[i习作temp] Issue144 太久没写了，完全生疏了…… [复制链接]

AlexInAW
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电梯直达

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发表于 2007-7-28 13:33:31 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

Issue 144

Revised Version

Starting from 15:15 Ending 16:15 Time of composing 1:24:00 Time of revising 1:00:00
Words 648

I partly agree with the speaker's assertion that artist give the society something of lasting value. But the critic's contribution to the value of art works should never be ignored. As this essay is going to present, critics contribute to the increase of the social value, while artists created it.

Admittedly, it is the artist who creates the work of art, and brings forth its initial value. Imagine a world where no composers has ever existed, there will be no such things called “music”. In this world, no concerts could be held and no CDs made, also, no music critic could ever stand up and bring value to the society. Like composers who bring satisfaction to the ears, and also continuous cash flows to certain firms, artists act as creators of works of music, paintings, literatures etc., and initiators of the value lying beneath them as well.

While artists create the initial value lying in their works, the art critics also contribute to the value addition, preservation, and reconstruction. In the first place, positive critiques increase the value of works of art. As the critics are considered having expertise in telling true art from apocrypha, individuals tend to believe, at least partially, what the critics say. Therefore, the works with positive comments tend to be raised sharply in popularity, creating the artist wealth and reputation, both effective incentives for further hard work and improvements. For example, Monet’s now famous work Impression: Sunrise had once been ignored by the public, and had been waiting to start gaining popularity, until the “Saloon for the Failed” had been held. It is the institutions’ refusal that made him unknown to the public, and it is some other critics’ interest on his work, that made the gradual increase of his fame, and thus the tremendous masterpieces he left to us.

On another respect, with the eagle eyes of the critics, had some historical masterpieces been preserved or rediscovered, and their impact of value on society been released. Without critics, an infamous composer’s excellent drafts of music will be kept locked in his private shelf, and occasionally ruined by a great fire, with its value loss to the society. On the other hand, the nose of a music critic might find it, and the society will benefit of the lasting value. Even though millions of piano amateurs now play Bach as an inevitable step toward masteries, while thousands of skilled pianists also play Bach following their own interests, however, Bach himself did not foresee his popularity nowadays, for his works are kept hiding for over a hundred years, until its rediscovery by Chopin and Mendelssohn. Without the latter two great musicians’ bringing his works outstanding on public, never will bach had such great influence on nowadays-piano players with various skills. On such respect, the value which critics created lies in only one word: rediscovery.

Nevertheless, it should be conceded that critics are not always creating lasting value of art, but in some circumstances decreases the value. The example of Impression: Sunrise mentioned above is also the case, for the people who rendered Monet’s attempts to publicize his work useless, is the critics from formal institutions, which were a place of conformists. As some critics do not judge the works of art in an unbiased way, but at the same time carry with them trust of the public, they destroy creativity by the force of traditions, or ruin true and lasting value by simply catering the needs of common consumers. In such circumstances, critics do not contribute or even decreases, the lasting value of art on a society.

In the final words, While the artists initiated social value of art works, the art critics do contribute to the addition or reconstruction of the value, by their critiques bring the public attentions, therefore fame and wealth to the artists, and by their discovery of anterior masterpieces.

GRE is hell.

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morgan918
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沙发

发表于 2007-7-29 13:11:18 |只看该作者

占楼

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-711148-1-1.html
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morgan918
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板凳

发表于 2007-7-29 14:21:53 |只看该作者

Morgan's comments

I partly agree with the speaker's assertion that artist give the society something of lasting value. But the critic's contribution to the value of art works should never be ignored. As this essay is going to present, critics contribute to the increase of the social value, while artists created it.Admittedly, it is the artist who creates the work of art, and brings forth its initial value. Imagine a world where no composers has ever existed, there will be no such things called “music”. In this world, no concerts could be held and no CDs made, also, no music critic could ever stand up and bring value to the society. Like composers who bring satisfaction to the ears, and also continuous cash flows to certain firms, artists act as creators of works of music, paintings, literatures etc., and initiators of the value lying beneath them as well.（感觉这段不够深刻，比较泛，有点混乱。参考以下Pooh的工具箱里面关于艺术的functions可能会好一点.或者把这段话里面的内容整理出几个points，分条列出来可能效果会好一点。比如 (1)Satisfaction, (2)Cash Flow, etc.）
While artists create the initial value lying in their works, the art critics also（also应该删去） contribute to the value addition, preservation, and reconstruction. In the first place, positive critiques increase the value of works of art. As the critics are considered having expertise in telling true art from apocrypha, individuals tend to believe, at least partially, what the critics say. Therefore, the works with positive comments tend to be raised sharply in popularity, creating the artist wealth and reputation, both effective incentives for further hard work and improvements. For example, Monet’s now famous work Impression: Sunrise had once been ignored by the public, and had been waiting to start gaining popularity, until the “Saloon for the Failed” had been held. It is the institutions’ refusal that made him unknown to the public, and it is some other critics’ interest on his work, that made the gradual increase of his fame, and thus the tremendous masterpieces he left to us.On another respect, with the eagle eyes of the critics, had some historical masterpieces been preserved or rediscovered, and their impact of value on society been released. Without critics, an infamous composer’s excellent drafts of music will be kept locked in his private shelf, and occasionally ruined by a great fire, with its value loss to the society. On the other hand, the nose of a music critic might find it, and the society will benefit of the lasting value. Even though millions of piano amateurs now play Bach as an inevitable step toward masteries, while thousands of skilled pianists also play Bach following their own interests, however, Bach himself did not foresee his popularity nowadays, for his works are kept hiding for over a hundred years, until its rediscovery by Chopin and Mendelssohn. （虽然意思很简单却表达得有点罗索，可以简化一下）Without the latter two great musicians’ bringing his works outstanding on public, never will bach had such great influence on nowadays-piano players with various skills. On such respect, the value which critics created lies in only one word: rediscovery.

上面两段写了两个points, 一个是add value,一个是rediscovery.分别用了Monet & Bach的例子，不过感觉Monet 跟Bach的例子有点相似，都是以前被埋没然后被发现。可能换一下例子会更好。或者，是因为这两个points太像似，有互相包含的地方。
Nevertheless, it should be conceded that critics are not always creating lasting value of art, but in some circumstances decreases the value. The example of Impression: Sunrise mentioned above is also the case, for the people who rendered Monet’s attempts to publicize his work useless, is the critics from formal institutions, which were a place of conformists. As some critics do not judge the works of art in an unbiased way, but at the same time carry with them trust of the public, they destroy creativity by the force of traditions, or ruin true and lasting value by simply catering the needs of common consumers. In such circumstances, critics do not contribute or even decreases, the lasting value of art on a society.In the final words, While the artists initiated social value of art works, the art critics do contribute to the addition or reconstruction of the value, by their critiques bring the public attentions, therefore fame and wealth to the artists, and by their discovery of anterior masterpieces.

总体感觉语言不错，就是有点罗索，长句比较多（可能是我看长句比较菜…..）分析方面例子还是比较有代表性，建议能把分论点retouch 一下就更好了。

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