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[求助] 好心的朋友们,可以帮我指导一下作文吗,谢谢^_^ [复制链接]

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发表于 2007-8-30 20:00:42 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
写的时候写不出好理由,总觉得没什么说的,说出来的也没啥说服力,大家帮忙看看怎么改一下好,还有句子结构之类的,谢谢了^_^

122. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

People are never satisfied with what they have; they always want something more or something different.


Use specific reasons and details to support your opinion.


It is true that people are always discontent with what they already have. They always want something more or something different, and that is the reason why people are dissatisfied. For example, men will never lose a chance to possess a new car and women will never miss their favorite clothes. The development of human’s history is driven by the desire of more convenient life and higher efficiency. Likewise, a person’s development is affected by a more decent salary and higher social status etc.

However, the statement that people are never satisfied with what they have is hardly convincible due to its absoluteness. Actually, there is no denying that a lot of people are happy with their current conditions. A good case in point is that people who believe in certain religion are equable when facing physical lures. Some of them live in tough environments and live a simple life, but they never want to change something, all they need is the godliness to their religion. Another example which can be persuasive is that nowadays many people are discontent with the marriage system, but they don not want more husbands or wives.

Moreover, to be satisfied or dissatisfied is only a state of people’s mind; it is largely decided by people’s opinion of their conditions. If a person has no complaint with his life, then he won’t be dissatisfied and want more or different things. So simply say that people are never satisfied are too imprudent.

Finally, it is conceivable that people who are never satisfied may easily become too greedy. When a greedy person faces the attraction of temptation, he might choose the wrong way of his life. For example, if an official can not resist the entice of bribe, he could end up rest of his life in prison.

In conclusion, we can re-build the statement that people are always dissatisfied with what they have, but it is wiser for them to be always thankful with what they already have and never be too greedy.
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发表于 2007-8-30 21:25:48 |只看该作者
It is true that people are always discontent with what they already have. They always want something more or something different, and that is the reason why people are dissatisfied.(开头感觉怪怪的,绕了半天还是在dissatisfaction这个问题上。可以说:It is invariably true that people have an impulse to obtain more than they already have, and that is what we called "dissatisfaction".) For example, men will never lose a chance to possess a new car and(, whereas) women will never miss their favorite clothes. The development of human’s history is driven by the desire of (a) more convenient life and (a) higher efficiency. Likewise, a person’s development is affected by a more decent salary and (a) higher social status (, ) etc.(我怎么觉得lz没有点出自己观点?或者至少没有表明自己支持哪一方?)

However, the statement that people are never satisfied with what they have is hardly convincible due to its absoluteness.(这句话应该在第一段的末尾。) Actually, there is no denying that a lot of people are happy with their current conditions. A good case in point(A case in point就可以了,good有点redundant) is that people who believe in certain religion are equable when facing physical lures. Some of them live in tough environments(live under tough circumstances) and live a simple life(lead a simple life), but they never want to change something, all they need is the godliness to their religion. Another example which can be persuasive is that nowadays many people are discontent with the marriage system, but they don not want more husbands or wives.(这个例子没有展开,所以显得有点多余。)

Moreover, to be satisfied or dissatisfied is only a state of people’s mind; it is largely decided by people’s opinion(s) of their conditions. If a person has no complaint with his life, then he won’t(will not) be dissatisfied and (does not) want more or different things. So(And和So最好都不要用做句子的开头,OG上有讲过。可以说:Thus, ) simply say that people are never satisfied are too imprudent.

Finally, it is conceivable that people who are never satisfied may easily become too greedy(greedy本身就是个极端的词,没有必要加too,或者too的程度太轻,没有greedy那么严重,如果lz想表达那种意思,可以用excessively). When a greedy person faces the attraction of temptation, he might choose the wrong way of his life. For example, if an official can not resist the entice of bribe, he could end up rest of his life in prison. (举例以后一定要展开)

In conclusion, we can re-build(这种词在写作中比较随意,最好不要用,尤其是在结尾的时候。) the statement that people are always dissatisfied with what they have, but it is wiser for them to be always thankful with what they already have and never be too greedy.
~豆豆~改作文的小屋子
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GTER 07年TOEFL iBT口语|写作机经整理


Life is like a 2πr.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

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板凳
发表于 2007-8-30 22:05:31 |只看该作者

回复 #2 豆豆~ 的帖子

很感激你,真的

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地板
发表于 2007-8-30 22:21:58 |只看该作者
感觉2,3,4段的开头都不太好,观点不明确;
for example后面就说了一句话就结束了,感觉有点太短了,还是specific一些比较好

我的作文写的不好,意见仅供参考。

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发表于 2007-8-30 22:33:31 |只看该作者

回复 #4 navy1949 的帖子

恩,谢谢你的宝贵意见,我继续修改^_^

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Taurus金牛座 荣誉版主 IBT Zeal IBT Elegance

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发表于 2007-8-30 22:46:11 |只看该作者

回复 #3 yufengtian1008 的帖子

没事的,继续加油。

gter上好心人很多,该感激的不只我一个哈
~豆豆~改作文的小屋子
口语六道题复习建议
iBT报名全流程[图解版]
GTER 07年TOEFL iBT口语|写作机经整理


Life is like a 2πr.

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.

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RE: 好心的朋友们,可以帮我指导一下作文吗,谢谢^_^ [修改]
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好心的朋友们,可以帮我指导一下作文吗,谢谢^_^
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-731090-1-1.html
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