燃烧的战火”作文互改小组作业贴,新鲜出炉A-113&I-22，求拍砖

燕鱼小窝UID：3249611

9月6日
I-46
A-60
9.7
I-86

9.9
I-104

9.12
A-34


10.14



10.27



10.28



10.29

xiesisiminervaUID：2997765

恩恩，最近有点松懈了，我帮你改。

xiesisiminervaUID：2997765

稍微改了一下

燕鱼小窝UID：3249611

非常感谢！祝你915杀G成功！

charlesliyeUID：3245497

This letter recommends a client to invest Consolidated Industries. To support this recommendation, the author points out three trends which may lead to the an increased demand of heating oil in for the company. However, the argument relies on a number ofis rife with unsubstantiated assumptions and is, therefore, it is unconvincing.
The first assumption is that 90 days is a relatively longer periodlong enough and the abnormal temperature below-normal is cold low enough to lead to the total increase of heating oil. But the author hasn’t provided enough evidences for thisdidn’t make it a cogent case. Though 90 days seems a long period, it should be contrast with may be shorter thanthe normal duration of cold days in this region and the average temperature might be even higher than other years.other days in heating season may be warmer than normal. If this is true, the total amount of heating oil may decrease. Or if perhaps the temperature is not so cold enough for citizens to increase the use of heating oil though it’s colder than normal days in winter before. Without provide The author even hasn’t told us whether the amount of heating oil had increased last heating season, the argument is unwarranted.  
The next assumption is that people in the region will continue to use heating oil as their main fuel for heating. This is also unwarranted. Even if the number of homes would raise and the climate temperature is will progress like the forecasters predictedcold enough, the citizens may turn to use other fuels to heat their homes like electricity, solar energy etc.. It’s a trend that the new buildings are equipped by modern facilities using more clean and efficient fuels.
Building upon weak substantiation the author claimsThe third assumption is that Consolidated Industries will should raise its investment of heating oil. However, the author doesn’t offer its exact plan of heating oil production to prove this. Even if the total amount of heating oil would increase, the company might not raise its investment on heating oil. Because due to its major operation is retail sale, the increasing increased demand of heating oil may be satisfied by other companies which provide wholesale business,. the company might not raise its investment on heating oil .OrMoreover, Consolidated Industries may plan to expand its other major business instead of heating oil and even reducing its production of heating oil according to the whole company’s developmentlong term management strategy.
  In conclusion, this argument is unpersuasive, to bolster it the author should provide more exact evidences to prove at leastsubstantiate all the unjustified assumptions mentioned above. The author should make sure that the three trends will lead to a total rise of usage amount of heating oil and Consolidated Industries will expand its production of heating oil. Otherwise it’s unwise for the client to invest on that company.

charlesliyeUID：3245497

我还传不了附件，word版可以传给你邮箱，不然这样找改了哪里很不方便

燕鱼小窝UID：3249611

charlesliye 发表于 2012-9-10 21:56
我还传不了附件，word版可以传给你邮箱，不然这样找改了哪里很不方便

谢谢！我的邮箱是 haojieshen@yahoo.com.cn. 你的习作呢？

不好意思！我以为9.9休息，所以今天没看分组，明天一定帮你改哈！

charlesliyeUID：3245497

这次不用了，下次吧

ADIBLACKFINUID：2956780

可以扩展一点

请帮忙修改

https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... xtra=#pid1776226895

燕鱼小窝UID：3249611

charlesliye 发表于 2012-9-10 22:31
这次不用了，下次吧

谢谢楼主的悉心修改。你的argue-61我也尝试提了自己的意见，附件在你贴子里。

charlesliyeUID：3245497

这次进步很大:victory:

燕鱼小窝UID：3249611

谢谢鼓励！

燕鱼小窝UID：3249611

你13号的Issue我已改

草莓CynthiaUID：3128074

我早就帮你改好了 可能忘记传了吧！ 抱歉啊~~~！！！

燕鱼小窝UID：3249611

10.14 新鲜出炉，求拍砖！