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[i习作temp] issue51 求狠拍 [复制链接]

shihanling
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-3-24 13:03:02 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

issue51 "Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of    each student."
翻译为：唯有当教育是专门为满足个人需要和每个学生兴趣的而设计的时候，教育才是真正有效。
WORDS: 489       TIME: 2:52:00       DATE: 2007-3-23

The author advocates that only each student's needs and interests is satisfied while
education specifically designed to the enthusiasm of all individual will be well effective. As
for me, I will conclude that education specifically designed  to each one will be indeed
needed in that it can not only fulfill different needs and interests of different students, but
it can also nurture youngster’s enthusiasm on science, arts and mathematics etc. .In the
following discussion, I would like to present evidence to support my standpoint.

To begin with, the education should fulfill different needs and interests of different
students. Knowing that each individual excels on vary places, it is clear that some student
excel in physical, so maybe they will be tomorrow's super starts in athletics; others excel
their classmates in arts, maybe you will be conscious of some of them in arts. Such as
me, I strive to excel in computer science when I was in a senior high school, however, I
merely was instilled in some boring course that could be beneficial to my general
university entrance examination. Image that if the education specifically was designed the
course to content each youngster, you may find more and more students will have a
satisfied smile every day. Under this circumstance, it is obvious that we can benefit form
the education specifically designed  to each one, and the education will be truly effective.

Furthermore, education specifically designed to nurture youngster’s enthusiasm on
science, arts and mathematics etc. Indeed, as a child, most genius accepted specifically
education from their parents or school. For instance, Mozart, who was a great composer,
showed his musical gifts at very young age, and he composed his first composition when
he was a five years old boy. Mozart received the direction from Leopold. As the head of
my department at my university once said (and I paraphrase): The better education is
suitable for anyone who study in one's interest place, and enjoy the process. In other
words, to nurture youngster' s enthusiasm, specifically education can do.

However, it should be admitted that education specifically designed will occur some
negative effects. In order to see this point clearly, we take mathematics as an example.
As we know, so many individuals are confused about math. They also may excel in other
parts that they have burning passion on. Suppose that math don not be instilled into
them, we can assert that they will be even more confused with a great deal of math
problems during their life. To sum up, it is unilateral that only education specifically
designed to fulfill the needs and interests of each student is truly effective.

Consequently, due to analysis and reasons mentioned above, which sometimes
intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than any one of
them, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that education combine with specifically and
traditional education will provide better one to our students.

[ 本帖最后由 shihanling 于 2007-3-24 13:05 编辑 ]

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shihanling
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沙发

发表于 2007-3-24 13:16:11 |只看该作者

是我的第一篇ISSUE求狠狠的拍。

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shihanling
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板凳

发表于 2007-3-24 19:42:08 |只看该作者

求拍啊

G友们，拍啊，第一次拙作，别再沉了，欢迎大家狠拍。
留下链接的我一定去看啊，尽管水平不高，我会努力。

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Miranda_qiqi
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地板

发表于 2007-3-24 21:53:27 |只看该作者

哈哈，看到你给我的批改了，谢谢，别急，我改好你的就贴上来

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Miranda_qiqi
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5楼

发表于 2007-3-24 22:45:45 |只看该作者

issue51 "Education will be trulyeffective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needsand interests of  each student."
翻译为：唯有当教育是专门为满足个人需要和每个学生兴趣的而设计的时候，教育才是真正有效。
WORDS: 489       TIME: 2:52:00       DATE: 2007-3-23

The author advocates that only each student's needs and interests is satisfiedwhile
education specifically designed to the enthusiasm of allindividual will be well effective. As
for me, I will conclude thateducation specifically designed  to each one willbe indeed
needed in that it can not only fulfill different needs and interests ofdifferent students, but
it can（去掉） also nurture youngster’s enthusiasm on science,arts and mathematics etc. .In the
following discussion, I would like to present evidence to support mystandpoint.

To begin with, the education should fulfilldifferent needs and interests of different
students.Knowing that each individualexcels on vary places, it is clear that somestudent
excel in physical, so maybe they will be tomorrow's super starts in athletics;others excel
their classmates in arts, maybe you（人称要一致） will be consciousof some of them in arts. Such as me, I strive toexcel in computer science when I was in a seniorhigh school, however, I
merely was instilled in some boring course that could be beneficial to mygeneral
university entrance examination. Image that if the education specifically wasdesigned the
course to content each youngster, you may find more and more students will havea
satisfied smile every day.（这个例子没有说明会more effective呀，） Under this circumstance, it is obviousthat we can benefit form the education specifically designed  to eachone, and the education will be truly effective.(举了例子，但是感觉论证的不够充分，为什么should 没有说明白，只是在强调should)

Furthermore, educationspecifically designed to nurture youngster’s enthusiasm on
science, arts and mathematics etc.（这句话不完整吧，想说什么） Indeed, as a child, mostgenius accepted specifically education from their parents or school. Forinstance, Mozart, who was a great composer, showed his musical gifts at veryyoung age, and he composed his first composition when he was a five years oldboy. Mozart received the direction from Leopold. As the head of my departmentat my university once said (and I paraphrase)（没必要吧）: The bettereducation is suitable for anyone who study in one's interest place, and enjoythe process. In other words, to nurture youngster' s enthusiasm, specifically education can do.

However, it should be admitted that （I concede that）education specifically designedwill occur some negative effects. In order to see this point clearly, we takemathematics as an example.
As we know, so many individuals are confused about math. They also may excel inother
parts that they have burning passion on. Suppose that math don not be instilledinto
them, we can assert that they will be even more confused with a great deal ofmath
problems during their life. To sum up, it is unilateral that only educationspecifically
designed to fulfill the needs and interests of each student is truly effective.

Consequently, due to analysis and reasons mentioned above, which sometimes
intertwine to form an organic whole and thus become more persuasive than anyone of
them, we may safely arrive at the conclusion that education combine with specifically and
traditional education will provide better one to our students.（前后论点不一致）

1开头太长，在有时间限制的情况下不合适，不要照抄题目的话，最重要的表达清楚自己的观点就好了
2举例子时不能仅仅一味描述例子，最重要的是和论点相结合，论证要充分，
3文章的观点不够明确，应该是完全支持的，但是第四段说道了危害，其实，这个论题最好是保留地同意
4 语言上要下功夫，要力图简洁，突出句子间逻辑关系

我小问题没给你看的这么细，主要是看了文章的结构和论证

这是你的第一篇作文，也很巧，我写的第一篇也是51，就是你改的那篇，
好好努力，多学习下别人的文章，多看范文，搜集资料。
加油！

我改的并不这么详细，有什么不对，可以讨论！
欢迎回拍！

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