understanding of it. (the sailor who succeeded in sailing around the world bring the contention to the end)

Moreover, once we are faced with new discoveries, we find it no longer easy to explain such phenomenon by our out-of-date theories. However it does not necessarily mean that our understanding of the world is weakened. In contrary, it is a sign of great advancement. Without obtaining the complete picture, nature seems more puzzling to us as our new discovery itself either needs further explanation or raises more questions. Yet it does not mean failure. It is a winning step. Although over twenty thousand papers have been published regarding AIDS, there is still no way for us to cure it. Nevertheless we have made a great step forward, in the battle of conquering AIDS. Thus new discoveries should not be underrated when they raise more questions to us.

In the final analysis, we should understand that although some discoveries could bring more puzzles to human minds, it is through such challenges that science advances. We cannot simply underrate or even neglect the discoveries we make, if it cannot show the whole picture of the world to us.
总体感觉确实不错，挺连贯，例子配合得也挺恰当，只是觉得短句比例偏大，文字有一点散。小弟实在是菜鸟，搞定Arg刚刚开始研究Issue, 现只有一篇Issue（刚刚出炉）还望楼主多多指教https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

If you think English is easy, take GRE
If you think math is easy, take wavelet
If you think life is easy, take a girlfriend

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板凳

发表于 2005-7-18 11:51:06 |只看该作者

呵呵，我在这篇里是刻意多用短句的，因为前几篇里面别人批评我说长句太多。

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地板

发表于 2005-7-18 11:55:53 |只看该作者

写得不错，早上一连看几篇文章，这篇的语言和逻辑是最好的。我不擅于改细节语法，所以就谈一下我的观点：

head：
      以走一步和走百步来分类讨论，个人觉得很恰当。

body：
      1）学得越多，碰到的新知识就越多。
      2）学得足够多了，未知的知识就不再有了。
      3）当面对新的问题，并不意味我们的知识变薄弱了，而是我们进步的信号。
body的三方面除第二个略显牵强外，其它2个都不错，主要是观点好。说第二个牵强是因为“学无止境”，所以不存在“acquire enough knowledge”的情况，不管什么领域，多小的领域，都是学海无涯的。因为不可能发生，所以讨论“acquire enough knowledge”的情况就没什么意义。好像过于挑剔了点，我想考试的时候这样写是不会有问题的。

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5楼

发表于 2005-7-18 12:04:47 |只看该作者

Originally posted by 思念谁 at 2005-7-18 11:55
写得不错，早上一连看几篇文章，这篇的语言和逻辑是最好的。我不擅于改细节语法，所以就谈一下我的观点：

head：
以走一步和走百步来分类讨论，个人觉得很恰当。

body：
1）学得越多，碰 ...

有些问题本来就很简单，比如文中提到关于地球形状和各大洲的位置。只要绕地球彻底转1圈这个问题就彻底清楚了。不可能再有别的问题了。

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6楼

发表于 2005-7-18 12:24:15 |只看该作者

但在走的途中会遇到各种各样的问题，这又会使人们产生困惑。
不能对知识范围预先限定，否则就看不到新的知识产生.

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7楼

发表于 2005-7-18 13:26:33 |只看该作者

the guy who proved the Earth is round is who? 麦哲伦?

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8楼

发表于 2005-7-18 17:29:55 |只看该作者

Do thing (things) become more complex and more mysterious, instead of more comprehensible as we acquire more knowledge? I agree with the speaker that with deeper understanding of the physical world, things will become more complex and more mysterious, when we only take one step forward. However, things will eventually be thoroughly understood as we take thousands of steps ahead and finally finished the path of exploration.

It is true that as we acquire more knowledge, we find more problems unsolved, and find (the) nature more complex and mysterious to us. Once a famous scientist said: Human acquiring knowledge is like expansion of a circle. As the circle becomes larger, more areas of unknown would be touched at its edge.（这个引用很恰当）In other words, as you understand the truth of one thing, you would possibly find more problems unsolved. Then you would feel that nature is more complex and mysterious. （出现了很多次了，建议写文章之前把题目中的重点词汇做同变换） Before Copernicus's claim that Earth is rotating around the sun, center of the universe, it was people's firm belief that Earth was the universe's center and other stars were rotating about it. Although Copernicus made a great advance in understanding the universe, more problems arisen at the same time, such as why couldn't it be possible that neither sun nor Earth is the center of the universe? People began to question themselves, and then it was proved that neither sun was center of the universe. Thus nature would appear more complex as we know more about it.

However, as we acquire enough knowledge, all of the mysteries could be uncovered. Although we would see more unknowns after taking the first few steps in the exploration, it is entirely possible that we could see the whole picture after sailing through the whole path of the journey. Admittedly, as the circle becomes larger in the expansion, more areas of unknowns would be seen. Yet the edge could be able to touch the whole plain as it extends large enough. As Columbus sailed to the East and discovered North America continent, people began to query whether Earth is round and whether there were other continents unknown. This question was finally answered by a sailor who succeeded in sailing around the world and found South America and Asia. Only after then was the argument of Earth shape and continent locations settled. Therefore world will ultimately become clear and simple after we get a thorough understanding of it.（觉得楼主是从随着研究范围的扩大，新问题不断涌现这个角度来说事情会变的明白，我认为可以谈下知识积累如何有益于解决复杂的问题）
Moreover, once we are faced with new discoveries, we find it no longer easy to explain such phenomenon by our out-of-date theories. However it does not necessarily mean that our understanding of the world is weakened. In contrary, it is a sign of great advancement. Without obtaining the complete picture, nature seems more puzzling to us as our new discovery itself either needs further explanation or raises more questions. Yet it does not mean failure. It is a winning step. Although over twenty thousand papers have been published regarding AIDS, there is still no way for us to cure it. Nevertheless we have made a great step forward, in the battle of conquering AIDS. Thus new discoveries should not be underrated when they raise more questions to us.

In the final analysis, we should understand that although some discoveries could bring more puzzles to human minds, it is through such challenges that science advances. We cannot simply underrate or even neglect the discoveries we make, if it cannot show the whole picture of the world to us.
读起来很流畅，就楼主的思路来说文章的逻辑是比较清晰的。不过这道题其实比较难，我觉得需要更深入的思考。这道题需要较多的运用例子，楼主做的不错，我刚开始写的时候论证过多，后来彻底重写了，下面是我对这个题目的一些想法
1承认在某些方面，可以的飞速发展的确使事物变的复杂了
2实质上知识的积累使事情变的简单
1）科学的进步解释许多发杂现象
2）一些应用程序的设计使普通人也能接触深奥的领域
3）事情的本质是原本存在的，不是“变”的复杂，而是源于人们更高的追求。
4）任何以前知识的积累都是有益于更清楚的了解世界。
我水平有限.请楼主帮忙看看
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9楼

发表于 2005-7-18 18:17:14 |只看该作者

麦哲伦? 汗。。。。
我知道那个意思，可是怎么也想不起这个名字，其实初中就讲过很多次了。。。
另外，前面那个比喻也忘了是谁说的了。也是个名人，好像是爱因斯坦？
逗逗：你说我那里出现很多次了，可是这里应该换成什么词啊？

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10楼

发表于 2005-7-18 18:23:58 |只看该作者

昨天发的4篇，只有这篇被改了，其它3篇都没动。再加上今天白天发的4篇和正在写的ARGU，就有8篇啦！所以帮忙看看其他几篇就好啦！这篇就算了吧！:lol
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[ Last edited by zehua on 2005-7-18 at 18:35 ]

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11楼

发表于 2005-7-18 21:56:09 |只看该作者

Do thing become more complex and more mysterious, instead of more comprehensible as we acquire more knowledge? I agree with the speaker that with deeper understanding of the physical world, things will become more complex and more mysterious, when we only take one step forward. However, things will eventually be thoroughly understood as we take thousands of steps ahead and finally finished the path of exploration.

It is true that as we acquire more knowledge, we find more problems unsolved, and find nature more complex and mysterious to us. Once a famous scientist said: Human acquiring knowledge is like expansion of a circle. As the circle becomes larger, more areas of unknown would be touched at its edge. In other words, as you understand the truth of one thing, you would possibly find more problems unsolved. Then you would feel that nature is more complex and mysterious. Before Copernicus's claim that Earth is rotating around the sun, center of the universe, it was people's firm belief that Earth was the universe's center and other stars were rotating about it. Although Copernicus made a great advance in understanding the universe, more problems arisen at the same time, such as why couldn't it be possible that neither sun nor Earth is the center of the universe? People began to question themselves, and then it was proved that neither sun was center of the universe.[这儿的论述略显累赘罗嗦] Thus nature would appear more complex as we know more about it.

However, as we acquire enough knowledge, all of the mysteries could be uncovered. Although we would see more unknowns after taking the first few steps in the exploration, it is entirely possible that we could see the whole picture after sailing through the whole path of the journey. Admittedly, as the circle becomes larger in the expansion, more areas of unknowns would be seen. Yet the edge could be able to touch the whole plain as it extends large enough. As Columbus sailed to the East and discovered North America continent, people began to query whether Earth is round and whether there were other continents unknown.[呵呵呵，这句话仔细琢磨琢磨有意思。哥伦布是向西航行，不过自认为能到达东方之国印度，sailed to the East可能是表达后一种意思，略显不清楚；而如果当时的人们意识到发现的是新大陆North America，哥伦布先前的地圆假设也就没有被证明，但是在后一句话中楼主却把这互为矛盾的两种观点放在一起， query whether earth is round也就是说哥伦布的航行最起码间接支持了地圆说，而whether there were other continents unknown也就是说哥伦布航行被定义为发现新大陆之旅而非证明地圆说之旅。可能牛角尖了，不过问题肯定是有的] This question was finally answered by a sailor who succeeded in sailing around the world and found South America and Asia. Only after then was the argument of Earth shape and continent locations settled. Therefore world will ultimately become clear and simple after we get a thorough understanding of it.

Moreover, once we are faced with new discoveries, we find it no longer easy to explain such phenomenon by our out-of-date theories. However it does not necessarily mean that our understanding of the world is weakened. In contrary, it is a sign of great advancement. Without obtaining the complete picture, nature seems more puzzling to us as our new discovery itself either needs further explanation or raises more questions. Yet it does not mean failure. It is a winning step. Although over twenty thousand papers have been published regarding AIDS, there is still no way for us to cure it. Nevertheless we have made a great step forward, in the battle of conquering AIDS. Thus new discoveries should not be underrated when they raise more questions to us.
[这一段论点我觉得是前面两个论点综合起来的某种变体，疑似病例。最典型的就是the complete picture相对于前面提到的the whole picture和the whole plain，new discovery也就是某种形式上的more areas of unknown, out-of-date theories不能解释现象也就是mysterious和complex了。AIDS research的例子略显苍白，因为毕竟还没有win，无法证明现在的工作是winning step.]

In the final analysis, we should understand that although some discoveries could bring more puzzles to human minds, it is through such challenges that science advances. We cannot simply underrate or even neglect the discoveries we make, if it cannot show the whole picture of the world to us. [结尾证明了我上面的论述，其实倒数第二段就已经结了尾了。]

楼主这篇文章文笔流畅，结构清晰
对第三点的意见是我阅读后的感觉，楼主原先想表达的意思也许泾渭分明，但这段论述让我看到了太多上面观点的影子。
另外，对楼主公开提出单改首位回复者这种营销策略，窃以为不可取。

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12楼

发表于 2005-7-19 08:37:56 |只看该作者

看来对Moreover那段争议最大。这段是上一段的补充啊。。
“是前面两个论点综合起来的某种变体”
这样行不行啊？我是按正－反－合的结构写的啊。
“对楼主公开提出单改首位回复者这种营销策略，窃以为不可取。”
这个是为啥啊？我每天写4篇，要是都只看这1篇，那我可就郁闷了。。。。
现在都有7篇没人看了。

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13楼

发表于 2005-7-19 09:05:51 |只看该作者

Originally posted by zehua at 2005-7-19 08:37
看来对Moreover那段争议最大。这段是上一段的补充啊。。
“是前面两个论点综合起来的某种变体”
这样行不行啊？我是按正－反－合的结构写的啊。
“对楼主公开提出单改首位回复者这种营销策略，窃以为不可取。” ...

如果正反合了，那结尾是干什么用的呢？我觉得这种结构可能不可取，楼住不妨再征询一下别人的意见

我也明白楼主的苦衷
下贴子的人太多了，沉不下去反倒不正常了
我建议楼主还是一、主动与人修改作文求回批
二、以拍文的方式寻找一些固定拍友
我个人感觉帮别人改文章，特别是帮高手，反而比别人帮你改对自己的帮助大

纯属个人意见，在这儿我还没有楼主的资历深，还望见谅
楼主加油！

[ Last edited by edgarlu on 2005-7-19 at 09:09 ]

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