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第一次被不认识的人批,感觉有点紧张,希望大家多多的批评,找出错误来,我7.24号就考试了,今上午刚刚模考一次,感觉不是很理想。 希望楼下好好批我,批死我
TOPIC: ISSUE7 - "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records."
WORDS: 475 TIME: 00:33:51 DATE: 2009-7-3 10:28:10
还可以吧,老生常谈的一篇作文,写的字数不是很多,已经没有再写的了,没有创新的地方,因为一开始模板写的不好
这次,因为十分的不紧张所以错字比较少,嘻嘻庆祝一下,只是打字速度有些慢,晚上继续练习,提纲先不背了,到时候也忘了
As a kind of produce of the highly developed technologies, video camera plays a more and more important role in our daily life for its documenting accurate and convincing record nowadays. However, we can not ignore the written records, which also had and have an important function in our daily life, and could be taken place by nothing up to now.
Indeed, as the technologies developing in a long history, the present video camera has a greatly strong power. It can provide a convincing and accurate recording of a place at that time including details, actions features and the likes. For example, recording of wedding ceremonies by video camera can serves an old couple feel that scences (情景 scene) and real emotions after several ten years as they are just celebrating their marriage. Also, video documentation is a detail evidence of crimes. Robberies in bank, stealing in supermarket, violence of traffics can be recorded clearly by videos, and facing them, the wrong-doers could just admit their crimes with no excuses.
However, we can not overlook or choose to ignore the disadvantages of the video camera. As a tool, it can not recording some subject matters such as emotions in heart, impressions or experiences of an accident, and passions and spirits of one person, with can be easily write down by a pen and paper. What's more, documentations of a long time and a broad perspective can not be provided by video cameras, which can just record thing in several hours and in a narrow scope. For example, it can not record the World War 2 i2 spreading in 8years and all over the world with details. Nonetheless, the written documentations can finish it easily in one book.
What's more, other advantages of written records should be discussed in this passage. It is more popularly used by people that video camera, because pen and paper are so cheap that everyone could afford it, while the video camera could not be bought by anyone, especially in some developing countries. Moreover, pen and paper have a much smaller volume than camera, so as that people can put them into a small pocket or anywhere. On the contrary, the video camera is bigger and more likely to be broken, and is also limited by charge--it could just be used in several hours at most. So many disadvantages could weaken the fact that video camera play a dominant part in documentation and more important than written records.
In sum, although video camera is a new and developed technology that provide more accurate and convincing record with may advantages, the written records still have many crucial rules that video can not provided. The best way to deal with them is to take all good use of both of them, and to employ all of their advantages to allow our life more convenient and comfortable.
TOPIC: ARGUMENT200 - Statistics collected from dentists indicate that three times more men than women faint while visiting the dentist. This evidence suggests that men are more likely to be distressed about having dental work done than women are. Thus, dentists who advertise to attract patients should target the male consumer and emphasize both the effectiveness of their anesthetic techniques and the sensitivity of their staff to nervous or suffering patients.
WORDS: 458 TIME: 00:30:00 DATE: 2009-7-3 10:28:10
时间还是紧了些,如果时间充足的话,还能写得更好,还需要再练习
1 数据的reliable
2不一定男性更紧张
3广告不一定起作用
The argument is well-presented, but not thoroughly well-reasoned. By citing a statistics by dentists that more men than women faint while visiting dentist, the argument for improving the advertisement to attract more patients seems logical. However, it contains several facets that are questionable. Each of them will be discussed in turn as below.
In the first place, the statistics that more men than women faint while visiting dentist is questionable. The reliability of it bases on the statistic integrity, and the smaller the sample is the less reliable the result is. However, the arguer doses not how many patients that participated in the survey, and thus weaken the argument. Moreover, other alternatives may account for the result. It is quite possible that more male patients than female patients, even more than 3 times visited the dentists, thus there are more distressed men. It is also possible that these men had more sever matters than women, and thus men would suffer more pain in therapies. The author does not consider and eliminate all these alternative reasons, so he can not convince me that the statistics cited in this argument is reliable.
In the second place, the arguer cannot draw any conclusion that men are more likely to be distressed than women. It is possible that women are not likily to faint physically when distressed, but are more likely to be nervous in heart, or sweeting.(sweating 出汗) Then fainting is not the only indicator to demonstrate how much patients are distressed. Besides, many women who suffered teeth disease may not visit doctors because they are scare of those therepies(治疗 therapy). If so, the arguer can not conclude that men are likely to be distressed when visiting dentist as well.
Finally, the author unfairly assumes that an advertisement that targets the male consumer and emphasizes both effectiveness of anesthetic techniques and sensitivity to nervous or suffering patients would attract more patients. However, this is not necessary the case. Common sense tells me that an advertisement that targets male patients must lost another group of potential consumers--female patients. It would be a huge lose if they have no or less female customers. Further, many patients have never visited the dentists, and do not know the suffering in therapies, so they would not emphasize the measures to reduce pain that dentists provide. Since the arguer never considers these alternatives, I would not accept his recommendation about the advertisement.
Overall, the reasoning behind the argument for a new form of advertisement is not so logical as it stands. Before any final decision, the arguer should make sure the reliability of the statistics and exclude all other alternatives. And what's more, he should provide other measures such as hygiene, services, technologies and so on in the advertisement. |
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