[i习作temp] issue48 超高频,多谢互改!! [复制链接]

maggielong
UID：175032

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 516
注册时间: 2004-8-18
精华: 0
帖子: 0

电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-7-28 11:36:32 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

－－题目－－
issue48 "The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten."
－－文章－－
Open the history books we will find that there are significant events fills in them and also the famous individuals relative to them. It seems that history is created by those important persons only, which the real fact is far from, however. I agree with what the claimer says and insist that the most significant events and trends in history were shaped not only the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.

Admittedly, the effect of the great individuals on the progress of history is evident. They are likely the wisest and most inspective person in history, without whom the trends of events may be changed and consequently the speed of the evolution of society may be slowed down. It was the inspective of the foresightness and the correctness of the decisions of theirs accelerate the pace of the progress of history. For example, great chairman Mao Zedong of china, who led the people of China to defeat the aggressors and build the new China, bringing the true happiness and democracy to the Chinese people. The contribution of Mao will not be forgotten and he will be remembered forever not only by history books but also all the Chinese people.

However, the importance of common people in the progress of history, at the same time, cannot be ignored. They are the real creators of history, and the wheel of history is pushed by them. Take the famous Great Wall as an example. Notwithstanding the sponsor of the establishment of the Great Wall is the emperor of the ancient China at that time, the ones who built it were the numerous common people, whose names have long been forgotten. It dares to say that every stone of the Great Wall contains the strenuousness and diligence of the immense ancient people at that time, and the whole Great Wall is the fruit of their labor and wisdom.

Additionally, undue the importance of several famous few of history may lead to bad consequence. The great men, whose ideas are cultivated by numerous other people, is also a little section composing the whole history. He has his own limitation due to the era or the area he belonged to. With the time goes, the deficiencies or even the fallacies of him may be revealed and the wisdom of other people is obvious consequently. And people will realize that the famous few are not always right. On the contrary, if we emphasize too much on the great individuals, we may fall into the so fantastic pursuit that we are blind to the reality and thus lost the essential ability of logic and analysis, therefore to make the wrong decisions, which may leads to horrible results ultimately. The bitter lessons of this case are not few.

To sum up, notwithstanding the importance of great individuals to the history, the effect of the common people cannot be ignored as well. Only with both the leading of the preeminent men and the diligence and wisdom of the majority of common people can the history be pushed effectively.

515个字,原来没写那么多,后来改了改,字数多了些.真不知到考试时该怎么办!各位大虾出出注意呀!

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-28 at 12:32 ]

每当音乐声响起
心就宛如一道彩虹
我多想拥抱着你
让你感觉不到风雨

回应
0

使用道具举报

疾风劲云
UID：184987

新手上路

Rank: 1

声望: 0
寄托币: 62
注册时间: 2004-11-6
精华: 0
帖子: 0

沙发

发表于 2005-7-28 12:06:16 |只看该作者

Open the history books we will find that （there are） significant events fills in them and also the famous individuals relative to them（？）. It seems that history is created by those important persons only, which the real fact is far from, however（。。。）. I agree with what the claimer says and insist that the most significant events and trends in history were shaped not only （by）the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.

Admittedly, the effect of the great individuals on the progress of history is evident. They are likely the wisest and most inspective person in history, without whom the trends of events may be changed and consequently the speed of the evolution of society may be slowed down. It was the inspective（重复） of the foresightness and the correctness of the decisions of theirs accelerate the pace of the progress of history. For example, great chairman Mao Zedong of china, who led the people of China to defeat the aggressors and build the new China（PRC 更好吧）, bringing the true happiness and democracy to the Chinese people. The contribution of Mao will not be forgotten and he will be remembered forever not only by history books but also all the Chinese people.

However, the importance of common people in the progress of history, at the same time, cannot be ignored. They are the real creators of history, and the wheel of history is pushed by them. Take the famous Great Wall as an example. Notwithstanding the sponsor of the establishment of the Great Wall is the emperor of the ancient China at that time, the ones who built it were the numerous common people, whose names have long been forgotten. It dares to say that every stone of the Great Wall contains the strenuousness and diligence of the immense ancient people at that time（如果是强调句可以加主语）, and the whole Great Wall is the fruit of their labor and wisdom.

Additionally, undue the importance （语序）of several famous few of history may lead to（a） bad consequence. The great men, whose ideas are cultivated by numerous other people, is also a little section composing the whole history. He has his own limitation （不一致）due to the era or the area he belong（ing）ed to. With the time goes, the deficiencies or even the fallacies of him may be revealed and the wisdom of other people is obvious consequently. And people will realize that the famous few are not always right. On the contrary, if we emphasize too much on the great individuals, we may fall into the so （such）fantastic pursuit that we are blind to the reality and thus lost the essential ability of logic and analysis, therefore to make the wrong decisions, which may leads to horrible results ultimately. The bitter lessons of this case are not few.

To sum up, notwithstanding（重复，随便换个吧） the importance of great individuals to the history, the effect of the common people cannot be ignored as well. Only with both the leading of the preeminent men and the diligence and wisdom of the majority of common people can the history be pushed effectively.

in all:
例证多，赞

分析得也不错，开头结尾漂亮

语序和变换需要注意
来发泄一下：

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1 https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=307535&extra=page%3D1

[ Last edited by 疾风劲云 on 2005-7-28 at 12:15 ]

使用道具举报

jason0926
UID：200697

初级会员

Rank: 3 Rank: 3

声望: 0
寄托币: 659
注册时间: 2005-3-14
精华: 0
帖子: 4

板凳

发表于 2005-7-28 23:07:15 |只看该作者

Open the history books we will find that there are significant events fills in them and also the famous individuals relative to them. It seems that history is created by those important persons only, which the real fact is far from, however. I agree with what the claimer says and insist that the most significant events and trends in history were shaped not only(by) the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.

Admittedly, the effect of the great individuals on the progress of history is evident. They are likely the wisest and most inspective person in history, without whom(them) the trends of events may be changed and consequently the speed of the evolution of society may be slowed down. It was(is) the inspective of the foresightness and the correctness of the decisions of theirs accelerate(可以直接接动词?) the pace of the progress of history. For example, great chairman Mao Zedong of china, who led (lead)the people of China to defeat the aggressors and build the new China, bringing the true happiness and democracy to the Chinese people. The contribution of Mao will not be forgotten and he will be remembered forever not only by history books but also all the Chinese people.

However, the importance of common people in the progress of history, at the same time, cannot be ignored. They are the real creators of history, and the wheel of history is pushed by them. Take the famous Great Wall as an example. Notwithstanding the sponsor of the establishment of the Great Wall is the emperor of the ancient China at that time, the ones who built it were the numerous common people, whose names have long been forgotten. It dares to say that every stone of the Great Wall contains the strenuousness and diligence of the immense ancient people at that time, and the whole Great Wall is the fruit of their labor and wisdom.

Additionally, undue the importance of several famous few of history may lead to bad consequence. The great men, whose ideas are cultivated by numerous other people, is (are)also a little section composing the whole history. He has his own limitation due to the era or the area he belonged to. With the time goes, the deficiencies or even the fallacies of him may be revealed and the wisdom of other people is obvious consequently. And people will realize that the famous few are not always right. On the contrary, if we emphasize too much on the great individuals, we may fall into the so fantastic pursuit that we are blind to the reality and thus lost (lose)the essential ability of logic and analysis, therefore to make the wrong decisions, which may leads(lead) to horrible results ultimately. The bitter lessons of this case are not few.

To sum up, notwithstanding the importance of great individuals to the history, the effect of the common people cannot be ignored as well. Only with both the leading of the preeminent men and the diligence and wisdom of the majority of common people can the history be pushed effectively

文章条理清晰,开头结尾都很不错,几个小错误而已,总的来说,楼主这篇写的成功,来看看我的issue48吧,几天前写的.
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... hlight=%2Bjason0926

曾经有个女孩问我：你是帅哥吗？我惭愧的说：我不是，女孩啪啪给我两耳光转身跑了，丢下一句话，你撒谎！！

使用道具举报