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chill_ly
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2009-6-7 21:53:46 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

TOPIC: ARGUMENT173 - The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."
WORDS: 279
TIME: 01:39:00
DATE: 2009/6/6 22:35:37

In this memorandum, the writer points out some facts to support his conclusion that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. Those facts seem reasonable to establish his idea. However, when well examined, we may find such conclusion should not be made without exhaustive and valid analysis.

The writer begins the memorandum with the fact that their poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front cover. But the writer fails to consider other possible reasons that may decrease the sales during the same period of time. Perhaps those magazines do not have enough appealing news to draw readers' attention or the reports of international issues are not detailed that readers may choose other magazines or papers to get more information they need. The magazine may also fail to report the news at the first time because of the issuing date or other reasons, while reader would be more willing to read fresh news than those out-of-date. So, without analysis of the alternative factors, regarding the front covers as the mainly reason of the decrease of circulation is not cogent.

In addition, competing news-magazines' action of significantly decreasing the number of cover stories that they devote to international news is unwarranted to corroborate the conclusion. Is their sales increase over the same period? We cannot find any words to answer the question, and maybe their sales have decreased which would show that such method does not make sense and it is meaningless to follow them. If something more important and attractive happened within the country, it is unwise to use lots of pages on reporting international news stories or even put them on front covers and the competitor is more likely to have the same idea. Unless the writer substantiates the changes competing news-magazines made are effective in promoting their circulation, we should not take the fact mentioned above into consideration.

Finally, the writer fails to provide any reason why the cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Perhaps there are more staffs in their foreign bureaus, so more salary which makes up the total cost should be paid. Also, if there is more work to be done such as interviews, more money would be used in reporting. If the price rises in foreign countries, the cost of those foreign bureaus will increase undoubtedly. And if the customers of this magazine are mainly international news reader, though cost increased, they should not cut down the budge of foreign bureaus.

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greenxs
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沙发

发表于 2009-6-8 00:16:42 |只看该作者

In this memorandum, the writer points out some facts to support his conclusion that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. Those facts seem reasonable to establish his idea. However, when well examined, we may find such conclusion should not be made without exhaustive and valid analysis.
The writer begins the memorandum with the fact that their poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front cover. But the writer fails to consider other possible reasons that may decrease the sales during the same period of time. Perhaps those magazines do not have enough appealing news to draw readers' attention or the reports of international issues are not detailed,( that)therefore, readers may choose other magazines or papers to get more information they need. The magazine may also fail to report the news at the first time because of the issuing date or other reasons, while reader would be more willing to read fresh news than those out-of-date. So, without analysis of the alternative factors, regarding the front covers as the mainly reason of the decrease of circulation is not cogent.
In addition, competing news-magazines' action of significantly decreasing the number of cover stories that they devote to international news is unwarranted to corroborate the conclusion. Is their sales increase over the same period? We cannot find any words to answer the question, and maybe their sales have decreased which would show that such method does not make sense and it is meaningless to follow them. 这句话分开说比较好吧，或者可以说如果他们卖的不好，那么我们就没必要这样做了If something more important and attractive happened这么要用过去时么 within the country, it is unwise to use lots of pages on reporting international news stories or even put them on front covers and the competitor is more likely to have the same idea. Unless the writer substantiates the changes competing news-magazines made are effective in promoting their circulation, we should not take the fact mentioned above into consideration.
Finally, the writer fails to provide any reason why the cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Perhaps there are more staffs in their foreign bureaus, so more salary which makes up the total cost should be paid. Also, if there is more work to be done such as interviews, more money would be used in reporting.这句话相当于是上句话的例子，不需要also来引导 If the price rises in foreign countries, the cost of those foreign bureaus will increase undoubtedly. And（therefore） if the customers of this magazine are mainly international news reader, though cost increased, they should not cut down the budge of foreign bureaus.

argument要改的不多，但是怎么没有结尾段呢，结尾还是很重要的

有的地方例子前面最好能稍微阐述一下~~~~

1# chill_ly

一学那贤良的王二姐，二学那开磨坊的李三娘

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greenxs
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板凳

发表于 2009-6-8 00:18:24 |只看该作者

一学那贤良的王二姐，二学那开磨坊的李三娘

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chill_ly
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地板

发表于 2009-6-8 22:36:49 |只看该作者

3# greenxs

晕,结尾那句话一开始忘贴上来了

更新版本
In this memorandum, the writer points out some facts to support his conclusion that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. Those facts seem reasonable to establish his idea. However, when well examined, we may find such conclusion should not be made without exhaustive and valid analysis.

The writer begins the memorandum with the fact that their poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front cover. But the writer fails to consider other possible reasons that may decrease the sales during the same period of time. Perhaps those magazines do not have enough appealing news to draw readers' attention or the reports of international issues are not detailed, therefore, readers may choose other magazines or papers to get more information they need. The magazine may also fail to report the news at the first time because of the issuing date or other reasons, while reader would be more willing to read fresh news than those out-of-date. So, without analysis of the alternative factors, regarding the front covers as the mainly reason of the decrease of circulation is not cogent.

In addition, competing news-magazines' action of significantly decreasing the number of cover stories that they devote to international news is unwarranted to corroborate the conclusion. Is their sales increase over the same period? We cannot find any words to answer the question, and if their sales have decreased which would show that such method does not make sense, it is meaningless to follow them. If something more important and attractive is happening within the country, it is unwise to use lots of pages on reporting international news stories or even put them on front covers and the competitor is more likely to have the same idea. Unless the writer substantiates the changes competing news-magazines made are effective in promoting their circulation, we should not take the fact mentioned above into consideration.

Finally, the writer fails to provide any reason why the cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Perhaps there are more staffs in their foreign bureaus, so more salary which makes up the total cost should be paid. If there is more work to be done such as interviews, more money would be used in reporting. If the price rises in foreign countries, the cost of those foreign bureaus will increase undoubtedly. Meanwhile, if the customers of this magazine are mainly international news reader, though cost increased, they should not cut down the budge of foreign bureaus.

In summary, unless more facts which would support the writer's idea are given, I will not agree with the conclusion he/she made.

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houpei0126
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5楼

发表于 2009-6-10 16:54:22 |只看该作者

In this memorandum, the writer points out some facts to support his conclusion that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. Those facts seem reasonable to establish his idea. However, when well examined, we may find such conclusion should not be made without exhaustive and valid analysis.

The writer begins the memorandum with the fact that their poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front cover. But the writer fails to consider other possible reasons that may decrease the sales during the same period of time. Perhaps those magazines do not have enough appealing news to draw readers' attention or the reports of international issues are not detailed, therefore, readers may choose other magazines or papers to get more information they need. The magazine may also fail to report the news at the first time because of the issuing date or other reasons, while reader would be more willing to read fresh news than those out-of-date.（这个我也想到了，但表达出来就是没有你的效果） So, without analysis of the alternative factors, regarding the front covers as the mainly reason of the decrease of circulation is not cogent.

In addition, competing news-magazines' action of significantly decreasing the number of cover stories that they devote to international news is unwarranted to corroborate the conclusion. Is their sales increase over the same period? We cannot find any words to answer the question, and if their sales have decreased which would show that such method does not make sense, it is meaningless to follow them. If something more important and attractive is happening within the country, it is unwise to use lots of pages on reporting international news stories or even put them on front covers and the competitor is more likely to have the same idea. Unless the writer substantiates the changes competing news-magazines made are effective in promoting their circulation, we should not take the fact mentioned above into consideration.

Finally, the writer fails to provide any reason why the cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Perhaps there are more staffs in their foreign bureaus, so more salary which makes up the total cost should be paid（这个角度很新颖）. If there is more work to be done such as interviews, more money would be used in reporting. If the price rises in foreign countries, the cost of those foreign bureaus will increase undoubtedly. Meanwhile, if the customers of this magazine are mainly international news reader, though cost increased, they should not cut down the budge of foreign bureaus.

In summary, unless more facts which would support the writer's idea are given, I will not agree with the conclusion he/she made.
整个浏览过程中，就只看到了你文章的闪光点，也许是水平有限吧，还没发现有什么大问题。觉得是一篇很好的文章。

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chill_ly
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6楼

发表于 2009-6-10 22:57:20 |只看该作者

没什么改动,这次就不重贴一遍了,直接改3L的好了

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dodolulu
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7楼

发表于 2009-6-11 23:17:09 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 dodolulu 于 2009-6-11 23:21 编辑

晕，弄不好颜色啦，你直接看word文档吧

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dodolulu
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8楼

发表于 2009-6-11 23:17:38 |只看该作者

In this memorandum, the writer points out some facts to support his conclusion that they should decrease their emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on their magazine covers. Those facts seem reasonable to establish his idea. However, when well examined, we may find such conclusion should not be made without exhaustive and valid analysis.

The writer begins the memorandum with the fact that their poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front cover. But the writer fails to consider other possible reasons that may decrease the sales during the same period of time. Perhaps those magazines do not have enough appealing news to draw readers' attention or the reports of international issues are not detailed, therefore, readers may choose other magazines or papers to get more information they need. The magazine may also fail to report the news at the first time because of the issuing date or other reasons, while reader would be more willing to read fresh news than those out-of-date. So, without analysis of the alternative factors, regarding the front covers as the mainly reason of the decrease of circulation is not cogent.

In addition, competing news-magazines' action of significantly decreasing the number of cover stories that they devote to international news is unwarranted to corroborate the conclusion. Is their sales increase over the same period? We cannot find any words to answer the question, and if their sales have decreased which would show that such method does not make sense, it is meaningless to follow them. If something more important and attractive is happening within the country, it is unwise to use lots of pages on reporting international news stories or even put them on front covers and the competitor is more likely to have the same idea. Unless the writer substantiates the changes competing news-magazines made are effective in promoting their circulation, we should not take the fact mentioned above into consideration.

Finally, the writer fails to provide any reason why the cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. 1Perhaps there are more staffs in their foreign bureaus, so more salary which makes up the total cost should be paid. 2If there is more work to be done such as interviews, more money would be used in reporting. 3If the price rises in foreign countries, the cost of those foreign bureaus will increase undoubtedly. 4Meanwhile, if the customers of this magazine are mainly international news reader, though cost increased, they should not cut down the budge of foreign bureaus.这一段最好要和全文所批驳得作者的conclusion有关系吧，你看看这段是不是有点脱节呢，虽然cost of maintaining their foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing和作者conclusion的关系明显，但你只有4建立了这种联系

In summary, unless more facts which would support the writer's idea are given, I will not agree with the conclusion he/she made.

蓝色是文章的骨头，功力非凡呀

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