iBT作文29分，每天改两篇作文回馈gter~申请正酣，活动暂停，请谅解！

wuqian0801UID：2637709

185: You have enough money to purchase either a house or a business. Which would you choose to buy? Give specific reasons to explain your choice.

If I have enough money to purchase either a house or a business, I will choose to buy a business. I always hold a view that a successful business can bring more things to me, thus it is of importance for me to build a business and then I will get the probably to have a warm and pleasant house.

The first reason for me to choose to buy a business is that I hope I can be a boss. That is a simple dream in my childhood. It was most influenced by my uncle, a successful and virtuous businessman, who has a great achievement in his field and also awfully diligent. He is my idol and I am painstaking to reach my dream, to be a more successful entrepreneur than my uncle.

Furthermore, this option also would help a great number of people to settle the problem of employment. In my city, there is a group of citizens who can not afford themselves and live as a very inferior social status. I considered that it will be a better choice to contribute those persons to have new clothes, to have their own house, to have a warm work environment.

Beside the two formers, contributing to gather the tariffs is another inconvenient reason for choosing to buy a business. We are the master of our society, so we have a responsibility for building a beautiful society and those tariffs can be use to sponsor some of the children who can not go to school as well as the improvement of our public infrastructure.

In my conclusion, choose to buy a business is a sensible option that has an enormous benefits for our life and even for our society. It will have a better reflect in education, economy, common life, social relationships and so forth.

樓主能幫忙改一下么?
第一次寫... 什麽都不懂..

wuqian0801UID：2637709

21# amingsnow

谢谢啊...
现在我每天练习一篇.. 希望能提高些写作水平吧..

wuqian0801UID：2637709

Is the ability to read and write more important today than in the past? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

With the rapid changes of our society, the personal ability needs to be concerned accordingly. The ability of profession or social skill is the indispensible element for the competence. In the past, people could through the form of team work to accomplish their assignments. And those works are not the specialized projects which may just need the work force to do it well. However, in order to cater for the advance of our society, the requirement of abilities of read or write is much strict than before. The better ability of read or write can manage the work, communication and study well.

First of all, nowadays, in this competitive society, there is no opening for an illiterate and even a lower ability of read or write. That’s to say, the ability of read or write is the basic and significant skill for people compared to the past days. It will help people accomplish the projects better in a certain degree. If people are confronted of the difficulties, it’s convenient for them to use their abilities to look up related references and then get a preferable solution.

Secondly, as we known, we are not the single individual in this society, so the communication with others is pivotal. Meanwhile, the communication skills concluding of the ability of read or write. People can write letters to friends who are far away from them and the candidates need use their remarkable ability of speech to obtain the votes then they will have a chance to win the election. Even in our family, we live together and also should communicate with each other but not like the past days family members only labors a lot and lacks of exchanges.

Finally, which competence people use a lot in their learning? Absolutely the answer is the ability of read or write. People need read or write to have exams. And only they obtain new information from newspaper or other Medias, can they enlarge their horizon. It is also a beneficial aspect for the long run development.

In sum, although the heated debate of whether the ability of read or write is much vital than before, I still support to the view that it’s much substantial than those days in the past. For the reason that the promotion of people’s communication and assist to people to gain lots of news.


这是昨天刚练习的...
PS: 有些不知道自己写的算不算细节,怕写细节的时候写跑题了..可是更怕写得很空洞..
      至于措辞和语法方面我会注意的..
      LZ也要多提建议啊!...

wuqian0801UID：2637709

48# bobby008                     Para1:      the very first thing that came to my mind --> 是不是冗贅了? 直接改成:the first idea came to my mind
                 how to kill these days... --> Is it appropriate to use "kill"? 用enjoy是不是好些..好像kill這算是不太好的詞.. 我覺得
           local shopping mall---> local shopping malls  與前面的streets應該對應吧?
                absolutely a stupid choice---> 還是和第二個理由一樣.stupid也是不太合適用在作文裡頭的. Eg: undesirable/inappropriate 好像更好些
           As a result和前面的內容好像構不成因果關係... 應該換個連詞...
                amazing anecdotes --> amazing已經有讓人驚訝的成份在了,再用anecdotes是不是有些重複?
                Every one of which tells unique stories about the city or even the country.-->意思不太清晰,好像.
              grasp how things change--> 意思還是不太清晰..我沒明白
Para2:   If visiting history museum may not make your journey any joyful, art or any other interesting museums are definitely on the list of recommendation.-->這句話是想要表達?
             how engaging a trip--> engaging 後面要加個in吧    [engage in參加]..
             countless fields of knowledge --> 意思是不是多個領域的知識? 直接用很多知識就好了吧? EG: an overwhelming majority of knowledge
              Those real things you can see or even touch enable you experience an extraordinary travel that books or videos can never offer.'--> 我覺得這句挺好的,可是應該放段首,這樣作為一個分論點,然後再展開,就比較清晰了..
              benefiting offspring--> offsprings
Para3: need predecessors' experience and lessons--> experiences
            lighten their future road--> enlighten
            the museums are playing --> plays  用進行時好像不太好..
            
總體:
      1.文章段落不夠 中間展開論述應該要要有3段.. Firstly/Secondly/Finally...之類的
    2.總論點和分論點不太清楚.. 看到後來有些模糊了..<我個人感覺>
      3.語法和詞性的細節要注意..<我也非常常犯這個錯誤.有時候再回頭看,都覺得不可思議..可是當初就這麼寫出來了...>
      4.表達的時候有些冗贅 有些chinglish的感覺<這也是我個人感覺>
我水平也菜,但是希望能和大家一樣進步..所以就改了改,不知道是否合適,肯定有錯的地方,希望大家也能積極指出來...
加油!

wuqian0801UID：2637709

Many teachers assign homework to students every day. Do you think that daily homework is necessary for students? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer

Presently, whether teachers assign homework to students every day triggered a heated controversy that a large number of persons concerned about. A group of people who reckon the fact that students should have homework and finish it every day. The opposed group, however, deem that it’s unnecessary for students to accomplish the homework their teachers assigned. As far as I was concerned, undoubtedly, I will choose the latter one. The reason why I am favor of the next option lies in enhancement of students’ ability of communication and consider of students’ fitness.

To begin with, as we all know, we live in a competitive society resulting in a consequence that more and more students pay more attentions on their study and lack of social skills. Why they focus much more on their learning? A factor we cannot ignore is that teachers assign homework to students every day which leads to students have inadequate time to communicate with others. Absolutely, I have to admit the importance of homework.  But if teachers can assign homework to their students 3 times a week or made a fit arrangement, that could be benefit for students’ improvement in communication. Students may have enough time to play with their friends, anticipate in a social party or even engage in some debate competitions.

Furthermore, take me for an example, when I was a high school student, I have an experience that I have fainted in an exam because an overwhelming majority of homework my teacher assigned daily, and I have finished them all night. So I have a bad condition. Let’s assume, if the homework assigned everyday, how can we have a strong body? If the homework assigned every day, they will gradually become a burden for students.

Finally, I need to list some benefits for teachers assigned homework everyday. Students will improve their grade through the intense trainings. For instance, mathematic is a subject which needs much training and that would help students to build a system to work out the task.

In a conclusion, Thoreau said, “Not by constraint or severity shall you have access to true wisdom, but by abandonment, and childlike mirthfulness. If you would know aught, be gay before it.” Even though the advantages are so many, the strict way of study well still isn’t the best method for students. If teachers can assigned for several times a week or lessen the homework than before, I’m sure that it will be a positive change for students. The two merits for teachers to reduce the homework are the development of communication skills and the increase of physical quality.

煩請LZ再次更正啊...

wuqian0801UID：2637709

52# cxyu841216
謝謝~~
不過 你說的意思是後面的論證不充分么?  其實是 我想不來還能扯什麽例子或者寫什麽細節...

wuqian0801UID：2637709

54# cxyu841216
哦... 謝了.. 這兩點確實比我那個好..

wuqian0801UID：2637709

56# shingokick

Para2:  Take my friend Joe who is a man of this kind for example--> 能不能直接就:Take my friend Joe who is typical for example?
            第二段说到Joe因为一个很好的想法而升职了,可是最后你写到:my conclusion was Joe is a people different from others hence he would succeed. 我想是不是先让Promotion 过渡到succeed比较好些..不然这样有些概念混淆的感觉了.. 毕竟你论述的是是否因为与众不同而走向成功,而不是得到提升.. <个人看法>

     论证结构: shingokick分了三个段落讨论,前一个是写different 后两个是more like others..
                   我觉得是不是把后两个放前面来呢? 这样rater看起来是不是也比较清晰些.. 然后第三部分的
             论述可以说成: However, being different from others still have its strength  that we can not be neglected.+第一部分论述的内容.

      不过,shingokick用的例子我觉得很好丫... 而且整体看 好像挺强的...
             不知道我这么评价合不合适...
             有不对的 你告诉我吧...~
             共勉~

wuqian0801UID：2637709

62# amingsnow
我的作文 存在相当大的问题.. 所以希望在这里得到提高.. 所以想说也改改别人的 然后借鉴一下~...
感觉LZ的作文改得很认真也很细致... 非常感谢.

wuqian0801UID：2637709

66# shingokick
呵呵~ 我不知道還有1-2模式呢...  我毛病也多.. 有時間的話 你也幫我改改?

wuqian0801UID：2637709

69# amingsnow
LZ  怎麼還沒修改我的啊...

wuqian0801UID：2637709

82# bauer13
LS 是不是明確一下自己的观点?  说两个都好 好像不是很对rater胃口...
我觉得确定给一个然后论证 比较好点..

wuqian0801UID：2637709

烦劳楼主今天看看我的.. 最近写的几篇总觉得问题很大.. 论证的时候总是感觉离题了.. 还有好多细节都模糊的,有些词不太敢用,怕用错了,而小词有用得不灵活.. 怎么办呢?
Some movies are serious, designed to make the audience think. Other movies are designed primarily to amuse and entertain. Which type of movie do you prefer? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

With the dramatic development of our society, a substantial amount of recreations emerged in our daily life. Undoubtedly, it’s beneficial to us reasoned that many people who works all day long really need to have a break. Therefore, people have numerous choices to relax, such as meet friends in a restaurant, chat with friends online or watch a movies altogether and so forth. However, giving me a chance to choose the way to relief, I will see a film alone or with my friends and the type of the film is comedy or funny. Considering the strength of being an excellent physical condition and the promotion of communicating well, my preference is the films which can make me laugh.

Firstly, no one can deny the fact that the amused movies are contributed to reducing our stresses.  Take me as an example, when I drag my body to get into my bedroom, I fairly desire to watch movie, the interesting one which can let me laugh loudly, to have a short rest. Because of the amusement, I can laugh loudly and happily that would prompt me get rid of tired and being energetic. Meanwhile, through watching the exciting movies, could we forget the uncomfortable time and the dissatisfactory things. Pressures will be released then not only can we keep a healthy body, but also can we plunge into our study or work vigorously in the next day.

Secondly, nowadays, social skills are a crucial competence to every individual. Nevertheless, some persons cannot find a fit way to make new friends or associate with others. Here is a favorable advice for those confused people. Seeing some films which are designed to entertain or amuse should stimulate them certain inspirations when they were communicating with others. At the same time, they would gain some senses of humor that it’s helpful for them to have a friendship.

However, we shouldn’t overlook the influences of the films like documentary, etc. These movies are aimed to let audiences think deeply. And the films which are included the contents about how important should we absorb the lessons from our forefathers and how essential should we have a better development for our offspring.

In sum, though still large numbers of persons’ favorite film style is serious, I‘d like to prefer the exciting one. The movies that are funny and humorous can really make us breath a fresh air and release our strains. Furthermore, the movies that are interesting and amusing can really help us win a chance to obtain a new friendship.

wuqian0801UID：2637709

We all work or will work in our jobs with many different kinds of people. In your opinion, what are some important characteristics of a co-worker (someone you work closely with)? Use specific reasons and specific examples to explain why these characteristics are important

This is an age of fierce social competition, thus we need to accomplish our tasks with our partners to have a better efficiency. At present which qualities should a co-worker must have triggered a heated discussion that ever-increasing people feel concerned about. Smart, humorous, knowledgeable are the appealing characteristics so that it is wonderful that if a co-worker has those virtues. From my point of view, as a co-worker, the most important qualities are considerate, diligent and helpful. The leading reasons are listed as follows.

Firstly, a considerate partner will make the cooperation to be much better.  As we all know, if you have a workmate who is considerate or understanding, it would enable you feel more comfortable. For instance, my uncle is a leader of his company and also he is a co-worker of his whole team. He often cares more about his partners’ healthy condition and reduces their workload when they were busy. Sometime, when he found his workmates make some mistakes, he will encourage his co-workers and tell them how to avoid these faults. Consequently, uncle’s firm operates well and the relationship of his co-workers is close, too. Uncle cannot be a successful manager without caring about his co-workers.

Secondly, the other necessary personality of a co-worker is diligent. In my case, when I was in high school, once my teacher assigned us a group work. Tom is my co-worker. He is a diligent and responsible boy. To do our assignment, we have to go to the library to find some useful information and, Tom never late or leave earlier and always realizes every detail we need to quote. His roommates told me, he burns the midnight oil to do the research and revision. He sets a good example for me, so we study together and make progress together. When we handed in our assignment, our teacher said, “Wow, it’s the most remarkable report I have ever seen” and then, we got a high score.

Lastly, beside the aforementioned qualities of a co-worker, we still cannot overlook the merit of helpful. Undoubtedly, you may have a difficult period when you are facing the problem you can deal with in your work. And then if you have a workmate who is helpful and kind, he or she will provide you a hand appropriately. They can give you the solution and tell you how to solve these issues next time, then the progression you will make.

To sum up, a co-worker who has the personalities of considerate, diligent and helpful can stimulate us make a mutual progression and obtain more knowledge. Although we cannot imagine if a co-worker isn’t a smart or humorous one and how can we cope with the operations well, the fact we need to admit that the qualities of considerate, diligent and helpful have an advantage over the smart or humorous.

樓主儘快幫我看看吧...  謝謝啦.:)

wuqian0801UID：2637709

一看..才發現寫了476words ... 會太多么?
字數是多少比較合適啊?