【草莓酱拌饭组】1Issue7 by Rain

23℃UID: 2708235

Issue7: "The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation that written records."


It is a era marked by technology. Technology permeates our life in the form of high technology products. Look around us, high technology products have changed the things around us and the way we live. For example, the invention of the video camera has allow us a new way to record.

As you may see, video camera is most widely used in journalism. It is a significant progress t use video camera in news report. Turn on the TV, the news program can show you the vivid and authentic image and sound at the same time, which can shock you at the first glance. Some of us can still recall the Wenchuan earthquake of China in 2008. Sorrow and sympathy had spread all over the country, even the places far from Sichuan province. It is the record of the disaster area makes every one of the country witness and experience the disaster by themselves. They saw the dreary debris and the horrible bodies under that. They heard the depressed mother crying for her dead son and the innocent girl pray for the back of her lost father. The power of the TV news is its ability to record the truth. It can provide you the whole about the events. You know it is the fact, not something contrived or revised.

In recent years, more and more families become the loyal fans of video camera. They use it to record every interesting or memorable moment. Instead of keeping dairies for their babies, many parents use the video to record the daily life of the little sweethearts. After all, some moments are beyond words.

However, whether does it mean that the video record have taken place of written record? The answer is absolutely “no”. it is for thousands years, since the first use of literals, people read. It is hardly to change the way of people taking information, such as reading, since there are still innumerable resources exist in the form of written record. Although it is more and more convenient for people to get the video on the internet, most people still prefer to buy newspaper to get themselves informed of what has happened around the world. Besides, the diversified conditions impose the constraints over the spread of the video. There are still a large number of people has no idea about how to use internet resources, for instance, our grandparents have never learned to search the internet and have to rely on the written records say newspaper. Besides, some parts of the world cannot be equipped with the computers, let along having the approach to internet.

Furthermore, the video camera is not omnipotent. Different from some events, most incidents occurred in our life without forecast and only last for a few of munities. You can write down what has already passed but never record it. If you happened left your video camera at home, the brilliant hip-hop show at the corner of the street can never be part of your video memory.

Last but not the least, nobody can deny that something you can never be recorded by video, such as thoughts. The master piece of thoughts, whatever literature or philosophy, exist taking the form of words. It just because that thoughts are not facts. They have no image or sound. Due to limit of the words itself (not as accurate and convincing as the video), however, it allows a large space to think and imagine. The written piece can not only present what the author think about, but also invite your own idea and opinion.

To reach best results, the record of our life and the world should be the combination of the word and the video. As I explained above, their totally different characteristics and strength make it hard for them to replace each other.

23℃UID: 2708235

呜。写得烂的要死。上完课再回来改。

dairymanUID: 2683905

感觉相当内容丰富啊，看上去开头像是记叙，不过后面开始对比了，总起来说很像是一篇介绍对比文。
不知道这种文体是不是能充分达到立论文的感觉呢？等别人评价一下吧，无论如何，语言功底感觉相当不错

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

原来是个眼熟的ID~

第一段：

It is a era marked by technology. Technology permeates our life in the form of high technology products. Look around us, high technology products have changed the things around us and the way we live. For example, the invention of the video camera has allow us a new way to record.

低级错误两处；句与句之间的连接做得不好；Look around那句，改为Look around, and you will find that ...比较好；allow这么用显然不合适。

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

第二段：

As you may see, video camera is most {去掉} widely used in journalism. It is a significant progress {比较chinglish}
t {to} use video camera {复数较好} in news report {复数较好}. Turn on the TV, [and] the news program can show you the vivid and authentic image {复数较好} and sound at the same time, which can shock you at the first glance {immediately}. Some of us can still recall the Wenchuan earthquake of {in} China in 2008. Sorrow and sympathy had spread all over the country, even the {去掉}places far from Sichuan province. It is the record {复数为好} of the disaster {earthquake-stricken更形象} area {that，强调结构不能少了that} makes {改为make} every one {everyone}
of the country witness and experience the disaster by themselves. They saw the dreary debris and the
horrible bodies under that {bodies buried under the debris——事实上遇难者遗体几乎没有被拍到，囧}. They heard the depressed {去掉} mother crying for her dead son {crying over the death of her son，或者可以用bereaved of her son} and the innocent girl pray {praying，和前面的crying对应} for the back of {the safe return of} her lost {missing，missing做下落不明讲，比lost好一点} father. The power {strength} of the TV news is
{lies in} its ability to record the truth. It can provide you {with}
the whole about the events. You know it is the fact, not something contrived or revised.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

第三段：

In recent years, more and more families become the loyal fans of video camera {复数为好}. They use it {video cameras} to record every interesting or memorable moment. Instead of keeping dairies for their babies, many parents use the video {video cameras} to record the daily life of the {their更好} little sweethearts. After all, some moments are beyond words {videos speak louder than words}.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

第四段：

However, whether {全都去掉，改为But} does it mean that the video record {复数为好} have taken {the} place of written record {复数为好}? The answer is absolutely “no”. it is for thousands years, since the first use of literals, people read {For thousands of years, people have been keeping written records}. It is hardly {hard，它和hardly是不一样的} to change the way of people taking {people take in或者absorb} information, such as {through} reading, since there are still {去掉} innumerable resources exist in the form of written record {复数为好}. Although it is more and more convenient for people to get the video {videos} on the internet, most people still prefer to buy newspaper {复数为好} to get themselves informed of what has happened around the world. Besides, the {去掉} diversified conditions impose the {去掉} constraints over the spread of the video {videos}. There are still {去掉，改为However,} a large number of people has {have} no idea about {去掉} how to use internet resources, for instance {.For instance}, our grandparents have never learned to search the internet and have to rely on the written records say newspaper {our grandparents rarely have access to the internet and have to rely on newspapers as a source of information }. Besides {之前已经用过besides，建议多看连接词}, some parts of the world cannot be equipped with the computers, let along having the approach to internet. {in some areas, computers are not available.}

你太喜欢用there are … 主语+谓语句式，但是每次都导致一个句子里同时出现两个谓语动词。

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

第五段：

Furthermore, the video camera is not omnipotent. Different from some events, most incidents occurred in our life without forecast and only last for a few of munities. You can write down what has already passed but never record it. {As most of the incidents in our lives happen in an instance, you could take written records of them rather than get them recorded immediately.} If you happened left {happen to leave} your video camera at home, the brilliant hip-hop show at the corner of the street can never be part of your video memory {will fail to be part of your video portfolio}.

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

第六段：

Last but not the {去掉} least, nobody can deny that something you can never be recorded by video, such as thoughts {that后面的不是句子，而是fragment，建议改为there is something that could never be recorded by video cameras, such as thoughts}. The master piece of thoughts, whatever literature or philosophy, exist taking the form of words. {Thoughts, whether literary or philosophical, exist in the form of words.} It just because that thoughts are not facts. They have no image or sound. {It is because thoughts are neither visible nor audible.} Due to limit of the words itself (not as accurate and convincing as the video), however, it allows a large space to think and imagine. {Although words are not perfect by nature, they leave room for thoughts and imagination.} The written piece can not only present what the author think about, but also invite your own idea and opinion. {Written records not only present the author’s ideas but also inspire you to think on your own.}

你还很喜欢用exist in the form of…

cinderella1016UID: 2666652

结尾段比较weak，建议重新构思。

语言不够简洁，小的地方需要注意~