[i习作temp] issue154 我的第一篇issue，希望前辈们指导 [复制链接]

fetus
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2005-8-7 18:33:14 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

154"Both parents and communities must be involved in the local schools. Education is too important to leave solely to a group of professional educators."

When it comes to education, some people argue that education is the professional educators’ duties, hence parents and communities should not be involved in, because the educators exactly know how to teach a child. However, in my opinion, I strongly agree with the statement above that both parents and communities must be involved in the education instead of leaving it solely to a group of professional educators. The supporting reasons are given in the following paragraphs.

In the first place, we should define the accurate meaning of schooling and education. As far as I am concerned, education is more open-ended and more all-inclusive than schooling. Education can take place anywhere, no matter you are in school or at home; no matter you are playing basketball or listening to music; no matter you are reading a book or watching a film. If something makes us progress, thus we call this process education. For instance, when we read a book about the President Abraham Lincoln, we find out that though Lincoln was born in a log cabin and only got no more than a year of formal education, Lincoln himself made good use of every effort to study, and finally he became the 16th president of United States. He claimed that all men should be equal. Under his leadership the U.S emancipated slavery in the end, Lincoln himself thus was honored by people all over the world until now. So, what can we learn from Abraham Lincoln? It is from his story that we realize the significance of hard working, seizing every opportunity to perfect ourselves; we make our beliefs that we ought to reserve no effort in order to fulfill our plan for humans; also, we are convinced that to be a true man must not be afraid of any threaten in any situation. This progress is what we call education, from which we view the world in a different aspect.

In the other hand, schooling is just a more specific, formalized process of education. Students are sitting in a classroom, listening to one teacher, and accepting what the teacher told them. Though we may consider this way of learning as a major means of getting educated, gaining knowledge, it is actually a limited way of learning. Students only receive the information from the printed books which may not supplement new things in order to keep pace with the development of our society. What is more, students can only learn knowledge related to their books, therefore the knowledge outer range of these books will be ignored by students. So under this circumstance, parents and communities have the obligation to join to the activity of making our children better educated. Parents should always give examples to their children, telling them white from black, and they should seize every opportunity to replace their children's empty minds with full ones. In addition, parents should find the interests of their children, and manage to extravagate the their potential in such subjects. Take Thomas Edison for example, not for his parents courage him to keep learning what he liked, there would not be electrical power bulb now, without which we can not imagine what the world would like.

Education is a progress through one is a child until he dies. Education itself will make one progress gradually and consecutively, and schooling is just a way of education. Both parents and communities have the obligations to educate children, which will benefit more to our children----the future of our country!

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-7 at 22:31 ]

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fetus
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沙发

发表于 2005-8-7 19:20:56 |只看该作者

汗...........

是不是写的太差了？

每人理我，呜呜.........

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fetus
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板凳

发表于 2005-8-7 21:35:54 |只看该作者

各位大侠倒是说句话呀.........

至少告诉小生跑题与否......

不然我就没信心继续下去了

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地板

发表于 2005-8-7 22:53:25 |只看该作者

When it comes to education, some people argue that education is the professional educators’ duties, hence parents and communities should not be involved in, because the educators exactly know how to teach a child. However, in my opinion, I strongly agree with the statement above that both parents and communities must be involved in the education instead of leaving it solely to a group of professional educators. The supporting reasons are given in the following paragraphs.
直接表明态度是必要的,这一点是很重要的,要注意对题目paraphrase
In the first place, we should define the accurate meaning of schooling and education. As far as I am concerned, education is more open-ended and more all-inclusive than schooling. Education can take place anywhere, no matter you are in school or at home; no matter you are playing basketball or listening to music; no matter you are reading a book or watching a film. If something makes us progress, thus we call this process education.此句似乎有括大外延之嫌 For instance, when we read a book about the President Abraham Lincoln, we find out that though Lincoln was born in a log cabin and only got no more than a year of formal education, Lincoln himself made good use of every effort to study, and finally he became the 16th president of United States. He claimed that all men should be equal. Under his leadership the U.S emancipated slavery in the end, Lincoln himself thus was honored by people all over the world until now. So, what can we learn from Abraham Lincoln? It is from his story that we realize the significance of hard working, seizing every opportunity to perfect ourselves; we make our beliefs that we ought to reserve no effort in order to fulfill our plan for humans; also, we are convinced that to be a true man must not be afraid of any threaten in any situation. 冗长的例子匮乏的说理This progress is what we call education, from which we view the world in a different aspect.

In the other hand, (on the ..)schooling is just a more specific, formalized process of education. Students are sitting in a classroom, listening to one teacher, and accepting what the teacher told前后时态... them. Though we may consider this way of learning as a major means of getting educated, gaining knowledge, it is actually a limited way of learning. Students only receive the information from the printed books which may not supplement new things in order to keep pace with the development of our society. What is more, students can only learn knowledge related to their books, therefore the knowledge outer range of these books will be ignored by students. So under this circumstance, parents and communities have the obligation to join to the activity of making our children better educated. (Parents should always give examples to their children, telling them white from black, and they should seize every opportunity to replace their children's empty minds with full ones. In addition, parents should find the interests of their children, and manage to extravagate the their potential in such subjects. Take Thomas Edison for example, not for his parents courage him to keep learning what he liked, there would not be electrical power bulb now, without which we can not imagine what the world would like.)说到重点上的就这么多,太不平衡了;而且这段似乎说了两层意思;where is community?

Education is a progress through one is a child until he dies. Education itself will make one progress gradually and consecutively, and schooling is just a way of education. Both parents and communities have the obligations to educate children, which will benefit more to our children----the future of our country.
结尾也不怎么有力总之这篇文章在ETS的要求上有几个重大缺陷1.未well-focused 2.未well-organized 至于语言多样化我也不怎么在行但可以慢慢积累.你的主要问题在结构上,好好看看范文吧

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