issue10 一篇让我头疼的文章！请版主批阅！

lawUID: 131108

不知道为什么，这篇文章写了很长时间，而且写淂很吃力！也许是因为提纲没有写好！请版主指教！谢谢！
10"Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated."

Shall we leave to doubt speaker’s assertion first? I consider that many people who by accurate logic could imagine that the government would be in the states of completely impoverishment, if every city depended entirely on the financial support of government unilaterally to preserve the nation’s culture. And the whole situation of nation’s culture would be not preserved effectively, if the government offered the finical support to major cities blindly. In fact, the speaker wonders, by his or her original intention, how the government should allocate its financial supply and should preserve its own nation’s culture.

Admittedly, I have to agree that the government should ensure that the major cities receive the adequate financial support to preserve its nation’s culture. Every government do have the responsibilities to do it, because many more cities are the halidoms where preserve the indigenous and distinct inherited culture from their ancestors, and are the centers of the nation’s culture. We can often read of many treasurable ancient articles that record the footprint of the civilization of the human being in big cities such as London in England, Beijing in China, and Rome in Italy, etc. These articles from a few thousand yeas ago, which are currently in those big cities, indeed need the financial support of the government to preserve them. The classic example is that the Beijing municipal government in 1980 has allocated a great amount of fund to repair and restore the ancient royal palace --Forbidden City, with reason, that it is the most representative and well preserved royal palace in China hitherto. It is quite reasonable that the government offer the financial support to preserve these ancient civilizations, whether it is in Asia or Europe, Forbidden City or Leaning tower of Pisa, which are not only the indigenous bequest but also the fortune of the whole world.

Nevertheless, city is also the economic hub of a nation as well; in addition to preserve its national culture, it needs adequate financial support from the government to promote its trading, marketing, retailing, and so on for the purpose of its harmoniously economic development. General speaking, the most population of a nation congregated in cities; which in return incur a great amount of the certain costs and expense in order to administrate the public affaires such as public security, transportation, communication, public hygiene, and so forth. In a word, the job of the government is to wholly serve the community and people rather than to serve a nation's cultural traditions merely.

Although many people in the city or country recognize that the government should defray the expense and costs for preserving the nation’s culture in city, can we consider that preserving the nation’s culture in city is more important than that in country? The vicissitudes of human being have been producing the footprint of the civilization migrated from the ancient countryside to the modern city. Many outstanding reliques was not only found in city but in countryside. To get a full realization of it, we must turn first to some archaeologists’ found. Everyone knows that the Great Pyramid in Egypt is located in the uninhabited and lifeless desert, which it takes tourists several hours from Cairo city to reach. And, in another instance, the China’s Great wall which the ancient Chinese constructed for preventing the minority from aggressing at Qin dynasty, is located in the chains of the mountains.

In sum, to the extent that if the financial support of the government could be properly allocated to the city and countryside, nation’s culture, economy and public affairs, the society would live and work in peace and contentment. Otherwise, the government therefore has to incur the severe consequences.

ken0405UID: 124994

改改看。第1次。
10"Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated."

Shall we leave to doubt speaker’s assertion first? I consider that many people who by accurate logic could imagine that the government would be in the states of completely impoverishment, if every city depended entirely on the financial support of government unilaterally(???????) to preserve the nation’s culture. And the whole situation of nation’s culture would be not preserved effectively, if the government offered the finical support to major cities blindly. （这两句话感觉和主题不符吧，speaker又没说only，只说了primarly？？从文章的主体来看，我感觉论点应该是城市、乡村两者兼顾）In fact, the speaker wonders, by his or her original intention, how the government should allocate its financial supply and should preserve its own nation’s culture.（觉得有点不妥？）

关于为了保证文化的延续而资助的理由：Admittedly, I have to agree that the government should ensure that the major cities receive the adequate financial support to preserve its nation’s culture. Every government do have the responsibilities to do it, because many more cities are the halidoms（？？） where preserve the indigenous and distinct inherited culture from their ancestors, and are the centers of the nation’s culture. We can often read of many treasurable （？？？？？？）ancient articles that record the footprint of the civilization of the human being in big cities such as London in England, Beijing in China, and Rome in Italy, etc. These articles from a few thousand yeas ago, which are currently in those big cities, indeed need the financial support of the government to preserve them. （个人认为还是说图书馆会比较好）下面说建筑会好一些The classic example is that the Beijing municipal government in 1980 has allocated a great amount of fund to repair and restore the ancient royal palace --Forbidden City, with reason, that it is the most representative and well preserved royal palace in China hitherto. It is quite reasonable that the government offer the financial support to preserve these ancient civilizations, whether it is in Asia or Europe, Forbidden City or Leaning tower of Pisa, which are not only the indigenous bequest but also the fortune of the whole world.

这是资助的第2个理由。但是同时又说应该把钱用于其他方面？？感觉转折不太合理吧？Nevertheless, city is also the economic hub of a nation as well; in addition to preserve its national culture, it needs adequate financial support from the government to promote its trading, marketing, retailing, and so on for the purpose of its harmoniously economic development. General speaking, the most population of a nation congregated in cities; which in return incur a great amount of the certain costs and expense in order to administrate the public affaires such as public security, transportation, communication, public hygiene, and so forth. In a word, the job of the government is to wholly serve the community and people rather than to serve a nation's cultural traditions merely.

然后再说乡村的重要性Although many people in the city or country recognize that the government should defray the expense and costs for preserving the nation’s culture in city, can we consider that preserving the nation’s culture in city is more important than that in country? The vicissitudes of human being have been producing the footprint of the civilization migrated from the ancient countryside to the modern city. Many outstanding reliques（？？） was not only found in city but in countryside. To get a full realization of it, we must turn first to some archaeologists’ found. Everyone knows that the Great Pyramid in Egypt is located in the uninhabited and lifeless desert, which it takes tourists several hours from Cairo city to reach. And, in another instance, the China’s Great wall which the ancient Chinese constructed for preventing the minority from aggressing at Qin dynasty, is located in the chains of the mountains.（例子可以用哦，好）

In sum, to the extent that if the financial support of the government could be properly allocated to the city and countryside, nation’s culture, economy and public affairs, the society would live and work in peace and contentment. Otherwise, the government therefore has to incur the severe consequences.
我感觉逻辑不太强。呵呵，一家之言，欢迎交流！
不该不知道，看别人的作文还真难啊，呵呵，别人看自己的肯定也不容易啊。在此再多谢SMM和tommatoeggs。呵呵

gteryyUID: 114434

Shall we leave to doubt speaker’s assertion first? I consider that many people (who by我觉得with就可以了) accurate logic could imagine that the government would be in the states of completely impoverishment, if every city depended entirely on the financial support of government unilaterally to preserve the nation’s culture.（个人觉得这个论点说服力不是很强。如果说每个城市的生存、发展都要靠政府资助，那么政府会变贫穷还可以理解，可是仅仅是保存民族文化，我想政府是有能力解决的。但是，政府有资金未必有精力也未必搞的好，因为文化的保存需要大多数人的参与。这是个小问题，不深入，否则跑题了，呵呵） And the whole situation of nation’s culture would be not（感觉not 和be调个位置比较好） preserved effectively, if the government offered the finical(X) support to major cities blindly. In fact, the speaker wonders, by his or her original intention, how the government should allocate its financial supply and should preserve its own nation’s culture.
第一段好象没有明确提出你的意见。我对题目的理解是“首先民族文化是不是主要存在于大城市中；其次是不是只有通过政府对这些城市的经济资助才使文化得以延续。

Admittedly（这基本是一个表示让步的说法，如果是辩论你的主要观点，最好换个词）, I have to agree that the government should ensure that the major cities receive the adequate financial support to preserve its nation’s culture. Every government do have the responsibilities to do it, because many more（此处的more是和谁比的呢？） cities are the halidoms where preserve the indigenous and distinct inherited culture from their ancestors, and are the centers of the nation’s culture. We can（can可以不要） often read of many treasurable ancient articles that record the footprint of the civilization of the human being in big cities such as London in England, Beijing in China, and Rome in Italy, etc. （为什么这些文章记录了大城市的历程，你没有论证说明。我就不同意，相反，农村等地区倒是流传着很多古老的传说。而且不一定是文字方面啊，雕塑、音乐、绘画都可以说明呀。你可以证明，因为大城市的开放繁荣，文人墨客会集，所以许多传统文化得到发扬传播等等）These articles from a few thousand yeas ago, which are currently in those big cities, indeed need the financial support of the government to preserve them. The classic example is that the Beijing municipal government in 1980 has allocated a great amount of fund to repair and restore the ancient royal palace --Forbidden City, with reason, that it is the most representative and well preserved royal palace in China hitherto. （这个原因说明你的论点也不合适，你应该侧重说明它就是在大城市里的，而不是因为它在古皇宫建筑中具有代表性）It is quite reasonable that the government offer the financial support to preserve these ancient civilizations, whether it is in Asia or Europe, Forbidden City or Leaning tower of Pisa, which are not only the indigenous bequest but also the fortune of the whole world.

Nevertheless（然而？你好象没转折呀，用FURTHERMORE吧）, city is also the economic hub of a nation as well; in addition to preserve its national culture, it needs adequate financial support from the government to promote its trading, marketing, retailing, and so on for the purpose of its harmoniously economic development. General（ly） speaking, the most population of a nation congregated in cities; which in return incur a great amount of the certain costs and expense in order to administrate the public affaires such as public security, transportation, communication, public hygiene, and so forth. In a word, the job of the government is to wholly serve the community and people rather than to serve a nation's cultural traditions merely.
这段感觉有点牵强。你可以这样表达：当一个地区的经济繁荣以后，更又利于人们素质的提高，来保护文化；旅游业的发展，使文化得以传播；有更多的资金用于文化文物的保护、修缮等等。

Although many people in the city or country recognize that the government should defray the expense and costs for preserving the nation’s culture in city, can we consider that preserving the nation’s culture in city is more important than that in country? The vicissitudes of human being have been producing the footprint of the civilization migrated from the ancient countryside to the modern city. Many outstanding reliques was not only found in city but（also） in countryside. To get a full realization of it, we must turn first to some archaeologists’ found. Everyone knows that the Great Pyramid in Egypt is located in the uninhabited and lifeless desert, which it takes tourists several hours from Cairo city to reach. And, in another instance, the China’s Great wall which the ancient Chinese constructed for preventing the minority from aggressing at Qin dynasty, is located in the chains of the mountains.
山和沙漠都不乡村。提到农村，应该说农村存在很多传统文化。比如一些地方戏，美国的乡村音乐（呵呵，我喜欢的），爱尔兰、英国那边的乡村风俗什么。

In sum, to the extent that if the financial support of the government could be properly allocated to the city and countryside, nation’s culture, economy and public affairs, the society would live and work in peace and contentment. Otherwise, the government therefore has to incur the severe consequences.
这篇不是很好。我觉得你在语言方面已经达到GRE作文的要求了，就是在思辩方面再加强一些会更好。但这也不是一天两天可以解决的，多想多练吧，有时也需要灵感。

谢谢楼上的，改的不错！

lawUID: 131108

再次得到gteryy的修改和指教，很高兴！谢谢！
我也感觉这篇是在“难搞”。其实，我也很头疼。我考研的时候就侥幸的没有联系写作文却得了一个不错的分数，想起来都后怕。现在要咬牙前进，感谢你的帮助。还有tomatoeggs和angeikim。
谢谢你们！我好好反省一下。
也要感谢楼主！谢谢！

gteryyUID: 114434

哈哈，谢我是应该的，我下了工夫改呢！还要装很牛的样子~~~不容易啊：P

你自己就是楼主啊，哈哈~~~

tomatoeggsUID: 82073

最初由 gteryy 发表
[B]哈哈，谢我是应该的，我下了工夫改呢！还要装很牛的样子~~~不容易啊：P

你自己就是楼主啊，哈哈~~~ [/B]

不！您改的很漂亮！搞得我都不好意思有所改动了！呵呵……

LAW， 继续加油！不过一定要注意紧扣主题这一项，不然，失分很惨的！

lawUID: 131108

感谢大家！