issue11 求拍， 谢谢！我会帮大家认真改作文的

touch1987UID：2631096

TOPIC: ISSUE11 - "All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems."
WORDS: 599
TIME: 00:45:00
DATE: 2009/6/14 10:43:56
提纲：
Bring students from different parts of the world to particapize in problem solving will benefit the whole world
However, global university has its inherited problems and therefore is unrealistic.
There are other better ways to improve communication among students from various countries.

Is it necessary to built a global university that engage students in solving the world's most persistent social problems? It is a good idea to bring students from different parts of the world together to participate such a problem solving process, probably it will facilitate the solution of many global social problems. But I don't think a global university is a prerequisite, other ways are also effective.
With the improvement of transportation and the appearance of the Internet, countries are associated more closely than ever before. A problem in one country is easily extended to the rest of the world. For instance, the economic crisis in USA in 2008 quickly spread to other countries. And a hacker can attack any computer around the globe. Therefore, many social problems should be addressed from a global perspective. Since college students are going to assume much social responsibility in the next few decades, it will serve the interests of the all nations by bringing students together to engage in such problems. Students from different countries have approach to the same issue, and they understand problems from different perspectives. So they will inspire each other and broaden the vision field of each other. I have once attended a seminar that is focused on the Cold War. Students from China, USA, Japan and Korea attended the seminar. Students from different countries have various understanding of the Cold War, which impressed me very much. In this process, we learned the idea and concern of peoples in other parts of the world. Someone may argue that language is an obstacle to such communication. In my opinion, this concern is unwarranted. Actually, most college students in non English-speaking countries can speak English in these days, although not fluently. So it does not pose a real problem.
Despite the benefit that might be brought by communication, a global university is not necessarily to be established. In fact, a global university may not be able to fulfill its educational goal----- promoting the solving of global persistent social problems. One problem is that different countries place priority on different problems. For instance, Japan concerns the global warming, since the most populated area in Japan is along the Pacific Ocean. But Mongo does not care about that since it is land-locked. However, only a limited number of issues can be discussed in the global university, so it is difficult to determine which issue should be addressed first. Another problem is that admission of students is based on certain value system, but this can lead to a selection bias: students of certain background are more likely to be accepted. For example, Chinese students enrolled in US universities always come from big cities in China, and are interested in laboratory work but do not care much about social issues. Apparently, a selection bias is not what the global university intends for, and students representative of people of all backgrounds are more favorable. Since the problems mentioned above is almost unavoidable, this global university is likely to deviate from its original objective.
In fact, there are other ways to summon students around the globe. One way is to establish a forum online, where students from different parts of the world are able to express their idea freely. To improve the benefit of such forum, professors around the world can be employed to tutor the students who register for the forum. This employment can be financed by UN or UNESCO. Actually such forums already exist, such as the social-political forum in StudentDoctor Net. But at present, none of them are supervised by specialist in social science. Nevertheless it might be a more realistic way than a global university to prompt the solving of global problems.
In sum, communicating among students around the world is a good way to prompt the solution of current global social problems. But a global university is not likely to fulfill this goal in a way that is more advantageous than a forum on the Internet, because there are inherented problems of such a university which is difficult to be addressed.



请注明您看不懂或有歧义的地方，也欢迎其他改正建议,谢谢！

灵感女孩UID：2224424

Is it necessary tobuilt a global university that engage students in solving the world'smost persistent social problems? It is a good idea to bring studentsfrom different parts of the world together to participate (in) such aproblem solving process, probably it will facilitate the solution ofmany global social problems. (这是一句话？不是问句吗？) But I don't think (如果可以避免think,尽量避免，比如可以用in my perspective)a global university is aprerequisite (感觉prerequisite一般是什么什么的前提条件，这利用necessity是不是更好一点？),（,改成;） other ways are also effective.

With the improvement oftransportation and the appearance of the Internet, countries areassociated more closely than ever before. A problem in one country iseasily extended to the rest of the world. For instance, the economiccrisis in USA in 2008 quickly spread to other countries. And a hacker canattack any computer around the globe. Therefore, many social problemsshould be addressed from a global perspective. Since college studentsare going to assume much social responsibility in the next few decades,it will serve the interests of the all nations by bringing studentstogether to engage in such problems. Students from different countrieshave approach to the same issue, and they understand problems fromdifferent perspectives. So they will inspire each other and broaden thevision field of each other. I have once attended a seminar that isfocused on the Cold War. Students from China, USA, Japan and Koreaattended the seminar. Students from different countries have variousunderstanding of the Cold War, which impressed me very much. （这部分可以把句子整合一下吗？感觉短句简单句比较多）In thisprocess, we learned the idea and concern of peoples in other parts ofthe world. Someone may argue that language is an obstacle to suchcommunication. In my opinion, this concern is unwarranted. Actually,most college students in non English-speaking countries can speakEnglish in (去掉in) these days, although not fluently. So it does not pose areal problem. (觉得楼主举的例子都不错，挺有代表性，对论证很有帮助)

Despite the benefitthat might be brought by communication, a global university is notnecessarily to be established. In fact, a global university may not beable to fulfill its educational goal----- promoting the solving ofglobal persistent social problems. One problem is that differentcountries place priority on different problems. For instance, Japanconcerns the global warming, since the most populated area in Japan isalong the Pacific Ocean. But Mongo does not care about that since it island-locked. However, only a limited number of issues can be discussedin the global university, so it is difficult to determine which issueshould be addressed first. Another problem is that admission ofstudents is based on certain value system, but this can lead to aselection bias: students of certain background are more likely to beaccepted. For example, Chinese students enrolled in US universitiesalways come from big cities in China, and are interested in laboratorywork but do not care much about social issues （后边这半句感觉和录取标准无关）. Apparently, a selectionbias is not what the global university intends for, and studentsrepresentative of people of all backgrounds are more favorable. Sincethe problems mentioned above is almost unavoidable, this globaluniversity is likely to deviate from its original objective. （喜欢你这个论点）

In fact, there areother ways to summon students around the globe. One way is to establisha forum online, where students from different parts of the world areable to express their idea freely. To improve the benefit of suchforum, professors around the world can be employed to tutor thestudents who register for the forum. This employment can be financed byUN or UNESCO. Actually such forums already exist, such as thesocial-political forum in StudentDoctor Net. But at present, none ofthem are supervised by specialist in social science. Nevertheless itmight be a more realistic way than a global university to prompt thesolving of global problems.

In sum, communicatingamong students around the world is a good way to prompt the solution ofcurrent global social problems. But a global university is not likelyto fulfill this goal in a way that is more advantageous than a forum onthe Internet, because there are inherented problems of such auniversity which is difficult to be addressed.

拙见~说得不好的地方请多包涵 整体感觉你的ideas都很好！学习了~ 语言部分再注意点，尤其是第一段

WLaNaUID：2466128

Is it necessary tobuilt a global university that engage students in solving the world'smost persistent social problems? It is a good idea to bring studentsfrom different parts of the world together to participate such aproblem solving process, probably it will facilitate the solution ofmany global social problems. But I don't think a global university is aprerequisite, other ways are also effective.

(此处似乎缺乏主题句)With the improvement oftransportation and the appearance of the Internet（这两个原因感觉不够充分，比如下文经济危机的例子就和它俩没有直接关系。可以用development of technology之类更粗一点的）, countries areassociated more closely than ever before. A problem in one country iseasily extended to the rest of the world. For instance, the economiccrisis in USA in 2008 quickly spread to other countries. And a hacker canattack any computer around the globe. Therefore, many social problemsshould be addressed from a global perspective. Since college studentsare going to assume much social responsibility in the next few decades,it will serve the interests of the all nations by bringing studentstogether to engage in such problems. Students from different countrieshave approach to the same issue, and they understand problems fromdifferent perspectives. So they will inspire each other and broaden thevision field of each other. I have once attended a seminar that isfocused on the Cold War. Students from China, USA, Japan and Koreaattended the seminar. Students from different countries have variousunderstanding of the Cold War, which impressed me very much. In thisprocess, we learned the idea and concern of peoples in other parts ofthe world.（个人经验。暂且搁置。） Someone may argue that language is an obstacle to suchcommunication. In my opinion, this concern is unwarranted. Actually,most college students in non English-speaking countries can speakEnglish in these days, although not fluently.（还是个人经验） So it does not pose areal problem.
这一段感觉段落内部的逻辑关系挺好，一步一步层层深入，最后的那个小的让步也很有特色。例子也不错。但是这样比较容易写散，稍微注意下。此外缺乏主题句，还是别嫌累赘点明为好。

Despite the benefitthat might be brought by communication, a global university is notnecessarily to be established. In fact, a global university may not beable to fulfill its educational goal----- promoting the solving ofglobal persistent social problems. One problem is that differentcountries place priority on different problems. For instance, Japanconcerns the global warming, since the most populated area in Japan isalong the Pacific Ocean. But Mongo does not care about that since it island-locked. （因果稍微不明确，可以在前面加上一句，比如：因为据称全球变暖会导致海平面上升，沿海国家比内陆国家更易受影响，所以日本和蒙古对这个问题就有不同看法了。）However,（呵呵，这个地方应该是“所以”不是“但是”吧） only a limited number of issues can be discussedin the global university, so it is difficult to determine which issueshould be addressed first. Another problem is that admission ofstudents is based on certain value system, but this can lead to aselection bias: students of certain background are more likely to beaccepted. For example, Chinese students enrolled in US universitiesalways come from big cities in China, and are interested in laboratorywork but do not care much about social issues. Apparently, a selectionbias is not what the global university intends for, and studentsrepresentative of people of all backgrounds are more favorable.（这个观点很有趣，同样也吹毛求疵一下，感觉也可以再推一步，把话说得更清楚些，比如：blabla，世界大学追求的是学生背景的多样性，因为这种多样性会更有利于问题的解决。） Sincethe problems mentioned above is almost unavoidable, this globaluniversity is likely to deviate from its original objective.

In fact, there areother ways to summon students around the globe. One way is to establisha forum online, where students from different parts of the world areable to express their idea freely. To improve the benefit of suchforum, professors around the world can be employed to tutor thestudents who register for the forum. This employment can be financed byUN or UNESCO. Actually such forums already exist, such as thesocial-political forum in StudentDoctor Net. But at present, none ofthem are supervised by specialist in social science. Nevertheless itmight be a more realistic way than a global university to prompt thesolving of global problems.

In sum, communicatingamong students around the world is a good way to prompt the solution ofcurrent global social problems. But a global university is not likelyto fulfill this goal in a way that is more advantageous than a forum onthe Internet, because there are inherented problems of such auniversity which is difficult to be addressed.

comments：
1 很赞的文章，观点和例子有许多不落俗套之处。学习了~
2 这个就是我的鸡蛋里面挑骨头了。。。感觉作者写的时候可以把话说得再明确些。。。有的时候直接跳过一个步骤进入了下一步推理。。。反正我在写的时候是尽量把老美当成傻瓜的。。。
3 语言我没改，因为我语言也不好。但是感觉作者的文章语言没什么问题，词的变化和一些高级词的使用都挺多的。还是学习~
4 有少许格式问题，如段与段之间应空一行，和少量单复数什么的。细心一点应该就没问题了

WLaNaUID：2466128

乱改一通，希望lz表见怪哈~计时能写600字，还能有这么多充实的例子和观点，望尘莫及啊……