[主题活动] 7月14日同主题练习 argument 32 [复制链接]

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电梯直达

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发表于 2015-7-11 17:44:36 |只看该作者 |正序浏览

7月13日的同主题练习，我的要求是模仿我的范文思路来写作，主要目的是熟悉范文的思路和写法，用自己的语言重新表述。天下文章一大抄，这个理念我在博客274楼由详细的讨论。我明白大家都是成年人，有自己的想法和习惯，要求你们放下自己的东西来抄我的，可能有一定的困难。但是，GRE作文对于初学者来说，自己想思路很多时候是行不通的。因此，建议你先按照我的思路来写，在保证不偏题的情况下，尽快开始限时写作，然后再慢慢的训练独立思考。

今天的连续是 argument 32。我还是贴出我的范文，并详细的讲解。我还是要求大家认真的学习，熟悉了范文的整个思路和内容后，计时模仿写作。

32) The following appeared in a memo from a vice president of Quiot Manufacturing.
During the past year, Quiot Manufacturing had 30 percent more on-the-job accidents than at the nearby Panoply Industries plant, where the work shifts are one hour shorter than ours. Experts say that significant contributing factors in many on-the-job accidents are fatigue and sleep deprivation among workers. Therefore, to reduce the number of on-the-job accidents at Quiot and thereby increase productivity, we should shorten each of our three work shifts by one hour so that employees will get adequate amounts of sleep.

Write a response in which you examine the stated and/or unstated assumptions of the argument. Be sure to explain how the argument depends on these assumptions and what the implications are for the argument if the assumptions prove unwarranted.

The vice president recommended shortening the work shifts in order to reduce accidents and increase productivity with the belief that the measure could help the workers to get more sleep. A number of assumptions about the causes of fewer accidents in Panoply, the link among work hours, fatigue, sleep deprivation and accidents have to be reexamined in order to evaluate the argument.

首先要注意的还是1+3模型，主旨句的三个点分别在主题句里重新提出。
第一段我习惯先概括一下argument的结论以及相关的目的和理由
这里的句型 recommended ... ing ... in order to ... with the belief that ...是可以借鉴的
然后根据题目要求列出几个需要讨论哪几个方面的assumptions

To begin with, it is assumed that the shorter work shifts for workers are the main reason why Panoply had 30% fewer accidents. This assumption has to be carefully examined as there might be other reasons why fewer accidents occurred in Panoply. For example, there could be fewer workers working in Panoply than in Quiot. Or the working conditions in Quiot are simply more dangerous leading to higher risks of accidents. If these are the main reasons leading to the gap in the number of accidents, the recommendation would not help close the gap as reducing the shift hours would neither change the size of workforce in Quiot nor make the working conditions safer.

这一段的基本步骤
1. 提出假设（A是B的主要原因）
2. 指出可能有其他原因
3. 具体举例指出其他原因
4. 指出如果其他原因成立的后果（the implications are for the argument）

我觉得这个套路其实是很容易掌握的  后面两个中间段也基本是这样
真正困难的是如何选择合适的切入点以及针对这个方面提出靠谱的其他可能性
在目前这个阶段我希望大家能重点熟悉这个套路  学习我是怎么找切入点和探索其他可能性的
如果你想到了其他好的切入点或者其他可能性也可以提出来并尝试在你的文章中讨论但是我觉得这个写作套路没有必要做太大的变化

It is also assumed that by shortening the shifts, the Quiot workers would necessarily get more sleep and not feel tired during the work. There are many factors that may affect the amount of sleep and the energy level of the workers. For example, some workers may prefer certain lifestyles that lead to sleep deprivation, such as staying up watching TV or hanging out with friends in the bars until mid-nights. Or some workers may have to take other part-time jobs to earn more money due to the low salary paid by Quiot, which will reduce the sleeping time and energy level of the workers. If sleep deprivation and fatigue are caused by factors other than long hours, then adopting the proposal would not achieve the desired objectives.

提出另一个假设然后探索其他的可能挑战这个假设的可能性最后总结在什么情况下这个结论不成立

The third assumption implicitly made is that helping the workers get enough sleep would necessarily reduce the number of accidents. Even if reducing work shift hours can get the workers to sleep more, the recommended measure may not reduce the number of accidents. There could be other factors that cause the accidents at Quiot. For example, the workers may not receive enough training about the safety protocols or the supervisors are not competent in enforcing the rules about safe operation. Or the machinery in Quiot needs upgrading to improve the safety and reduce risk of accidents. If the assumption that addressing sleep deprivation and fatigue would reduce accidents does not hold, the recommendation should not be accepted.

提出第三个假设然后探索其他的可能挑战这个假设的可能性最后总结在什么情况下这个结论不成立

Despite the good intention of this recommendation, we need more information about why Quiot had more accidents, what factors caused the accidents in Quiot and how shortening work shifts would affect the sleep amount and energy level of Quiot workers in order to examine the assumptions discussed above and evaluate the soundness of the argument.

所有参加的同学还是在自己的练习帖跟帖发习作然后将具体楼层的链接发在这里

请尽可能限时完成写之前可以先列提纲想清楚怎么写一旦开始写要尽可能在25分钟内完成

语言表达方面不要自己生造句子不要凭感觉写英语写下一个句子前先回忆一下有没有见过老师或者native speaker 这样写过