进军美利坚作文-Mia

spyUID: 2295035

There is (a) phrase in China, keep studying until you die(这句的表达方式好像有点问题). That means learning is so important that we human being should keep studying as part of our life from born till death. But how to study more efficient is controversial. The idea that more time students spend in class, the better achievements they will get is very popular, and some parents or teachers even argued(这边用现在时比较好) students should spending（spend） at least 11 months in their（their可以不要） school. I confess they all wish （that）their students or children have a bright future, however, I do not agree with this point of view.

At the first place, to study efficiently requires many elements, while enough time in the classroom is just one of those（them）. First（Firstly） time can not ensure students to focus, think proactively or work hard, but those factors are critical for students to understand their courses. Meanwhile, enough time does not mean long time. To different students, the time they need to read books or understand a theory is various. Therefore, the 11-months school studying proposal will not work as people supposed. Take my classmates Lily and Shawn as an example. When taking the same class, Lily can get to understand the teacher very quickly, and always do the exams very well. In contrast, Shawn almost spent twice time as Lily did to learn the same thing. However, she can not achieve the same good result. As a result, it’s not objective to overstate the importance of long-time study.

Second, besides courses, we still have many other things（最好加个主语） need to do and learn. For a bright future, we not only need the knowledge from school, but also out of school. People only spend time in the school may not （谓语）how to live by himself, not to mention get well along with his job after graduation. Like an old saying, life is an encyclopedia. In fact, we can also learn a lot from daily life like how to cook, how to keep ourselves health, how to manage the relationships with others. Those things could not be learned by school courses, even there is some knowledge, practice are still needed to better understand it. The required special term for internship illustrate how meaningful the out of school knowledge and experiences are.

In a conclusion, I do not deny the importance of time for studying, just would like to clear that long time does not equal to efficient study. What’s more important, a good management on time in fact will not only help us gain the knowledge from school, but also equip us with skills from out of school exercises.

MIA也是考过G的吧，作文结构很清晰，逻辑也很好，就是有些句子有些小的语法错误。

kimtopUID: 2375291

106作业! y/ {, H/ x; D: ^% P5 `0 V
Government should pay more attention on health care issues than on environmental issue

Along with the rapid development of technology, our human beings started living a better life which could not be imaged (用image应该是对的，用imagine对吗？) decades ago. However, accompanying with the various convenience, problems came also （also keep coming）, especially about health care and (the) environment. Issues should be addressed, but which should be paid more attention on is controversial. Someone argued that health care is more important, and deserved more concern. From my perspective, environmental issues are also very critical. Neglecting them will even lead the healthcare to a worse situation. $ t2 t, d) ~% T2 A

First of all, environmental issues have a dramatic impact on our life. Unlike health care issues, the bad consequence of environmental problems may not be easy to understand. However (这里应该没有转折关系), it has 6 F( j% x1 z0 Y3 \
become a worldwide concern, and getting worse in a high speed now. The solution is （that） the earlier actions we take, the situation will be less worse. Take global warming as an example. Since the second industrial revolution, numerous machines which replying(rely) on oil, coal and so forth become the major(have boosted the,而不是成为) productivity of the modern life. Meanwhile, due to the ineffective management of the air’s discharge, the ozone layer has been destroyed, the share of carbon dioxide overpass a normal amount, and eventually increases in the intensity of extreme weather events, species extinctions, and changes in agricultural yields. Thus, to pay attention on （to）environmental issues means keep our own lives. % R+ v' q  L7 q
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Meanwhile, to address the environmental issues actually help solving(去 ing) the health care problems simultaneously. As we know, the pollution of air, light, sound raises many new diseases’ generation. According to a medical research, in the recent 5 years, more than 9 new diseases happen to people because （of） their living environmental problems. At the same time, many known diseases tend to occur to younger people, like leukemia, cancers, tumors which are supposed to the cases for old people. However, if the government and citizens work together to decrease the pollution, that will effectively lower the& D7 z9 `1 I- Y+ n2 ^
incidence of a disease. For example, asthma and allergy usually happen to people when the air is polluted like full of dust. Therefore, the air polluted issues are addressed, these two diseases will hardly occur to human. 7 G+ Y0 A$ I- b/ |. U
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To sum up, both health care issues and environmental issues are very critical to a society’s stability and development, especially to those developing countries. We should not weigh one on another(weigh不应该这么用 但我也忘了), and the efforts actually will bring each other positive influence

spyUID: 2295035

Along with the rapid development of technology, our human beings started living a better life which could not be imaged decades ago. However, accompanying with the various convenience, problems came also, especially about health care and environment. Issues should be addressed, but which should be paid more attention on is controversial. Someone argued that health care is more important, and deserved more concern. From my perspective, environmental issues are also very critical. Neglecting them will even（even可以不要） lead the healthcare to a worse situation.

First of all, environmental issues have a dramatic impact on our life. Unlike health care issues, the bad consequence of environmental problems may not be easy to understand. However, it has abecome a worldwide concern, and getting(没有谓语) worse in a high speed now. The solution is the earlier actions we take, the situation will be less worse. Take global warming as an example. Since the second industrial revolution, numerous machines which replying on oil, coal and so forth become the major productivity of the modern life. Meanwhile, due to the ineffective management of the air’s discharge, the ozone layer has been destroyed（damaged比较客观）, the share of carbon dioxide overpass a normal amount, and eventually increases in the intensity of extreme weather events, species extinctions, and changes in agricultural yields.（这句有语法问题） Thus, to pay attention on environmental issues means keep our own lives.

Meanwhile, to address the environmental issues actually help solving the health care problems simultaneously. As we know, the pollution of air, light, sound raises many new diseases’ generation. According to a medical research, in the recent 5 years, more than 9 new diseases happen to people because their living environmental problems. At the same time, many known diseases tend to occur to younger people, like leukemia, cancers, tumors which are supposed to the cases for old people. However, if the government and citizens work together to decrease the pollution, that will effectively lower the incidence of a disease. For example, asthma and allergy usually happen to people when the air is polluted like full of dust. Therefore, the air polluted issues are addressed, these two diseases will hardly occur to human.

To sum up, both health care issues and environmental issues are very critical to a society’s stability and development, especially to those developing countries. We should not weigh one on another, and the efforts actually will bring each other positive influence.

第三段有点偏了，health care主要指的是insurance之类的

wawabjUID: 2536676

107作业， 写的我要吐了
Technology cause children show less creative than they were in past

Since Industrial Revolution, technology has effectively promoted the development of the whole society. However, when enjoying the benefits of high technology, more and more people start to concern on the negative influence. Some people advocate that technology causes children show less creative than they were in past. This view point sounds like a little overstating the side-effect of technology, yet from my perspective, I’m supportive to this argument.

Nobody will deny that because of numerous applications of technology like computer, video games, children are spending more time on the electronic activities. The lack of interaction with people and the nature is a critical reason which makes our children less creative. Let’s back to years ago, when there was no PCs, no PSPs, most of the things the kids did at their spare time were hanging out with peers, going camp, hiking, helping their parents with housework and so forth. Noticing birds can fly everywhere as they wish, Apple fell down to the ground not to the sky, the vapor has powerful energy, these children changed the world with their dramatic creation and hard work.

What’s more, technology improved quality of life, however it also brings the world fierce competition. To make their children well prepared for the future, parents not only sent their children to the school, but also got tutors for them after school. Try to meet the parents’ demands, and survive in the society, children learned to be practical at a very young age. There are no more strange words, pictures or ideas, but those are supposed to part of kids’ life. Creation gave up to reality. Everything is regulated to obey different rules.

To sum up, technology does affect our children’s creation. However, to complain on the development of society or try to stop it is unadvisable. Technology is just a tool, we human being should exploit its advantages to save the creation of young men.

joyceliuUID: 2477232

SinceIndustrial Revolution, technology has effectively promoted thedevelopment of the whole society. However, when enjoying the benefitsof high technology, more and more people start to concern on thenegative influence. Some people advocate that technology causeschildren show less creative than they were in past. This view pointsounds like a little overstating the side-effect of technology, yetfrom my perspective, I’m supportive to this argument.
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- m+ H/ C/ O( f4 oNobodywill deny that because of numerous applications of technology（technological products) likecomputer, video games, children are spending more time on theelectronic activities, leading to their lack of interaction with people and nature, which is the main cause for their reduced creation)The lack of interaction with people and thenature is a critical reason which makes our children less creative.Let’s back to years ago, we could see the opposite picture,when there was no PCs, no PSPs, most of thethings the kids did at their spare time(most of the fun children enjoyed during their free time) were hanging out with peers,going camp, hiking, helping their parents with housework and so forth.(Finally they learn so many knowledge by using their own creativeness.）Noticing birds can fly everywhere as they wish, Apple fell down to theground not to the sky, the vapor has powerful energy, these childrenchanged the world with their dramatic creation and hard work.' w' A4 s8 l$ {- H! K

6 k5 T8 K* c$ }# e, r5 F# G% V1 oWhat’smore, technology improved quality of life, however it (删）also brings theworld fierce competition as well as less creation. To make their children well prepared for thefuture, parents not only sent their children to the school, but alsogot tutors for them after school. Try to meet the parents’ demands, andsurvive in the society, children learned to be practical at a veryyoung age. There are no more strange words, pictures or ideas, butthose are supposed to part of kids’ life. Creation gave up to reality.Everything is regulated to obey different rules.
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Tosum up, technology does affect our children’s creation. However, tocomplain on the development of society or try to stop it isunadvisable. Technology is just a tool, we human being should exploitits advantages to save the creation of young men.

joyceliuUID: 2477232

感觉思路不是很清晰，有点绕。可以再想一些观点进来，谨记论证段开头第一句要点到题上

joyceliuUID: 2477232

我写的也很艰难，有空帮忙看一下

wawabjUID: 2536676

10.11
Disagree. People deserve to find a better place for leave.
换一种方式写作文，看看感觉怎么样。

Our human’s life has been divided into three phrases: childhood, youth and old age. No matter who we are, where we live or what color our skin is, we have various aims to accomplish at different periods. Accordingly, we will make many decisions to help us achieve that goal. Usually, moving to another city is part of the plan, because they provide various resources to meet our requirements.

Take myself as an example. I have lived in at least three cities, and I’m sure will move to another city soon once I prepare well. When finishing primary school, my whole family moved to another city because my parents thought the local high school is not good. The second hometown where I lived 6 years, is famous for high quality of education. It owns many famous teachers and has been authorized as national model school. One third amount of their students got offers from key universities every year. As we know, here in China, a offer of key university equals a good job after graduation. As a result, my parents made this decision. Finally I achieved a high score, studied in Beijing, and now work here. When looking back, my parents and I all agreed that if we didn’t move for the high school, I wouldn’t have a better life as I do now.

Meanwhile, after work for 3 years, I truly and deeply find my knowledge is very limited for a further development, and the proficiency of English is a big obstacle. After a serious discussion with parents, I decided to study abroad. Therefore, if I can successful get the offer, I will move to U.S. for better preparation of my life.

Base on the experience of mine and also many youths strive for their dream, I think people can sacrifice anything for a better career or a better life, no need to mention just moving to somewhere. My uncle, I met him last Sunday, he decided to buy a house in a country after retirement. He said, “Time for me to fight for life or dream has past, now, I should take a rest, enjoy the clean air and my spare time.” Actually, moving to city or country is just for a method to meet our desires.

soarer0474UID: 2665789

38# wawabj

其实感觉这个写得很好啊，最后一段都有些native的感觉了
只是不知道IBT考场上这样写可以吗？

doubledianUID: 2661760

10.11
Disagree. People deserve to find a better place for leave.
换一种方式写作文，看看感觉怎么样。4 |/ \, d/ _2 |# b4 h% I

Our human’s life has been divided into three phrases: childhood, youth and old age. No matter who we are, where we live or what color our skin is, we have various aims to accomplish at different periods. Accordingly, we will make many decisions to help us achieve that goal. Usually, moving to another city is part of the plan, because they provide various resources to meet our requirements. & F$ s3 P5 b2 ^7 ?  k( Z
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Take myself as an example. I have lived in at least three cities, and I’m sure will move to another city soon once I prepare well. When finishing primary school, my whole family moved to another city because my parents thought the local high school is not good. The second hometown where I lived 6 years is famous for high quality of education. It owns many famous teachers and has been authorized as national model school. One third amount of their students got offers from key universities every year. As we （加个all顺点）know, here in China, a offer of key university equals a good job after graduation. As a result, my parents made this decision. Finally I achieved a high score, studied in Beijing, and now work here. When looking back, my parents and I all agreed that if we didn’t move for the high school, I wouldn’t have a better life as I do now. . \8 \$ C  q. o. F

Meanwhile, after work for 3 years, I truly and deeply find my knowledge is very limited for a further development, and the proficiency of English is a big obstacle. After a serious discussion with parents, I decided to study abroad. Therefore, if I can successful（这是个形容词，应该用副词吧） get the offer, I will move to U.S. for better preparation of my life.

Base on the experience of mine and also many youths strive for their dream, I think people can sacrifice anything for a better career or a better life, no need to mention just moving to somewhere. My uncle, I met him last Sunday, he decided to buy a house in a country after retirement. He said, “Time for me to fight for life or dream has past, now, I should take a rest, enjoy the clean air and my spare time.” Actually, moving to city or country is just for a method to meet our desires.
改完了，写得很有思路，一看就不是套的模板，挺好的，因为咱个人水平比较次，所以改得不好，请谅解！正如我水平比较次，所以作文写的也很次，辛苦了！狂拍！

lupiscesUID: 2231942

Our human’s life has been divided into three phrases: childhood, youth and old age. No matter who we are, where we live or what color our skin is, we have various aims to accomplish at different periods. Accordingly, we will make many decisions to help us achieve that goal. Usually, moving to another city is part of the plan, because they provide various resources to meet our requirements. 9 r* D! X8 A2 c2 ^
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Take myself as an example. I have lived in at least three cities, and I’m sure will move to another city soon once I prepare well. When finishing primary school, my whole family moved to another city because my parents thought the local high school is not good. The second hometown where I lived 6 years, is famous for high quality of education. It owns many famous teachers and has been authorized as national model school. One third amount of their students got offers from key universities every year. As we know, here in China, a offer of key university equals a good job after graduation. As a result, my parents made this decision. Finally I achieved a high score, studied in Beijing, and now work here. When looking back, my parents and I all agreed that if we didn’t move for the high school, I wouldn’t have a better life as I do now.

Meanwhile, after work for 3 years, I truly and deeply find my knowledge is very limited for a further development, and the proficiency of English is a big obstacle. After a serious discussion with parents, I decided to study abroad. Therefore, if I can successful get the offer, I will move to U.S. for better preparation of my life.


Base on the experience of mine and also many youths strive for their dream, I think people can sacrifice anything for a better career or a better life, no need to mention just moving to somewhere. My uncle, I met him last Sunday, he decided to buy a house in a country after retirement. He said, “Time for me to fight for life or dream has past, now, I should take a rest, enjoy the clean air and my spare time.” Actually, moving to city or country is just for a method to meet our desires.

dear 写的不错，很流畅，最重要的是例子用的是自己的，很detail，很能说服人
留几分钟检查一下错误可能会比较好，记得我们说的4-5分的差别吧~

larcwingUID: 2528204

我感觉你写的都不错啊，有思路，有自己的想法，内容很流畅，也会写例子支持，句子也很好，还懂得长短句交错有节奏~~相比之下，可能写得急了，语法问题有点多了，这其实是非常影响托福得分的（虽然在AW时好像都说问题不大）但是试问，如果别人看了理解上都会有偏差又怎么会觉得你写得好？
估计你有和我一样的问题，不是完全没想法，也不是写不好，就是思考和辨别写什么内容到文章里的这个过程很痛苦。。。大概还是写得少了的缘故吧
不要担心，慢慢练，你本来写得就不错了，高分指日可待