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Argument9 新人第一贴,希望大家不吝赐教!
第二次写狗狗,完全没有限时,写加上改大概用了2个半小时(唉…………)
希望大家帮我看一看,
整篇文章在结构上还有问题么?
我的论点够不够深入,论证严密与否?或者还有没有更好反驳作者的地方?
因为还没背句型和单词,写到后面真的时觉得黔驴技穷了…
好多单词用的自己都快吐了…………
改的时候改动了一些,但不知道用的准确么?
原题
The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.
'Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors.'
正文:
The suggestion that Omega University should abrogate the teaching evaluation sounds correctly at first glance. However, the author failed to give us enough evidence to support the assumption that the student’s scores are really inflated and that the low job hunting rate is really affected by the evaluation system. Therefore, taking that advice will be a premature action.
The assumption that the risen of the scores of Omega University's students is because of the evaluation system is dubious enough. Overall scores can be affected by many factors, such as the risen average quality of the graduates in these years, the advancement of Omega University’s teaching performance, and the lower standard of students’ evaluation system, for example, the easier tests for students. Without ruling out all the other possibilities, the sentence ‘Since that time …have risen by thirty percent’ cannot be an efficient evidence of the author’s assumption.
The author cited the potential employers’ judgments to buttress that the students’ scores are inflated, but he didn't show the detail of these judgments. Who are these POTENTIAl employers? Maybe they are just a group of people who never employ anyone and have no experience of evaluating a person? Did these potential employers know the Omega University’s students well? Or did they just know the scores and did unwarranted assumptions as the author did? What are the intents of the employers’ thoughts? Is that true that they really thought the scores were inflated? The author’s simplified estimation failed to answer all these questions, so the conclusion about the inflation of the students’ scores is dubious at best.
Furthermore, there is no direct connection between the evaluation of professors and the low job getting rate. In common sense, we all know that the market of the society is the most effective factor to influence the rate of getting work. So, it is possible to be a result of a depression of the society that the students of Omega University weren’t successful in getting jobs. Or perhaps the specialties of these years’ graduates are not immediately needed by the market. In addition, there is another possibility that most of the graduates of Omega University decided to get further educations, thus fewer students get jobs than before. Since all the factors can lead to superficial failures at getting jobs, the connection between evaluation system and the low rate of job hunting is undermined.
Finally, to compare the employment of two different universities’ students merely to support the author’s conclusion is a dubious action. A comparison must be done under a comparable condition. The diversity of these two universities made this condition disappear. For instance, maybe the graduate subjects of these two universities are totally different. So, if the Alpha University’s alumnae are graduated in subjects as law, medical, business… and the Omega University’s students are graduated in subjects as geology, bibliography, archaeology… The graduates from Alpha will apparently easier to get jobs. Even if the diversities are ruled out, there is another question need the author to answer, which is whether the Alpha University uses a similar evaluation system. Failed to do so, the author cannot attribute the lower rate to the evaluation of teachers.
In sum, there is no essential and efficient evidence to reinforce the author’s conclusion. To support the author’s assumption, more direct and specific information are needed. Otherwise, I cannot stand with the author’s conclusion. |
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