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Argument200 最后的模考啦！拍砖赶紧：） [复制链接]

needle
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2004-4-19 11:30:05 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

终于提前2分半完成，不过还是不够时间检查拼写错误。这一篇改了所有的tyro-errors，没有动任何的字句。自己没有看。原汁原味原水平好了：）

一起模考的I还在休整中，马上发上来

Argument200: 440 words
Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

Citing the statistics and giving a simple analysis, the arguer advocates that dentists, when they are putting advertisements, should aim at the male consumers and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. Such a suggestion sounds good, but a close examine will reveal how groundless it is.

Primarily, the statistics and the analysis cited by the arguer are both quite problematic, which makes the credibility of the analysis in doubt. As a common sense, statistics should serve for a scientific study to ensure its effectiveness. However, since the arguer mentions nothing about whether the statistics are collected by the authorities, and whether they are from enough samples, the statistic should not be quoted as the foundation for the analysis. Also, it is unknown that whether the statistics are analysed by the experts, so to believe in the analysis is only an over hasty and reckless decision. Thus, as the premise, the statistics and the analysis are open to doubt.

In addition, even if both the statistics and the analysis are reliable, to suggest dentists target at males as latent patients is still ridiculous for following reasons. First, the percentage of the males in the total patients is kept unknown. It is well possible that females are easier to have teeth diseases than males, and in this case, to put on advertisements aiming at males would helps to appealing to more patients, and even has the risk to lose the female patients. Second, the arguer fails to offer the rate of those fainted men in all male patients. Admitted that more men faint than females, it is still entirely possible that fainted males are the minority of the total male patients. To follow such a suggestion may do nothing help to attract the majority of male patients.

What is more, no evidence shows that whether males are interested in the anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. What patients care about most is likely to lie in the hygeian environment and the price, one of which concerns about their health and the other about their economy situation. To catch latent patients, dentists can emphasize these two aspects rather than the anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

In conclusion, it is ridiculous for the arguer to suggest the dentists to follow his advice only based on the insufficient evidence and the illogical reasoning. A study directed in a scientific way should be exerted to provide more credible information about the males' real attitude to the dentists’ work.

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apolloxp
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沙发

发表于 2004-4-19 12:11:48 |只看该作者

占座No 1

Life is full of drama.

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jianguo
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板凳

发表于 2004-4-19 13:28:13 |只看该作者

needle太刻苦了，呵呵，值得学习呀，看来不拿6分是不行了。

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apolloxp
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地板

发表于 2004-4-19 13:35:22 |只看该作者

终于提前2分半完成，不过还是不够时间检查拼写错误。这一篇改了所有的tyro-errors，没有动任何的字句。自己没有看。原汁原味原水平好了：）

一起模考的I还在休整中，马上发上来

Argument200: 440 words
Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

Citing the statistics and giving a simple analysis, the arguer advocates that dentists, when they are putting advertisements, should aim at the male consumers and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. Such a suggestion sounds good, but a close examine will reveal how groundless it is.

Primarily, the statistics and the analysis cited by the arguer are both quite problematic, which makes the credibility of the analysis in doubt. As a common sense, statistics should serve for a scientific study to ensure its effectiveness. However, since the arguer mentions nothing about whether the statistics are collected by the authorities, and whether they are from enough samples, the statistic should not be quoted as the foundation for the analysis. Also, it is unknown that whether the statistics are analysed by the experts, so to believe in the analysis is only an over hasty and reckless decision. Thus, as the premise, the statistics and the analysis are open to doubt.

In addition, even if both the statistics and the analysis are reliable, to suggest dentists target at males as latent patients is still ridiculous for following reasons. First, the percentage of the males in the total patients is kept unknown. It is well possible that females are easier to have teeth diseases than males, and in this case, to put on advertisements aiming at males would helps to appealing to more patients, and even has the risk to lose the female patients. 这句有什么地方写错了吧，这个even感觉不对劲 Second, the arguer fails to offer the rate of those fainted men in all male patients. Admitted that more men faint than females, it is still entirely possible that fainted males are the minority of the total male patients. To follow such a suggestion may do nothing help helpful to attract the majority of male patients.

What is more, no evidence shows that whether males are interested in the anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients. What patients care about most is likely to lie in the hygeian environment and the price, one of which concerns about their health and the other about 用depends on，是经济状况决定接受什么价钱，而不是反过来 their economy situation. To catch latent patients, dentists can emphasize these two aspects rather than the anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.

In conclusion, it is ridiculous for the arguer to suggest the dentists to follow his advice only based on the insufficient evidence and the illogical reasoning. A study directed in a scientific way should be exerted exert接影响，压力之类的名词，不能这样用 to provide more credible information about the males' real attitude to the dentists’ work.

恭喜限时成功，错误找的对，略有微瑕。以这个状态去考应该没问题了。 :)

Life is full of drama.

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海洋
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5楼

发表于 2004-4-19 14:22:26 |只看该作者

思维比较活跃，30分钟内论述已经相当全面了。祝贺！考场上会发挥更好的！！^_^

改几处小毛病：
a close examine 错，应为"examination". examine只做动词。

the statistics and the analysis cited by the arguer 中，二者不应共用一个"cite"。analysis之类用cite好像不合适，provide好点。

the statistic should not be quoted as the foundation for the analysis.——〉the statistics are not credible enough to serve as the foundation for the ianalysis.

Also, it is unknown that whether the statistics are analysed by the experts, so to believe in the analysis is only an over hasty and reckless decision这句话的出现是我觉得比较不妥的，如果想使第一段驳论更充分些，可以抓住"the statistics do not necessarily suggest that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are",提出同样的数据可以得出不同的分析结果，所以他这个唯一的分析是不可靠的。

比如：faint可能因为做调查时空气不好，或者天气太炎热，那样的话得出的结论也可以是men更怕闷怕热，而不仅仅是怕疼，那就应该强调就诊环境优雅而不是器具的effectiveness和服务人员的sensitivity.

闻说梅花早，何如此地春

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