issue98 对照范文，我对自己习作的点评，请大家多提意见！

月色UID: 111922

我的习作，期待大家的点评。这篇文章是昨天嘉文博译ISSUE范文3是同一个题目。


Issue

"Colleges and universities should offer more courses on popular music, film, advertising and television because contemporary culture has much greater relevance for students than do arts and literature of the past."


Essay

  Few people, if asked, would deny that colleges and universities should offer art and literature courses to students. Yet when it comes to whether other courses like popular music, film, advertising and television should make up a greater portion in the curriculum, there is hardly a consensus. I, however, hold the opinion that the classical classes should always be most important.

  Before trapping myself into needless arguments, let me first make an analyis of what role our higher education plays in this modern society. Universities, different from the career training courses, are supposed to teach great values to people, especially young people, so that these values will take roots in their minds and mode them into truely gentle and kind men and women. In a sense, what universities preach are "useless" knowledge, in the light of practical uses. Here, I by no means refer to the word "useless" in a negative way, rather, I believe it is just the so-called useless knowledge that makes human beings true human beings. It teaches us to cherish kindness and tolerance to othes; to take care of all kind of people, be them our parents or strangers; to seek ultimate truth of the mystery of nature,and so on. In a word, arts and literature courses of the past aim to build men and women into liberal and kind persons.They are looing further than their own merits. They are possibly commercial leaders, policy makers, NGO founders; But most importantly, people trained in this way will keep all people's welfare in their minds rather than thier own.

  On the contrary, career training only focuses on survival skills. People can turn out to be very efficient or handy after they have taken up these courses. Unfortunately, there is little hope that they can learn real values to be a man, not a manager or an engineer .

  In the similar way, offering more courses on popular music, film, advertising and television will have the same effect. Admittedly, they are more relevant with our daily life and are prone to attract more attention from the mass, I still cast doubt on the "relevant values". A true artists should not act by catering to his audience. He or she is destined to say what he or she wants to say, even if none will echo it. Time is their belief. They are working for Time and audience thousands of years later. Relevance of reality will extort the seriousnes of their works to a large extent .

  I do not look down upon practical entertainment. But I believe there are already plenty of popular music, funny films, attractive advertisments and soap series. They are produced more in a manufacturing way rather than a art-creating way. Music and film are more and more taking on a look of products in this post-modern society, which reaveals a sharp contrast with what they used to be.

  Colleges and universities should resume the responsibility to guard our classical values and the "useless" knowledge. While career training courses are accomplishing their aim of making attractive things, higher education should stick to their tough goal for they are the paradise for human's thoughts.

  In summary, I strongly suggest college and universities remain classical arts and literature courses and leave those relevant with contemporary culture to other schools.

(553字)

我的点评和感想如下：
1。由于审题太匆忙，而且这个题目与我喜欢的话题比较相近，我竟然偏题了。把arts and literature of the past理解成了以前的大学生所学的art and literature，也就是古典艺术和文学。所以我文中出现的都是classical云云。还好这样的理解，也勉强说得通。所以不算太偏题。但是很明显，我和范文的立意走的是不同的路。范文强调的是古代的知识和现代的知识对现代人的影响，而我强调的是，大学应该保留“无用的知识”以维系人类之所以为人的尊严，这是大学和一般的职业教育区别所在。

2。范文比较balanced,既说现当代的好，也说以前的好，最后还总结学生既应学习现代的，也应该学习古代的。而我的作文里，虽然也提到两方面，但是对古代的情有独钟，花了很多笔墨。另外，我还提到了职业教育。不知道这样是不是扯得太远。相比之下，我的倾向性很强。（当然，反对世俗的文化教育，是我一贯的态度。）

3。在旁征博引方面，我显然逊色多了。其实我今天写的太急，忘了应该举例（我一碰到喜欢的话题就滔滔不绝的说理，只有写不出大道理时才会想起举例子。其实这样真是扬短避长，因为毕竟我们要用英文说理，并不是很得心应手的）。但是范文的例子，虽然我可以为之击掌，却觉得用不上。即使那些例子我都知道，也不知道相应的英文怎么说。尤其是人名地名。所以我觉得这方面嘉文博译有些疏忽了。他光顾着把文章写的漂亮，忘了对普通学生的借鉴性。


4。我觉得我在句式变化方面做的还好，但是动词的生动性显然不如范文，这也是我要努力的地方。

我暂时想到的就这么多，很希望各位给我一点意见，多多批评指正！

beckyyeeUID: 8330

写得挺好的 :)

你分析的第三点也是我爱犯的毛病,真的是在扬短避长,但一写起来总是会忘, 说一大通理由.

我觉得你的不算偏题,与范文思考的角度不同罢了.但"职业教育"那里我觉得可以删去.

不知sophie看没.....等她提点意见呢呵呵

sophie_xUID: 106001

谢谢becky对我的信任，其实我的英语水平不过如此，惭愧啊

就这篇issue, I am afraid I have to question about some points

First of all, can we call the courses in popular music, film, advertising and television courses focused on vocational training? At least, for my understanding, I do believe they are used to provide us with knowledge about "modern art or the application of modern art".

Then, do the art and literature of the past really teach us about morality and kindness? To a certain extent, they may appear so  but once you read the very classical novels such as "Sister Carie" and those by the more controversial writers, it is easy to tell that alot of the classical novels are questioning the prevalent ideas about morality, about human nature and the world.

However, the language, especially the sentence pattern is varied, which is what I am practising on.

月色UID: 111922

十分感谢两位！