[经典批改讨论] ISSUE36 [复制链接]

雨&彩虹
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2003-9-6 20:12:17 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

36"The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries."

When it comes to the evaluation of a historical figure, we cannot resist the temptation to wonder who is the final judge to decide his contribution and greatness and thus attribute him with lasting value. The speaker claims that it is the duty of those who live after them to decide. I concede that in certain areas, especially in scientific field where the significance of one hypothesis or invention has to be tested and retested by later followers to justify its correctness and accountability. In areas, such as art and business, it is possible to demonstrate one’s greatness and collect recognition by his contemporaries.

In the field of art, we observe numerous examples convincing us that contemporaries do endow those great achievers with respect and recognition. It is true that originality is always what innovative artists crave for and thus make it impossible for ordinary people or even veteran art critic to appreciate. The paintings of Van Gush ran contrary to the wide-accepted norm and thus relegated by critics as indecipherable and bewildering. Even Shakespeare, the greatest writer we have in history was criticized by some literature critics as treacherous and a fancy exhibitor. But we need look no further than Mark Twain to justify how possible it is for an individual to be accepted by his counterpoise. Twain’s vivid description of life on Mississippi River won him immediate fame as the most popular writer in American history and the happy ending is that a yesterday sailor became today’s successful and rich writer.

The same case occurs in business world. Unlike the process of art creation, which is an interaction between artists who send the message and the audience who receive and interpret the message, business executives aim at a more practical and direct ending, that is to say, to maximize profit, make the best use of shareholder’s investment and increase the well being of company stuff. Admittedly, some strategies executed by business leaders might seem labyrinthine at first sight to some outsiders, but as long as the goal of the enterprises are being successfully met with respect the proper function of business, neat organization of internal structure and a consistent contribution to the well being of neighborhood, community and government budget, it pose no threat to people’s understanding how great these leaders are. By introducing new production streamline, the founding father of Ford is immediately recognized and accoladed as a successful businessman with true innovative idea and cute business sense and vision. Bill Gates, giant in hi-tech industry, is ranked as the most successful businessman due to the huge success he brought to the Microsoft as well as the contribution he made to the entire industry.

But in the scientific arena, less fortunate stories are revealed. Since no scientific findings can stand as everlasting, universally admitted truth free from doubt and suspicion, scientific discovery have to yield to time to be tested and retested to find where the true value lies. Scientists with truly innovative idea going against the wide-accepted doctrine are usually biased and prejudiced since to reform the deep-rooted and stubborn dogma in people’s head is a formidable job that would even as tough as the scientific discovery process itself. Einstein’s quantum theory, Copernicus’ discovery that the sun is the center of the universe instead of earth, Darwin’s claim that human being is evolved from other life forms instead of the creation of God all suffer the same fate as heresy and nonsense. It is the offspring who begin to evaluate these great discoveries from pure objective and scientific perspectives and name those scientists and their findings as significant and crucial.

To sum up, neither the contemporaries nor the later generations alone act as an efficient litmus stone to test to value of an individual. In the area of art and business where the value can be recognized according to the public reaction, economic gaining and so forth, it is possible to be recognized and get immediate distinctiveness. On the other hand, in the scientific field where people’s idea lag behind scientific vision, negligence often happens as a result of misunderstanding and unwillingness to change, in this sense, an individual has to wait even for centuries to be recognized as a great person.

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blake_wang
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沙发

发表于 2003-9-7 09:01:54 |只看该作者

excellent.
1,his contribution and greatness and thus attribute him with lasting value. --->be cautious to feminist's angery.

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dreamflyer
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板凳

发表于 2003-9-7 12:09:37 |只看该作者

36"The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries."

When it comes to the evaluation of a historical figure, we cannot resist the temptation to wonder who is the final judge to decide his contribution and greatness and thus attribute him with lasting value. The speaker claims that it is the duty of those who live after them to decide. I concede that in certain areas, especially in scientific field where the significance of one hypothesis or invention has to be tested and retested by later followers to justify its correctness and accountability. In areas, such as art and business, it is possible to demonstrate one’s greatness and collect recognition by his contemporaries. （开头写的很好啊^_^）

In the field of art, we observe numerous examples convincing us that contemporaries do endow those great achievers with respect and recognition. It is true that originality is always what innovative artists crave for and thus make it impossible for ordinary people or even veteran art critic to appreciate. The paintings of Van Gush ran contrary to the wide-accepted norm and thus relegated by critics as indecipherable and bewildering. Even Shakespeare, the greatest writer we have in history was criticized by some literature critics as treacherous and a fancy exhibitor. But we need look no further than Mark Twain to justify how possible it is for an individual to be accepted by his counterpoise. Twain’s vivid description of life on Mississippi River won him immediate fame as the most popular writer in American history and the happy ending is that a yesterday sailor became today’s successful and rich writer. （语言很漂亮！但是，逻辑好像有些混乱。你是想说艺术方面应该被当代人所认可，结果举的两个例子都是反面的，，，）

The same case occurs in business world. Unlike the process of art creation, which is an interaction between artists who send the message and the audience who receive and interpret the message, business executives aim at a more practical and direct ending, that is to say, to maximize profit, make the best use of shareholder’s investment and increase the well being of company stuff. Admittedly, some strategies executed by business leaders might seem labyrinthine at first sight to some outsiders, but as long as the goal of the enterprises are being successfully met with respect（of） the proper function of business, neat organization of internal structure and a consistent contribution to the well being of neighborhood, community and government budget, it pose no threat to people’s understanding how great these leaders are. By introducing new production streamline, the founding father of Ford is immediately recognized and accoladed as a successful businessman with true innovative idea and cute business sense and vision. Bill Gates, giant in hi-tech industry, is ranked as the most successful businessman due to the huge success he brought to the Microsoft as well as the contribution he made to the entire industry.（这一段就比较让人信服了，里面一些词语用的非常好啊，pfpf）

But in the scientific arena, less fortunate stories are revealed. Since no scientific findings can stand as everlasting, universally admitted truth free from doubt and suspicion, scientific discovery have to yield to time to be tested and retested to find where the true value lies. Scientists with truly innovative idea going against the wide-accepted doctrine are usually biased and prejudiced since to reform the deep-rooted and stubborn dogma in people’s head is a formidable job that would even as tough as the scientific discovery process itself. Einstein’s quantum theory（这个是在他生前就被认可的吧，，，）, Copernicus’ discovery that the sun is the center of the universe instead of earth, Darwin’s claim that human being is evolved from other life forms instead of the creation of God all suffer the same fate as heresy and nonsense. It is the offspring who begin to evaluate these great discoveries from pure objective and scientific perspectives and name those scientists and their findings as significant and crucial.

To sum up, neither the contemporaries nor the later generations alone act as an efficient litmus stone to test to value of an individual. In the area of art and business where the value can be recognized according to the public reaction, economic gaining and so forth, it is possible to be recognized and get immediate distinctiveness. On the other hand, in the scientific field where people’s idea lag behind scientific vision, negligence often happens as a result of misunderstanding and unwillingness to change, in this sense, an individual has to wait even for centuries to be recognized as a great person.

首先是对彩虹mm的语言能力表示无比钦佩！
再说这篇文章的思路，结构上来看，光看主题句，觉得是很好。但逻辑上说，不足以信服人吧，，，还不如不要分领域，就是分层次来写，可能效果好一些。

你什么时候在哪儿考啊？

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realturtle
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地板

发表于 2003-9-7 12:18:38 |只看该作者

这篇也给转到习题库去
语言的优点不用说了
思维也比较清晰
举例子很得当，不是长篇大论地举例，而是一句话一个例子，简洁而且例子都能很好的证明自己的topic sentences
dreamflyer说的关于第二段的逻辑和开头的逻辑有些不吻合，的确是这样。而且可以把开头的顺序改一下，把arts和business的方面放在science的前头，和你的下文论述顺序一致，并且把arts的改一下，让上下逻辑比较统一。

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