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[经验思考] 笔试的分数还算不丢人,但AW只有3分。帖几篇习作出来大家评评,看看是否复议 [复制链接]

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枫华正茂

发表于 2009-9-8 13:57:21 |显示全部楼层
决定把习作贴出来给大家看看,然后等几天看T的成绩出来了再决定是否复议

虽说很多人讲对于理工科的3.0是足够了,但是我还是觉得我当时考试的感觉和得到的成绩不符

这个是我当时的ISSUE题目

TOPIC: ISSUE131 - "The arts (painting, music, literature, etc.) reveal the otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society."




这篇是我开始复习(学习)AW写作一个星期左右的习作(题目是一样的)


WORDS: 464          TIME: 00:45:00          DATE: 2009-1-30 19:44:45

It is true that the art works like paintings, musics or literatures can sometimes reveal the hidden ideas and impulses of a society. At the same time, however, we may never forget that every individual is different, so does his/her point of view to the world. What's more, we can easily make a mistake by taking a twisted mind as the spirit of a society.

Without doubt, social value can be expressed by art forms. Art works are always concerning about the deep soul of human. Artists, through drawing lines, painting colors, composing melody or writing down scripts, express what the world is like to them and how they feel from it. So art works from a certain period are tagged with a label from that particular time. Hearing the Chinese anthem, we can imagine mytors sacrifice themselves for their honor and for their country among those battle fields; reading Rowing's fascinating magic novel, we may find ourselves wandering in the fair forest in England. Every social and culture has its own influence on its people deep in their mind and the social ideas and impulses will finally spring out as the form of art by the artists.

But what is said above is just general. A question will soon be put forward: Does every artist express the same emotion? The answer is obviously not. Even the same group of people live and are cultivated in the same society and culture, a small group of people stay in discrete inner ring. Each inner ring has it own opinion and attitude toward what is happening around it. Two neighboring household may be dissent and argue with each other about the height of the grass of the public lawn in front of their houses; Or two or even more politicians will disagree with each other on the issue of one government decision; so finally, different artists, painters, musicians or writers, can express different feelings of a war.

What's worse, some twisted ideas that shown some artists' works, which are totally against the mainstream of the social value, once adopted by authorities, the tradition and the orthodox of the society may be threaten. Many artists' works are not easily eligible for the average public. One reason is that the ideas hidden behind the art works is different or wholly opposite of the social common concept of what they should be. Despite whether the "heterodox" is good for social improvement or not, the hidden ideas and impulses are way beyond what their existent society has. Vancoo's paintings may be the best proof.

Thus, whether an art work can reveal the society's hidden ideas and impulses is uncertain or even doubtful. After all, art is just a form of personal feelings. Treating it as an objective criteria seems inappropriate.




这是我考试前最后一篇关于社会文化的ISSUE习作


TOPIC: ISSUE203 - "The best way to understand the character of a society is to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or its heroines."
WORDS: 595          TIME: 00:44:17          DATE: 2009-2-27 9:40:53

I basically agree with the notion that to examine the character of the men and women that the society chooses as its heroes or heroines can help to understand the character of a society. However, sometimes just focus on those hero/heroine may lead us to arbitrary, or even wrong judgement.

It is true that, to some extend, to understand the character of the society's chosen heroes or heroines can find out the character of a society. Usually, heroes or heroines are a perfect model in some aspects, which is ideal in people's mind. Hero or heroines is just a title that other place on the certain person. One may have done a magnificent achievement that many other people cannot finish. Then it reflects the pursuit and goal of the average people. Although this person may have other character flaws, the public will ignore those flaws and continue to accolade him/her as a hero or heroine for the reason that he/she has what they desire. For this matter, studying the character of a hero/heroine is actually studying the average desire of the public, which is at some point, the society's character. For example, Chairman Mao, advocate as a perfect hero in the 1970's in China, besides other political influence, was the ideal leader of the Chinese people of the day. So many of them have not even seen him once, but they already place so many mystified character on him. Such fact might show that at that time, the society of China did need a moral and spiritual leader that can really salvage them.

However,  it is just because hero/heroine as a title is a perfect and idealized model, only focus and concentrate on those minor people may miss the diversity of the society. Common sense tell us that every person is different from the others. By considering the character of the hero/heroine as the whole character of the society, one may be easily wrongly deducted that everyone in the society has the similar character. I have to admit that, at least most of them, people in the same society have the shared part of character in that they are in the same atmosphere. But we may never forget that human beings is complicated. One single kind of character cannot represent the whole character of a person or a society, whereas in most cases the hero/heroine  merely show one unique charismas. Take, Milk, who was a gay right activist in the 1970s in the U.S., for example. He represents the desire that the gay community wants to have its equal right. However, we cannot infer that all the people in the gay community were activists, after all, most of them just need a simple life.

One thing we cannot ignore is that, those situation that hero/heroine is just a idealized perfect model of the public only happens in the society which is democracy enough for everyone to show his/her opinion. Imagine in a oppress society, the autocrat has the power to point anyone as a hero/heroine for some political purpose. In this case, the character just shows the character of the autocrat, or even of a imaginative figure.

In sum, to understand the character of a society, to examine the character of the heroes or heroines that have been chosen by the society is an appropriate way. But only emphasis on those hero/heroine may just lead us to presumptuous judgement for the reason that hero/heroine only shows the minor aspects of the society's character, or even it can show nothing of the society under certain circumstances.

考试的时候感觉还不错,因为还有些时间剩下,可能字数不多。


至于ARGU的题目我是忘了,不过是之前没有写过的,好像是垃圾填埋那个。贴上我的两篇习作

TOPIC: ARGUMENT173 - The following is a memorandum issued by the publisher of a newsmagazine, Newsbeat, in the country of Dinn.

"Our poorest-selling magazine issues over the past three years were those that featured international news stories on their front covers. Over the same period, competing news-magazines have significantly decreased the number of cover stories that they devote to international news. Moreover, the cost of maintaining our foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. Therefore, we should decrease our emphasis on international news and refrain from displaying such stories on our magazine covers."
WORDS: 460          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-3-10 20:21:00

In this memo, the publisher suggests that Newsbeat should decrease the concentration on international news and not showing any of those stories on the magazine covers. To support the argument, the author notices that the drying the last three years the poorest-selling magazine issues were covered by international news stories and mentions that competing magazines have cut down the number of those stories and the cost to maintain the foreign bureaus is growing. However, based on several logical fallacies hidden in the argument, I find it unconvincing and unpersuasive as it stands.

First, the author spontaneously claims that the poor selling of several issues in the last three years results from the cover stories--international news. But it is very likely that whenever those international news stories are disclosed, the reader are more willing to watch TV or go to the Internet to look for further details, rather than passively reading the tedious words. Moreover, perhaps the whole sale situation has decreased during the last 3 years. Those "outstanding" issues may be just coincident. Without ruling out the poor sale of the issues are relevant with the cover stories, I cannot be convinced by the author.

Second, the only fact that the competing news-magazines have greatly cut down the amount of cover stories that they devote to international news, does not necessarily show that international news are no longer being adored. In fact, these magazine may increase the content of international news stories under the cover. Furthermore, we are not informed of the sales information of those magazines. Perhaps after doing that, the selling would be even worse.

Third, the author has also mention that the cost to maintain the foreign bureaus to report on international news is increasing. It may seem to be a good reason to support the argument. However, again, we also have no idea of the whole situation. It is possible that other company expense is also increasing, even greater than to support the foreign bureaus. Presumptuously thinking that these cost can be cut off is unjustifiable.

Last but not least, by saying that to refrain from displaying such stories on the magazine covers, the magazine may lose its readers. It is very likely that Newsbeat is a magazine which focus on international issue. Reporting international news stories is one of its features.

In sum, to better support this argument, the author needs to provide evidence that shows the poor sale is cause by the cover stories. and to further bolster, the author have to put forward the competing magazine's sale information as well, after executing such doing. To sound the argument, the author must ensure that after decreasing the emphasis on international news stories, the magazine will not lose it costumers and throw away its characteristic.



ARGUMENT53 - Thirteen years ago, researchers studied a group of 25 infants who showed signs of mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli such as an unusual odor or a tape recording of an unknown voice. They discovered that these infants were more likely than other infants to have been conceived in early autumn, a time when their mothers' production of melatonin-a hormone known to affect some brain functions-would naturally increase in response to decreased daylight. In a follow-up study conducted earlier this year, more than half of these children-now teenagers-who had shown signs of distress identified themselves as shy. Clearly, increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and this shyness continues into later life.
WORDS: 476          TIME: 00:30:00          DATE: 2009-3-7 16:35:30


In this argument, the author claims that increased levels of melatonin before birth cause shyness during infancy and the shy ness continues into later life. To support the argument, the author cites research results that 25 babies who showed mild distress when exposed to unfamiliar stimuli in infancy perform as shy in their teenage. However, the argument suffers from several logical fallacies, which render it problematic as it stands.

First, the researches do not tell us the situation of the babies who do not show distress or show heavy distress when facing unfamiliar stimuli, which makes the outcome of the researches unconvincing. It is likely that those babies who are not mention in the researches become more shy than the 25 babies mentioned. Moreover, how do the researchers know that the mild distress shown by the 25 babies is a sign of shyness. It is very likely that it is a sign of fear or curiosity, in that these are babies who cannot express their feeling explicitly. Without providing these information, I cannot find that the researches are believable.

Second, even I could admit the fact that these 25 infants were more likely to have been conceived in early autumn than other infants was not a coincident, the author concludes that the shyness in those children is relevant to the melatonin level. In early autumn, there are more changes happening other than the melatonin level, such as temperature, humidity or daylight length. Lacking these or other factors than may have served as influences of the shyness, the conclusion that high melatonin level during infancy results in shyness later in premature.

Third, the fact that these teenagers identified themselves as shy is not so persuasive. It is possible that these teenagers lack the ability to judge whether themselves are shy or not. They perhaps are actually very outgoing children compared to the children living in other region or community.

Fourthly, thirteen year is such a long time that we cannot determine that it is the high level of melatnin in infancy cause the shyness in later life. In fact, shyness, which is a character of a person, is mostly affected by the environment he/she grows up. Parent, companies and neighbours have great impact on one's character.

Last but not least, it is very likely that the shyness is going to disappear when they finish their adolescent and grow into adult life. those shyness may just be cause by hormones.

In sum, to better support the argument, the author needs to provide detail information of the researches. To bolster more, the authors also have to offer reason that the shyness in teenagers is relative to infancy and if it does, the shyness in infancy is cause by high melatonin level. To further sound, the author, as well, must provide evidence that the shyness is not a adolescent feature.



正式考试的时候,后面几个缺陷没有详细叙述,只是蜻蜓点水一个一段。考完之后想起一个缺陷我没有提到。



没想到得了3分

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Sagittarius射手座 AW活动特殊奖 AW作文修改奖 IBT Elegance 挑战ETS奖章 US Advisor US Assistant 荣誉版主

发表于 2009-9-8 17:24:42 |显示全部楼层
没什么长分空间 具体的就不说出来给你伤口撒盐了

如果实在想 那么去复议试试去吧

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枫华正茂

发表于 2009-9-8 19:09:34 |显示全部楼层
如果没什么长分空间也可以说说,毕竟这些东西不只是用于考G的~就不怕撒盐了,说说不足的地方吧

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发表于 2009-9-8 19:59:11 |显示全部楼层
我想我会把它们都认真看完的。不过Issue131 的开头我就看糊涂了。 At the same time, however, we may never forget that every individual is different, so does his/her point of view to the world.这句话的中文意思是什么啊?就是 so does之后没看懂。而且,说实话,我觉得这句话和那个what's more 的内容也接不上。
然后我觉得写得都挺好的。就是......邻居家草坪的事情其实挺......抱歉我这么说,雷人的。邻居家的草坪的事情不能推导出不同艺术家创作不同风格的Art吧?这个.......我不是想把你的Issue当成我的Argument 来做,但是......
倒数第二段,那个What's worse好长的主语从句阿,那个句子的主干......我觉得还是不用谢那么长吧。不过我觉得楼主一定是受了GRE阅读的影响。

总体来说......内容,我觉得楼主应该还是加强内容。其实我现在很想知道一个完全不受新东方影响的考生写的作文能有多少分......我拭目以待。

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枫华正茂

发表于 2009-9-8 20:32:22 |显示全部楼层
没错,我对于AW这个东西,新东方是先入为主的。

其实对于AW的出题范围和考察内容,对于国内的学生很少甚至没有系统地训练过。因此自学入门自成体系的成本其实很高。我觉得最好是从新东方了解,然后抛弃新东方的一套,但这并不是一个短得过程,因为训练的是思维模式。

可惜我从上新东方到AW不到2个月,可能对于有些牛牛来说足够了,但我不是牛牛……成绩已经出来了,不想在考,希望在剩下的一年多一点的时间里特意训练一下这种思维与写作,把PS写好。

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发表于 2009-9-16 23:05:00 |显示全部楼层
回4、5楼的:我就是那种没上过新东方、也没好好复习的人,稀里糊涂把GT都考了。
09年6G,作文很久之前考的,两星期准备AW,就看了北美范文,成绩也很烂,3.5
T8月30号的,全力复习了4、5天,结果作文犯了大错,没有练笔,打字超慢,第一篇的第三大点没写,才22。
----
其实有点后悔没去新东方,至少能提前进入状态。可悲的惰性啊,不知道10FALL会有怎样的结果。

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发表于 2009-9-17 10:00:13 |显示全部楼层
回4、5楼的:我就是那种没上过新东方、也没好好复习的人,稀里糊涂把GT都考了。
09年6G,作文很久之前考的,两星期准备AW,就看了北美范文,成绩也很烂,3.5
T8月30号的,全力复习了4、5天,结果作文犯了大错,没有 ...
alittlestone 发表于 2009-9-16 23:05



去了新东方,结果也不一定就比现在好。
想想2战的人吧, 其实船到桥头自然直,过程会有意外,但相信到最后总有惊喜,不后悔,坚持走下去就好。

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Leo狮子座 荣誉版主 AW活动特殊奖

发表于 2009-9-18 21:33:37 |显示全部楼层
其实,我感觉,文章写的不细,有一些语法错误,文章没有好好的雕琢,不是说在例子使用的深究,而是对于语法常识,对于常用短语,对于逻辑词连接的使用上,还没有达到一个让老美看的比较舒服的地步~请注意基础

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RE: 笔试的分数还算不丢人,但AW只有3分。帖几篇习作出来大家评评,看看是否复议 [修改]

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笔试的分数还算不丢人,但AW只有3分。帖几篇习作出来大家评评,看看是否复议
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