2009 进军美利坚作文组 第一次作文

joyce455UID: 2614743

题目：10.10 playing computer games is wasting time 。 Children should not
allowed to play them
Nobody can deny that computer is one of the most valuable inventions in
the world,and almost every family has at least one .As a result ,the
pace of the number of net-worm is accelarating with the development of
the society.Computer games are being the new pets of people,especially
of adolescents.Some people think the computer game is a new way for us
to release ourselves,while others are addicted into the games. According to me the computer games are becoming the scientific poison for children.And children should get rid of it.

Sometime you may be told that one of your friends stayed up a whole
night playing computer games.Of course he knows that today there is a
exam which is so crucial that we need to put the whole of ourselves in
it. And then ,how can it happen? He said that he wanted to stop playin
g,but his hands can't.It sounds ridiculous but it really
happens.Playing computer games wastes our time even ruin our lives.Not
allowing kids to connect with the computer is a wise decision.

As the Internet connects the world and makes it a big family.The
computer games also connect with each other.Those games are so-called
on-line game.In some condition , your partener may live in the other
semisphere.Mostly ,the on-line game asks to earn counts ,using which
allows you to continue to play.Otherwise,you will pay money for the
cards which contain counts. In order to win counts ,players spent more
time to train their skills.Getting the children rid of the computer
games saves money as well as time.

To sum up, the children are lack of self-discipline,and if they
areaddicted into the computer games,it is hard for them to get out of
it.Not allowing them to contact the games makes things easy.

beangtUID: 2691375

Nobody can deny that computer is one of the most valuable inventions in
the world,and almost every family has at least one .As a result ,the / M: Y4 d8 j7 V
pace of the number of net-worm is accelarating(accelerating) with the development of 1 }; k( D: s; o) {2 Z' K
the society.Computer games are being the new pets of people,especially
of adolescents.Some people think the computer game is a new way for us 7 T. m+ \1 t$ v$ G+ o/ K" ?8 _
to release ourselves,while others are addicted into the games. According to me the computer games are becoming the scientific poison for children.And children should get rid of it.$ Q$ O5 N5 C$ _" f8 S

Sometime you may be told that one of your friends stayed up a whole ! K" \( |0 C3 g, w) O$ W) A7 [
night playing computer games.Of course he knows that today there is a 4 x/ ]/ x$ F+ J2 }5 W
exam which is so crucial that we need to put the whole of ourselves in 5 H0 |8 k% J8 e8 U8 V
it. And then ,how can it happen? He said that he wanted to stop playin
eg,but his hands can't.It sounds ridiculous but it really 0 c8 C  k" u9 v* J! X/ G% M) j  G4 W7 W
happens.Playing computer games wastes our time even ruin our lives.Not
allowing kids(用children好一点，kid太informal了，一般出现在口语中) to connect with the computer is a wise decision.; [: E) x: B: z. d: r
3 i2 a3 A3 y" e
As the Internet connects the world and makes it a big family.The 3 S% j* k: t9 A, E( y
computer games also connect with each other.Those games are so-called / K" p+ D, k+ L
on-line game.In some condition , your partener(partner) may live in the other

semisphere.Mostly ,the on-line game asks to earn counts ,using which ( A2 x  L' Z1 ^* A
allows you to continue to play.Otherwise,you will pay money for the % n( G! D' R: k& C  F; O# A
cards which contain counts. In order to win counts ,players spent more , Z+ q( h) {9 D' n. t
time to train their skills.Getting the children rid of the computer 7 C* F' _* {# P. M
games saves money as well as time.
To sum up, the children are lack of self-discipline,and if they
Vareaddicted into the computer games,it is hard for them to get out of
Sit.Not allowing them to contact the games makes things easy.
语言还不错，很时尚，但有的词：kid的场合不太对。
结构也还可以，中间段加上主题句就更好了。有什么说的不对的地方请谅解~

scutgongUID: 2564275

Nobody can deny that computer is one of the most valuable inventions in
the world,and almost every family has at least one .As a result ,the
pace of the number of net-worm is accelaratingaccelerating with the development of
the society.Computer games are being the new pets of people,especially
of adolescents.Some people think the computer game is a new way for us
to release ourselves,while others are addicted into the games. According to me the computer games are becoming the scientific poison for children.And children should get rid of it.;

Sometimes you may be told that one of your friends stayed up a whole night playing computer games.Of course he knows that today there is an
exam which is so crucial that we need to put the whole of ourselves in 6 S8 b* p# m# o! {
it. And then ,how can it happen? He said that he wanted to stop playin
g,but his hands can't.It sounds ridiculous but it reallyhappens.Playing computer games wastes our time even ruin our lives.Not
allowing kids to connect with the computer is a wise decision.(写的不错，但是这里多联系下小孩。)
As the Internet connects the world and makes it a big family.The
computer games also connect with each other.Those games are so-called
on-line game.In some condition , your partenerpartner may live in the other
semisphere.Mostly ,the on-line game asks to earn counts ,using which
allows you to continue to play.Otherwise,you （文章中少用第二人称。）will pay money for the
cards which contain counts. In order to win counts ,players spent more
time to train their skills.Getting the children rid of the computergames saves money as well as time.

To sum up, the children are lack of self-discipline,and if they
areaddicted into the computer games,it is hard for them to get out of
it.Not allowing them to contact the games makes things easy.

总体来说，笔者写的还是很不错的。感觉篇幅稍微不够，然后以后多注意下格式。少量的拼写错误。
值得表扬！！！
很不好意思，由于一些事情，评点的比较晚。