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本帖最后由 lucarl 于 2009-6-7 12:59 编辑
回改回改~多多交流~
The publisher asserts that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from them on magazine covers. This idea seems relatively sound, however, the publisher fails to thoroughly well-reasoned(这个动词…to do)it by the evidences of poorest-selling with covering by international news stories over (the) past three years, of diminishing such news covers by their competing company and of increasing maintaining cost by their foreign bureaus.最后面这几句of连用(姑且称为of连用~),稍嫌啰嗦。改一下,例如 by the evidence including their poorest-selling news-covered magazines comparing with the better ones of the competing magazines, and the fact that the increasing cost of their foreign bureaus. 总之就是把话说简单的意思~
First of all, the publisher overlooks other alternatives which could lead to poorest-selling magazine issues.这个词用的好,我当时就想找“期刊”这个词来着,可惜总也找不到~. There are several reasons could affect people purchase magazines.读起来怪~改成impact on the sale?The first is the publisher needs to provide environment of magazine market. As we know that(这个that可以省去), our magazine market truly changes a lot with decreasing of magazine booths and increasing of magazines' net.这句是说杂志的销售网点吗? If all magazines are being in the poor-selling status, our poor-selling issue can not ascribe international news cover.这句主语是poor-selling issue 谓语是ascribe,那么就不合适了。建议改一改,例如:we cannot blame the poor-selling on the international covers. In addition, the publisher does not rule out the possibility that their magazines' quality may have an effect on their selling. As(去掉这个as) when consumers decide to buy magazines, they may notice the packing, the cover, or the quality of paper and printing. Therefore, the conclusion which the publisher suggests might be effective if all of these possibilities could be excluded.这句给我的感觉很符合native英语的风格,赞~
在思路上中规中矩的一段,讲可能影响杂志销量的其他因素,不可只看封面,一叶障目。
Moreover, the publisher gives evidence that competing news-magazines have decreased the number of cover stories of international news. From this evidence we could find that the publisher assume our company and competing company are facing the same issue, besides,(感觉这里直接用and就好,可能你是想要强调一下后面的what the competing magazines do,呃,具体怎么改我也没有想法,不过besides给人的感觉怪怪的…)what the competing magazines doing now will really solve the problem. But the publisher needs to supply more information about the actual reason that the competing company diminishes the scale of international news. Even if the two companies are in the same condition and face the same problem, the publisher has to show the result and advantages of competing magazines' doing this.(怪怪的,改成competing magazines’ move~) Do they really get profits? If this method does work, our company could make the decision.
讲竞争者封面少登国际新闻是否对销量有影响,进一步发展挖掘
Last but not least, the publisher shows that the cost of maintaining foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. However, if the cost of all magazines and incomes are all increased, this is will be a totally different story. Since if the income and expenses are balanced, the cost of maintaining foreign bureaus will not lead to affect the profits of selling all magazines. Also, decreasing emphasis on international news and refrain from international news on magazine covers will not truly effective to the poor-selling crisis.这一段思维貌似有点儿乱,是想说减少海外部的工作量以降低成本和销量无关是吗?想法很好,再组织一下语言会更好~耐心,加油~
谈到了减少国际新闻和海外部开销的问题,感觉是隔靴搔痒,少了一针见血的中心句。感觉作者心里有东西,但说来说去不到位~
All in all, in case bring unnecessary losses,(要说“以免”的话,so as not to 以及 in order to avoid都是不错的选择~) the publisher should rule out all the possibilities, before suggesting the conclusion, which is the changing of environment of magazine market, more information about the reason and result that the competing company take this action, and enough evidences to attest the cost of maintaining foreign bureaus indeed affect our magazines profit.
开头和结尾就不说了~
第一次修改作文,文中我感觉不合适的建议修改的地方都尽力给出了我的改法,以示认真修改同学的习作,另外也为开阔用词套路,毕竟大家写作风格都不同。
咳咳,就这么多,经常互改哦~
p.s. 改作文是挑毛病,说话有不到的地方千万别介意~呵呵 |
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