斑竹们~高手们~帮我看看我能不能上四分啊~

darkrenUID: 2510587

我觉得楼主的文字还是挺不错的，应该读过或背过不少东西。
感觉Issue里面有一个小小的问题，就是在开头段最后用个but转折，一般来说but后面的东西才是真正的论点，但是读到后面发现but前面的才是你的论点，这让我小小的疑惑了一下。
argue感觉是不是第一第二个论证段的论点重复？应该可以合并到一起的吧。
On the whole,我感觉两篇都还不错，语言思路都很连贯，如果就某些问题稍微在展开一点就更好了！
我觉得发挥正常，没啥错误的话4分没问题！
楼主加油！！

hurongchildUID: 2595535

我觉得楼主的文字还是挺不错的，应该读过或背过不少东西。
感觉Issue里面有一个小小的问题，就是在开头段最后用个but转折，一般来说but后面的东西才是真正的论点，但是读到后面发现but前面的才是你的论点，这让我小 ...
darkren 发表于 2009-9-15 09:46

谢谢你~~这个but的问题确实存在，但我还没有想到如何解决···因为每次这样写我最顺手···也许可以这样写呢：I agree with the speaker, in that````. However```这样句号隔开可能好一点呢？

hurongchildUID: 2595535

TOPIC: ISSUE208 - "The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."
WORDS: 521          TIME: 00:45:00        DATE: 2009-9-15 11:21:04（八个拼写错误）

Can we tell a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behaviors of its people, as the speaker asserts? I agree with the speaker that sometimes the appearance and behavior of people do inform us about their custom, but in more circumstances, we cannot tell about the ideas and values of a society merely from the behavior of its people.

The appearance and behavior sometimes help us understand a society's ideas and values because they are parts of the society's culture. The clothes styles people prefer to wear are indicators of what they like. In some affluent countries in Europe, people especially woman like to wear clothes in popular styles and them spend a lot of money on making their appearance better. We can tell from their clothes that they enjoy material things and pursue beautiful things. While in some Asian countries, people dress normally and clothing styles are not particular every year, which is probably an indicator that they don't value popularity a lot.

Apart from the way people dress, how they look and act are also important parts of a society's culture. The societies in which people are more likely to be fat are likely to value comfortable life and relaxation, while societies whose people are thin probably value healthy life and do sports a lot. Therefore, we can understand that the way people look, dress and act sometimes do reveal their values and ideas.

However, in many circumstances, the appearance and behavior of people are not sure reflect of the ideas and values of people, but just some indicators of weather conditions, the material level and political reasons.

The appearance of behavior of people are sometimes determined by the weather conditions their. For instance, in countries near equator, the people their wear light and few clothes to cool themselves and they may appear more tent. The clothes do not reflect their values and their skin colors don't indicate they love sports. Therefore, we cannot tell these societies values from their appearance.

Other reasons responsible for people's appearance including the economical and political environment in societies. In some undeveloped countries, where people cannot afford to buy beautiful clothes and make them look better, the appearance of people doesn't reflect their values but is just due economical limits. And in some societies where common values and conformity is reinforced, such as some Communist Party Countries, people's common appearance and clothing are just results of government control.

Therefore, it is important to notice that sometimes the appearance of behavior of people don't reflect a society's value. To understand the values and ideas of a society more completely and to a deeper level, we need to look many things else, like the arts, scientific development, and the educations systems in that society.

In conclusion, we can sometimes tell a society's values and ideas by observing the appearance of its people, and sometimes we cannot, because the appearance and behavior of people are formed from both of their values, ideas and the society's political and economical environment. And to fully understand a society, we need to look further to other aspects.


TOPIC: ARGUMENT45 - The following appeared as an editorial in a wildlife journal.

"Arctic deer live on islands in Canada's arctic region. They search for food by moving over ice from island to island during the course of a year. Their habitat is limited to areas warm enough to sustain the plants on which they feed, and cold enough, at least some of the year, for the ice to cover the sea separating the islands, allowing the deer to travel over it. Unfortunately, according to reports from local hunters, the deer populations are declining. Since these reports coincide with recent global warming trends that have caused the sea ice to melt, we can conclude that the decline in arctic deer populations is the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea."
WORDS: 389          TIME: 00:30:00      DATE: 2009-9-15 11:21:04(八个拼写错误)

The editorial concludes that the arctic deer population decline is the result of deer being unable to migrate across the frozen sea. To support this conclusion, the editorial cites the reports from local hunters and the trends of global warming in the world level. This argument is logically unconvincing in several critical respects.

To begin with, the argument assumes that the deer populations are declining based only on the reports of local hunters. The argument gives no evidence to substantiate this assumption, because these reports are unconvincing. What are these reports? How are these reports conducted? If these reports are just results of the local hunter’s observation, it is very possible that their observation is limited to some regions where the deer are not staying. Perhaps the deer have run away to escape from them to some other islands the hunters don't go. If it is the case, the assumption that the deer population are declining is unwarranted.

By relying on the global warming trends to support its conclusion the argument depends on the assumption that this trend would also happen in Canada's arctic region. It is possible that the global warming trends not affecting the arctic region and the sea ice in these areas are melting. Or perhaps the melting sea ice doesn't influence these regions at all. Without eliminating these possibilities, the argument cannot rely on the global warming trends to support its conclusion.

Even if the global warming trends have affected the arctic areas and the populations of arctic deer are declining, the decline may not be the result of deer being unable to follow their age-old migration patterns across the frozen sea. It is entirely possible that the deer have found other ways of living in only one island and don't need to migrate in cold weather, and the separating between islands is not the reason that causes them to die. For that matter, it is possible that the decline is the result of other factors, such as the hunting of people and population growth of its enemy.

In conclusion, the argument, while it seems logical at first, has several flaws discussed above. The argument could be improved by providing evidence that the populations of arctic deer are indeed declining and the global warming trends indeed influence these areas. It could be further improved by providing evidence that the decline, if exists, is due to the global warming, which makes these deer unable to migrate across the frozen sea, but not due to some other possible factors.

hurongchildUID: 2595535

亲爱的寄托朋友们 谢谢大家这些天对我的帮助 然而我还是决定延期了 因为我目前的水平上四分就很庆幸 而我思前想后 决定把目标定高一点 花更多的时间准备 今后我还是会常常来寄托的 大家共同努力~

darkrenUID: 2510587

谢谢你~~这个but的问题确实存在，但我还没有想到如何解决···因为每次这样写我最顺手···也许可以这样写呢：I agree with the speaker, in that````. However```这样句号隔开可能好一点呢？
hurongchild 发表于 2009-9-15 12:50

我觉得可以这样： if 只要不太怎样怎样，那么 I agree with speaker....当然这样写挺俗的。剩下的就看楼主自己总结发挥了~既然推迟了就好好加油！坚持就是胜利！呵呵！~