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发表于 2007-8-12 10:20:14 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

147.The following appeared in an editorial in a business magazine.

"Although the sales of Whirlwind video games have declined over the past
two years, a recent survey of video-game players suggests that this sales
trend is about to be reversed. The survey asked video-game players what
features they thought were most important in a video game. According to
the survey, players prefer games that provide lifelike graphics, which
require the most up-to-date computers. Whirlwind has just introduced
several such games with an extensive advertising campaign directed at
people 10 to 25 years old, the age-group most likely to play video games.
It follows, then, that the sales of Whirlwind video games are likely to
increase dramatically in the next few months."

In this argument, the arguer intends to prove that the sales of Whirlwind video games will increase dramatically in the next few months. In order to substantiate the argument the arguer provides the survey 貌似用cite 比较好吧提供一个survey总有点别扭 that the responds of the video-game players think responds怎么能思考 most important of a video game is lifelike graphic 可数的吧冠词总觉得这话有问题不知道能不能这样用which require the most up to date computers and this kind of games is just that we have 不要用we. In addition, the arguer cites the evidence that they 前面没出现怎么就they了？have introduced several such game directed at  people 10 to 5 25 years old which is the most likely to play video games. Close scrutiny of evidence given above, however, expose several logical flaws.

The first flaw with this argument is that the survey which explains explain用得不合适the most important feature of the video games is unsubstantiated. The arguer fails to convince us lifelike 这是个adj啊 is the most important feature of the video games without giving us more details about the survey such as whether it is representative, what about the ratio, what about the people who have been surveyed and so on.感觉3个是表达一个意思的太罗嗦了换点其他的应该好些 So the survey can not convince us.

Another flaw that undermine the logic of the argument is that the auger什么意思？充当什么成分啊？ a caused relationship between the people aged 10 to 25 who like video games and the consumption which means that they will buy our products.同we  不要用No evidence have been supplied to illustrate this caused relationship.

Before I draw a conclusion, it is necessary to point out that the arguer fails to take into account other factors that might weaken the reasoning in this argument. Such  as the market of the W company,前面都没出现过怎么能简称 maybe many companies also have the same products, even their products are more competent for the player’s appetite. 感觉有语法问题 Without supplying more evidence about competition and the products, the arguer can not convince us that the sales will increase.

As it stands, the arguer reveals他有揭露吗？ several flaws as discussed above. In order to better evaluate the argument, the arguer would have to provide more information about the survey. In additionally, the arguer must provide evidence to rule out the possibilities that might weaken the argument. 这话也太抽象了应该具体说出possibility的内容
本文是限时的吗？感觉字数实在是少了点至少写上400吧

51"Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student."

Will education be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student? 抄题不好 The speaker claims so. It is true that education will be effective when it meets the individual needs and interests of each student; however, we also have other kinds of ways to be effective and should not be unlimited needs and interests.

Firstly, this kind of education style which education is designed to meet students’ needs and interests can simulate students full of enthusiasm to learn 语法有问题吧what I不要用他们的口气说话你是客观的 will get. The students can fetch what they what to get in school by themselves. Some students want to get jobs after they have graduated from university. So universities should provide the education about the curiudm you mean curriculum? in order to make them get enough technological skill such the chances to do the internship 这个能叫skill吗斟酌 in companies before they go into the society. Some students want to do some research in future so through giving the students the opportunity to help the professor do some work is the effective way what education should do. 你要表达的应该是他们得到了skill 但你说的都是chance 这个还是有很大区别的

Secondly, the fundamental function of education is to educate the students which are to meet the students’ needs and interests.你定语从句定的是什么？ If the education can not meet individual needs and interests of the students, the students will get the knowledge passively, and it may cause the students feel hatred and rebellious to the education. If we do not take interest in to the children’s education, they will be every tired of the study and it will give them a bad image of study so they will hate study and will be rebellious. 你没有提供有说服力的证明感觉你在做argument。。。你不是在推理而是在提供一些可能性 Once this kind of situation happened, the balance of education and student will be broken and it is difficult to recover from the dad condition. The school will be in mess, let alone the effective of the education.

However, extremely meeting the students’ needs and interests will make the students greedy and ask more requests. Then the educator will lose the power to control the education. Such kind of phenomenon will cause the extreme results to the education such as some of the classes are full of students while some are nobody here. So this will make the education dysfunction and ineffective.

And at the same time, students have to be obliged to take some necessary courses which is are basis for their live ability survive 是不是简洁一点in modern society. Too concern about their individual needs is not good for students themselves. In primary school, children should be asked to take the some necessary courses such as mathematics, language, the ability to communication and so on at the same time they should be taught according to their hobbies such as music, Chinese Cheese, art and so on. So it is necessary and effective to take some necessary courses in children’s life.

In the final analysis, the speaker’s assertion is partially right. I think we should take both individual needs, interests and acquired abilities, courses into consideration concerning the education.

你的逻辑很混乱的 issue虽然不要求很强的逻辑但还是要清晰的逻辑论证过程你如果只是用needs和interests作为让步你怎么可以把他们让步两段？比你的主要内容还要长主次就错了
It is true that education will be effective when it meets the individual needs and interests of each student; however, we also have other kinds of ways to be effective and should not be unlimited needs and interests.
还有你文章argument的痕迹比较重通篇没有什么论证更多的是武断的推测和提供其它可能性这是最容易得低分的方法（除了用拼音照抄题目无数谝之类的） ets认为argument和issue是完全不同的如果你的两种文章太相象后果是恐怖的

说话可能比较刻薄了些也会有些地方是对文章的误解请见谅

PS 有不同意见就直接在这里发贴吧或者看了其他人的点评有什么想法也直接发在网上一起讨论才更有进步~

[ 本帖最后由 crabxie19861218 于 2007-8-12 11:20 编辑 ]