ISSUE237 实在没有词了，就这些吧，那位高手能写一篇指教一下

zebrampUID: 2296633

题目：ISSUE237 - "Computers and video technology can make facsimiles of original works such as paintings and historical documents available to everyone. The great advantage of this new technology is that it will enable anyone-not just scholars-to conduct in-depth research without having access to the original works."
字数：357          日期：2007-2-7
    In general, I agree with the first view of the speaker, which means with such convenient access to the records of original works in some fields that everyone can do the jobs concerning those subjects. However, I don't appreciate the second point that anyone can conduct in-depth research without having access to the original works, which unrealistically exaggerates the value of the access to the facts(信息检索的作用，我也不知道英文该怎么说了).
    With the development of computers and video technology, as well as more and more writing records and photos documented on the net, it is greatly convenient for someone who never studies history to look up information about an ancient dynasty, for whatever reason. And a householder can easily choose a famous picture as her wall paper although she never learns to draw. So, in modern times, facsimiles of original works are made available to and taken advantages of by everyone.
    However, when it comes to in-depth research, which requires not only quick access to some data of an experiment but also the understanding of the connection of two series of statistics. For example, a "passer-by" of a science field can do nothing with the subject only through a lot of cold numbers. It is the same with history, another example, when a person who never studies the development of an ancient kingdom, he may get some research papers on the topic, but without an overall knowledge of the kingdom, he may even mistakes its corruption as a result of a natural disaster.
    Further more, many students nowadays tend to plagiarize the papers downloaded from the net, but in fact he isn't really "enabled" to conduct that in-depth research. He doesn't even has a serious scientific attitude, which is necessary in science research but can never be "downloaded" form the net.
    In sum, I think the speaker has a good description about the fact that computers and video technology greatly facilitates modern work and enables people take advantages of many knowledge in unknown fields. But I insist that there are a lot more about research work that one cannot get just through copying some messages or some pictures on a net page.

[ 本帖最后由 zebramp 于 2007-2-9 16:49 编辑 ]

zebrampUID: 2296633

谢谢指教，我会注意的！

nina_artemisUID: 2290043

信息检索的作用: The role of information retrieval

1). 文章写得短了一些, 论证a little bit weak.
2). 总体读下来觉得attitude有一点主观, 少用一点第一人称could be better.
3). 用词not academic enough, 而且用词有些单一, e.g. in-depth, never, access, a lot, but 在文中出现了好几次, 可以用意思相近的词replace.
4). 句子间的连接不够smooth. 句式比较单一, 太多的从句, 但没有什么emphasis.

but also the understanding of the connection of two series of statistics. (XX of XX of XX of XX, 太多的of结构在一起容易make readers confused).

many students nowadays tend to plagiarize the papers downloaded from the net, but in fact he isn't really "enabled" to conduct that in-depth research. ("many students" -- "he", try to 保持前后主体的consistent; 最好不要用缩写isn't, 而用is not)

He doesn't even has (have) a serious scientific attitude, which is necessary in science research but can never be "downloaded" form the net. (不明白为什么要用引号?)

take advantages of many knowledge in unknown fields (take advantage of much knowledge)

zebrampUID: 2296633

:handshake 谢谢了哈，我尽量改正，可能对模式的掌握还不到位

nostrumUID: 2124189

请修改发帖格式

具体格式参照置顶相关链接

yuanyifanUID: 2276436

题目：ISSUE237 - "Computers and video technology can make facsimiles of original works such as paintings and historical documents available to everyone. The great advantage of this new technology is that it will enable anyone-not just scholars-to conduct in-depth research without having access to the original works."
字数：357          日期：2007-2-7
    In general, I agree with the first view of the speaker, which means with such convenient access to the records of original works in some fields that everyone can do the jobs concerning those subjects. However, I don't appreciate the second point that anyone can conduct in-depth research without having access to the original works, which unrealistically exaggerates the value of the access to the facts(信息检索的作用，我也不知道英文该怎么说了).
    With the development of computers and video technology, as well as more and more writing records and photos documented on the net, it is greatly convenient for someone who never studies history to look up information about an ancient dynasty, for whatever reason. And a householder can easily choose a famous picture as her wall paper although she (has) never learned to draw.(现在完成时更好一些吧） So, in modern times, facsimiles of original works are made available to and taken advantages（我不清楚这里是否能加s) of by everyone.
这段没有分论点，可能你认为你的分论点是赞成作者观点，但一定要再度阐述出来，作为主题句。
    However, when it comes to in-depth research, which requires not only quick access to some data of an experiment but also the understanding of the connection of two series of statistics. For example, a "passer-by" of a science field can do nothing with the subject only through a lot of cold（bare) numbers. It is the same with history, another example, when a person who never studies the development of an ancient kingdom, he(删） may get some research papers on the topic, but without an overall knowledge of the kingdom, he may even mistakes its corruption as a result of a natural disaster.
最后一句不太明白，其他的论证还可以
    Furthermore, many students nowadays tend to plagiarize the papers downloaded from the net, but in fact he isn't really "enabled" to conduct that in-depth research. He doesn't even has a serious scientific attitude, which is necessary in science research but can never be "downloaded" form the net.
这段我认为没什么作用，
    In sum, I think the speaker has a good description about the fact that computers and video technology greatly facilitates modern work and enables people take advantages of many knowledge in unknown fields. But I insist that there are a lot more about research work that one cannot get just through copying some messages or some pictures on a net page.
我想这个题目是一种因果关系题目
因此应从因果 关系是否能成立上来论证
比如1，同意题目的因果关系，因为它的确能节省scholars很多的时间，可以举Industrial Revolutio-n前后的例子，还有如果没有好的style of communication 会造成不良的影响等等。
2，认为作者的观点是不足的，可以直接揭露作者在结果方面的缺陷或因果关系的错误，你可以分不同的领域来解释它，如：教育中，象你furthernmore 中提到的，学术领域，像题目中提到的。
一定要把分论点写在段首！！！