GRE作文6分教学博客

tesolchinaUID：2191404

不少网友在寄托上写日记督促自己学习。其实我也在找offer，不过不是留学申请的offer，而是工作的offer，因为我明年6月就要博士毕业了，明年9月就要开始工作。目前的计划是今年9月之前完成博士论文的初稿，并在下半年投出2-3篇论文。任务可谓十分艰巨。所以我也需要鸡血与鸡汤，也来写点日记吧。

刚才整理了一下我的博士论文稿，目前整个框架已经出来，其中有一章已经写了一大半，另一章大概也写了一半的样子。除了这两章外，大概还要写3章的样子。老板要求我的博士论文字数控制在7-10万字，包括Bibliography，我感觉这实在不是一件太难完成的任务。在我看来其实博士论文并一定要写得很好，关键是要有一些内容可以尽快在SSCI收录的期刊上发表。因此，博士论文不会是我重点投入的任务，相反要尽快弄完，这样才能有精力去好好的准备投稿和其他的研究项目。

另外，我的博士论文的前几个章节将会和在论坛上的辅导深度结合，也就是说论坛指导将会沿用博士论文里的理论框架，而论坛指导过程中收集的数据将作为博士论文研究的数据。在这里和大家分享一下我的博士论文题目吧：

Tutoring Chinese Students for GRE Writing Tests in an Online Forum:A Computer-Assisted Action Research Study
在線論壇上指導中國學生備考美國研究生院入學寫作測試：一個計算機輔助的行動研究

这篇论文完成后，最迟明年年底，我希望能出版一本GRE作文的指导书，希望能与寄托合作出版，毕竟书的内容里会包括很多寄托版友的习作和我的点评等等。

另外，等我博士论文写完了，今年9月我会去美版开一个博客指导申请去美国读理工科博士的同学写留学文书。其实这个是我最初博士论文的选题，后来因为一些原因改为研究GRE作文。但是我以前在华科已经指导过超过100位同学写留学文书，这方面的经验也是很丰富的。当然，我的留学文书指导也是免费的，最终目标还是出一本比较有用靠谱的留学文书辅导书吧。  

嗯，想想未来几年我要做的这些事情，还是很值得期待的。希望过几年再回来看这些文字的时候，我会为今天的努力而感到自豪！  

tesolchinaUID：2191404

感觉前段时间在指导部分版友的作文时，情绪管理得不好，对于一些句子层面的错误未能做到心平气和，以致在点评时语气较重较负面。

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.
     “Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”

tesolchinaUID：2191404

接下来的辅导要将反馈作为核心，这也是我的博士研究的重点。反馈可分为内容和形式，内容是指篇章结构、立论、例证等方面，而形式则是指句子层面的句型、语法、用词等。我需要分析之前一段时间对版友做的内容反馈，将反馈进行分类，每一种发一个帖子，做一个编号，以后再反馈的时候直接发代码和帖子链接。然后一定要跟进版友在反馈后的修改。

而句子层面的反馈则以句子加油站为基地，对句子层面的问题进行分类整理，辅以针对句式多样性的教学。

感觉之前已经辅导了不少同学，要抽时间对辅导纪录进行整理，并力求使今后的辅导更加系统化，方便后续的数据收集。  

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为了更有效的批改版友的作文，在这里说明一下点评习作的步骤。其他同学也可以参考这个步骤互评。

第一关：基本框架  
首先要看学生的主旨句和主题句是否符合1+3模型的要求 没有按1+3模型写作的 分别指向issue（54楼）argument （103楼）
如果在形式上看到了有层次的主旨句并和主题句相呼应 应该给与鼓励和表扬  说明这个同学看过的讲解 愿意跟我学 可以考虑加他微信进一步交流

第二关：立论切题
主旨句是否切题 回应题目要求 是否有层次（有没有回应题目的关键词；有没有对关键词进行合理的诠释）  
主题句的分论点是否清晰、合理
清晰的意思是能看得懂 ，没有因为表达问题而产生歧义
合理是指这个点能站得住脚 比较好展开讨论   


第三关：中间段的组织和结构
中间段是否集中讨论和支持主题句的点 （有没有偏离中心的句子或细节）   
有没有提出例子并展开讨论解释例子如何支持观点
很多时候中间段写着写着就偏离了主题句的内容 出现这种情况需要指出并纠正  
句子之间的连贯性也是这里要关注的  


第五关：中间段的干货
这里关注的问题包括
- 例证是否合适、理由是否充分   
- 文中有没有提到的但是很相关的概念
- 跨学科的理论 比如incentive theory比如 needs hierarchy by Maslow

第六关：句子加油站  

重点看开头段的句子和主题句
如果没有问题 再看其他句子  


句子结构
- 该断句的地方没有断句
- 句子片段
- 句型错误

词语搭配  
- 动宾搭配错误
- 形容词选择错误

句式多样性
- it is
- 不定式做主语、表语
- 介宾结构
- 现在分词过去分词前置或后置  


总结
针对学生的习作要进行总结，可以鼓励学生自己总结；对于长期坚持的同学，也要注意发展和进步的轨迹  

与学生的沟通
- 了解基本背景（考试日期、往绩、目标、英语基础、愿意投入的时间）
- 当下的状态、主要困难
- 未来几周的学习计划   

tesolchinaUID：2191404

qbu 发表于 2015-5-18 11:12
老师您好，您的博客非常有用。请问只要在相关的帖子把自己的作文按照规定格式贴上去。您就会批改么？

https://bbs.gter.net/thread-1826310-1-2.html
你可以看看这里的同学是怎么弄的  
写之前先看看我的1+3模型  
还有简单介绍一下自己的情况 一站二战 大概的背景、目标

tesolchinaUID：2191404

qbu 发表于 2015-5-19 02:56
老师您好！
1）你的英语基础达到了考GRE作文的要求么？
托福达到22分要求.

欢迎加入
请参考https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=2191404的做法 先发练习帖再占楼更新链接 同时可以加我微信tesolchina 进我们的微信群

tesolchinaUID：2191404

    考场上前3分钟的计划和安排尤为关键

我接触的部分G友在写作时会遇到写了一半写不下去的情况，这主要是因为在写之前缺少计划和安排。理想的情况当然是题库里的每道题都充分准备，考场上回忆起之前准备的思路。即使做不到，也应该在动笔前想好整篇的基本思路、每段具体怎么写。

最好预留2分钟检查语法、拼写

最后两分钟还在写文章是一件很痛苦的事情。

综合以上两点，我们必须尽快开始限时写作，要求自己在25-28分钟完成全文。写之前可以先准备思路、查资料，一旦开始写一定要进入考试状态。如果自己在25分钟之内写不完或者写不好，那就要调整自己的预期，比原计划少写一些、句型简单些，这样反而更有机会拿到4分。

希望更多参加过考试的同学分享自己在考场上的经验和教训。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

@Jin  

今天整理了一下五月互改活动的帖子，看到版友们选的练习题都各不相同，这样不太利于互改以及我比较高效的点评。所以我想还是要搞同主题的练习。主要选issue30道题和argument20道题作为练习的路径。所谓路径就是所有备考的同学都大致按这个顺序写。不同的同学参加时间和考试日期不同，具体某一天写的题目还是会不一样。然后，针对某些题目会有更明确的要求。比如有的题目要求一起写提纲，作为1+3模型的训练。有的题目要求按照规定的提纲练习写全文。

issue部分

以6天作为一个循环 （周一、周三、周五）

第1天 按照1+3格式写提纲 重点训练主旨句和主题句的呼应  

第2天 按照已有的提纲写全文  要求限时完成  主要目的是语言表达的训练和速度的训练 要求写完后 往句子加油站

第3天 写开头段（含主旨句） + 三个主题句 以及其中一个中间段   主要是训练思路、立论，同时兼顾中间段的展开

第4天 要求模仿范文 （自己根据范文改写提纲和例子） 计时写全文  

第5天 独立限时写全文 （ScoreItNow）

第6天 在句子加油站总结过去几天的错误句子

argument部分

以6天作为一个循环（周二、周四 、周六）

第1天 按照1+3格式写提纲 重点训练主旨句和主题句的呼应 以及 针对不同的题目要求写出不同的句子  

第2天 按照已有的提纲写全文  要求限时完成  主要目的是语言表达的训练和速度的训练 要求写完后 往句子加油站   

第3天 写开头段（含主旨句） 以及中间段的提纲 重点训练找argument的切入点以及探索其他可能性

第4天 要求模仿范文 （自己根据范文改写提纲和例子） 计时写全文   

第5天 独立限时写全文 （ScoreItNow）

第6天 在句子加油站总结过去几天的错误句子


周末的时间主要用来总结和反思 给同学留下一些时间赶上落下的进度 也可以提前写下周的任务  

所有版友都可以报名参加。但是必须由一个循环开始的第一天正式加入，并承诺至少坚持issue和argument各6天。  

每个同学都要点评楼上的练习。

初步的想法，再和小绿版主商量一下。


由下周一 5月25日开始 周一、三、五练issue  二、四、六练argument
每天一题，每周issue、argument各3篇，理论上10周可以完成各30篇的全文练习。
6月要考的同学可以在完成当天练习后，按照自己的进展额外练习。
每个同学开一个练习帖，盖楼发练习，然后将该楼的地址发到当天的练习帖上，并且点评楼上同学的作品。  
小绿版主会负责选题和发每天的练习帖。  

tesolchinaUID：2191404

switchemily 发表于 2015-5-20 20:40
老师你好！我是最近要战G的考友，看了你的教学博客很受启发，但有一点我有些困惑：这页两篇文章，一篇人工 ...

我的文章一般都会按照题目要求来写 你如果有具体的问题或者怀疑 请贴出完整的题目 以及相关的文章部分 我会再看看

tesolchinaUID：2191404

留着写文章

tesolchinaUID：2191404

Argument 97 attract audience for Shakespeare theatre

The following appeared in an e-mail sent by the marketing director of the Classical Shakespeare Theatre of Bardville.

"Over the past ten years, there has been a 20 percent decline in the size of the average audience at Classical Shakespeare Theatre productions. In spite of increased advertising, we are attracting fewer and fewer people to our shows, causing our profits to decrease significantly. We must take action to attract new audience members. The best way to do so is by instituting a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program this summer. Two years ago the nearby Avon Repertory Company started a 'Free Plays in the Park' program, and its profits have increased 10 percent since then. If we start a 'Shakespeare in the Park' program, we can predict that our profits will increase, too.”

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the recommendation is likely to have the predicted result. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the recommendation.  


reduced audience是否利润下降的主要原因
Free play in the Park是不是Avon利润上升的主要原因  
Shakespeare in the Park能否取得类似Avon FPIP的效果  

The marketing director argues that the theatre should introduce a new program known as “Shakespeare in the Park” (SP) in order to increase the profits. We need to ask a number of questions about the causes of decline of profits for CS Theatre, the reasons why Avon’s profits increased and whether the proposed program will be as successful as the program of Avon.  

To begin with, we are not sure the decline of audience size is the main reason why the profits had decreased.  We need to investigate other issues that may affect the profitability of the operation. For example, did the increase of advertising expenses cause the decrease of profits? Or maybe the overhead expenses of the CS theatre were out of control.  If these are the cases, more efforts should be made to reduce expenses rather than introducing new program to attract audience.  

In the meantime, we need to ask if Free Play in the Park (FPP) program actually led to the increase of profits for Avon.  The name "Free Play in the Park”seems to imply that the program would offer free admission to the plays in order to attract more audience.  It is not clear how a program like this can directly increase the profits.  Maybe Avon had taken other measures to boost its profit level while the program was introduced. For example, they might hire a new manager to effectively control different expenses. Or maybe they had reduced the advertising expenses by switching from more expensive traditional media marketing to less costly new media marketing.  If Avon had achieved profit increase through other methods, then the proposal to adopting a similar program may not produce desirable outcome.

Finally, even if FPP has increased the profits for Avon in a somewhat mysterious way, we need to ask if the proposed program SP is similar enough to FPP to help the CS theatre to increase the profit.  Again, the name of FPP suggests that the program may feature a variety of plays of different themes, which may appeal to a broader group of audiences.  Shakespeare in the Park, on the other hand, will offer a limited range of programs based on works by Shakespeare.  Of course, we need to take into account the extra cost of the new program that can further affect the balance sheet. If SP program cannot attract more audience and increase profits as FPP did, the recommendation would not be reasonable.  

In conclusion, it is not clear attracting more audience is the key for profitability of the CS theatre.  Nor is it certain that the FPP program was the main reason why Avon increased the profits. Moreover, we do not know if SP could be as successful as FPP.  In order to evaluate the recommendation, therefore, the questions discussed above have to answered through further investigation.  

tesolchinaUID：2191404

昨天和小绿版主谈到经济学的理论对GRE写作教学的帮助。比如外部性这个概念，是指某人或机构的行为对其他人所造成的正面或负面的影响，而受影响的人并不能直接回应或改变。典型的正外部性包括父母为子女种疫苗除了可以预防自己的子女生病，也可以减少周围的孩子以致整个城市居民患病的风险。这部分对外部的好处，在父母做决定是否打针时是不会考虑的，因此父母愿意投入疫苗的成本低于疫苗所能带来的总价值，即自己孩子的收益+社会的外部收益。而后一部分则通过政府补贴疫苗的形式来加入父母做决定的方程中。这便是政府干预使外部性内化的个案。

不知道我说清楚没？ 我觉得如果大家愿意花一些时间学这类经济学的概念对于开拓写作思路、找到中间段立论的干货是非常有好处的。事实上经济学最近几十年的发展已经超越了其传统的研究领域，而将触角伸向法律、政治、家庭、医疗和教育等方方面面。这种趋势被学界称为经济学帝国主义。虽然这件事本身很有争议，但是经济学理论的强大跨界解释能力却为GRE写作教学带来难得的机会。

如果大家有兴趣，请对本楼回复或加分，我会考虑更新本楼，介绍一些可以运用到GRE作文里的经济学理论或概念。

tesolchinaUID：2191404

Argument 81 食物中毒谁是真凶 示范

81) The following appeared in a business magazine.
As a result of numerous complaints of dizziness and nausea on the part of consumers of Promofoods tuna, the company requested that eight million cans of its tuna be returned for testing. Promofoods concluded that the canned tuna did not, after all, pose a health risk. This conclusion is based on tests performed on samples of the recalled cans by chemists from Promofoods; the chemists found that of the eight food chemicals most commonly blamed for causing symptoms of dizziness and nausea, five were not found in any of the tested cans. The chemists did find small amounts of the three remaining suspected chemicals but pointed out that these occur naturally in all canned foods.


Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be addressed in order to decide whether the conclusion and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to the questions would help to evaluate the conclusion.


conclusion:  canned tuna did not pose a health risk
evidence: samples of the recalled cans
8 food chemicals blamed for dizziness and nausea  (5 not found)
3 chemicals found in small amount (naturally ; natural level)  

The company argued that the tuna in question was safe based on the results of chemical analysis of the sample.  While the conclusion is what the company wished for, there are a number of questions about the impartiality of the chemists, the sampling method, the amount of the 3 chemicals and other possible causes of symptoms that we need to investigate before we could accept the conclusion.  

To begin with, we need to know if the chemists from the company were able to conduct the tests independently and professionally.  Since the company’s reputation is at stake, it is important to look into whether the chemists conducting the tests may have the incentives to manipulate the tests to help produce results that are in favor of the company. It is important to check, for example, if the chemists had received any pecuniary benefits from the company.  Or maybe they are under the pressure from the top management to release a report that would relieve the company from any liability.

We also need to know more about the sampling methodology to evaluate the validity of the result.  The key issue here is each can recalled must have the equal opportunity to be sampled.  If certain groups of cans are more likely than other groups to be selected for testing, the results would not accurately reflect the condition of all cans.  Various sampling methods could be chosen to ensure the validity of the test, e.g. systematic sampling.  But we need to know the proper measures have been taken to collect the samples in a professional way.  

Another question we need to ask is whether there are chemicals other than the group of 8 that might lead to the symptoms of dizziness and nausea.  There might be some chemicals that are less well known but will cause the said symptoms.  Focusing on the 8 chemicals alone, the chemists may overlook the other potential causes of the symptoms.  In addition, the symptoms of dizziness and nausea may be a result of some more serious medical conditions, e.g. Hepatitis A, which might be caused by some contaminated cans.  If this is the case, it would be inadequate to focus on the chemicals known for causing the symptoms directly. A more thorough medical check-up would help better understand the conditions of the victims and help pinpoint the source of the problems.  

The final question to ask is about the amount of the 3 chemicals found in the samples. It may be true that such chemicals “occur naturally in all canned foods”.  But what really matters is whether the amount of the chemicals have exceeded the threshold of safety.  Even if the amount of each individual chemical may be within the safe zone, we need to know whether the cumulative harm caused by all three chemicals may reach a tipping point leading to the symptoms.  More in-depth analyses of the 3 chemicals, both quantitative and qualitative, are necessary to determine if they are related to the accidents.  

In conclusion, it is probably more reasonable to commission a group of independent analyst to study the canned food in question following the proper measures of random sampling. The questions discussed above will have to be answered to determine if the conclusion is reasonable.

tesolchinaUID：2191404

argument写作中作者和读者之间的某种互动往往通过对作者自己和读者及原论证提出者的称谓和指代来完成。比如，要不要出现I或者we？要不要用you？对于原论证的作者应该用什么词指代？这虽然不是什么大问题，但还是值得我们关注。

要不要用I或者we？you?

一般来说用I可能不太好，给人比较主观的感觉；但是用we似乎没问题，将笔者和读者都包括在同一视角下。相反，you一般是不用的，这样容易造成与读者的某种隔阂。例子晚点补充。

如何指代原论证的作者？

看到有些同学用arguer这个词，我看得很不顺眼。在谷歌里搜”according to the arguer"只有18个结果而且大部分都是网友GRE习作！其实这里用什么词关键要看题目提供的背景信息。如果是一封信就说the author of the letter，再次提及直接说the author，如果是the manager就直接提具体身份。另外也可以用According to the letter, In the memo it is argued that 这类句型。

时态、情态动词、虚拟语气的使用

在argument写作中，时态的使用首先要考虑原argument里的时态。一般来说是一般过去时和一般现在时的混搭，谈到过去发生的事情用过去时，谈到将来的事情或者计划的事情用现在时。因此，我们的时态也不可避免的会混搭。这个需要通过研读范文来总结更多规律。我自己写作时对这个问题重视得不够，因此请更多的观察ETS范文。

由于argument的核心步骤是探索其他可能性，很多的讨论都不是讲过去或将来的事情，而是如果发生什么事就会怎样的情况。这个时候我们会在条件状语从句中使用过去时，而在主句中用would或者could,might等。

今天早上在看习作时想到这些问题在本楼开展讨论。还没有完全写清楚，要找时间对范文进行分析总结出更明确的指引。请大家提醒我更新。

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91) The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that they have more leisure time.


Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.  

In today’s world, the economic development has been constantly driven by the advances of new technologies and the ways we live our lives are regularly transformed by new shifts in technological paradigms.  It is important for us to reflect on the goal of technological development and its consequences.  I agree that the primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people’s efficiency in a variety of activities.  But whether or not people will have and enjoy more leisure time depends on the roles different people play in the society and the goals they have in their life.   

When developing technologies used by students and researchers in higher education, the goal should be to help them work on their academic studies and research projects more efficiently.  One of the major challenges of students and scholars is to keep pace with the increasing amount of scholarships that are now available in digital forms.  Search engines such as Google Scholar and Citation management softwares such as Zotero have enabled the students and researchers to access and manage a large number of research articles efficiently.  Yet, with the blessings of such advanced technologies, students and scholars will not enjoy more leisure time.  With the increasing competition among students and scholars worldwide for places of further education and research funding, expectations are high for better academic performance and research output.  Therefore, it is likely that students and researchers have to work long hours to meet such expectations.  

Likewise, the primary concern of advancing technologies for white-collar workers and business managers should also be efficiency, especially when it comets to team work.   For example, through teleconferencing enabled by the Internet, people can now work from home by staying in touch with colleagues through microphone and camera, thereby saving the commuting time and increasing the overall work efficiency.  This is, in fact, the primary goal of developing new telecommunication technologies. But this new development, instead of offering more time for people to enjoy their leisure activities, threatens to take away the time they should spend with their families. After all, the boundary between workplace and home has been blurred, with the demand of more work eating away our family time.  

The only group of people that actually can enjoy more leisure time as a result of technological innovation is the retired elderly people.  The technological solutions designed for them should have efficiency as the top priority so that more time can be saved for leisure.  By shopping online via stores such as Amazon.com and eBay, the elderly can stay at home and get everything they need by delivery.  Smart refrigerators can help them keep track of the grocery items they need automatically and facilitate the ordering in a much more efficient way. In addition, latest mobile technologies also make it possible for them to do certain body checkup via smart wristwatches, making it unnecessary to even visit the doctor under certain circumstances. The time they saved will go to their favorite leisure activities as they have retired and do not have any commitment to jobs.

In conclusion, it is reasonable to argue that the main goal of technological development is to increase people’s efficiency in doing different things and save our precious time. But for most people who have to work and make a living, they would not be able to enjoy more leisure time but often find themselves working long hours to keep up with the pace of modern life. Yet, for the retired elderly, to live in today’s world full of technological innovation is a true blessing as they can enjoy a great amount of leisure time.