10.11 作业（进军美利坚）

soarer0474UID：2665789

我的第一篇文章，欢迎修改

With the technology developing, it becomes more and more convenient for people to move one county to another. Subsequently, there is a question someone has to answer, whether go or not. In my perspective, we’d better to live in one county for our life quality with the reasons as follows.

First and foremost, holding living in one city will benefit your career. As you know, job will be crucial problem when you get to a new place. And working with new colleagues will be a hard challenge for many people . What’s more , it’s hard for you to get promotion and salary rise soon because it needs time for the bosses to be familiar with you. In the opposite, if you stay in the company or a country for a long time, you will be succeed easier obviously.

Secondly, there are many problems in routine life when you try to live in a new society. Language will be the most important one. Although as a fluent speaker ,but you can’t understand their culture. It’s the very example that some good funny stories in England couldn’t make a Chinese laugh a bit. In addition, sometimes you will feel lonely because you are totally a stranger in the new place .There no old friends to go along with and perhaps no family to talk with, It’s will be a sorrow situation.

Lastly, living in the same country all life doesn’t mean you can’t get the experience with the different culture. Because you could take a long journey to any place on the planet at any time as
you like. That different experience will bring a lot of funs to you and your families or friends who have shared many joy time with you.

To sum up, it will be a wise choice to live in one country all life and take a journey sometimes as illustrated above.

316

soarer0474UID：2665789

等待批改中。。。

cinderella1016UID：2666652

简单说一下。

第一段
move后面加from;
whether后面加to;
had better后面的to去掉~

cinderella1016UID：2666652

第二段
holding living不知所云；
job will be crucial problem改为fing a job (how to find a job) will be a crucial problem比较好；
hard challenge------>challenge本来就有demanding的意思，不用再加hard；
it needs time------>建议改为it takes time（这句有点Chinglish）；
you will be succeed easier------->you will be successful。

cinderella1016UID：2666652

第三段
Secondly, there are many problems in routine life when you try to live in a new society.
------>Secondly, you will run into many problems if you choose to live in another country；
Although as a fluent speaker, but you can’t understand their culture.
------>although和but是死敌；
good funny stories------>这个短语不等于中文里的“好笑”；
There no old friends to go along with and perhaps no family to talk with, It’s will be a sorrow situation.------>很糟的句子，语法有问题，还句式杂糅。

cinderella1016UID：2666652

第四段
all life------>应为all one's life；
Because you could take a long journey to any place on the planet at any time as you like. ------>过于绝对了；
That different experience will bring a lot of funs to you and your families or friends who have shared many joy time with you.------>fun为不可数，families建议改为单数，many joy time很奇怪，下下策可以用happy hour。

cinderella1016UID：2666652

第五段
还是all life的问题。

总结：
表达不是很清晰，语言质量不高~

joyce455UID：2614743

With the technology developing, it becomes more and more convenient for people to move one county to another. Subsequently, there is a question someone has to answer, whether go or not.(the question that someone has to answer is whether to go or not) In my perspective, we’d better to live in one county for our life quality with(for) the reasons as follows.

, c8 i* o* O$ c) ?% R

First and foremost, holding living in one city will benefit your(建议不要用第二人称，会冒犯评阅人) career. As you know, （a）job will be （a）crucial problem when you get to a new place. And working with new colleagues will be a hard challenge（感觉challenge已经有hard的成分在里面，可以不要hard） for many people . What’s more , it’s hard for you to get promotion and salary rise soon because it needs time for the bosses to be familiar with you. In the opposite, if you stay in the company or a country for a long time, you will be succeed easier obviously.

3 B- _2 T5 n- v% u' B

Secondly, there are many problems in routine life when you try to live in a new society. Language will be the most important one. Although as a fluent speaker ,but(although 和but不能连用） you can’t understand their culture. It’s the（前面还未提及的例子应用不定冠词） very example that some good funny stories in England couldn’t make a Chinese laugh a bit. In addition, sometimes you will feel lonely because you are totally a stranger in the（a） new place .There （are ）no old friends to go along with and perhaps no family（指家庭成员最好用复数） to talk with, It’s will be a sorrow situation.

3 q- d# X- ?' I' N

Lastly, living in the same country all life doesn’t mean you can’t get the experience with the different culture. Because you could take a long journey to any place on the planet at any time as 0 J) a' p8 V" p* w$ P2 F' B+ `
you like. That different experience will bring a lot of funs（fun 指乐趣时不可数） to you and your families or friends who have shared many joy time with you.

1 j# h! f6 Q5 R

To sum up, it will be a wise choice to live in one country all life and take a journey sometimes as illustrated above.

思路比较清晰，文章注意不要用第二人称，感觉文章里有很多because，可以换些其他的词，有些语法错误要注意，毕竟是第一篇文章，多多练习，一起进步啊

cinderella1016UID：2666652

benefit your career没有问题啊~我觉得不存在offend the rater的情况。

soarer0474UID：2665789

7# cinderella1016

先汗一个，确实文中问题很多，费心了

soarer0474UID：2665789

With the technology developing, it becomes more and more convenient for people to move one county to another. Subsequently, there is a question someone has to answer, whether go or not.(the question t ...
joyce455 发表于 2009-10-12 16:43

恩，点评的很到位
确实用词不丰富，谢谢
一起进步

karen_0315UID：2590040

With the technology developing, it becomes more and more convenient for people to move one county to another. Subsequently, there is a question someone has to answer(好奇怪的一句话，翻译成中文也不能这么说啊，还有someone是谁，文章中指现象要用people，human), whether go or not（去哪里？说全了，让人很费解There is a heated debate over whether people should live in one place the whole life.）. In my perspective, we’d better to live in one county for our life quality with the reasons as follows.

First and foremost, holding living(?) in one city will benefit your career. As you know, job will be crucial problem when you get to a new place. And working with new colleagues will be a hard challenge for many people . What’s more , it’s hard for you to get promotion and salary rise （涨工资不是这么说的，increase salary）soon because it needs time for the bosses to be familiar with you. In the opposite, if you stay in the company or a country for a long time, you will be succeed easier obviously.

Secondly, there are many problems in routine life（？） when you try to live in a new society. Language will be the most important one. Although as a fluent speaker （没说完）,but you can’t understand their culture. It’s the very example that some good funny stories in England couldn’t make a Chinese laugh a bit. In addition, sometimes you will feel lonely because you are totally a stranger in the new place .There are no old friends to go along with and perhaps no family to talk with, It’s will be a sorrow situation.

Lastly, living in the same country all life doesn’t mean you can’t get the experience with the different culture. Because you could take a long journey to any place on the planet at any time as you like. That different experience will bring a lot of funs(uncountable) to you and your families or friends who have shared many joy time with you.

To sum up, it will be a wise choice(uncountable) to live in one country all life and take a journey sometimes as illustrated above.

多看看范文吧，学学native English怎么表达的。语法问题不少，还有句号之后空格，而不是之前。加油吧~:)