寄托天下
查看: 862|回复: 2
打印 上一主题 下一主题

[i习作temp] deleted [复制链接]

Rank: 2

声望
0
寄托币
274
注册时间
2008-1-29
精华
0
帖子
0
跳转到指定楼层
楼主
发表于 2008-7-30 23:50:20 |只看该作者 |正序浏览
本帖最后由 zhuzhuor 于 2012-7-9 07:57 编辑

deleted
回应
0

使用道具 举报

Rank: 6Rank: 6

声望
34
寄托币
1893
注册时间
2005-4-1
精华
0
帖子
60
板凳
发表于 2008-8-1 22:06:15 |只看该作者
文章很精致,语言上很精确,这点要好好向你学习。但我感觉存在一些逻辑上的问题,斗胆提出来供讨论。

个人拙见,水平有限,若有误解,请多包涵。

首先,文章的主旨是同意题目的观点,但是不能从外表来判断一个人。我的疑议是,后面这个让步和题目本身有多大关系?是否需要这个让步?这个让步的作用是什么?可以参考AW进阶手册——ISSUE破题策略这篇帖子https://bbs.gter.net/viewthread.php?tid=694709&extra=page%3D1%26amp%3Bfilter%3Ddigest里面关于让步的评述。
然而很多考生在写作时忽略了自己的reason都是要支持同一个position的目的,以完成写作为目的,提纲+模版+例子直接凑出一篇文章,没有发挥让步的作用,于是让步点就废了,再严重点还会出现跑题、自相矛盾、立意不明的致命伤。

我感觉这篇文章似乎是犯了这个错误。

第二段中,“People might choose their clothes for certain conditions and some purposes” 这句似乎和后文矛盾。既然是为了特殊环境和目的,又这么证明是人们内心的反应,比如校服,工作服,不都是为了conditions and some purposes嘛。而且后面教授和学生的例子都是说明他们内心对如何dress不care。建议这句可以换个说法。

第三段中,我不确定“以胖为美”这个例子是否是人的behaviors,我觉得这更像是人的attitude。

第四段的内容和第二段好像是差不多的,都基本上是从穿着上来判断。当然这段里反映的是政治,不过这样安排似乎使文章混乱了些,到底是哪条主线?按穿着、行为来论述,还是按政治、文化来论述?

The author contends that what people look, dress and act can show their interests and attitudes, and we can realize the society's ideas and values through the appearance and behavior of its people. In my view, I generally agree with the author's assertions, although we should not only judge one person from his outside appearance.(这个让步的问题)

To begin with, the way individuals look and dress could reveal their attitudes and interests to certain extend. People might choose their clothes for certain conditions and some purposes, and then we could get what their tastes are from their appearances.(和后文好像矛盾) For example, the professors and students in colleges, the most people surrounding us, may like simple and comfortable dresses, because they prefer to spend their time on the study and they do not like the dresses to net them. Another example is that the people who are always following the fashions should be more curious and active than others. In brief, by observing what people's dresses and actions, we may realize something about what they think or like.


Next, the common behaviors of people might reveal the society's values and attitudes. For instance, in ancient China, especially during the Tang Dynasty, the fat people were always seen as beauties. The reason why people loved to become fat is that in the ancient times the low amount of harvest was a big problem, and sometimes common people may not be able to feed themselves enough so that they dreamed to become fat like the rich ones. And now we can still estimate the development level of one country from its people’s common appearance. In sum, what people think and act in common could tell the value system of a society to certain extend.(例子是否和论述相对应)

Moreover, what the people dress and act can show the society's political attitudes. Several months ago, the New York Philharmonic Orchestra went to North Korea to play a historic concert, and the western reporters sent back a lot of pictures of the North Korean. It is shocked to see that the people in the streets there are all wear under gray and black(不通哇~), extremely dull and colorless. It seems that the people in North Korea are under heavily power control of the government, and they only own little free space and human rights.(论点似乎和第一段重了)

However, we should not judge a person just from his outside appearance. What things appear does not always exactly tell us the truth. Some rich people and famous stars may want to dress simply to hide themselves in crown. On the other hand, many criminals use their appearances to cheat people. Therefore, we should not judge persons only by observing their appearances.(这段让步的必要性和合理性)

All in all, although we should not judge people only from his outside, what he look, act, and dress could reveal his attitudes and interests to certain extend, and the common appearance and behavior can tell us some about the society's ideas and values.

使用道具 举报

Rank: 6Rank: 6

声望
34
寄托币
1893
注册时间
2005-4-1
精华
0
帖子
60
沙发
发表于 2008-7-31 21:12:30 |只看该作者
今天忙了一天,实在抽不出空来,可能无法及时看了,见谅。
明天一定补上!

使用道具 举报

RE: deleted [修改]
您需要登录后才可以回帖 登录 | 立即注册

问答
Offer
投票
面经
最新
精华
转发
转发该帖子
deleted
https://bbs.gter.net/thread-863970-1-1.html
复制链接
发送
报offer 祈福 爆照
回顶部