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[经验思考] GRE作文6分教学博客   [复制链接]

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发表于 2014-12-3 01:21:49 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2014-12-2 23:12
家齐同学虽然加入小组时间不长,但却是组里最积极的同学。在她考前的3天,我们通过Skype语音讨论了大概15 ...

老师推荐一些书吧

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2014-12-3 08:24:51 |显示全部楼层
iori189_bu8 发表于 2014-12-3 01:21
老师推荐一些书吧

北美范文的issue可以看看
李建林的5.5千万不要看 里面各种硬伤  
凡是讲argument如何攻击谬误的书或者帖子 一律无视
这种说法完全不符合ETS的要求 完全是不负责任的误导

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发表于 2014-12-3 11:02:40 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2014-12-3 08:24
北美范文的issue可以看看
李建林的5.5千万不要看 里面各种硬伤  
凡是讲argument如何攻击谬误的书或者 ...

谢谢赐教。

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2014-12-3 20:58:06 |显示全部楼层

tesolchina申请GRE作文版版主(草稿)


1.申请人id:tesolchina

2.申请论坛名称:GRE作文互动论坛

3.自我介绍及申请理由
目前在香港某大学英语系读博,从事英语写作教学研究,博士论文的其中一部分关注中国学生GRE写作考试的应试策略、问题及教学方案。今年8月曾参加GRE考试,10月开始在版面开展列提纲互改活动,吸引了70多位版友加入互改小组

4.平均每天上网时间
每天工作8小时,全程在线,每天在寄托上至少1小时

5.自我专长以及管理方面的优势
我有近十年的英语写作教学经验,对GRE写作教学情有独钟,同时愿意义务指导版友,也希望能探索出更有效的教学方法。另外,我有一定的计算机知识,希望寄托能建立更有效的写作互改平台

6.版务构想:
由于目前不是考试高峰,版面人气不高。希望能够在下一轮考试高峰到来前,和其他版主一起探索出一个有效的互改模板和流程,帮助更多的版友考到好的GRE作文成绩。另外,版面上有同学还在借鉴老G的材料、未能摆脱老G思维,我们有必要提醒。   

7. 推荐人
HJ? Sherry?

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2014-12-6 08:55:49 |显示全部楼层

Argument 24 示范 use of salicylates as additives and reduction of headaches

Argument 26 28
感觉自己库存的范文越来越少了
要赶紧写几篇

A recently issued twenty-year study on headaches suffered by the residents of Mentia investigated the possible therapeutic effect of consuming salicylates. Salicylates are members of the same chemical family as aspirin, a medicine used to treat headaches. Although many foods are naturally rich in salicylates, food-processing companies also add salicylates to foods as preservatives. The twenty-year study found a correlation between the rise in the commercial use of salicylates and a steady decline in the average number of headaches reported by study participants. At the time when the study concluded, food-processing companies had just discovered that salicylates can also be used as flavor additives for foods, and, as a result, many companies plan to do so. Based on these study results, some health experts predict that residents of Mentia will suffer even fewer headaches in the future.

Write a response in which you discuss what questions would need to be answered in order to decide whether the prediction and the argument on which it is based are reasonable. Be sure to explain how the answers to these questions would help to evaluate the prediction.


It is predicted that Mentia residents will suffer fewer headaches because the food companies are expected to use salicylates as flavor additives.  A number of questions about the nature of the chemical, its relation to headache, the preferences of Mentia residents and the plans of the food companies have to be answered in order to evlauate the predictions.

To begin with, we need to know whether salicylates can treat headache in a way similar to aspirin.  The mere fact that both chemicals belong to the same family does not mean that both chemicals would have same therauputic effects for headache.  If there is no direct evidence to prove that salicylates can treat headache, the prediction would become groundless.

The study has found a correlation between the use of salicylates and the reduction in headaches being reported.  The first question we need to ask about the study is whether the self-report method is reliable, i.e. whether or not the study participants can accurately recall the incidents of headaches they experienced.  If the data is not reliable, the results cannot be taken seriously.  In addition, we need to see if there are other factors that might lead to the reduction of reported headache cases.  For example, over the past 20 years, had aspirin or other drugs of similar effects become increasingly available and popular among the study participants? Did the participants change their diet or lifestyle that might have helped reduce headache?  As we all know, correlation does not imply causal relation.  More attention has to be paid to other related factors.

Now let's assume salicylates may in fact help reduce headache.  The next question is this: will Mentia residents benefit from the chemicals in the future.  Since the chemical has been used as preservatives, we need to ask if Mentia residents enjoy food that contain such preservatives.  Maybe people in Mentia prefer to eat fresh food; if this is the case, they may not have access to the chemical as food preservatives.

Another possible source of salicylates is food with salicylates as the flavor additives.  We do not know whether the food company would actually use the chemical as flavor additives despite their plans.  We need to know whether they can get approval from government authories such as FDA to use the chemicals.  We also need to take into account the costs of the chemical relative to other alternative additives.  Finally, we have to ask questions about consumers' taste to decide if the food with such additives will become popular, especially among Mentia residents.  Answers to all these questions may influence the companies' decisions on whether to use the chemical as favor additives and ultimately affect the accessibiliy of salicylates for Mentia residents.

A final question we need to address is about the demographics and the health conditions of Mentia residents.  Maybe the chemical can help treat headache to some extent.  But no chemical can magically cure all headaches.  If Mentia residents are ageing or suffer from certain disease conditions that cause headache, having the chemical food may not reduce the cases of headache in the long run.

In conclusion, a number of gaps in reasoning have to be filled in the prediction that fewer Mentia residents will suffer headache.  To evaluate the prediction, we need to answer all the questions discussed above by gathering more information about this issue.

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发表于 2014-12-7 16:32:10 |显示全部楼层
tesolchina 发表于 2014-10-31 11:00
argument 87

In a study of the reading habits of Waymarsh citizens conducted by the University  ...

argument 87

In a study of the reading habits of Waymarsh citizens conducted by the University of Waymarsh, most respondents said that they preferred literary classics as reading material. However, a second study conducted by the same researchers found that the type of book most frequently checked out of each of the public libraries in Waymarsh was the mystery novel. Therefore, it can be concluded that the respondents in the first study had misrepresented their reading habits.

Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.


The author of the argument concludes that the respondents in the first study must have lied about their reading habits as the public library records suggested that mystery novels were more frequently borrowed.  We need more information about the library records, the Waymarsh citizens’ reading habits and the design of the first survey in order to evaluate the soundness of the argument.  

试分析第一段的两句话分别做了什么。

第一句指明了argument的结论和根据。
第二句总结了我们仍需的信息,第二句为全文的中心句,统领了下面的行文。

其中第二句话如何与后面的中间段呼应?

第二句话中the library records对应下文第一段,the Waymarsh citizens’ reading habits 对应第二段,the design of the first survey 对应第三段。且后文每段的开头句即点明段中心内容。

To begin with, we need to know more about the records and other aspects of public libraries to see if the reasoning is acceptable.  For example, we want to know if the public libraries feature a large collection of literary classics available for the Waymarsh people.  If this genre is simply not available, it would be no surprise that library patrons would turn to mystery novels.  Meanwhile, focusing on the frequency of the books being checked out is not sufficient.  And maybe the patrons would prefer to keep the literary classics for a longer period of time, thereby reducing the frequency of the books being loaned.  We also need to see if patrons have chosen to read literary classics in the reading rooms in the libraries instead of checking the books out.  

这个中间段可分为几个点,请分别列出。这几个点之间是如何过渡的?

本段对图书馆做出了3点假设,我们需要获得关于这三种假设是否成立的信息。
1、关于馆内是否没有文学经典可借的信息,提出一句,后一句分析若得到此证据,会对argu产生的weaken的影响。
Meanwhile, argu中只关注借书频率是不够的。此句为过渡句。
2、 可能阅读者借文学经典时间长,故频率低。
3、可能阅读者选择在图书馆内读文学经典而不是借走它们。

In addition, it is also important to look into the reading habits of the people in Waymarsh.  Public libraries are by no means the only source of literary classics.  Waymarsh people could buy many of the books from the local bookstores or order them online via Amazon or Border.  In fact, since a great many of literary classics have become part of the public domain without the restriction of copyright, Waymarsh people can even download e-copies of the books from the Internet for free.  So a more comprehensive study of whether Waymarsh people access the literary classics through the above-mentioned sources is necessary to get the information we need to evaluate the argument.  

这一段的论述结构和上一段有什么不同?
此段结构:
论证中心句: Public libraries are by no means the only source of literary classics.
两点解释:1、人们可以去书店或上网买。
2、人们可以上网免费下载电子书。
总结。
与上段相比,本段是一个论证,为支撑论点提出两个论据。上段为几种可能的假设的列举。

Finally, we need to scrutinize the first study more critically.  For example, how were the respondents sampled for the study and how representative were the respondents relative to the population at Waymarsh? If the study were conducted at high schools or university, which was quite convenient for such study, the respondents would be predominantly young people and the older people at Waymarsh would have been underrepresented in the study.  Moreover, was the survey questionnaire carefully designed to include all genres including mystery novel?  If the respondents were not given the option mystery novel, it would be unfair to claim that they had misrepresented themselves.  After all the respondents could only provide the information requested by the questionnaire.  

这一段的论述结构和上面那一段更接近?
第一段,本段也为几种可能假设的列举和分析。

In conclusion, to see if the respondents have misrepresented their reading habits, we need more evidence about the public libraries, the reading habits of the Waymarsh residents and the design of the first study.  

试根据本文总结出Write a response in which you discuss what specific evidence is needed to evaluate the argument and explain how the evidence would weaken or strengthen the argument.这类题型的写作讨论。

开头段:
和所有argument开头段的结构一样,第一句总结argu结论及根据,第二句提出仍需的evidence,并与下文展开一一对应。
中间段:To begin with, we need to know more about…
In addition, it is also important to look into the reading habits of the people in Waymarsh...
Finally, we need to scrutinize…
首句引出本段中心,即我们需要知道的证据。
论证方法1:有条理的提出2到3点假设或问题,并针对这些假设对argument的正确性的影响做出分析。
For example, how were the respondents sampled for the study and how representative were the respondents relative to the population at Waymarsh? If the study were conducted at high schools or university, which was quite convenient for such study, the respondents would be predominantly young people and the older people at Waymarsh would have been underrepresented in the study.
论证方法2:当有明确的其他可能但argu中未涉及,可用论证还有其他可能的方法。
结尾段:In conclusion, to see if the respondents have misrepresented their reading habits, we need more evidence about…总结全文。


在完成老师布置的任务前先学习一下怎么写~~汗颜啦

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发表于 2014-12-7 20:06:37 |显示全部楼层
王老师针对Argument写作的Tips:
1、注意新老G的考察区别:注意新G中应该讨论需要哪些新的证据和信息评估论证的合理性,放弃老G中要求的对存在的问题以及逻辑谬误的攻击。
2、根据写作要求措辞:虽然Argument中各种题型写法类似,但是需要根据题目中的要求重点进行措辞。例如题目中强调Assumption时,就要围绕Assumption来讨论;强调evidence时,重点强调需要哪些证据来检验论证;强调question时,讨论有哪些问题还需要回答以评估论证。当然,各种题型的写作内容是接近的。
3、5段式1+3写法注意:Thesis statement应该包括后面要讨论的三个大方面的关键词,三个大方面如何去分是重点难点。
4、Explore alternative possibility: 提出其他的可能性。例如题目提出一种因果关系时,我们需要提出其他可能因果关系以挑战原题的因果关系,从而提出更多的问题和需要获得的信息用以评估证据。该动作出现频率较高,为练习重点。
5、需要对各个Argument的题目背景有相关了解:Argument涉及的知识范围较广,例如花洒头、专利、人类学研究方法等。在行文时需要相关背景知识和对词汇的掌握,因此需要通过提前准备熟悉题库来加强对背景知识的了解。

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寄托兑换店纪念章 US-applicant 19周年勋章

发表于 2014-12-8 01:11:57 |显示全部楼层

issue 41 greatness of individuals decided by contemporaries or people after them

The greatness of individuals can be decided only by those who live after them, not by their contemporaries.

Write a response in which you discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the statement and explain your reasoning for the position you take. In developing and supporting your position, you should consider ways in which the statement might or might not hold true and explain how these considerations shape your position.


In human history great figures have been celebrated for their extraordinary achievements in various fields such as politics, sports, science and literature. Some people argue that it is difficult to assess the greatness of contemporary individuals due to the bias and near-sightedness that often cloud our judgment. In other words, greatness can only be determined from a historical perspective. I agree with this position as far as political leaders and writers are concerned. Nevertheless, in the fields of science and sports, greatness of scientists and athletes can be clearly recognised by their contemporaries.  

In the field of politics, it is often difficult to assess the greatness of a leader until the individual has passed away for at least 50 years. For one thing, people who are contemporaries of the political leaders often make their judgment under the heavy influence of their own political positions.  Neither republicans or democrats, for example, could evaluate the accomplishments of a contemporary US president without their partisan bias.  In addition, we have to wait for a number of decades to see the long-term effects of some of the decisions or policies a political leader made and then assess his/her greatness accordingly.  Richard Nixon was often remembered for his watergate scandal and subsequent disgraceful resignation. Yet, with the benefits of hindsight, we may better understand the significance of his 1972 visit to the Communist China in maintaining world peace in late 20th century.  

In the field of literature, despite the annual selection of outstanding authors for Nobel prize award, the greatness of authors can only be properly understood by people living after them.  One reason is that modern literature is often closely related to politics in such a way that contemporary critics cannot often review literary works without any ideological bias.  The 2000 Nobel prize-winning author Gao Xingjian, for example, was criticised by Chinese government for writing politically offensive novels and plays.  Is Gao a truly great writer? To answer this question we may have to wait for 100 years and see if future generations still find his work interesting and relevant.  Indeed, the best way to tell whether a literary work is great or not is to see if it can survive the test of time.  Consequently, the greatness of authors has to be probed from a historical perspective.  

While great political leaders and authors may be difficult to be recognised by their contemporaries, scientists and athletes can accomplish something that is truly extraordinary.  Since scientific theories can often be applied to develop useful engineering solutions, its impact on contemporary human society can often be properly assessed.  For example, the theory of relativity developed by Albert Einstein has been used to harness nuclear energy which has become a crucial power source for many countries around the world.  The atomic bombs developed based on his theory have also been used to end the bloody World War II.  Meanwhile, the greatness of elite athletes is also indisputable.  Michael Phelps who won over 8 gold medals in Beijing Olympics is clearly a genius in swimming.  Even if his accomplishment may be surpassed by another genius athlete someday in future, no one can deny he is still one of the greatest athletes in human history.  

Overall speaking, whether this statement is true or not depends on which fields we are talking about.  In areas such as political leadership and literature, the test of time is probably the most accurate assessment for greatness of individuals.  In fields such as science and sports, accomplishments of great figures can be easily determined by their contemporaries.  

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发表于 2014-12-8 18:15:15 |显示全部楼层
以下是Simon两天和我讨论的内容Memo

Dec.7th 修改Argu模板

我原先的模板是这样的:

The arguer/manager/CEO/owner, investigating the link between…and, claim that..
It is logical for…but this argument is rife with flaws and assumptions

The arguer cites the survey of…however the extent and credibility of this survey is not clear.Neither does the study mention whether the samples are chosen randomly, nor does it explain in which way it deals with the data.  

Still, until the researchers either release more details of the study, or subsequent studies are conducted, the …will not be fully known.               

Moreover, while…may aid, the arguer glosses over an important fact. …may…It would be beneficial to …if the arguer wants to strengthen the statement.

The author’s ..not effectively  persuade  to…


请注意看两个粗体部分,被Simon老师( ̄ε(# ̄)☆╰╮( ̄▽ ̄///)打脸了。
针对新G,ETS的要求不再是指出assumption,而是需要我们陈述作者应该给到什么evidence、回答什么question或者提供什么alternative explanation才能够证明结论有效
因此我们在行文时也要据此来描述。

——————————————————反省的分割线————————————————————

于是我做了修改

1.Opening
最后一句不再用rife with flaws and assumptions, 而是根据题目要求来写
如果题目要求列出questions,那么我就写 needs to answer questions before…
如果题目要求列出evidence,我就写 needs further evidence on…before

这两种情况下我在开头都要明确概括问题/证据的具体内容A/B/C,然后后面逐段对应。

中间段Topic句
With regard to ..., we need to more information …
as far as ... is concerned, more evidence about ... is needed
或者
we need to answer questions about …
we need more information about .. to address the question over …

在讨论Argu问题时,原先采用的是作文5.5的办法,依照每条论据按个儿攻击;
经讨论改为提炼出关键点,然后针对关键点来展开相应的讨论。

这一天我的问题是:
除了need information/details/evidence,还有没有其他多样的表达呢?


—————————————————感冒的分割线——————————————————

Dec.8th 根据分配的Argu/Issue题目写提纲并讨论

Argument部分
1、可以按文中陈述的顺序来写Argu(我之前喜欢把没什么聊头的放在最后写)
2、 其中可将Argu的几个核心关键点来逐个分析,而不是单纯地看到一个谬误就攻击一个。

  来举一个栗子
  66题 进口和国产cheese的对比(参考点这里
  原先我第一段的写法是:W卖得好是否有促销策略的原因
  经讨论以后【升华】了一下变成:对TOP5这一数据的解读,包括它占的Percentage,即质疑这个数据是否意味着畅销;然后再跟进促销策略等

  逼格又高了一层,bigger and bigger什么最喜欢啦╮(╯▽╰)╭

3、在Argu的opening部分,也可以按照接下来需要讨论的关键点来起一个总句。值得注意的是,在opening段落有些人习惯用一句话描述题目情况,这个描述是可有可没有,但如果有,要写全面,比如题目中ABC三个论证,就不要只提AB,以免有漏题嫌疑。

Issue部分

1、将讨论主体细化到三个方面来讨论
e.g. 15题 教育鼓励高收入职业
可以从兴趣(学生是否对这些高收入职业有兴趣)/未来的不确定性(现在高收入的职业,等到学生就职时也会一样吗)/能力(学生有能力从事这些高收入职业吗)三个方面去写

2、在遇到要求写compelling reasons and/or reasons could be used to challenge our position时候,可以通过巧妙地转换我们的三个支持论据中的一个来写
比如在Issue 15题中,从【能力】方面支持【学校不能够鼓励学生追求高收入职业】,可以写成【尽管学校处于好意,鼓励学生们追寻高收入职业,以求美好未来,但是并不是每个学生都有相应的能力去从事这些工作】

这一天我的问题是:
尽管现在我们不是以攻击argu谬误为己任,但是常见的一些逻辑分类和表达,还是有整理和准备的必要性。
今天Simon和我聊到的有:
a.Survey/Research/Study等
这一类引用往往会出现sampling bias(样本选择),question design(问题设计是否客观合理),honesty of respondents(回答者是否诚实回答or会否言行一致)等
b.以个体推整体
这一类会引用一个案例/一个地方/一家分店等等的情况,试图说明它可以apply for all

我们是否可以针对这些类别来积累一些固定表达,加快我们的作文速度呢?
已有 1 人评分声望 收起 理由
tesolchina + 2 we need (to) more information 注意typo

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发表于 2014-12-8 22:21:41 |显示全部楼层
黛丝丝丝丝 发表于 2014-12-8 18:15
以下是Simon两天和我讨论的内容Memo

Dec.7th 修改Argu模板

Daisy~我在这一段看的不太明白,再追问一下哈~
2、在遇到要求写compelling reasons and/or reasons could be used to challenge our position时候,可以通过巧妙地转换我们的三个支持论据中的一个来写
比如在Issue 15题中,从【能力】方面支持【学校不能够鼓励学生追求高收入职业】,可以写成【尽管学校处于好意,鼓励学生们追寻高收入职业,以求美好未来,但是并不是每个学生都有相应的能力去从事这些工作】

这里的意思是,我的论点是【学校不能够鼓励学生追求高收入职业】,而compelling reasons could be used to challenge my position 是学校这么做是处于好意,鼓励学生们追寻高收入职业,以求美好未来。而我对这个reason的回应是:并不是每个学生都有相应的能力去从事这些工作。
是这个意思吗?感觉reason和response相关性不大呀。

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发表于 2014-12-8 22:28:34 |显示全部楼层
本帖最后由 maoerdwn 于 2014-12-8 22:58 编辑

听取Simon老师的建议,占一楼来整理自己的足迹~
argument87 分析及evidence类写作指引的一般性结构

http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3551290]argument47( company of Movie CDs)提纲[/url]

http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3551290]argument44(mining copper)提纲以及与老师讨论后的心得[/url]

http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3551290]argument46(declining fitness levels)提纲[/url]

http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3551290]argument45 (online degree program)提纲[/url]

http://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... amp;fromuid=3551290]argument42(sand erosion)提纲[/url]

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发表于 2014-12-8 22:37:24 |显示全部楼层
maoerdwn 发表于 2014-12-8 22:28
听取Simon老师的建议,占一楼来整理自己的足迹~
argument87 分析及evidence类写作指引的一般性结构

天哪。。编辑无能,先放这儿,日后闲来再整。。哭

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发表于 2014-12-8 22:41:37 |显示全部楼层
maoerdwn 发表于 2014-12-8 22:37
天哪。。编辑无能,先放这儿,日后闲来再整。。哭

亲 为什么你的引用 每个[url后面都少了一个] 补上就好了呀。。

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发表于 2014-12-8 22:44:08 |显示全部楼层
maoerdwn 发表于 2014-12-8 22:21
Daisy~我在这一段看的不太明白,再追问一下哈~

这里的意思是,我的论点是【学校不能够鼓励学生追求高收 ...

response指出这个建议的不可行性,作为我反对题目的一条论点。

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发表于 2014-12-8 22:58:45 |显示全部楼层
黛丝丝丝丝 发表于 2014-12-8 22:41
亲 为什么你的引用 每个 补上就好了呀。。

..还是不行~

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