In this memo, the president of a chain of cheese stores recommend that the best way to improve profits in all of their stores is to discontinue stocking imported cheese and concentrate primarily on domestic cheeses. To substantiate his point, he cited that the best-selling cheeses at their newest store were all domestic cheeses, and a survey conducted by Cheese of World magazine indicated subscribers' preference of domestic cheese. At first glance, it seems to be reasonable, but further inspection shows it suffers from many logical flaws.（开头挺长的，考虑一下限30分钟能写完不？如果吃紧的话建议直接点~~我觉得错误的展开比开头的重复题目更重要）
To begin with, the sales data of five newest stores(不是five newest stores啊，是五种 best-selling cheeses在一个newest store啊~~楼主身体要仔细啊~)doesn't reflects the whole chain of stores’ sale condition, （不太通顺，建议改成the sales condition of the whole chain stores. 仅供参考，呵呵）let alone indicates the peopple’s （拼写）preference of cheese. Among all the stores located in the United States, the five newest stores is too small a sample which is far from enough to truly reflects the preference of whole country people's preference. Maybe the newest sotres （拼写）are just open in Wisconsin or its nearby cities, it is natural that local comstumers（拼写） will prefer chedar（拼写） cheese of their own Or perhaps, the five newest stores lower their domestic cheeses' price for a sale method, so people just buy more domestic cheese because the cheap price. （这段的论证感觉有点乱啊，好像覆盖了很多点，但好像又都没有讲清楚，各个点的内在联系也不清晰，整个就显得乱了，可以不写太多点，但每一点有一定的展开，把它们写清楚）
Secondly, even granted that people of United States prefer domestic cheese and domestic cheese sells well, the arguer falsely assume that high selling amount will leads more profits. As a common sense, the profits concerns not only the selling amount but also the sacrifice profit. （？不懂这里的sacrifice，可以解释下吗？互相学习~）Without any information about the selling price and import price of domestic cheese and imported cheese, we may believe that selling imported cheese is much more profitable than selling domestic cheese. In this case, even the selling amount of domestic cheese is high, the profits it gained may lower than selling imported cheese.（这段和我找的错误一样诶！握手握手~~~）
Thirdly, even if high sales amount means high profits, the arguer fail to establish a causal relationship between discontinue stocking imported cheese and improving profits. It is entirely possible that customers will not satisfied with the fewer kinds of cheese sold in the stores, therefore the store will loose many customers. （显得太单薄的说，主题句之后就只有一句话，总共两句话。。。）
In addition, the survey itself provides little credible support to the conclusion that people of United States prefer domestic cheese. Firstly, the arguer fail to provides us information about the number of people who subscribed the magazine, if the number of the magazine’s subscriber is very small, the survey’s sample is insufficient to be a representatives of people in the United States. Secondly, The magazine’s subscriber may around the world, but the consumer of cheese is only Americans, other countries’ subscribers suggestion have no reference value. What’s more, the subscribers’ identity is to be questioned, if they are some cheese producer and merchant rather than the consumer, the survey is therefore invalid.（哈，identity 这个不错~~学习一下）
To sum up, the argument is based on certain doubtful assumptions and an unreliable survey, which renders it unconvincing as it stands. To make us convince that people prefer domestic food, the arguer must provide the more sales information of the other stores in United States not only the newest ones and the number of Cheese of World magazine’s subscribers. To better support the recommendation, the arguer should investigate the profits of domestic cheese and imported cheese and consider other possible way（ways）to improve their profits besides stopping stocking imported cheese.
写完候自己稍微改了下，大家给点意见吧。
发表于 2008-2-22 20:52:49
回应
签到领寄托币
GO
转发
