写作修改铺 | AW Workshop

chaliaUID: 2589767

lz帮我改改哦..谢谢拉!!~~

130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."


孩子融入社会的能力决定了社会的命运。遗憾的是，我们还不知道怎样培养孩子使他们对社会有益  (处女作,未计时,565字)



How can we build a more prosperous, more beautiful and more harmonious society has always been a common question during the process in which the human being yearning for a better life. Ultimately the determined factor of the destiny of society becomes the count for much issue. According to the title statement the society's destiny assorts with how children are socialized and we have not yet learned how to raise children who can better our society. While I agree that children are the future of our society, I insist we have already gained the ability to cultivate children who can build a better society.

"Youth is rich, nation is rich; youth is strong, nation is strong", noted Qichao Liang, a leading ideologist of Qing Dynasty and a pioneer in the reformation of China's society. When it comes to the youth, the childhood is the most critical process that the youth cannot escape from and avoid. Accordingly, in the history of human race civilization, neither the archon nor ordinary people would have distracted their attention from the education of children.

Furthermore, socialized education nowadays has become a crucial part in children education. At present, the trends towards a multi-polar world and economic globalization are developing in greater depth, hence whether a country can maintain its competitive edge and leading position in the international market depends very much on the ability of human communication, teamwork and cooperation. For example, the rising complexity of scientific research is now imperatively demanding persons with good cooperative skills, which can ensure that international involvement moves to more organized and better-planned structures. Besides scientific research, protection of environment, research of public health and worldwide economic and trade cooperation also place high expectations and demands for well-socialized people. In other words, the development speed and direction of our society will face a serious threat unless the younger generation of our society has such socialized skills. Therefore, development and cultivation of personal contact and group dynamics that shape children’s characteristic has a great impact on improvement and progress of the society.

Consider the speaker's claim that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society.This criticism on the education system or the parents gives us a sense of nitpicking. Doubtless, the current education system is far from perfect and has lots of defects. But the arguer seems to ignore a fact that, in the thousands of years of the near history, human has successfully built a better world and this trend will surely last in the future. Our ancestors have given us their knowledge and experience base on which we create, or improve, in a more precise word, a better world than theirs. In this point of view, we can proudly declare that we have already learned how to raise children to bring about a “better” society rather than a “best” one.

To sum up, it is true that the way we socialize children today would determine the destiny of society but the assertion that we have not yet learned how to raise children who can better our society might neglect the tremendous efforts we have devoted. Although our educational method is proved to be effective in bettering the society, we cannot be swelled with what we have already achieved in the fields and what we need is just persistent attention as well as more efforts.

Jamin_CheungUID: 2752925

lz辛苦啦，帮我改一下哈。我很菜的。。。

Issue 212. If a goal is worthy, then any means taken to attain it is justifiable.

Facing so many choices in the means taken to attain our goals everyday, we have to reflect on the issue whether it is acceptable to try any means only if the goal is worthy. I think this statement  misses the point entirely and lead to some people going to the extreme. In fact, whether certain means are justifiable in persuing a goal must be determined on a case-by-case basis, with regard of many other factors say ethics, costs or harm.

There is no denying that in order to reach personal goals, people will naturally try their best to adopt all the feasible means as possible as they can. A salesman develops his first business after tens of failures; a painter draws hundreds of paintings before being appreciated; a scientist experiences thousands of experiments to reach success. However, when your mind is overloaded of the goals, the goals themshelves will be farther and you will have gone to the extreme. Some men devote all time to their business and omit the essential conern. In the end their family break up and lovers depart when they become rich, reaching their goals. They forget that their original goal to struggle is just to provide a better life to their children and wife.

In most cases, one will probably face the conflicts between ethics and means taken to achieve his goal. Consider the goal of obtaining basic food for one’s survival. Regardless of means that may be used, no one can deny that the goal is highly worthy. But what if those means involve stealing from others? It happens to be a question which twisted poor Dean Valjean from Les Miserables of Victor Hugo. Dean Valjean chose to steal from others in order to survive from starvation and in the end he was convicted for stealing a loaf of bread. And even if he became a force for good in the world after many years, he still couldn’t escape his dark past. So, obviously, our means to be taken have to confront public morals. Different from other animals which complete for food and shetlers fiercely and bloody, human beings are expected to solve problems based on own conscience, value system, and notions of fairness and equity.

And sometimes confined by one’s own knowledge, the best means he chooses can also be inappropriate. Some solutions perhaps give rise to new problems that people fail to anticipate in advance, such as the fueled debate of human cloning nowadays. Some people try to appeal to cloning their deceased loved ones to recover from the great pain of losing them. Useful as the means seems, it is widely considered to be not morally and ethically right to clone humans. Even though technology is constantly advancing, it is not reasonable to believe that human cloning is morally and ethically correct, due to the killing of human embryos, the unsafe process of cloning, and the resulting consequences of having deformed clones. What’s more, possible abuse of this technology is also upsetting people. For example, how about cloning another Hilter by some Nazi?

In sum, if a goal is worthy, we should take efforts to persue it. But the means taken ought to be weighed by ethics, possible harm and we should avoid being dominated by it.

nieyongUID: 2742661

请大好人狠批~~谢谢~~刚开始不久  需要一点指导~~

165 " Scandals--whether in politics, academia, or other areas--can be useful. They focus our attention on problems in ways that no speaker or reformer ever could."

    Scandals are emerging in our society endlessly. Are they useful in solving some urgent affairs we are concerned with, as the speaker asserts? To some extent, I concede that they are able to focus our attentions on problems we have neglected before. But to be useful, we need to dig out the ultimate cause behind the scandals and take compulsory measures.

     Not long ago, Britain said it will take back more than 1,400 tons of toxic waste exported to Brazil in containers apparently wrongly marked as containing recyclable material. The waste included used nappies, syringes, used condoms, batteries or the likes. BBC reported that several companies in the UK were involved. The scandal revealed some developed countries transferred their waste that cannot be decomposed to the Third World. Though the local government has taken some certain measures to countercheck the illegal action, it’s a worldwide problem which we hear of every now and then, and it seems even worse. For the deeper analysis, It's a matter of economy. Developing countries are in desperate need of money while developed countries worry about pollution, these naturally lead to the "cooperation" and though criticized harshly, it cannot be eradicated.

    Scandals sometimes distract us from more pressing and important issues. An apt illustration involves the sex scandal of the former president of the US--Bill Clinton. the scandal let people focus on scandal itself or the women alleged to have had sex with Clinton which turned into the jokes among the public. Clinton's early denial of sexual relations with Lewinsky became the basis for the impeachment charge of perjury rather than his misconduct as the big president. The impeachment eventually failed so as the supervision of the officials.


    Admittedly, Scandals attract our attentions, and more importantly, the media scrutiny. But only by investigating the connection rooted in the essence and the ostentation can we largely diminish the problems. Hwang Woo-Suk, a South Korean veterinarian researcher, who claimed to have succeeded in creating human embryonic stem cells by cloning and therefore became to hero of South Korean. But eventually, the truth exposed. His papers were later editorially retracted after they were found to contain a large amount of fabricated data. Facing media scrutiny, the university expelled him and the government rescinded its financial and legal support. His pedestal was finally knocked off. To learn from the scandal, people come to have more rational minds about the research outcome and it conduces to the purification of the academia.

    To sum up, scandals do focus our attention on problems in ways that no reformers ever could. But without piercing investigation and compulsory measures, scandal is nothing but an absorbing piece of news.