[a习作temp] 5.27 选手 Argu 80 求狠批【已批阅 by 版友wang6631】 [复制链接]

Zenith_G
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电梯直达

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发表于 2012-5-8 23:27:43 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 okqishi 于 2012-5-9 18:23 编辑

The following appeared in a memo from the vice president of a food distribution company with food storage warehouses in several cities.

"Recently, we signed a contract with the Fly-Away Pest Control Company to provide pest control services at our fast-food warehouse in Palm City, but last month we discovered that over $20,000 worth of food there had been destroyed by pest damage. Meanwhile, the Buzzoff Pest Control Company, which we have used for many years, continued to service our warehouse in Wintervale, and last month only $10,000 worth of the food stored there had been destroyed by pest damage. Even though the price charged by Fly-Away is considerably lower, our best means of saving money is to return to Buzzoff for all our pest control services."

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.

提纲：需要提供的证据还应包括

1. 两个城市各自的食品储存价值总量
2. 除了Fly-AWAY的原因，其他造成两公司效果不同的原因应该被排除
3. 除了B之外，没有其他公司作为save money更好的选择

Time: 41min20s
Words: 515
In the argument, the speaker makes a proposal suggesting to return to Buzzoff for all of their pest control service in order to save money. To strengthen his assertion, he claims that the pest damage in Palm City (which is controlled by Fly-Away company) is much more severe than that in Wintervale (which is maintained by Buzzofff). While the speaker’s conclusion may seem plausible, at first glance, a careful analysis would find a large amount of fallacies. To better bolster his proposal, admitted evidence is need.

One of the fundamental evidence that needs to give is that the total value of the goods stored in the Palm City as well as that stored in Wintervale. Consider, there is much more food in the Palm City and total value amounts to, say a billion dollars, which the loss caused by pests is only 0.5 percent, however, perhaps the food in the Wintervale is worth no more than 10 thousand dollars, and the $1000-loss counts to 10 percent. Without that, the mere fact that the food destroyed in the Palm City is worth 2000 dollars while that in the Whintervale is 1000 dollars does not lend any support to the author’s suggestion. In short, without evidence such as the food’s total value respectively controlled by the two companies, the speaker cannot convince me that the proposal is reasonable.

Another evidence needed is that there is no other explanations other than the Fly-Away ability for the greater loss of food stored in the Palm City. The speaker does not provide any detailed information about the two cities storage condition. There is a good chance that other factors as divergent as weather condition, store locus would play a more significant role in the pest damage. If the Palm City locates nears the sea, where the climate is humid and mild, then leads Palm City a heaven for pests growing. Nevertheless, the Wintervale is rather cold and arid, which is not a good place to set as pests home. If this is the case, pests damage are more likely to happen in the Palm City no matter what carefully measures the workers of the Fly-Away had taken. In conclusion, unless evidence can prove there is no other explanation for the loss, the speaker cannot make his claim well grounded.

Even with the foregoing evidence, to better support his proposal, I also need to know a final evidence to prove that returning to Buzzofff Company is indeed the best choice to save money for all of their pest control services. The speaker needs to substantiate that there is no other companies who can offer a better service with a lower charge. The speaker also needs to provide a table or graph in which writes the Buzzofff’s advantages in detail, includes the cost, efficiency and so forth.

In sum, the speaker’s proposal is not tenable as it stands. To better bolster his claim, there is additional evidence needed. Such evidence may include as following. 1) The total value of the food stored in the Palm City and Wintervale 2) No other explanations for the greater loss in the Palm City 3) No other companies other than Buzzofff Company to choose from to save money for all of their pest control services.

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wang6631
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沙发

发表于 2012-5-9 16:28:25 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 wang6631 于 2012-5-9 16:35 编辑

Time:41min20s
Words: 515
In theargument, the speaker makes a proposal suggesting to return to Buzzoff for allof their pest control service in order to save money. To strengthen hisassertion, he claims that the pest damage in Palm City (which is controlled byFly-Away company) is much more severe than that in Wintervale (which ismaintained by Buzzofff). While the speaker’s conclusion may seem plausible, atfirst glance, a careful analysis would find a large amount of fallacies. Tobetter bolster his proposal, admitted evidence is need. 开头非常完整,要学习.
One ofthe fundamental evidence that needs to give is that the total value of thegoods stored in the Palm City as well as that stored in Wintervale. Consider,there is much more food in the Palm City and total value amounts to, say abillion dollars, which the loss caused by pests is only 0.5 percent,however, perhaps the food in the Wintervale is worth no more than 10 thousanddollars, and the $1000-loss counts to 10 percent. Without that,the mere fact that the food destroyed in the Palm City is worth 2000 dollarswhile that in the Whintervale is 1000 dollars does not lend any support to theauthor’s suggestion. In short, without evidence such as the food’s total valuerespectively controlled by the two companies, the speaker cannotconvince me that the proposal is reasonable.
这一点虽然正确,但感觉没必要但写成一段,略嫌冗长,既然都是为了save money, 说不定可以和"其他公司"这一段落合并
Anotherevidence needed is that there is no other explanations other than theFly-Away ability for the greater loss of food stored in the Palm City. Thespeaker does not provide any detailed information about the two citiesstorage condition. There is a good chance that other factors as divergent asweather condition, store locus would play a more significant role in the pestdamage. If the Palm City locates nears the sea, where the climateis humid and mild, then leads Palm City a heaven for pests growing.Nevertheless, the Wintervale is rather cold and arid, which is not a good placeto set as pests home. If this is the case, pests damage are more likelyto happen in the Palm City no matter what carefully measures the workersof the Fly-Away had taken. In conclusion, unless evidence can prove there is noother explanation for the loss, the speaker cannot make his claim wellgrounded.
这里事实上就写了天气因素,略显单薄,说不定可以加上管理因素，和杀毒公司的配合方面
等其他因素加以充实。
Evenwith the foregoing evidence, to better support his proposal, I also need toknow a final evidence to prove that returning to Buzzofff Company isindeed the best choice to save money for all of their pest control services.The speaker needs to substantiate that there is no other companies who canoffer a better service with a lower charge. The speaker also needs to provide atable or graph in which writes the Buzzofff’s advantages in detail,includes the cost, efficiency and so forth.
另外，个人认为作者将结论拓展到all pest control services 是一个攻击点，可以展开写这个杀毒公司的局限性，专业性不一定适应所用虫害。
In sum,the speaker’s proposal is not tenable as it stands. To better bolster his
claim, there is additionalevidence needed. Such evidence may include as following. 1) The total valueof the food stored in the Palm City and Wintervale 2) No other explanations forthe greater loss in the Palm City 3) No other companies other than BuzzofffCompany to choose from to save money for all of their pest control services.
结论条理很清楚，但感觉略占时间。。另外，画线处个人认为表述均不是最准确，仅仅个人感觉，希望能再想想斟酌一下。