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[习作点评] ILoveChem_Crack AW in June, 2015 [复制链接]

ILOVECHEMISTRY
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电梯直达

楼主

发表于 2015-6-18 02:09:12 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览

本帖最后由 ILOVECHEMISTRY 于 2015-6-20 23:40 编辑

Hi, Guys

Here comes ILoveChem,my dream is to further my PhD training in US in 2016. As to my test experience as well as English qualification, a poor AW score (3.0) really hurts me. Personally, a 4.5 + is highly desired especially after reviewing the how-to blogs written by initiator "tesolchina" from head to toe.

The next GRE shooting niche will approach on 29th August, 2015.

I will hone my muscles without any reservation with your guys all!

Best Regards to the Hero "tesolchina"

On the way am I!

Permission Claim: Right here is the very guy with a GTer ID of ILoveChem, in order to get involved in the interaction of AW practices and peer-reviews, I agree to authorize "tesolchina" and "hi1313" to use all my AW sample materials to benefit the ensuing guys in GTer community hopefully.

ILoveChem, Carck AW, June

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忙是一种状态，忙着痛苦着充实着快乐着。

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沙发

发表于 2015-6-18 02:10:39 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 ILOVECHEMISTRY 于 2015-6-22 23:56 编辑

目录：

3楼：Issue 122，不计时写，写到自己觉得最好。老师给点评。

11楼： Argument 84，大概用时一个小时，写完对比老师的范文。身体出状况，晚交了。

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板凳

发表于 2015-6-18 02:31:58 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 ILOVECHEMISTRY 于 2015-6-21 17:24 编辑

Issue 122

The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its role models.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the claim. In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

======================================

When probing the character of a specific society, it's a good manner to go into the deep of the character of the heroes or role models. Whether the shortcut based on heroes or role models is the "best" one to enjoy a landscape of the character of a society depends on to what extent the heroes or role models can make a sound voice and in what ways.  For movie stars whose fame was overwhelmingly inflated, the character of such heroes can't necessarily reflect that of the society. For scientists whose fame was checked by peer-reviewed committee, the character embodied by such respectful heroes can always shed a light on the disposition of a society. Also for police officers whose fame was shined through the battle against cruel criminals, the character honed by such dedicated patron saints can every now and then speak for the nature of the society.

deep词性
depends on to what extent  句子结构
fame was overwhelmingly inflated 搭配
make a sound voice  不懂
fame was checked 搭配
patron saints  不懂

看到你在按hero分类  但是语言表达层面问题不少
另外没有回应题目的要求-In developing and supporting your position, be sure to address the most compelling reasons and/or examples that could be used to challenge your position.

一般第三个点用来回应题目要求

不明白你为什么要花1个半小时写这个如果是思路有问题应该先看范文再接着想

2nd Edition:

When probing the character of a specific society, it's a good manner to go into the depth of the character of the famous heroes. Whether the shortcut based on heroes is the "best" one to enjoy a landscape of the character of a society depends on to what extent the heroes can make a compelling voice and in what ways. For movie stars whose fame was overwhelmingly inflated, the character of such heroes can't necessarily reflect that of the society. For scientists whose fame was fairly gauged by peer-reviewed committee, the character embodied by such respectful heroes can always shed a light on the disposition of a society. Also for police officers whose fame was shined through the battle against cruel criminals or other evil forces, the character honed by such dedicated heroes can every now and then speak for the nature of the society.

Famous movie stars are overwhelmingly reported as feature stories in kinds of media such as newspaper, magazine, TV and Internet, the character of these eye-catching heroes was every now and then inflated to draw more social attention to achieve more commercial interests. To the young followers of such heroes, lack of reasoning will led them to some mistakes or even crime. A young boy was reported to shoot a boy wearing a famous star's T-shirt with a signature, just because he wanted the T-shirt and was rejected without doubt. The crazy admiration of such heroes drove the young boy to such a terrible situation, when the cliche traits advocated as being good, being peaceful, being responsible of the star were totally out of mind. The character of such stars was not necessarily as the shows advocated, yet the young followers regarded them as the role model to follow, to do anything for their heroes. Maybe such "star effect" is the very driving force of the commercial interests of kinds of shows. The irony comes that the superficial character is not real and sometimes even misleading. They may have a drug addition, they may abuse alcohol, they may hang around with prostitutes. The future of the social character is actually at high risk when the young followers of such heroes can't behave themselves, let alone to study the character of the society from such stars.

To be a scientist, it takes decades to learn the cutting-edge knowledge, to explore the hard-core problems, to persuade the scientific community to accept your ideas. During the long path to the fame, the character labelled as hard-working, persistent, intelligent and open-minded is shaped gradually over many years of scientific research. The fame comes very difficult, the fame is gauged by the scientific community composed of thousands of famous scientists. To explore the character of a society based on such famous scientists can be compelling enough to the public. It took Marie Curie almost four years to purify and determine the existence of radioactive radium. The arduous task of separating one tenth of a gram of radium chloride from a ton of crude ore demonstrated not only the hard-working trait of scientists, but also the persistent mind to approach the unapproachable destination. Actually during the tough research period in a shed converted from a dissecting room, the poorly ventilated and not even waterproof working environment made Marie Curie exposed to the lethal radioactive substances. Despite the great sacrifices, Marie Curie didn't patent the discovery to gain any commercial interest. The greatness of such scientists can go beyond any word to express the character of the scientific society, which is well-accepted to the common public.

Also, famous police officers never enter the public until their blood-shed battle against the fierce criminals or other evil forces was open to the public. The heroes may even not hear the sweet words to praise what they have done for the people, yet the character embodied by such heroes was passed by from generation to generation. Recently, a police officer scarified himself in capturing an armed murder. His wife was reported to commit suicide after knowing his death, his colleagues all shed tears silently in his burial, his people filled up with the street cried aloud during the mourning, the nature of such heroes is so dedicated that the character of the society can be reflected in a convincing way.

To sum up, to choose heroes, usually these famous ones, to examine the character as to study that of the society can be a shortcut. Some famous heroes can't live up with their fame, let alone to act as a model to study the character of a society, some other famous heroes deserve their fame, hence offering compelling models to speak for the nature of a society. Such a shortcut can be expressed as "a good way" yet not necessary "the best way".

PS:

1) the structure was based on the very "1 + 3" style proposed by tesolchina (https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1822791-1-1.html );

2) A good start leads to the terminal. The structure as well as the details have been outlined, yet the ts 1, 2 and 3 will be finished later. It‘s too late for me to write more (2: 23 right here). Got to sleep.

3) It took me one and a half hours (the beginning as well as the outline).
===============================

4) The ts 1,2,3 took me about two hours.

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tesolchina
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地板

发表于 2015-6-18 05:51:28 |只看该作者

欢迎加入；正常的作息时间是高效工作的关键~~~~

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5楼

发表于 2015-6-18 08:23:21 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 ILOVECHEMISTRY 于 2015-6-19 02:34 编辑

tesolchina 发表于 2015-6-18 05:51
欢迎加入；正常的作息时间是高效工作的关键~~~~

This can be a good start to write a response. My TS lies in that normal workout truly attribute a lot to efficient work. Yet the definition may vary from case to case.

Ts 1 daily work (nine to five routine);

Ts 2 special task with high pressure there (to find out the proper way to make a efficient vaccine against MERS );

Ts 3 part-time task with limited time schedule (to kill the GRE in 2 or 3 months);

To sum up, different case required different strategies to make the matters well handled. Being energetic, being motivated, being young, cope with various cases accordingly.

Thanks for your kind reminder! I am the guy who can handle such a case. Time is here, jobs are piled up. You know, I just need to balance kinds of issues to make a proper choice, a best choice for me.

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6楼

发表于 2015-6-19 06:39:28 |只看该作者

ILOVECHEMISTRY 发表于 2015-6-18 02:31
Issue 122

The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of t ...

已点评

修改或增加内容时请保留原来的版本和我的点评

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7楼

发表于 2015-6-19 23:14:05 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 tesolchina 于 2015-6-19 23:21 编辑

ILOVECHEMISTRY 发表于 2015-6-18 02:31
Issue 122

The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of t ...

deep就算可以用作名词也是很少见的为什么不用depth呢而且depth of character 这个说法本身成不成立都是个问题
depend on the extent to which ...
你不用查一堆词典放在这里
patron saint就算有这个说法也不代表你用的是对的
我指出来要你改的你最好就改一下

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8楼

发表于 2015-6-20 09:12:15 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 ILOVECHEMISTRY 于 2015-6-21 17:36 编辑

虚心学习，踏实提分。

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9楼

发表于 2015-6-22 05:47:43 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 lin89 于 2015-12-5 19:59 编辑

每天都要坚持学习。。

清徐在线阳曲在线娄烦在线古交在线曲沃在线襄汾在线翼城在线洪洞在线隰县在线乡宁在线大宁在线永和在线汾西在线古县在线吉县在线蒲县在线沁源在线襄垣在线屯留在线平顺在线黎城在线壶关在线长子在线武乡在线长治县在线沁县在线芮城在线临猗在线万荣在线新绛在线垣曲在线稷山在线闻喜在线夏县在线绛县在线平陆在线定襄在线五台在线繁峙在线宁武在线静乐在线神池在线五寨在线岢岚在线河曲在线保德在线偏关在线代县在线泽州在线高平在线阳城在线陵川在线沁水在线安泽在线浮山在线平定在线盂县在线太谷在线祁县在线平遥在线灵石在线寿阳在线昔阳在线和顺在线左权在线榆社在线文水在线中阳在线方山在线柳林在线交口在线交城在线石楼在线兴县在线临县在线岚县在线阳高在线天镇在线灵丘在线广灵在线左云在线浑源在线山阴在线应县在线右玉在线太原在线临汾在线长治在线运城在线忻州在线晋城在线吕梁在线晋中在线阳泉在线朔州在线大同在线

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10楼

发表于 2015-6-22 08:28:52 |只看该作者

lin89 发表于 2015-6-22 05:47
每天都要坚持学习。。

是的，前两天身体出了状况，今天要补上上周的argument, 还要写今天的Issue. 坚持！加油！

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11楼

发表于 2015-6-22 23:26:26 |只看该作者

本帖最后由 ILOVECHEMISTRY 于 2015-6-22 23:51 编辑

Argument # 84

84) The following is a letter to the editor of an environmental magazine.
Two studies of amphibians in Xanadu National Park confirm a significant decline in the numbers of amphibians. In 1975 there were seven species of amphibians in the park, and there were abundant numbers of each species. However, in 2002 only four species of amphibians were observed in the park, and the numbers of each species were drastically reduced. One proposed explanation is that the decline was caused by the introduction of trout into the park's waters, which began in 1975. (Trout are known to eat amphibian eggs.)

Write a response in which you discuss one or more alternative explanations that could rival the proposed explanation and explain how your explanation(s) can plausibly account for the facts presented in the argument.

Conclusion:
# A significant decline in the numbers of amphibians in Xanadu National Park (XNP) was caused by the introduction of trout in the park's waters.

Evidence
The seven species of amphibians in the XNP were abundant in number of each species in 1975, after introducing trout known to eat amphibian eggs in 1975, only four species were observed and the numbers of each species were drastically reduced.

My Response:

According to two studies of amphibians in Xanadu National Park (XNP), a significant decline in the numbers and species was proposed to be caused by the introduction of trout which was known to eat amphibian eggs. First of all, the result based on the 1975 study and that of 2002 was open to questions. Also, there are kinds of alternative explanations for the decline of amphibian population and species, such as dramatic change of the habitat, lack of food, struck by a contagious disease, introduction of other lethal predators.

先说study 有问题，然后说alternative explanations, 给了四种可能change of the habitat, lack of food, struck by a contagious disease, introduction of other lethal predators。

To begin with, the decline of amphibian population and species in XNP based on the two studies may not reflect the real case. Maybe the study sample collected in 1975 was in a river with abundant water, the amphibians were more available to the collection workout, hence 7 species were recorded with large number of each species. While the same river may suffer from a drought, the water level turned out to be low, lack of water may drive most of the amphibians leave for the land near the river. If the sample collection workout was conducted in the river just as the previous study protocol, the sample collected would for sure contain fewer amphibian species with little population of each species. Such a scenario can undermine the author's premise derived from the two studies, hence leaving the author's explanation less convincing.

看来一下王老师的范例，觉得王老师的角度更专业：1975年的study在spring 进行，2002年的study 在winter 进行，sample collection 的时间不一样，尤其是在两个反差很大的时间里进行，一个对object是active，一个是inactive. 这样破题，很爽快！很专业！我自己当时没有想到爬行类的这种很明显的点。同样在river 里采样，水多的时候，自然多；遇上draught, 水位下降, decline 是自然的事。

Even if the two studies could give the compelling result to show the decline of amphibian population and species, such decline can't necessarily result from the introduction of trout. Maybe the original habitat in 1975 was changed dramatically over decades so that amphibians found it very harsh to live there anymore and migrated to other habitats outside XNP. Maybe the major food of amphibian was declined after 1975 owing to climate change, without enough food, the amphibians may suffer from a terrible starvation, thus leading to the declined observation in 2002. Maybe the amphibian community was struck by a contagious disease before 2002, all of a sudden, a large amount of amphibians were killed by the disease. Also, maybe some other predators were introduced into the XNP after 1975, they directly eat on the amphibians, in this case, the declined observation in 2002 can make sense. Under the above conditions, it would all contribute to the declined record of fewer species and less population of amphibians in 2002.

对四种alternative explanation 逐一分析。最后合起来说，Under the above conditions, it would all contribute to the declined record of fewer species and less population of amphibians in 2002.

To sum up, the result based on the two studies was not convincing, more study details should be stated to make the result reliable. Also, alternative explanations of the declined observation of amphibian species and population should be considered as to make a compelling argument.

PS：写的第一篇 Arguement，花了将近一个小时。自己改了一下，然后有看来一下王老师的范文，觉得破题的角度很重要！

觉得第一段王老师的角度更好一些，想把老师的case 加到第一段，这样从两个case 来说明study 的result 不同有多种解释。真实情况未必如study 反应的那样。

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12楼

发表于 2015-6-24 01:35:37 |只看该作者

issue 59

Scientists and other researchers should focus their research on areas that are likely to benefit the greatest number of people.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the recommendation and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, describe specific circumstances in which adopting the recommendation would or would not be advantageous and explain how these examples shape your position.

00:08

When anchoring a research area based on the potentials to benefit the majority of the public, scientists actually can't always have a clear clue to follow, for the research is not always marked as "benefical" "not benefical" or "potentially benefical" "potentially not benefical". The nature of scientific research is unpredicatable, especially these great chanllenges hanging around a research area for years or even decades. For some public interest-related research such as cancer, whatever scientists focus their research on cancer can benefit the common public sooner or later in a direct or indirect manner. For some other research such as quantum physics, whenever these scientists show their research to the outside mostly freak the public out and seem to have nothing to do with the daily life. Yet such reaserch need to be done regardless of the benefit of the greatest number of people.

写着写着感觉没有思路来。

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