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智恩
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发表于 2006-1-3 00:39:02 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

163 The following is taken from the editorial section of the local
newspaper in Rockingham.

"In order to save a considerable amount of money, Rockingham's century-old
town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more
energy-efficient building that some citizens have proposed. The old town
hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people who are
employed by the town. In addition, it is very costly to heat the old hall
in winter and cool it in summer. The new, larger building would be more
energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the
old hall. Furthermore, it would be possible to rent out some of the space
in the new building, thereby generating income for the town of
Rockingham."
提纲：
1 新的更大的市政厅更有效的话花销应该更大；新楼更大供暖降温的费用也会更高，没有证据表明它一定能租出去，增加收入的事是说不准的；
2 只有some citizens 认为旧楼太小；
3 旧楼的问题有其它解决办法，比如更换设备，这个投资比起建一座新楼来说合理多了；旧楼有历史价值而且可以发展旅游，这样的话就可以使它盈利。
正文：
The editorial reaches a conclusion that Rockingham’s century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building which some citizens have proposed in order to compensate a considerable amount of money. To make this conclusion credible, the author cites several flaws of the old Rockingham’s century town hall. For instance, the old hall is not big enough to comfortably accommodate the number of workers in the town. Furthermore the new building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. However this argument is logically flawed in a number of aspects and therefore is unconvincing.

To begin with, even if it would cost less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall, since the new building is larger than the old one, the cost of cooling and heating will be greater than the old ones. Moreover the daily cost of the new hall will be greater than the old one. Furthermore no evidence is offered to illustrate that some of the space in the new building could be rent out. Thus it is dubious to believe the generating income for the town of Rockingham.

In addition, the editorial unfairly assumes that the old hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people in the town based on some citizen’s proposition. Unless the editorial could provide statistics to demonstrate almost people in the town believe the old hall is not comfortably suit them, the conclusion of building a new hall is incredible. Without ruling out this possibility the editorial can not justify its assertion that it is necessary and wise to build a new hall.

Finally, the editorial ignores other solutions which are less expensive than building a new hall to make the old hall energy efficient. For instance, since it is costly to heat in summer and cool in winter, perhaps the air conditioner needs to change and new one would make it effective. Besides, the old hall has its potential history value. People could utilize this point to develop tourism in order to generate income.

In conclusion, the editorial is untenable as it stands. To make it convincing, the editorial’s author must provide a detailed statistics to illustrate the new hall indeed could compensate money and make energy efficient. What is more, to strengthen it the author should give a piece of evidence to guarantee the income from renting out some of the new larger hall. Finally the editorial’s author must provide a number of advantages of the new hall and the advantages must be more favored than the fact that the less cost of money to change some equipments and the history value of old hall.

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沙发

发表于 2006-1-3 12:32:25 |只看该作者

正文：
The editorial reaches a conclusion that Rockingham’s century-old town hall should be torn down and replaced by the larger and more energy-efficient building which some citizens have proposed in order to compensate a considerable amount of money. To make this conclusion credible, the author cites several flaws感觉不要直接说flaws，还是说evidence比较好，因为是否是flaws是我们在下文说明的 of the old Rockingham’s century town hall. For instance, the old hall is not big enough to comfortably accommodate the number of workers in the town. Furthermore the new building would be more energy efficient, costing less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall. 那个收入的论据也要加上吧However this argument is logically flawed in a number of aspects and therefore is unconvincing.

To begin with, even if it would cost less per square foot to heat and cool than the old hall, since the new building is larger than the old one, the cost of cooling and heating will be greater than the old ones去掉s. Moreover the daily cost of the new hall will be greater than the old one这句前面加上perhaps等等表示可能的词汇更准确一些. Furthermore no evidence is offered to illustrate that some of the space in the new building could be rent out这个后面可以列举一点原因，不如地理位置不好，租金太高导致每人租等等，这样论述县的详细些，而且能够增加字数. Thus it is dubious to believe the generating income for the town of Rockingham.

In addition, the editorial unfairly assumes that the old hall is too small to comfortably accommodate the number of people in the town based on some citizen’s proposition. 没想到，学习，还有句型Unless the editorial could provide statistics to demonstrate almost people in the town believe the old hall is not comfortably suit them两个动词，是suiting吧？, the conclusion of building a new hall is incredible感觉话没说完，应该是the conclusion of that building a new hall can save money之类的吧. Without ruling out this possibility the editorial can not justify its assertion that it is necessary and wise to build a new hall.这段的句型用得很好，学习

Finally, the editorial ignores other solutions which are less expensive than building a new hall to make the old hall energy efficient感觉别扭，好像是building a new hall也是to make the old hall energy一样. For instance, since it is costly to heat in summer and cool in winter, perhaps the air conditioner needs to change and 加个anew one would make it effective. Besides, the old hall has its potential history value. People could utilize this point to develop tourism in order to generate income.

In conclusion, the editorial is untenable as it stands. To make it convincing, the editorial’s author must provide a detailed statistics to illustrate the new hall indeed could compensate money and make energy efficient. What is more, to strengthen it the author should give a piece of evidence to guarantee the income from renting out some of the new larger hall. Finally the editorial’s author must provide a number of advantages of the new hall and the advantages must be more favored than the fact用possibility会不会更好一些？that这里用了that，可是后面却不是句子 the less cost of money to change some equipments and the history value of old hall.

恩，错误找得很好，很多我都没找到，比如：“只有some citizens 认为旧楼太小”，“旧楼有历史价值而且可以发展旅游，这样的话就可以使它盈利”；思路也很清晰，值得学习！不过第一段的三个错误可以分开写或者论述得更详细一些，能够增加字数。