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[习作点评] 作文互改小组作业贴 [复制链接]

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发表于 2012-9-11 16:16:07 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
9-11作业,argument 113、161


提纲:
1.        声称是否真实?几家公司不具有代表性,两个例子也没有代表性。
2.        上课一定有效吗?可能上课不认真,学习没有效果;也可能家庭经济压力较大,负担不起学费。
3.        让所有人参加培训不现实。首先,公司之间没有可比性,如果是技术性公司,则不需要提高阅读能力,而是技术水平;另外,没有考虑员工集体离开三周的损失。

In this argument, the director suggests that all the employees should take the Easy Read course and it will bring about great benefits. However, the claim is highly dubious because it is merely based on gratuitous assumptions.

First of all, the author wrongly assumes that other companies’ statement about the effect of the course is representative. It is highly possible that only five companies believe the course is effective. The fact might be that the course hasn’t improved employees’ reading speed in 20 other companies. The examples of the two graduates are not convincing, either. Maybe before taking the course, the person already had the ability to read a 500-page report in two hours and he just had no improvement after the course. Also, it is likely that the other graduate was promoted not because he had excellent ability, but because he got along very well with his employer so he was able to rise quickly. Without ruling out these possibilities, the author’s conclusion cannot be persuasive.

Moreover, the author continues to assume that there will be benefits for the company as long as the employees take the course, thus he thinks the education fee a small price. However, it is possible that some employees do not listen carefully when having the class. They missed so many important points that the course has no effect on them. In this sense, it is a waste of money and time to take the course. Even if the course does work, the author cannot garantee every person can afford the fee. Maybe some of them are raising a child and they would like to spend most of their money on their children, such as sending them to the best primary school and letting them learn to play the piano. Thus, they will not have enough money for themselves to take the course. Unless the author can provide related information, we cannot consider the suggestion to be a prudent one.

Granted that the course has been proved to be effective and everyone can afford it, it is not wise to require all employees to take the course. One the one hand, the arguer hastily believes that there are no difference between Acme and other companies which have already taken the course. However, it is very possible that Acme is a technical company and the employees usually deal with repairing machines and operating equipment. Thus, a faster reading speed will not help to improve the company’s productivity. On the other hand, it is not realistic for all employees to take the course. The arguer fails to take into consideration the loss of the company if all people leave for three weeks and the company stops producing.

In sum, the argument is not well-reasoned. In order to substantiate his conclusion, the director should do more research, such as the effectiveness of the Easy Read Course, and take into consideration every possibility.
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沙发
发表于 2012-9-11 18:30:40 |只看该作者
今天第二篇argument:argu7/99
提纲:
1.        BB真的会来开店吗?营销模式是否成功?是否会对MB构成威胁?MB地位难以撼动
2.        国家的数据部代表当地的;百分比减少不代表总数少;总数少不代表买书少。
3.        MB开café一定适合吗?一方面,减少了书的种类,而这以前是自己的一个长处;另一方面,可能店空间小,加了café,造成拥挤感,味道、声音嘈杂,反而破坏了atmosphere.


In this argument, the manager claims that Monarch Books (MB) should open its in-store café in the space currently devoted to children’s books. This conclusion is highly dubious because it is merely based on unfounded evidence and gratuitous assumptions.

Firstly of all, the author wrongly assumes that Book and Bean (BB) will be a challenge for MB. On the one hand, the author should give us more evidence about whether BB will carry out the plan of opening a Collegeville store. If BB has recently been short of money and cancelled the plan, there will be no need for MB to change. On the other hand, the author should give us more information about BB’s competence. Because MB has been run for twenty years and it has already had a large customer base, it will be difficult for BB to challenge its position. If BB’s Collegeville store only provides a limited choice of books, not many people will go there to buy books. In order to better support his opinion, the author should provide more detailed information.

In addition, the arguer believes that sales of children’s books will decline, according to the result of a national census. This is not based on sound reasoning. A nationwide census can only reflect a nationwide situation. It cannot be used to represent Collegeville. It is entirely possible that these years the number of children under ten is increasing in this area. Thus, the children’s books will sell well, so it will largely reduce MB’s profits if the section is replaced. Even if the percentage of population under ten is declined, this does not mean the sales of children’s book will decline. Perhaps children between 10 and 15 also buy these books. Or some parents, in order to better educate their children, are also reading children’s book to keep a young and imaginative mind.

Granted that sales of children’s books will decline, it is too hasty to say MB can increase profits by opening a café. Specific evidence should be given that MB has enough space for the café. If MB itself or the children’s books section is not large enough, customers will not enjoy themselves when having meals. Then the cafe will not attract a lot of people, not to say bring high profits for MB. We also lack evidence about whether customers like the combination of a bookstore and a coffee shop. It is likely that the café will destroy the quiet atmosphere in the bookstore. Instead, the store is filled with noise and smell from the café, which disturbs the readers. In this case, fewer and fewer people will come to MB because of the uncomfortable atmosphere.

In sum, the argument is not well-reasoned. To bolster his conclusion, the manager should do more research, such as whether people prefer the combination of a bookstore and a café, and take into consideration every possibility.
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板凳
发表于 2012-9-12 17:18:30 |只看该作者
希望有帮助
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地板
发表于 2012-9-12 23:37:20 |只看该作者
刚刚修改了下 希望有帮助~:loveliness:
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RE: 作文互改小组作业贴 [修改]
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