作文

hmnsunUID: 2653457

Should people work for happiness or money?

Work may play the most important role in human life , while the aim of which varies between different people. Some argue that people should work for happiness , whereas others insist that money be mostly concerned . Although people must earn enough money to support their life, I
approve with the standpoint that we should work for happiness more than the salary for it.

First of all , money should not be mostly concerned in work .
Essentially , work is far beyond the salary paid for it . It is work that plays the most important role in human society . Work enables human to develop from the primitive society to the modern civilization , the process during which money only plays the role as an approach to pay . From individual perspective , the value of a person can be represented by the accomplishment of his work , whereas money paid as his salary is only a consequent reward to his contribution . Further more, if people work only for money, they will render themselves the slaves of it . Money becoming the exclusive aim of work and all the happiness and other meaning of it being extracted, work will easily turn to be a burden . I do not think there is anyone who wants to live as a slave with a heavy burden .So if anyone equals work to money , he must pay for it.
On the other hand, happiness is more valuable for people to pursue from work. Happiness , from the viewpoint of human , is the ultimate and universal desire for every single person. All the activities of human can be regard as the pursuing for happiness, work being not exempt. Even the money earned is used to buy the necessary commodity that serves for a happy life. Still , money is for happiness. Last but not the least, a person who works for happiness will devote himself completely to the mission and make the performance more efficient.

In a word ,happiness overweighs money in the importance of work. So we should take a correct perspective towards the purpose of work and work for happiness and our own desire but not for money only.

sharamandeUID: 2597186

Should people work for happiness or money?

Work may play the most important role in human life , while the aim of which varies between different people. Some argue that people should work for happiness , whereas others insist that money be mostly concerned . Although people must earn enough money to support their life, I approve with the standpoint that we should work for happiness more than(用other than更好些吧) the salary for(of) it.

First of all , money should not be mostly concerned in work .Essentially , work is far beyond the salary paid for it .(这句话的主语最好再具体些，比如说the meaning of work) It is work that plays the most important role in human society.(感觉这一句有点重复了) Work enables human to develop from the primitive society to the modern civilization , the process during which money only plays the role as an approach to pay . From individual perspective , the value of a person can be represented by the accomplishment of his work , whereas money paid as his salary is only a consequent reward to his contribution . Further more, if people work only for money, they will render themselves the(不必加the) slaves of it(这一句很赞！) . (是不是少了个IF)Money becoming the exclusive aim of work and all the happiness and other meaning of it being extracted, work will easily turn to be a burden . I do not think there is anyone who wants to live as a slave with a heavy burden .So if anyone equals work to money , he must pay for it.

On the other hand, happiness is more valuable for people to pursue from work. Happiness , from the viewpoint of human , is the ultimate and universal desire for every single person. All the activities of human can be regard as the pursuing for happiness, work being not exempt(神啊，你这个从句用的真是出神入化啊。。). Even the money earned is used to buy the necessary commodity that serves for a happy life.(这一句不是一个完整的句子) Still , money is for happiness. Last but not the least, a person who works for happiness will devote himself completely to the mission and make the performance more efficient.(这一句不错)

In a word ,happiness overweighs money in the importance of work. So we should take a correct perspective towards the purpose of work and work for happiness and our own desire but(这个but可以不要) not for money only.

hmnsunUID: 2653457

谢谢回复有几点说明下，你说那个要加if的地方，以及前面被你表扬的那个从句^_^，这两个都是独立主格结构，不是从句。所以，那个if是不需要加的。独立主格一般很少讲，你可以网上搜下，找一找，很好学，而且很有用。
at last， i appreciate your  revision。 thanks
2# sharamande

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

简单看了一下，就不仔细改了，有问题的部分已经标了出来。

Work may play the most important role in human life, while the aim of which varies between different people. Some argue that people should work for happiness, whereas others insist that money be mostly concerned. Although people must earn enough money to support their life, I
approve with the standpoint that we should work for happiness more than the salaryfor it.

First of all, money should not be mostly concerned in work. Essentially, work is far beyond the salary paid for it. It is work that plays the most important role in human society. Work enables human to develop from the primitive society to the modern civilization, the process during which money only plays the role as an approach to pay. From <an / the >individual perspective, the value of a person can be represented by the accomplishment of his work, whereas money paid as his salary is only a consequent reward to his contribution. Further more, if people work only for money, they will render themselves the slaves of it. Money becoming the exclusive aim of work and all the happiness and other meaning of it being extracted, work will easily turn to be a burden. I do not think there is anyone who wants to live as a slave with a heavy burden. So if anyone equals work to money, he must pay for it.7 r* f

On the other hand, happiness is more valuable for people to pursue from work. Happiness, from the viewpoint of human, is the ultimate and universal desire for every single person. All the activities of human can be regard as the pursuing for happiness, work being not exempt. Even the money earned is used to buy the necessary commodity that serves for a happy life. Still, money is for happiness. Last but not the (去掉) least, a person who works for happiness will devote himself completely to the mission and make the performance more efficient.5

D; R+ z: v. ]( E0 L+ C
In a word ,happiness overweighs money in the importance of work. So we should take a correct perspective towards the purpose of work and work for happiness and our own desire but not <merely>for money only (去掉).

如果你肯放弃一点中式思维和看上去很复杂的语法形式，应该还有提高的余地。

hmnsunUID: 2653457

谢谢评论。请问红色的字是需要改的么？
还有，对于中式思维和语法繁冗，请具体说一下好吗 ？
谢谢。
4# cinderella1016

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

你可以参考一下
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773175367
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... age=1#pid1773154317
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D4
我就不具体说了~~

wawabjUID: 2536676

Should people work for happiness or money?
Work may play the most important role in human life , while the aim of which varies between different people. Some argue that people should work for happiness , whereas others insist that money be mostly concerned （用的好！）. Although people must earn enough money to support their life, I8 t6 I: l# Q6 b5 l" \* ]: f- H) R
approve （感觉这个approve有点怪，我的印象中很少这么用。被动时态用的比较多）with the standpoint that we should work for happiness more than the salary for it（for it是不是不需要了）.3 @* _' Y2 {  x9 N7 @: \2 M8 ?

First of all , money should not be mostly concerned in work .' Q: d! O3 Y- [) d
Essentially , work is far beyond the salary paid for it . It is work that plays the most important role in human society . Work enables human to develop from the primitive society to the modern civilization , the process during which money only plays the role as an approach to pay . From individual perspective , the value of a person can be represented by the accomplishment of his work , whereas money paid as his salary is only a consequent reward to his contribution . Further more, if people work only for money, they will render themselves the slaves of it . Money becoming the exclusive aim of work and all the happiness and other meaning of it being extracted, work will easily turn to be a burden . I do not think there is anyone who wants to live as a slave with a heavy burden .So if anyone equals work to money , he must pay for it（最后这句话不太明白）.. x) ~*（8 i( h1 j5 A8 X
On the other hand, happiness is more valuable for people to pursue from work. Happiness , from the viewpoint of human , is the ultimate and universal desire for every single person. All the activities of human can be regard as the pursuing for happiness, work being not exempt. Even the money earned is used to buy the necessary commodity that serves for a happy life. Still , money is for happiness. Last but not the least, a person who works for happiness will devote himself completely to the mission and make the performance more efficient.+ i! d' @' l2 G$ U9 m: d
  o1 Y3 p# _2 W; w2 [4 V
In a word ,happiness overweighs money in the importance of work. So we should take a correct perspective towards the purpose of work and work for happiness and our own desire but not for money only.
用词用的真好！ 学习了！！